Chapter 5
Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own them. Don't sue.
Notes: Lady Trunks, thanks for your support! I'm actually hosted somewhere….. that's unreal! ^^ Spitfire, thanks for harassing me into updating, I need to be pushed sometimes. College is no joke. Its been keeping me busy. To everyone else that has been reviewing; you guys are the best! I really wouldn't be writing this thing if it weren't for you. Seriously. And so….. here's the next part. I cant promise that the next will be up soon, cuz we all know how that goes, but I'll do my best. Enjoy.
When There's No One To Catch You
She silently berated herself for not being tall enough to see over the wall that stood between her and that man….. her… father? The little girl angrily shed a fistful of white hair away from her eyes as she strained her tiny legs as far as the could reach. Finally accepting defeat, she conceded to press one ear against the cool gray stones and listen to the men argue outside the garden walls. She couldn't understand the words through the thick barrier, but she could clearly make out the low, melodic voice of one of the men. She listened intently, desperately trying to hear what was being said, but the wind began to pick up, and all that could be heard was the gentle howl of the wind. Leaves cascaded down from the tree that stood just above the young girl and swirled around her as the wind blew. Similarly, her dark auburn hair, streaked with white, flew in the wind and twirled around her pale face. The wind soon died down once again, and then there was no sound at all. The girl could hear nothing from the garden behind her. She could hear no voices from the other side of the fence. Everything was silent. A small white blossom fell from the tree above her head and landed in her outstretched palm. And then she new she was alone…….
Rogue's eyes snapped open for the forth time that night. She shifted in her bed to look at the red numbers of the alarm clock. 3:12 am. She groaned silently as she turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Her jade green eyes rested once again on the window that led to the balcony as she turned her head to the side. She had resisted the urge to escape three times already that night. This time would be no different. The dreams had begun again when she had moved into the Xavier Institute a month ago. A month? Has it already been that long? she thought to herself. In fact, it had already been over a month since that rainy night that Rogue had joined the X-Men; the side of her brother. Sitting up in bed, the girl drew her knees to her chest and lay her head on them for support. Kurt. He had been the reason that Rogue had come left the brotherhood. The reason she had abandoned everything she had ever known. And yet, after all this time, she still had not told him.
Rogue soundlessly swung her legs to the side of the bed and hoped down. Pushing her white strands of hair behind her ears, she grabbed a long sleeved shirt and her gloves from her drawer and decided to go for a walk; to avoid the dreams. As she stepped into the darkened hallway of the girls' dormitory of the institute, she stopped and looked down at her worn, black leather gloves. A slight frown marred her pale features as the faint scent of magnolia reached her. She swallowed hard against the lump that was forming in her throat as the unexplainable sense of loss and sadness once again threatened to overwhelm her. It suddenly struck her that she hadn't worn those gloves since her first day back at school…. since the magnolia had fallen from her locker… A slight flutter found its way into her chest as she stood there alone in the hall. She hated the fact that she couldn't explain the flower's effect on her. The only clues she had were in her dreams; dreams that she wasn't even sure were hers. Squeezing her eyes shut to get control of herself, Rogue continued down the hall and onto the balcony at the end. Quickly slipping through the glass doors, the young mutant took a steadying breath as she was greeted by the gentle night air. The moon's pale glow cast looming shadows along the balcony, and Rogue was calmed by the feeling of solitude it gave her.
She gracefully hopped onto the railing with the training skills that she had acquired under the instruction of the brotherhood. Rogue balanced perfectly on the rail and peered out into the dark property of the institute. The trees in the woods swayed in the wind, and evoked a soft howling noise as the breeze passed through their leaves. Rogue was so immersed in her surroundings that she failed to notice the abrupt arrival of her blue brother behind her until the wind carried the faint smell of brimstone to her attention.
Kurt yawned sleepily as he approached his newest teammate and friend. He lifted one eyebrow as he first saw her; wondering what she could possibly be doing outside at this time. "Good evening, Rogue," he said as he arrived beside her. "I've never seen you use skills like zhat in zhe danger room. Iz it that you are hiding more than your athleticism from us?" he continued with a small smile. Rogue slowly turned to greet him, though she did not step down from the railing. Kurt's breath was caught in his throat when he looked at her. Her face was free of makeup, and her hair was left down, something that was rare indeed. In the entire month that the Rogue had been living at the institute, and for the entire time that they had known her in fact, no one had ever seen her without her makeup. Kurt's face went blank as he found himself staring at the girl, whose face was illuminated by the moonlight. Her usually hard features were softened immensely with the absence of her dark outlines. Her jade green eyes were large and incredibly beautiful, and her two-toned hair was longer than he thought; reaching a bit passed her shoulders. Yet, it wasn't just her appearance that was different tonight. There was something in her expression, the look in her eyes, that made Kurt hesitate. He had seen that look before, yet he had never questioned it; opting to let her be until she willingly came to him. Her eyes projected a sorrow that was rarely seen.
