Ranmazoku Chapter 2 - First Contact By PansutoTarou5925
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DISCLAIMER - I do not own the rights to Slayers nor do I own the rights
to Ranma «. Long live the rightful owners of these two fine anime. This work
is non-commercial and is done only in imitation of Rumiko Takahashi and
Hajime Kanzaka. Imitation is the sincerest flattery, no? US rights owned by
Viz and Software Sculptors.
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Author's note - This story originated from an idea on Nighthawk's page and is
some guy named NesTea's fault. So there. C&C, MSTs, random comments,
letters of praise, hate mail, and accidental clicks on the reply-send button all
welcome. If asked when the next chapter will be out, I will bob and weave, lie,
stall , and bend more truths than a drunken Senator. So there.
ALTAVERSE WARNING - This is an ALTAVERSE. Events, characters and
the like may not resemble canon. People who are rabid canon-thumpers
beware!
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
I was adrift on the Astral Plane.
You must understand, we mazoku are more creatures of thought and power,
nightmare made form, than the sort of solid, walking embodiments of evil most
think we are. It's why solid food does not feed a mazoku, but the greed, petty
anger and cruelty of a pitiful excuse of a 'father' could nourish a young
mazoku. It's for the best that I was born what I am, and not what they think I
am.
I was on a fishing expedition, you see, a search which had occupied my wasted
nighttime hours, which otherwise would have been wasted pretending to sleep.
In a way, I no longer needed sleep because I was asleep when I was walking
abroad, interacting with the world. To me, the real world is the dream, to be
altered at my whim. The dreams and nightmares are the stuff of my reality. I
could see and feel the dreams of the other residents of the Tendo house, but I
had bigger fish to fry tonight: no more poking around Nabiki's dreams to lead
her around by the nose. I needed some serious hardware, and that meant
poking around the Nekohanten. Dealing with Happy's perversions could
probably drive a mazoku insane.
I had a very specific purpose in mind. I knew from the start that this was one
of the Four Pillars L-sama had constructed, the pillar of the Dark Lord known
as Death Fog. Just as in the Overworld and Shabranigdo's pillar, there would
be items of vast magical power left behind by the Dark Lord in question, items
that, with the ridiculously low number of serious magic users on this planet.
Most of the heavy duty magic users seemed to be in Juuban and near Jusenkyo,
but none would be a match for even the minor mazoku I currently was.
Meaning that if I had no competition for such objects of power, and I could
drain them to further my own strength. Such items had been picked over and
already drained by the five Mazoku Lords of my family homeworld, but here I
could gain a significant advantage if I could hoard such sources of power. Of
course, I already had my master plan in place, but there's no such thing as too
much power. And if I was reading events right, Gaav would be dead soon.
That would create a hole in the ranks of the mazoku like never before. There's
be an open spot in the highest levels, and Seigraam, Gaav's flunky, would
probably be dead too. While Pops might be first in line for the position, it
wasn't like I wasn't going to pass up this golden opportunity.
So that's why I was off poking around in Cologne's mind. Which is a hell of a
lot more dangerous than poking around in Nabiki's mind. For one thing, the
old ghoul was on the alert for mental tampering, and for another she knew all
sorts of nasty stuff... childhood rhymes and warm memories of children and
grandchildren, for instance. At least it wasn't as bad as Kasumi's mind,
though... I began to prod at her memories, inserting fleeting, random images of
raw magical power and seeing what kind of response that got.
The very first thing I got, an instant after I began, was the image of a guy with
gold hair and wings, looking like some cross between human and an eagle, but
in the eye of Cologne's mind tinged with evil. It was also the first time I've
ever consciously tasted fear from the old mummy. The image was hazy and
indistinct, though, as if she had never actually seen it. Maybe it's the
Joketsuzoku bogeyman or something. All sorts of things on him carried a name
and a legend in Cologne's thoughts, but it was a set of gems he wore that
seemed to carry a current of pride when Cologne thought of them. Hmm.. so
the amazons stole.. Demon's Blood! I involuntarily flared my power in my
excitement, and Cologne instantly went aware in her mind, the image of
Saffron vanishing into the fog of her mind. In his place stood a mature woman,
perhaps 40, with black hair just starting to go grey, very strong and exuding
martial skill - not the ancient hag I know now, nor the young girl I saw when
we used the Nanban Mirror. So this, then, is what Cologne's self image is.
Fascinating.
"Show yourself!" she yelled, clutching the talismans. She looked back and
forth, trying to find the intruder in her mind. She held the talismans. "I don't
know who you are," she whispered viciously, "but you will never get these
talismans! They are a treasure of the Joketsuzoku, and you will suffer our
wrath!" She was still glancing, for I had not yet emerged from the mists. I
laughed, a deep booming effect that reverberated and seemed to come from
everywhere.
I oozed out of the mists, taking my inhuman monster form. No sense having
her tie this to me. "Amazon." I snarled, dropping the cheesy echo effect and
using as guttural a voice as I could manage. "What makes you think you can
dare best me in the battlefield of the dream!" I laughed again, sans echo.
