Chapter 20: Friendly Overtures – Coda
Leaving the old, both worlds at once they view
That stand upon the threshold of the new.
-Edmund Waller, On the Divine Poems
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Schuldig became aware of a small wet nose and stiff whiskers tickling his face. He opened his eyes and tried to focus on the kitten's face, which was nose to nose with him. When the kitten saw him open his eyes, it began to purr. A second face, this one human came into view. "Schuldig?"
Schuldig lifted a hand and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah."
A small smile of relief ghosted across Nagi's face, like a cloud in a time-lapse film. It appeared, then blew away like it never was. "Good to see you back, Schuldig."
Schuldig smirked. "Was I ever gone?" He sat up, dislodging Jei. Jei gave an indignant squeak. Rubbing Jei behind the ears in apology, which the kitten was more than happy to accept, he got to his feet. He grinned at Nagi. "You can't get rid of me that easily."
Nagi returned the smile, but his smile wavered at the edges. "I should remember that."
"You bet." Schuldig ruffled Nagi's hair, then laughed. "Who would have ever thought that Crawford would save the day?"
Nagi smiled at that. This time the smile stayed steady. "He did, though. He's changed, Schu."
Schuldig looked startled, and Nagi's smile turned smug. It wasn't often that the TK observed a change in someone before Schuldig. "Changed? What do you mean?"
"He's different. More ... I don't know. More ... open."
"Hmm." Schuldig turned thoughtful. "Well, we've all changed, really."
"Schu?"
"Hmm?"
"Why don't you go back?"
"I made a promise to Farf, Nagi. He was one of us. I wouldn't have given a damn about anyone else."
"I know," Nagi said unhappily. "But it doesn't feel right."
"I agree," Schuldig confessed. "But it doesn't change anything."
"What did he say exactly, Schuldig?" Nagi asked.
"He said it was time to cut the leash. To quit being Crawford's dogs and be our own curs. To quit allowing Crawford to use us."
"What if we just didn't let Crawford use us? We don't have to be away from him to not let him use us."
"Cut the leash, be our own curs." Schuldig smiled triumphantly. "And stay in our own pack." His smile dimmed. "But he also told me to get out on my own and take you with me."
"And you did, Schuldig. You did." Nagi picked up Jei and hugged the kitten to his chest. "That's how we were able to break free. Don't you see?"
"Break free... including Farf," Schuldig mused to himself.
"What?" Nagi looked confused. Jei blinked impassively at Schuldig from Nagi's arms.
"If we had been still under Crawford, he probably would've sent me back to Rosenkreuz the moment I started showing signs of aberrant behavior. They would have stripped Farfarello out, and I don't know what would have happened to him then. I think that he needed time to, to—become."
Nagi stared at Schuldig. "I don't understand."
"It was Farf, Nagi. It was Farfarello all this time, giving me nightmares, affecting my mind."
"Farf? Do you mean. . . he's still. . . alive?"
"Yes." Schuldig tilted his head to consider further, then qualified, "in a way."
"How?"
Schuldig ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I'm not sure how it all happened or even what happened. I just know that, for a while, I had him in my head. Now he's in Crawford's. And I think that was where he intended to end up all along. I just sheltered him until he was ready. Until we all were ready."
"Ready for what?" Nagi said, puzzled.
Schuldig snorted in amusement. "I don't know. That was just something that was left over from Farf's occupancy. They kinda echo around in my head, some of the things that he thought." He stretched, then ended the stretch with a careless rise and fall of his shoulders. "It's over now, though. He's where he wants to be, and Crawford is probably the only person that can handle having Farf rattle around in his skull." An admiring glint came into Schuldig's eyes. "That control of his is amazing."
Except, Schuldig thought to himself, for that one moment when their lips touched, before Farfarello had caused him to black out. In that one brief moment, Crawford had been completely laid bare to him. He'd only had time to gather a quick glimpse of surprise and something else, something darker, smokier, before he had gone under. Schuldig would have given anything to know what that was. He knew what he hoped it was, but he just wasn't sure.
"So this all had a purpose," Nagi said. "Farfarello was directing the whole thing."
"Not really," Schuldig countered. "He did it more out of instinct, I think."
"Farfarello's instincts always were uncanny," Nagi agreed. "That's why he had you make that promise. Still, I believe it's time for you to return to Crawford."
"To Schwarz," Schuldig said flatly.
"No, we ARE Schwarz. No matter where we are or what we are doing," Nagi said solemnly. "Esset may have put us together, but we named ourselves. We made ourselves." Nagi turned to stare out the window. "I still have to make myself, I think."
He turned back to Schuldig. "But you. You need to go back. You kept your promise. But you never promised Farfarello that you'd stay away. We cut the leash, Schuldig. But we are still Schwarz."
"A pack of wolves," Schuldig said with a grin that was rather wolfish.
"We're not dogs anymore," Nagi said fiercely. "Esset's, Crawford's, or anyone else's. We're free to make our own choices. And I know the choice you'd make, if you believed you were free to make it."
Schuldig stared at his lap. "I don't know, Nagi," he sighed. "I've been someone's dog for so long I'd let Crawford put his leash on me without a second's hesitation."
"I don't think that Crawford would, Schuldig." Nagi released Jei to rummage in his pocket. "He's not as cold as he used to be. Not as arrogant, as domineering." He withdrew a slip of paper. "He gave me this and told me to take care of you. The Crawford we used to know would never have said anything like that. He's changed, Schuldig." He offered Schuldig the paper. "I think that you should go to him and see just how much."