Rogue soon became uncomfortable with the silence and the strange look that Kurt was giving her. It took her a moment to realize that she wasn't wearing her makeup. Silently cursing herself for her carelessness, she allowed a light smile as Kurt stared at her. After all, he was her brother. She was supposed to be getting close to him. Why not let him see her? Brushing a strand of white hair behind her ear, Rogue leapt from the railing and stood next to Kurt, staring out into the woods. "Ah didn't realize that Ah would have company tonight," she said casually as she turned away from his questioning gaze.
"Ja, neither did I," quietly answered Kurt as he continued to watch Rogue from the corner of his eyes. He didn't like that look in her eyes. Something was wrong. Rogue hadn't opened up to many people on the team. He seemed to be the only one able to penetrate the walls she had built up around herself. They had actually become friends, if you could call what they had friendship. Kurt watched out for Rogue in the institute; made her feel welcomed and wanted, tried to put her fears of friendship at ease. Rogue, on the other had, was different. She was secluded from everyone else, yet she was not entirely hostile as she had been. She was subtly defensive of Kurt, and the other students as well, though it was nearly impossible to notice. She had become Kurt's moral support in the face of dilemma, whether it was related to insecurities about his appearance and mutation, or simply normal teenage problems. She would never let anyone see it, but she was really a kind person, and Kurt loved her for it.
Another silence enveloped the two mutants as they stood on the balcony in the dark. Finally, the blue-furred teen turned to Rogue. "Vhat iz wrong, Rogue?" he asked. "You don't seem yourself tonight.. not to mention zhe fact that it iz only three in the morning and you are up." His pale yellow eyes locked onto her green ones as he awaited an answer. Rogue's eyes darted to the side quickly, then returned to his own as she replied "Ah could be asking the same of you, fuzzball," with a small smile.
Kurt was thrown off by her avoidance of his question, and faltered for an answer. "Vell, I couldn't sleep….. so I figured a walk would do me good.." he stammered. He chuckled suddenly to himself as he realized that there was no point in lying to Rogue. She somehow had a way of knowing when he was lying to her. When he looked up at her, his fears were confirmed as he found her giving him a skeptical look. He sighed and turned to sit upon the railing; his back to the woods. "Okay, fine. I've been having trouble sleeping," he started. Rogue also turned to sit on the rail and motioned for him to continue; the sad look in her own eyes slowly being replaced by one of concern. "I just vorry. When I close my eyes at night, sometimes I hear voices; people from school, from the town. They all look at me, you know, the me vithout zhe hologram, and they run away screaming, or yell and call me a freak." He sighed and took a deep breath. "Zhey all know I am a monster. A freak of nature," he finished quietly.
Rogue turned to look at Kurt beside her. Her face softened even more as she sympathized with his feelings of doubt and fear. "Ah know how ya feel, Kurt. Ya know Ah do, but hiding isn't the answer. Neither is letting those voices get to ya. You're not a freak, Kurt. You're not a monster. You're a mutant, and that's completely different. Ah've seen ya out there, in public, wearing your hologram. Ah understand that. Maybe normal people aren't ready to see you yet, as you really are. But that doesn't make you a monster. If they can't handle you, then that's not your concern." She paused to look at her brother, and to make sure that he was listening to her. "But it's different here at the institute. You wear that stupid hologram here in the house, Kurt. Why? You of all people has been telling me for the past month that we're safe at the institute; that we're all the same; that we're family. So why then, Kurt? What are you hiding from?" Her jade green eyes peered into Kurt's yellow ones, and held his gaze. For several moments, there was silence. Then, suddenly, the moment was shattered by the entrance of Logan on the balcony.
"What in the hell do you kids think you're doin' out here at this hour?" the older man exclaimed as he looked at the two teens sitting on the railing. Kurt jumped a foot in the air at the unexpected intrusion.
"Mein gott, Logan! You scared ten years off of my life!" he said.
Rogue merely remained on the rail, waiting for the reprimand that was sure to come. She couldn't say that she hadn't been expecting Wolverine to find them out of bed. He had caught her three times already that week. "Sorry, Wolvie," she said from behind Kurt, "Ah couldn't sleep. Ah woke up Kurt to keep me company." Kurt snapped his head back at the lie to look at Rogue. She merely smiled at him as she brushed past him and up to Logan. "It was mah fault. It won't happen again."
