Chapter 18: Who is in the Abyss?
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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"Miss me, Crawford?" The voice was Schuldig's, but something about it was not his, yet equally as familiar. The cadence, the tone, was Farfarello's. Crawford suddenly remembered something. Something on Farfarello's file. . . .
"Farfarello?"
"Aye. Should have known that ye would be the one to see the truth of it."
Farfarello's gaze shifted, took on a more Schuldig look. "Crawford?"
"Schuldig. Do you know what just happened?"
Schuldig closed his eyes. "I felt . . . I felt this before. Crawford, what just happened?"
"How long has this been going on, Schuldig?"
"Since . . ." Schuldig opened his eyes as comprehension dawned. "Since I went back to our old place. Weeks now." He turned his face away. "I've had nightmares. Nightmares about . . ." he stopped, not sure if he wanted to reveal all of his weakness to Crawford.
"They were about Farfarello, weren't they?"
Schuldig was surprised into laughter. "Hey, who's the telepath here?"
"That might be the problem," Crawford told him gravely. "No one knows the extent of our powers, not even us." His voice gentled. "I just talked to Farfarello, Schuldig. Through you."
"Through me? What? Like a medium or something?"
"I don't know just yet, Schuldig. This I think is too subtle for my gift to discern. Maybe it's like multiple personality syndrome, due to stress and guilt over Farfarello's death. Maybe it's something else." Now Crawford was the one to look away.
"You know something, Crawford," Schuldig said. The silence told him the truth. Schuldig grew angry. "Damn it, Brad! Don't you think I have the right to know? It's my mind he's sitting in."
"You see that?" Crawford asked, surprised. "I thought you didn't know."
Schuldig chewed on his bottom lip. "That just came out. I guess I know it instinctively. He doesn't feel like a part of me, Crawford. I've seen into the minds of MPS people. All the personalities are linked together. This one doesn't carry that link. He just sits in there. In my head." Schuldig looked at Crawford with solemn, scared eyes.
Crawford sometimes forgot just how young Schuldig was. Seeing him like this reminded him of that forcefully. "It'll be okay, Schuldig." I'll make it so, somehow.
He decided there was no harm in divulging privileged information. There was no more need to keep Esset's secrets, especially not from Schuldig. He felt a weight he hadn't even know he had carried lift. Maybe he should have done this earlier. Why hadn't he? Schuldig wouldn't betray him. They were Schwarz. Digging into those formerly confidential mental files, he recalled what he'd read in Farfarello's Esset records.
"Schuldig, there were tests that they had run on Farfarello. They never were able to determine the extent of his abilities. However, they did know this: he wasn't just a freak that couldn't feel pain. There was something else. Something they never were able to define. I think . . ." he paused as a vision came to him. "No. I know this is somehow related to that."
One of Schuldig's eyes slid closed as Farfarello came once more to the fore. "Do ye claim to care now, Crawford? Miss yer curs yet, Lucifer?"
Crawford took it all in stride. Understanding that all was not known about the extent of their powers, together and separately, he could only marvel at this new facet that had been revealed. He had known that Schwarz was capable of some incredible things, but this . . . "I suspect that if you had survived as you were supposed to, this encounter would have been inevitable."
Farfarello was silent, staring at Crawford with that blank stare that looked so strange on Schuldig's face. "Come on then," Crawford said to Farfarello. "Your grievance is with me. Don't you think that it would be better to thrash it out one on one rather than drag Schuldig into it?"
Schuldig's eye opened, and he shook his head slightly, like a man that had taken a hit to the head. "Crawford. I heard you this time. Things are changing, and I don't think for the better." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't think it's a good idea to goad him, Crawford. I think that it's you he really wants. Something about you—" he stopped mid-sentence.
Schuldig went limp, and he made a couple of low throaty sounds that Crawford was sure he wasn't even aware of, then he returned, looking more dazed than before. "Scheisse, he's getting stronger." He looked worried. "I thought I had him locked away."