Cologne smiled, the knowing smile I've come to know. "I have many
techniques to use against you, demon! Behold the secret unknown even to the
greatest of the Indian mystics, the Iron Soul Spear!" She formed a spear by
pure willpower and fury, directing the mighty blast against me in an attempt to
eject me from her mind. Of course, she was doomed to failure. Cologne might
have more experience fighting here, where the normal rules of combat went
out the window and will alone determined the victor, but I was born to this. I
absorbed the spear, accepting the anger and hate she had used to make it, and
grew larger, losing my form and turning into a great black mist.
"Hah! You cannot resist me, little Amazon. I will take your talismans..." I said,
enveloping her and firing nightmares - actually just Happousai's stray thoughts
rerouted into her head, but that was probably worse, anyhow - as she screamed
and hacked into me with a sword she had pulled out of nowhere. Just before
she went back under she realized what she faced.
"MAZOKU!!!!"
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
The next day, I was jarred awake by Akane. It was still dark out.
"What's the big idea?" I said sleepily. "Not even oyaji is up yet." She kicked
awake the panda in question. I stretched and made like I was going back to
sleep to keep up the ruse.
"Cologne wants to see us right away. Says it's important. Or at least, that's
what Mousse is telling us. She and Shampoo are still at the Nekohanten." she
said, " They say some horrible monster is trying to steal their treasure and want
us there right away."
"Jeez, OK, you'd think it could wait. I mean, monsters gotta rest too, don't ya
think?" Ranma said, smiling internally 'Well, I hate a fight in the middle of the
night, anyhow...'
"Ranma, this isn't a joking matter! Now get moving!" Akane yelled, chasing
me out the door with a bucketful of water.
It is a few minutes later that I find myself in the Nekohanten, watching a very
distraught Cologne. She looked like she hadn't gotten enough sleep last night,
heh heh. It was a struggle to keep a grin off my face as she yawned her way
through the explanation. "Ahh.." she said, drinking some tea. "I need to warn
you all of a very powerful demon among us. Somewhere in Tokyo is a being of
almost unrivaled magical strength. He is searching for items of magical power.
I felt I should warn all of you with Jusenkyo curses that he might come after
the power of the magic in your curses." Actually, I hadn't thought of that, but
it was a good idea. Well, maybe not. Nevermind. My own experience had
shown that Jusenkyo's magic was beyond my control. I'd probably end up
absorbing the other curses if I went that route.. 'Sorry, sir, you have curse of
female winged pig-cat riding panda fighting yeti riding bull carrying eel and
crane!' Yech. I tuned out the disgusting mental image (though I filed it away to
stick in Happousai's dream if he ever fantasized about my girl side in one of his
ecchi dreams again) and tuned back into Cologne's speech. " -thrive off
negative feeling and emotions such as depression, anger, and jealousy. I think
for the moment we all know what this means. Akane, Shampoo, Mousse,
Ukyou.. you four really need to calm down until the danger passes. We need to
deny the mazoku such a potent source of nourishment." Damn! Well, at least I
had Ryouga.. "Tell Ryouga if you see him, though he is probably safe." OK, so
I still have Happi to piss off most of the female population of Nerima. No
problem. "But, I believe the demon has something specific in mind."
"What is, Great-Grandmother?"
"These." she said, opening a box and revealing four reddish stones set in silver.
To me they seemed to be blinding in their power, and yet I had been unable to
detect them when they were in the box. "These are the legendary Demon's
Blood talismans, taken from Saffron the Phoenix God in a great battle a
thousand years ago. They are said to contain the power of the four lords of the
Mazoku. This box itself was constructed to hide the power of the talismans
eight hundred and twenty-three years ago."
"She saw it being built, that's how she knows," Genma whispered, earning a
bop on the head form Cologne.
"None knows how to use them save the Phoenix God. But in his hands, they
were a tool of unparalleled terror, amplifying his already incredible power to
levels unthinkable by any but the gods Saffron claimed he was one of. That is
why a thousand Amazons attacked him, seeking to take these stones away
before he destroyed us all. He nearly did anyhow: only two survived." Cologne
paused to smile. "One of them was my own ancestors, Toothpaste." I ignored
the irrelevant history lesson: if she didn't know how to use the talismans, I
could drain them to the tiniest fraction of their power without her noticing. "In
any case, if they were bad in the hands of the Phoenix God, they would be a
catastrophe in the hands of such a demon as a mazoku." Akane picked up a
talisman and inspected it, seeing the Chinese inscribed on it.
"What does this say?" she said, pointing at the inscribed writing.
"Ah. Those are the names of the four Dark Lords the stones represent." I
welcomed her question, as it had everyone passing around the talismans. I
made a show out of inspecting each one , draining it carefully, so as not to
raise suspicion. I would need to do this carefully, and provide the 'mazoku' she
expected so she could forget all about these stones. I smiled as I felt the
familiar energies of Shabranigdo from the second talisman. "As I recall
correctly, the legends record them as Death Fog, Chaotic Blue, Dark Star, and
Shabranigdo."
"So there are four of these demons in the world?" I said, feigning ignorance as
I drained the fourth talisman. The energies were familiar, and earned an internal
scowl Apparently the reason I couldn't destroy the Jusenkyo curse was
because Death Fog's magic had created the place.