Schuldig stared at the paper but didn't take it. "I don't know, Nagi."
Nagi frowned in exasperation. "Yes, you do. Now stop stalling."
"Things have changed for me too, Nagi."
"Are you referring to that kiss you two shared?"
Schuldig gaped at Nagi, shocked. "N-Nagi!"
"I saw it," Nagi stated calmly. "And I think that's another reason for you to go to him. You may have initiated that kiss, but Crawford didn't seem to mind. Very much the opposite, as a matter of fact. Besides, he came here for you. I'm certain of that. I don't know what he saw, but he was here because of you."
You always told me," Nagi said quietly, "that you never wanted to live your life with regrets. That was the reason you never would feel guilty for anything you had done." Nagi shoved the paper at Schuldig. "So don't change that philosophy now, when it might do you the most good."
Schuldig took the piece of paper and rubbed it lightly with his thumb. He grinned suddenly. "That philosophy has done me well so far, so why quit now?"
"Well if that's settled, there's one last thing," Nagi said. He nervously wet his lips. "I'm not going with you."
Schuldig blinked at him. "Why not?"
"I've decided to join Kritiker." Nagi braced for the explosion.
Schuldig sat back. "Kritiker?" He was puzzled. "But that would put you at odds with us, Nagi."
"No, it won't," Nagi vowed. "I want to help Omi. And I can—I will, without crossing Schwarz. I always have the choice, and that is something I won't budge on. If Persia can't take the terms, then the deal's off."
"I see." Schuldig studied Nagi. "You know, this might end badly for you. You might not have the choice you think."
"Maybe not," Nagi agreed. "But I want to try." He licked his lips again. "Omi told me that friendship is about wanting to help. I think I want to."
Schuldig was silent for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Obviously you do." He pulled a startled Nagi into a bear hug. "You thought I was going to get mad, didn't you, brat?" He released Nagi and ruffled the boy's hair again. "If that's what you want to do, go for it. No regrets, remember?"
Nagi smiled slightly. "No regrets." He rose. "I'm going to meet Omi in half an hour. I suggest you go do what you want to do, too." Nagi raised a meaningful brow at him, then turned to leave.
"Nagi."
Nagi turned inquiringly.
"Good luck with Kritiker. And with your friendship with Omi."
Nagi smiled slightly and gave Schuldig a tiny nod. Then he left to meet with Omi.
Schuldig shook his head after he watched Nagi depart. Damned if the kid wasn't right. There was no reason that he couldn't go home. He felt a light brush against his trouser leg. He looked down into Jei's bright gold eyes. For once, the kitten's gaze didn't make him think of Farf. It looked up at him imploringly, as only a young cat can, with that cross of cuteness and a touch of dignity.
He picked up the kitten, and smiled delightedly when it began to purr. "Well, Jei, looks like I'm going." The kitten blinked at him, then lifted his head for a scratch. Schuldig obliged him, his smile widening. "How about you help me pack, eh, katzchen?"
The kitten squirmed out of his grasp, then sauntered over to a very familiar set of luggage sitting next to the couch. Schuldig laughed in disbelief. "That kid is something else, isn't he, Jei? You can tell that he picked up a few lessons from Crawford." He bent and scratched the kitten along the jaw. "You take care of Nagi, okay? I've got a pre-cog to catch."
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Omi smiled as he looked up. "Hello, Nagi."
"Persia." At Nagi's greeting, Omi's smile changed, turned more professional.
"You have an answer for me, then."
"Yes. I'll help you, Persia. I'll help Kritiker, but only as long as it doesn't cross paths with Schwarz."
"With Schwarz?" Omi paused to mull it over. "All right, I'll agree to that. And what about Schuldig?"
Nagi smiled slightly. "Schuldig's fine now. Crawford was able to set things straight. I sent Schuldig home." Nagi's smile widened. "He wished me luck with the new job and the new friendship. Have you ordered yet?"
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A/N: Well, one last chapter and the epilogue to go. All my gratitude to:
FungiFungusRayne: Thank you, and my sister thanks you too. I'm delighted you found that informative. I think I would have liked being a teacher:)
The First Light: Thanks for your kind review. Now it's your turn to teach me. (I like being a student, too!) Who's Tsukasa? If he's like Crawford, I think I might like him.
Hisoka: Great to see you back aboard! As always, thank you, thank you. I guess I'm going to have to do a completely OmixNagi story at a later date. They sure have a lot of fans!
TrenchcoatMan: When I started this arc, I felt kinda bad I didn't know much about the drama CDs. Now, the more I hear about it, the more I wonder if that is such a bad thing after all. Especially the "Sally" part.
LoneCayt: I liked Farf as the 'voice of reason' too. It seemed twisted, yet right. I felt that maybe I did make Crawford give in a little easy, but I also see it as something that he was tired of fighting. Farf just gave him a convenient excuse. I'm sorry to say, Aya doesn't show up again in this story. I have been turning over a few Aya(Ran)-centric fic ideas, though. I felt that I barely scratched the surface with him. He's such a wonderfully complex character.
Lyra Stormrider: Thank you so very much for your review. I'm pleased that you liked the religious theme. That was one of my favorite chapters, actually. I hope you will find this arc enjoyable to the end.
Sweet666: Thanks and welcome aboard, always wonderful to hear from new reviewers. New update, as requested.