Logan looked at the girl skeptically. She was obviously lying to him; she had done it before. He sighed and glanced at his watch. It was four in the morning. "Stripes, you go inside and get some sleep. You'll need it for your extra danger room session after school. Kurt, you already owe me an extra workout from your little water balloon prank last week. Why don't you take care of that by getting started on waxing the cars. All of them. Right now. Before school."
Both of the teens looked at each other and sighed. It was going to be a long day. Rogue headed for the glass doors leading inside after Kurt shot her a thankful look. He appreciated her talk. Before she had disappeared from sight completely, Rogue turned and faced the two guys. She looked pointedly at Kurt and offered her last words for the night: "And just for your thoughts, Kurt. Are ya more trapped by the way the world sees ya, or by the way ya see the world seein' ya?" Wit that, she exited the doors, leaving Logan in a confused silence, and Kurt just in silence.
"Come on, Kurt, you better get started. Next time you might wanna consider stayin' in yer room when ya can't sleep," Logan said as he too left the balcony. Kurt just stood there for a moment; Rogue's words echoing in his thoughts. He shook his head and smiled as he headed for the hanger. Maybe he would sleep better from now on.
School time seemed to slow down for Rogue and Kurt. Kurt walked to his sixth period class only half awake. It took more out of him than he thought to wax the institute's entire collection of automobiles. The hallway seemed to stretch longer and longer as the blue mutant staggered down the hallway in a trance-like state. He was sure that he would be unable to react if someone were to attack him right now. However, just as he reached the door to his English class, his attention was grabbed by a lone figure standing at her locker. It was Rogue. Dressed in her classic black pants and dark green shirt, Rogue once again wore her usual layer of makeup and had her hair tied back; leaving only her white bangs to cover her face. Kurt sighed as he looked at his friend. If only she would learn to take her own advice. Then again, perhaps she had a valid reason to hide from people. Unlike Kurt's power, Rogue's could easily kill. The hopelessness of it all made Kurt's hair stand on end as he felt an irrational anger overtake him. It just wasn't fair. Suddenly, his attention was drawn away from Rogue and toward a group students passing by her. As they passed Rogue and came closer to Kurt, he heard them talking freely about her.
"Yeah, that's the one," one of the girls said. "She's a total freak. Did you see the black eye she gave Jenny?"
"Like, yeah!" answered another, "She flipped out on her because she said something about that little freshman…. You know…… Kitty Pryde. What was that all about? It's not like they're friends!"
The tallest guy in the group said "I dunno, the girl's seriously messed up. I mean, look at her!" The group erupted in laughter as they all turned to look at the object of their conversation. Rogue had obviously heard it all, and was glaring at the group as it passed her. She quickly grabbed her books from her locker and hurried to class. Kurt's anger grew with every word the group said about Rogue. Just as he was about to approach them and do something rash, Todd and Fred of the brotherhood beat him to it.
"Look, Fred, I think these kids have something to say 'bout the Rogue," said Todd as they halted directly in the group's path. "Whadda ya think about that, yo?"
Fred glared dangerously at the now frightened group of students. "I think we better teach them that it's not polite to talk about people they don't understand," the Blob answered as he narrowed his eyes into mere slits. "Especially if that someone happens to be our friend."
"I think you're right, Freddie-boy," said Todd as he straightened to his full height. By this time, the group had turned around and fled in the opposite direction. Without another word, Todd and Fred smirked at each other and went to class. Kurt was left in the hallway thoroughly confused. The brotherhood boys had stuck up for Rogue? Hadn't they been making her life miserable since she joined the X-Men? It just didn't make sense. He made a quick mental note to ask her about it, and then headed for the class that he was already late for.
By the end of the day, all of the X-Men had met in the parking lot to go home. Scott grabbed his keys and jumped into his convertible, while Evan took the driver's seat in the new SUV. "Alright, who's going with who?" asked Scott impatiently as the teens stood around the vehicles chatting about their day. They were soon dispersed between the two cars. Kurt noticed that Rogue had declined the offer for a ride; opting instead to walk home. To put off her danger session, no doubt, thought Kurt as he chuckled to himself.
"I think I'll valk home too," he called over his shoulder as he jogged to catch up with Rogue. The two of them were eventually out of site as the rounded the corner the street and the vehicles took a different route home. Once he had reached her side, Kurt gave Rogue a wide grin, and received a small, rare smile in return. He shook his head when he realized that the sad look in her eyes had no vanished. There was defiantly something that clouded her normally bright green eyes, and the young blue mutant meant to find out what that something was.