Cologne shook her head. "No. Only one is said to exist in each world, and the
four worlds they reside in are connected. In this world, the forces of the
demons and the gods destroyed each other, and they were sealed away in many
pieces across the world." I smiled, my power had grown fivefold and all I
needed to do was act normal. "Yes, Ranma, that means that the one we fight
cannot be powerful by their standards. Nor is he even from this world." She
got up and hopped over to the counter for a second. "Sixteen years ago, there
was another mazoku, who came across the village. He was looking for
Jusendo, the spring that feeds Jusenkyo. None of the three tribes that lives in
the valley, the Musk, we Amazons, or the Phoenix Mountain people, wished to
see him accomplish whatever mission he had with the spring. Despite our
combined best efforts we were unable to destroy him."
"Then how are we supposed to fight such a creature?" Genma roared, fearful.
"Hopefully, we don't," Cologne said. She put the talismans back in her box.
"But.. if worse comes to worst, I need to know that I can depend on you. I
cannot fight off such a demon alone. Ranma, Genma, I would need you two to
keep it away from the talismans until I am able to use a powerful scroll I have.
It should destroy the demon."
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
At lunch later that day, having already been asked to defend possessions
against a crime I had already carried out, Nabiki came up to me. "I need to
speak with you, Saotome." she announced loudly, more to Hiroshi and
Daisuke than to me. I shrugged and followed her. We went back by the Kendo
shed, where people were unlikely to interrupt us.
"OK, Saotome, you still owe me 1500 yen. I'm going to cut you a deal. I'll cut
your debt in half if you answer a few questions. Deal?" I nodded absently.
"Deal. Anyhow, Saotome, I figure you're the person to ask on the
whereabouts of other werewolves in Tokyo, so I'd like to know if you know
the whereabouts of the wolf demon. Has it left the city? It hasn't been seen in
Juuban the past few nights." She waited expectantly with pencil over paper.
"As far as I know, Nabiki, he's still in town. I'd know if he left." Duh.
See nodded and wrote that down. "All right then. What was Cologne all upset
about this morning? Just for confirmation, Saotome."
"Oh, she was worried about some demon stealing a tribal treasure or
something." I said, as uninterestedly as I could. "You know how that goes."
"We seem to be hip deep in demons lately." Nabiki grumbled as checked off
something on her sheet.
I put my hands behind my head. "Well, it ain't like it's as many as Juuban has
on a weekly basis, ya gotta admit. And ya know Nerima is weirder than
anywhere else. You'd think we'd have at least as many as Juuban."
"You might have a point, Saotome." She then seemed to flash with anger for a
second. "Hey Saotome?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you know who took these pictures of me?" she said, waving a handful of
photographs under my nose. They showed a nude Nabiki rolling around in
wolfsbane at midnight. I smiled internally. This ought to be fun - and increase
my poser besides.
"Come on, Nabiki, and you accuse me of being stupid. Who's the only person
likely to know you got permission to enter the botanical gardens at night?
Who's the only person around here who'd even care about the botanical
gardens?"
"Kodachi." Nabiki said, with more venom in her voice than I ever heard in
anyone's ever before.. It took all my years of martial arts training not to hug
myself in glee at THAT anger. Damn, I needed to get her pissed more often; it
was even tastier than Akane's.
"She usually gets Gos to do her camera work." Sending grief to one's students
was a prime tenet of the Anything-Goes school. It's something Gos should
have kept in mind.
Heh heh.
Nabiki, of course, merely smiled. Evil smile. A smile so evil Phibrizzo could
only manage it if you fed him sourballs for an hour. Her eyebrow was
twitching. "Saotome.. thank you for your input. I'll see that those two are
properly thanked..."
"Oh, don't mention anything about me telling you this, OK?"
"It's completely fine, Saotome, I want all this payback to myself."
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Another day, another threatening note from Ryouga. "I will have my revenge,
Saotome. The usual place, three days from now." Ryouga had postmarked it in
Sapporo, but it was obviously from Hong Kong, the maroon. I smiled.
"Well, our resident berserker is back on the prowl. I wonder if he perfected his
new Shishi Hokodan attack yet." He really should rename that move the
mazoku munchie. It put all his considerable power in one convenient and easy
to absorb package. Come to think of it, it's too bad there's no way of getting
him here quickly. Maybe there's some kinda spell Phibrizzo knows that can
draw him like a magnet or something, so I can have some eats whenever I want
them. Delivered, even.
Now that I think about it, I really should be going. I grab my pack and start
stuffing the usual stuff into it, using what I've picked up of hidden weapons to
hide some magic books and such in with the normal gear. Ryouga was giving
me the perfect excuse to hang out in the Kataart Mountains for a few days on
his little "training trip"
"Yo! Oyaji! I'm going on a little training trip for my fight with Ryouga!" I
hollered as I ran out the door. I quickly hung a left past the Yamani's house
into an alley and opened the gateway Hellmaster had created for me. Faster
than I could think about it I was in safe territory once again.
The Kataart mountains are where Hellmaster has been spending most of his
time lately. Surprisingly, though, when I visited his house, he wasn't there. My
father was, however. "Pop?" I asked, as he was kind of out of it. In fact his
arm had been torn away, revealing inky, swirling blackness. "Hey, what
happened to you?"