"Give him to me, Schuldig." Crawford raised a hand to forestall Schuldig's argument. "I have better shields than you, you've told me yourself. Besides, you have Nagi to worry about now."
Schuldig looked defiant yet uneasy. "Farf wouldn't hurt Nagi."
"No, but if Farfarello gets control of you, that would involve Nagi. It would be better if you just gave Farfarello to me. I'm better able to deal with him, even in the eventuality that he did escape." Crawford's expression darkened. "Besides, I think that Farfarello and I still have some unfinished business."
"I don't like it," Schuldig said.
"You don't have to. Just do it." Crawford unbuckled Schuldig, then rose. Schuldig shrugged out of the restraints and followed suit. The two men faced each other.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Schuldig smirked, but his hands were uncharacteristically hesitant. He settled them on Crawford's shoulders and flexed them nervously, then leaned in. Crawford shut his eyes, expecting to feel the touch of Schuldig's forehead against his.
An Irish-accented whisper made his eyes snap open. "Ye've always hungered for a taste, haven't ye, Crawford me boy? Well, let me give it to ye."
Crawford tried to recoil, but Schuldig's hands, now under Farfarello's control, were painfully tight and as unyielding as steel. Before the blue eyes before him shut, he saw Schuldig wrestle away control once more. The hands on his shoulders gentled and flexed in an almost caressing motion, then their lips met.
Crawford tasted a spicy, sweet flavor that had to be Schuldig. Then the flavor changed to the salty tang of blood and an overwhelming, bitterly smoky, metallic taste. The taste of insanity, Crawford thought. Through the contact, he felt something pass over, like a shadow cast by a cloud passing over the sun.
Just as that happened, Schuldig sagged, collapsing against Crawford. Crawford caught the unconcious telepath and gently lowered him to the floor. A long strand of fiery hair covered his face. Crawford hesitated, then lightly smoothed the strand back. He watched the sleeping telepath for a moment, unaware of the small, almost tender smile that played briefly on his face.
When Crawford emerged from the room, Nagi saw the leader he remembered so well, the cool, collected American. The pre-cog handed him a piece of paper. "When Schuldig wakes—" Crawford paused, then shook his head and said instead, "Here's where I'll be staying, if you need to reach me." He looked at the telekinetic and a strange softness came into his eyes. "Take care of him, Nagi."
Nagi nodded silently. Underneath the couch, the kitten watched Crawford go. When the door closed after him, the kitten slinked out from under the couch and wound slowly around Nagi's feet. Nagi picked him up. "Crawford wouldn't have said that a few months ago. I wonder what changed him." Jei merely purred, then began grooming his paws contentedly.
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A/N:
FungiFugusRayne—the link was requested by TCM, but I'm glad if anyone else found it useful.
TrenchcoatMan—I'll try. I don't know where my writing will lead me, though. This arc is pretty Crawford and Schu-centric. Omi and Nagi will be showing up later, I can promise that.
LoneCayt—I'm with you, believe it or not, when it comes to Crawford=villain. I don't see him as inherently cruel. Just as rational and dedicated to his goals, despite the cost.
Hisoka—Sorry I didn't update sooner! As always, thanks for your reviews.
Yanagi-sen—I liked that Crawford and Omi scene as well.
The First Light—O.O Wow. Thank you, thank you for your reviews. I'm gratified that you took the time. I hope that you will continue to enjoy, despite the hints of yaoi. I almost did make this a yaoi-free fic, but my yaoi fangirl would not be silenced. I'll probably do another arc later that is yaoi-free, because I don't think that yaoi has to run rampant through Weiss Kreuz, and I want to prove it to that yaoi fangirl in my head. There's plenty of non-yaoi stories out there, like Tex-chan's "Snow Day," for example.
Thank you all. Now that I have some more time, I'll be updating a bit more frequently. Barring anything untowards, of course. Where's a pre-cog when you need one?