The pair continued down the street for a ways in a comfortable silence. The weather was ideal for am autumn day in Bayville, and both teens seemed to be enjoying it. Finally, Kurt turned to Rogue. "So, tell me, Rogue, vhat is your relationship with zhe brotherhood like?" he asked; completely throwing Rogue off-guard. Kurt blushed when he realized how random that question had been. He was, however, unwilling to let the subject slide and bother him forever. He had plainly seen the defensiveness Todd and Fred showed for Rogue, yet he had also seen the same two boys harassing her in and out of school. what game were they playing? Rogue, meanwhile, had gotten over the initial shock of the question and was trying to decide the best way to answer. Could she trust Kurt with the truth about the brotherhood? Why not? She thought to herself, Kurt is mah brotha. Ah should be able to tell him anything ah want..
"Well," she began as she nervously fiddled with the bottom hem of her shirt. "They're mah family, Kurt. Ah neva told anyone why Ah left, but it wasn't because of anything they did. They're the only family Ah've got." She kept her eyes locked on the ground as they walked; refusing to meet Kurt's gaze.
"But…. Rogue… They verbally attack you in school! I have seen it! Nearly every day since you've joined zhe X-Men! How ca you call zhem your family?" he asked as they continued walking.
"They bother me to protect me, Kurt," she answered quietly; still not positive that she should be telling him this. "They know that if we still talked, you guys would get suspicious and think Ah was a traitor. They just don't wanna jeopardize mah chances of……" she trailed off there, realizing that she had almost slipped. They may have gotten close in the passed month, but she still wasn't sure that telling Kurt about their relationship would be detrimental.
Kurt noticed the stop in her explanation, but thought it best not to push the issue. He believed her about the brotherhood. They were jerks, but he had seen the way they protected their own. It was surely something that some of the X-Men could stand to learn. "It must be nice," he said gently, drawing Rogue's gaze back to him, "to know you have a family like zhat to look out for you."
Rogue, in turn, answered with a bitter smile. "Yeah, but it won't last. They never do, Kurt. Ah've had plenty of families in the past. Some good. Some bad. But they never last. It's you who should be thankful for the family you have." She looked back out onto the road before them and the wind picked up; throwing her white streaks about her face. "You've got all you need in your family back home. They love ya unconditionally. Neva forget that."
Kurt looked down at his feet as they walked along. "It's not that I forget everything my family in Germany has done for me. I know that no matter where I go, I alvays have someone somewhere that loves me. But…. I can't help vondering…. Vhat my real parents were like," he continued. Vhen I was back in Germany growing up, I vas very insecure about my looks. I didn't have many friends, you know. People were fully not digging the furry dude." He sighed and kicked a nearby stone on the road. "I vould spend my time imagining what my real family vould be like. I imagined that I had a beautiful, kind mother that cared for me and took me to visit all of her friends; bragging about how vonderful I vas. And I vould pretend that my father was a doctor, or a counselor, or someone who helped people, and that everyone would know me as zhat vonderful man's son." Kurt paused and allowed a small smile to grace his features. "And I vould pretend that I had a sibling. Perhaps a sizter. And she would be pretty, and smart, and strong, and love to do the things that I do. She would have perfect grades and a perfect attitude, and spend all the time in the world with me and my friends. I vould show her off because I vas so proud that she vas my sizter." He finished here with an embarrassed blush and silly grin on his face. "Zhat is vhat I vould imagine anyways. Didn't you ever dream about what your family was really like, Rogue?"
Kurt looked over to Rogue and was puzzled by the distraught look on her face. He raised an eyebrow at her, and was about to ask again when she responded "No, Ah neva fantasized about mah real family. Ah neva wanted to know…." And suddenly she took off; running into the woods. Kurt was completely dumbfounded, and was to shocked to even run after her. Did he say something wrong? He stood for many moments in silence before continuing home; hoping that Rogue was also heading there.
Rogue, meanwhile, was running through the woods' paying little attention to direction. Ah can't tell him, she kept saying to herself, ah can't ever tell him. Ah'd never be enough for him…. Never… The young girl ran until he legs wouldn't carry her any more. She slowed to a stop deep within the trees and sunk down to the floor. Her breath caught in her throat as her walls of hope crumbled around her. What would someone like Kurt want with a broken sister like Rogue anyway? How could she ever be enough…..?
End chapter….. TBC
More Notes: okay, so there you have it. More to come as soon as I can. College is hard work. Thanks again to the faithful reviewers. If you review again, I'll continue. If you think it sucks, I'll try another story… I dunno. Just pleeeeeeeeease review. It's the only reason I keep writing this stuff. Thaaaaaaanx.