He smiled, which told me it couldn't be that bad. "Ah. Just the result of a little
disagreement from Gaav."
"Gaav?" I goggled. "I thought you were smarter than that, picking on someone
so much more powerful than yourself. What were you thinking?" I exclaimed
angrily.
"You sound like Amelia." Pop said, sneering. I gave a hurt look.
"Where's Phibrizzo?" I said, poking at the junk left behind in the old house.
There wasn't much. Phibrizzo had spent centuries wandering the great desert
before taking up residence in this tiny town in the Kataart range.
"Sairaag. It seems he's finally shown his true colors. We were right. He's
planning on getting Lina to cast a Giga Slave.. he's going to try to destroy the
world." he grumbled. "Mother saw that coming years ago. I'd guess we have a
week or two before Lina arrives to confront him. Is our safe house in your
world still fine?"
The safe house has always been an item of preoccupation with Granny and
Pop. The whole reason she sent Xellos to my world in the first place was to
have a hideyhole once she realized Hellmaster was going off the deep end.
"Sure, it's still ready to go. I've been checking in on it in Juuban. There are
some minor league do-gooders who might be a pest, but they aren't anything I
couldn't handle, never mind you guys." That brought a smile to his face.
"Hellmaster keyed that portal so only you can open it. Now, Zelas is strong
enough to open one herself, but-"
"Ahh, we can't let an old lady like her make such an effort. I'll bring you two
over myself. Let Hellmaster do the work." I said, chuckling.
"Old lady, am I?" Zelas's voice sounded out of the air, instantly ending my
chuckles. She materialized, wine glass swishing in her hand, and not very
happy looking.
"Ah.. you se. well.. you are what, 5000?" I said, stammering, as Pop disguised
a laugh by pretending to cough. Grandmother's frown just deepened. "Ah.."
More frowning. Stupid mouth, think! A black mallet materialized and
hammered me into the floor. "Uggh... 5000.. ite! going on 25.. yeah!" I
croaked, the hammer dispelling at the end along with Zelas's frown.
"Yes, I do hold my age well, don't I?" she said, laughing. Pop laughed too,
politely. It wasn't that funny a joke. Mazoku don't age. That didn't stop
Granny from obsessing over her looks, though. "So, Ranma, despite your utter
lack of the manners befitting a demon lord, I will accept your offer to transport
me to our safe house." She snapped her hands, healing me.
"Whew!" I said, patting my now-healed body. "OK. I'll bring you guys over
and then come back. I plan on doing a little martial arts training over here. So..
hey, what should I look for if the world ends?" I asked. Maybe Lina would get
there early, who knows.
"The sky turning black, the sun turning red, that sort of thing." Zelas said
dismissively. "Everything dying a horrible death. Yare, yare, yare." So that's
where we get it from. "If you see that sort of thing happening, jump out.
Hellmaster is strong enough that he'll be one of the last things around, so you
should be fine. From all reports though, it'll be at least a week, so unless
you're staying longer.." I shook my head. ".. you'll be fine then. In that case,
let's get going! It's been a thousand years since I saw anyplace new." I nodded
and opened up the gate.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
An hor later I was back in the mountains, practicing on a hillside. I really wish I
could figure out that little spell Zelas had used to make cash. It would come in
handy with Nabiki. Of course, if granny kept buying every bit of tobacco and
alcohol in Tokyo like she was, the tax men were going to get suspicious. Of
course, she'd just be recreating her private stocks from this world. " I wonder
why she didn't just transfer over all her stuff from here?" I mused aloud, then
realized that if she transferred all that junk and Hellmaster's plans went bust,
she'd just make Pop and I bring it all back. "I can't believe she's just going to
ditch her friends though. Dolphin is going to be pissed if Hellmaster dies and
she finds out Granny rabbited." Though it wasn't too hard to see his
grandmother's master plan. By having the excuse of Ranma so as to have
Hellmaster open a gate, Zelas could set up a base in another world, and by
ditching everyone else from this world...
..we'd rule the Earth. No one would be able to match Zelas's power; heck,
they wouldn't even be able to match Xellos. Even I, at this low level of power,
was one of the most powerful single beings around. I wasn't the most
powerful, but very few things were as strong as even a young mazoku, and I
had been put in Nerima, possibly the richest, densest source of dark emotions
possible, with all those crazed martial artists. And I had just drained Cologne's
Demon's Blood Talismans. There would be no possible force to oppose us if
we wanted to take over the world. Of course, Granny wouldn't bother taking
over the world, that would just be a major headache, but there would be no
question about who the real power was. There was something I could feel, as if
in the back of my mind, that told me I was missing something. I reached back
to scratch my head, only to catch hold of a hand. Oops. I turned around to
see..
"SHAMPOO!" I yelled, jumping in fright as the absolute last person I expected
to see here was in front of me. Except there were two of them. They were
giving me weird looks.
"Like, are you a mazoku?" one Shampoo said.
"Of course. He's like, floating in midair without magic." Oops.
"Well, maybe he just has a really weird spell for levitating." the other Shampoo
said, tilting her head.
"Totally. Like, who calls a spell 'Shampoo'?" the second Shampoo retorted.
"Well, it doesn't matter what you call it, does it?" I said. I stepped lightly back
onto the ledge I had just jumped off of in surprise. I gave the Shampoos a
look-over. Both seemed to be martial artists, though weapon users. Of course,
they just ignored me and continued their argument.
"I still think he's a mazoku." the second Shampoo insisted.
"There's only one way to find out. We'll have to use the spell." the first
Shampoo agreed. Then they started to fish around in their packs.
"Uh, girls?" I said, wondering what the hell was going on. The two quickly ran
behind a boulder and re-emerged wearing what looked like Happousai's
interpretation of a fuku.
"Right!" they chorused, and pulled out microphones. At which point I
summoned two small spheres of dark energy and blasted them unconscious.
"Sorry about that, but I had to nip that in the bud." I dragged their
unconscious forms over to where I had left my pack and made camp, taking
out the questionable cuisine Akane had made me and letting it heat near the
fire. I'd wait for them to wake up and find out what the hell they wanted from
me. The two woke up faster than I figured they would. "Ah, I see you've
finally woken up."
"So who are you?" Shampoo one.. I think.. said. "What are you?"
I laughed. "Ah, you don't need to worry about me or nothing. I'm Ranma, a
wandering martial artist." I gave an enigmatic grin and pretended to eat some
food, again using the Gourmet de Fois Gras to fire it off the mountainside
without them noticing. "You two wouldn't be hungry, would you? Help
yourselves." Like martial artists on any world, the two were ravenously
hungry, and ate Akane's teriyaki...
..with entirely predictable results. "ARRGH! What is in this crap!" one
Shampoo yelled, rolling around on the ground. Her twin crawled weakly to the
cliff and threw up. Both turned gray, then a sort of sickly green, and crawled
towards their packs and their water. "Water, water.." they mumbled, reaching
for a canteen. I hid my smile behind my own canteen.
It took a while, but the two finally recovered and turned to me. "Ugh.. *hack*
*cough*... Anyhow, I'm Mimi and this is my sister Nene, and we're, like,
famous martial artists and idol singers, and, like, how can you eat that stuff and
not get sick?"
"Yeah, totally." Nene chimed in.
I made a big show of cocking my head and adopting a sensei-type voice. "Ah!
You see, months ago, I learned a powerful technique that would allow me to
finish entire plates of food, no matter how bad, with blinding speed. It is one of
the most devastating techniques of the School of Martial Arts Dining-"
"Martial Arts DINING?" they exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yes. As I was saying, the school likened eating to combat, and designed this
devastating technique to deal with even the most disgusting and horrible foods.
If one can master it, they need never fear bad food again." I smiled. I had seen
the look on these two's faces before, it was the look of a martial artist willing
to go to any length to learn a technique. "It is called le Gourmet de Fois Gras."
I then demonstrated by making the rest of my 'dinner' vanish, chucked into the
lengthening shadows.
"Wow! He can really eat that poison!" Nene said.
"I told you he was a mazoku!" Mimi said. "Nothing human can eat that much
of that and live."
"Oh, but on the contrary - the Gourmet de Fois Gras can be learned by any
martial artist who is skilled enough." I said, having moved in between them
without them noticing.
"AAAH!" they yelled, and promptly smashed me with their tin plates. "Sorry!"
they said, apologizing. "As interesting as that technique sounds," Mimi
continued, "I don't know if we have the time to learn it. We were going to
head to Atlass City to perform in two weeks."
"Oh, that'll be no problem." Yeah, the world will likely be destroyed before
then. "I'll teach it to you if you two don't mind helping me with my own
practice. I wouldn't mind some sparring partners." In the meantime, I could
watch two people willingly subject themselves to Akane's cooking. I felt a
smile coming on.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
It was two days later when Nene finally figured out the real Gourmet de Fois
Gras. I had fed them nearly all of Akane's meals that had gone with me, and I
was halfway amazed the two were still alive. I figured a steady diet of Akane's
cooking could kill anything, and in fact Dr. Tofu used Akane's cookies to kill
rats. Anyhow, Nene had begun to slip chunks of her food into Mimi's, and on
this last plate she had unloaded a quarter into her sister's plate, half into the
fire, and chucked the rest into the woods. I figured that was enough. I stood up
to Nene and congratulated her.
"Wonderful! You've mastered the Gourmet de Fois Gras!" I said, smiling
broadly.
"Huh?" they both said. Quite annoying, that.
"Oh? You didn't realize? The secret of the Gourmet de Fois Gras is to secretly
throw the food on your plate so quickly that the casual observer doesn't
notice! It doesn't actually involve eating the food at all." I put my fist over my
heart and lowered my eyes, appearing very solemn. "It is the greatest technique
of Martial Arts Dining." The twins looked at each other, then slammed their
plates on the ground.
"You mean we really didn't have to eat all of that?" Mimi demanded.
"No! Of course not." I said.
"Then why didn't you TELL US?" Nene growled.
I put my hand behind my head and laughed. "Um.. you never asked me!" I
answered, still laughing. The two grabbed the logs we had been sitting on and
started smashing me with them.
"JERK!"
"BASTARD!"
"Hey.. OW! Stop that!"
"TAKE THIS.. AND THIS.."
"HOW COULD YOU.. you..you Inverse!"
"Hey, that's was uncall-OW!"
Eventually, the pummeling subsided and the two sisters walked off. I staggered
to my feet and smiled. "That was fun." Maybe I'll open a dojo after becoming
one of the High Lords of the Mazoku. I suppose I could never give up learning
and teaching the martial arts. It was just too much to ask for... besides, if all
the martial artists aspired to learn at my feet - and who wouldn't? - I'd have
another base of power that the others didn't have. And I could have a lot of
fun yanking my student's chains. "I suppose I understand Happousai now." I
said, sighing as I studied the stars. An image popped into my head of
Happousai diving into a pile of bras. "Scratch that." I added, sweating.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Well.. all the stuff I said would happen in this update.. will happen next update.
Since this chapter is getting long.. again.. I'm cutting it off. I'm not going to
call the next part 2-C, because that way lies madness, so the next chapter is 3..
damn.. I need to redo all the numbers in my notes.
Thanks to all the people who have miscellaneous comments and suggestions.
Your comments are all appreciated. More random comments, C&C, they're
always welcome. How fast chapter three, or a teaser, comes out depends a lot
on my classes. I figure I might be able to speed up, though, as the story seems
to write itself sometimes. Not bad for the first fanfic, eh?
Oh, and wild guesses are always welcome if you feel like predicting Ranma's
actions. I always try to respond promptly - I'm on the computer most of the
day, so I generally respond fast and often.
it's on Nighthawk's page
www.geocities.com/NighthawkTM/index.html
and Crossover Corner
www.geocities.com/animecrossovers
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
DISCLAIMER - I do not own the rights to Slayers nor do I own the rights
to Ranma «. Long live the rightful owners of these two fine anime. This work
is non-commercial and is done only in imitation of Rumiko Takahashi and
Hajime Kanzaka. Imitation is the sincerest flattery, no? US rights owned by
Viz and Software Sculptors.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Author's note - This story originated from an idea on Nighthawk's page and is
some guy named NesTea's fault. So there. C&C, MSTs, random comments,
letters of praise, hate mail, and accidental clicks on the reply-send button all
welcome. If asked when the next chapter will be out, I will bob and weave, lie,
stall , and bend more truths than a drunken Senator. So there.
ALTAVERSE WARNING - This is an ALTAVERSE. Events, characters and
the like may not resemble canon. People who are rabid canon-thumpers
beware!
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
I was adrift on the Astral Plane.
You must understand, we mazoku are more creatures of thought and power,
nightmare made form, than the sort of solid, walking embodiments of evil most
think we are. It's why solid food does not feed a mazoku, but the greed, petty
anger and cruelty of a pitiful excuse of a 'father' could nourish a young
mazoku. It's for the best that I was born what I am, and not what they think I
am.
I was on a fishing expedition, you see, a search which had occupied my wasted
nighttime hours, which otherwise would have been wasted pretending to sleep.
In a way, I no longer needed sleep because I was asleep when I was walking
abroad, interacting with the world. To me, the real world is the dream, to be
altered at my whim. The dreams and nightmares are the stuff of my reality. I
could see and feel the dreams of the other residents of the Tendo house, but I
had bigger fish to fry tonight: no more poking around Nabiki's dreams to lead
her around by the nose. I needed some serious hardware, and that meant
poking around the Nekohanten. Dealing with Happy's perversions could
probably drive a mazoku insane.
I had a very specific purpose in mind. I knew from the start that this was one
of the Four Pillars L-sama had constructed, the pillar of the Dark Lord known
as Death Fog. Just as in the Overworld and Shabranigdo's pillar, there would
be items of vast magical power left behind by the Dark Lord in question, items
that, with the ridiculously low number of serious magic users on this planet.
Most of the heavy duty magic users seemed to be in Juuban and near Jusenkyo,
but none would be a match for even the minor mazoku I currently was.
Meaning that if I had no competition for such objects of power, and I could
drain them to further my own strength. Such items had been picked over and
already drained by the five Mazoku Lords of my family homeworld, but here I
could gain a significant advantage if I could hoard such sources of power. Of
course, I already had my master plan in place, but there's no such thing as too
much power. And if I was reading events right, Gaav would be dead soon.
That would create a hole in the ranks of the mazoku like never before. There's
be an open spot in the highest levels, and Seigraam, Gaav's flunky, would
probably be dead too. While Pops might be first in line for the position, it
wasn't like I wasn't going to pass up this golden opportunity.
So that's why I was off poking around in Cologne's mind. Which is a hell of a
lot more dangerous than poking around in Nabiki's mind. For one thing, the
old ghoul was on the alert for mental tampering, and for another she knew all
sorts of nasty stuff... childhood rhymes and warm memories of children and
grandchildren, for instance. At least it wasn't as bad as Kasumi's mind,
though... I began to prod at her memories, inserting fleeting, random images of
raw magical power and seeing what kind of response that got.
The very first thing I got, an instant after I began, was the image of a guy with
gold hair and wings, looking like some cross between human and an eagle, but
in the eye of Cologne's mind tinged with evil. It was also the first time I've
ever consciously tasted fear from the old mummy. The image was hazy and
indistinct, though, as if she had never actually seen it. Maybe it's the
Joketsuzoku bogeyman or something. All sorts of things on him carried a name
and a legend in Cologne's thoughts, but it was a set of gems he wore that
seemed to carry a current of pride when Cologne thought of them. Hmm.. so
the amazons stole.. Demon's Blood! I involuntarily flared my power in my
excitement, and Cologne instantly went aware in her mind, the image of
Saffron vanishing into the fog of her mind. In his place stood a mature woman,
perhaps 40, with black hair just starting to go grey, very strong and exuding
martial skill - not the ancient hag I know now, nor the young girl I saw when
we used the Nanban Mirror. So this, then, is what Cologne's self image is.
Fascinating.
"Show yourself!" she yelled, clutching the talismans. She looked back and
forth, trying to find the intruder in her mind. She held the talismans. "I don't
know who you are," she whispered viciously, "but you will never get these
talismans! They are a treasure of the Joketsuzoku, and you will suffer our
wrath!" She was still glancing, for I had not yet emerged from the mists. I
laughed, a deep booming effect that reverberated and seemed to come from
everywhere.
I oozed out of the mists, taking my inhuman monster form. No sense having
her tie this to me. "Amazon." I snarled, dropping the cheesy echo effect and
using as guttural a voice as I could manage. "What makes you think you can
dare best me in the battlefield of the dream!" I laughed again, sans echo.
Cologne smiled, the knowing smile I've come to know. "I have many
techniques to use against you, demon! Behold the secret unknown even to the
greatest of the Indian mystics, the Iron Soul Spear!" She formed a spear by
pure willpower and fury, directing the mighty blast against me in an attempt to
eject me from her mind. Of course, she was doomed to failure. Cologne might
have more experience fighting here, where the normal rules of combat went
out the window and will alone determined the victor, but I was born to this. I
absorbed the spear, accepting the anger and hate she had used to make it, and
grew larger, losing my form and turning into a great black mist.
"Hah! You cannot resist me, little Amazon. I will take your talismans..." I said,
enveloping her and firing nightmares - actually just Happousai's stray thoughts
rerouted into her head, but that was probably worse, anyhow - as she screamed
and hacked into me with a sword she had pulled out of nowhere. Just before
she went back under she realized what she faced.
"MAZOKU!!!!"
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
The next day, I was jarred awake by Akane. It was still dark out.
"What's the big idea?" I said sleepily. "Not even oyaji is up yet." She kicked
awake the panda in question. I stretched and made like I was going back to
sleep to keep up the ruse.
"Cologne wants to see us right away. Says it's important. Or at least, that's
what Mousse is telling us. She and Shampoo are still at the Nekohanten." she
said, " They say some horrible monster is trying to steal their treasure and want
us there right away."
"Jeez, OK, you'd think it could wait. I mean, monsters gotta rest too, don't ya
think?" Ranma said, smiling internally 'Well, I hate a fight in the middle of the
night, anyhow...'
"Ranma, this isn't a joking matter! Now get moving!" Akane yelled, chasing
me out the door with a bucketful of water.
It is a few minutes later that I find myself in the Nekohanten, watching a very
distraught Cologne. She looked like she hadn't gotten enough sleep last night,
heh heh. It was a struggle to keep a grin off my face as she yawned her way
through the explanation. "Ahh.." she said, drinking some tea. "I need to warn
you all of a very powerful demon among us. Somewhere in Tokyo is a being of
almost unrivaled magical strength. He is searching for items of magical power.
I felt I should warn all of you with Jusenkyo curses that he might come after
the power of the magic in your curses." Actually, I hadn't thought of that, but
it was a good idea. Well, maybe not. Nevermind. My own experience had
shown that Jusenkyo's magic was beyond my control. I'd probably end up
absorbing the other curses if I went that route.. 'Sorry, sir, you have curse of
female winged pig-cat riding panda fighting yeti riding bull carrying eel and
crane!' Yech. I tuned out the disgusting mental image (though I filed it away to
stick in Happousai's dream if he ever fantasized about my girl side in one of his
ecchi dreams again) and tuned back into Cologne's speech. " -thrive off
negative feeling and emotions such as depression, anger, and jealousy. I think
for the moment we all know what this means. Akane, Shampoo, Mousse,
Ukyou.. you four really need to calm down until the danger passes. We need to
deny the mazoku such a potent source of nourishment." Damn! Well, at least I
had Ryouga.. "Tell Ryouga if you see him, though he is probably safe." OK, so
I still have Happi to piss off most of the female population of Nerima. No
problem. "But, I believe the demon has something specific in mind."
"What is, Great-Grandmother?"
"These." she said, opening a box and revealing four reddish stones set in silver.
To me they seemed to be blinding in their power, and yet I had been unable to
detect them when they were in the box. "These are the legendary Demon's
Blood talismans, taken from Saffron the Phoenix God in a great battle a
thousand years ago. They are said to contain the power of the four lords of the
Mazoku. This box itself was constructed to hide the power of the talismans
eight hundred and twenty-three years ago."
"She saw it being built, that's how she knows," Genma whispered, earning a
bop on the head form Cologne.
"None knows how to use them save the Phoenix God. But in his hands, they
were a tool of unparalleled terror, amplifying his already incredible power to
levels unthinkable by any but the gods Saffron claimed he was one of. That is
why a thousand Amazons attacked him, seeking to take these stones away
before he destroyed us all. He nearly did anyhow: only two survived." Cologne
paused to smile. "One of them was my own ancestors, Toothpaste." I ignored
the irrelevant history lesson: if she didn't know how to use the talismans, I
could drain them to the tiniest fraction of their power without her noticing. "In
any case, if they were bad in the hands of the Phoenix God, they would be a
catastrophe in the hands of such a demon as a mazoku." Akane picked up a
talisman and inspected it, seeing the Chinese inscribed on it.
"What does this say?" she said, pointing at the inscribed writing.
"Ah. Those are the names of the four Dark Lords the stones represent." I
welcomed her question, as it had everyone passing around the talismans. I
made a show out of inspecting each one , draining it carefully, so as not to
raise suspicion. I would need to do this carefully, and provide the 'mazoku' she
expected so she could forget all about these stones. I smiled as I felt the
familiar energies of Shabranigdo from the second talisman. "As I recall
correctly, the legends record them as Death Fog, Chaotic Blue, Dark Star, and
Shabranigdo."
"So there are four of these demons in the world?" I said, feigning ignorance as
I drained the fourth talisman. The energies were familiar, and earned an internal
scowl Apparently the reason I couldn't destroy the Jusenkyo curse was
because Death Fog's magic had created the place.
Cologne shook her head. "No. Only one is said to exist in each world, and the
four worlds they reside in are connected. In this world, the forces of the
demons and the gods destroyed each other, and they were sealed away in many
pieces across the world." I smiled, my power had grown fivefold and all I
needed to do was act normal. "Yes, Ranma, that means that the one we fight
cannot be powerful by their standards. Nor is he even from this world." She
got up and hopped over to the counter for a second. "Sixteen years ago, there
was another mazoku, who came across the village. He was looking for
Jusendo, the spring that feeds Jusenkyo. None of the three tribes that lives in
the valley, the Musk, we Amazons, or the Phoenix Mountain people, wished to
see him accomplish whatever mission he had with the spring. Despite our
combined best efforts we were unable to destroy him."
"Then how are we supposed to fight such a creature?" Genma roared, fearful.
"Hopefully, we don't," Cologne said. She put the talismans back in her box.
"But.. if worse comes to worst, I need to know that I can depend on you. I
cannot fight off such a demon alone. Ranma, Genma, I would need you two to
keep it away from the talismans until I am able to use a powerful scroll I have.
It should destroy the demon."
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
At lunch later that day, having already been asked to defend possessions
against a crime I had already carried out, Nabiki came up to me. "I need to
speak with you, Saotome." she announced loudly, more to Hiroshi and
Daisuke than to me. I shrugged and followed her. We went back by the Kendo
shed, where people were unlikely to interrupt us.
"OK, Saotome, you still owe me 1500 yen. I'm going to cut you a deal. I'll cut
your debt in half if you answer a few questions. Deal?" I nodded absently.
"Deal. Anyhow, Saotome, I figure you're the person to ask on the
whereabouts of other werewolves in Tokyo, so I'd like to know if you know
the whereabouts of the wolf demon. Has it left the city? It hasn't been seen in
Juuban the past few nights." She waited expectantly with pencil over paper.
"As far as I know, Nabiki, he's still in town. I'd know if he left." Duh.
See nodded and wrote that down. "All right then. What was Cologne all upset
about this morning? Just for confirmation, Saotome."
"Oh, she was worried about some demon stealing a tribal treasure or
something." I said, as uninterestedly as I could. "You know how that goes."
"We seem to be hip deep in demons lately." Nabiki grumbled as checked off
something on her sheet.
I put my hands behind my head. "Well, it ain't like it's as many as Juuban has
on a weekly basis, ya gotta admit. And ya know Nerima is weirder than
anywhere else. You'd think we'd have at least as many as Juuban."
"You might have a point, Saotome." She then seemed to flash with anger for a
second. "Hey Saotome?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you know who took these pictures of me?" she said, waving a handful of
photographs under my nose. They showed a nude Nabiki rolling around in
wolfsbane at midnight. I smiled internally. This ought to be fun - and increase
my poser besides.
"Come on, Nabiki, and you accuse me of being stupid. Who's the only person
likely to know you got permission to enter the botanical gardens at night?
Who's the only person around here who'd even care about the botanical
gardens?"
"Kodachi." Nabiki said, with more venom in her voice than I ever heard in
anyone's ever before.. It took all my years of martial arts training not to hug
myself in glee at THAT anger. Damn, I needed to get her pissed more often; it
was even tastier than Akane's.
"She usually gets Gos to do her camera work." Sending grief to one's students
was a prime tenet of the Anything-Goes school. It's something Gos should
have kept in mind.
Heh heh.
Nabiki, of course, merely smiled. Evil smile. A smile so evil Phibrizzo could
only manage it if you fed him sourballs for an hour. Her eyebrow was
twitching. "Saotome.. thank you for your input. I'll see that those two are
properly thanked..."
"Oh, don't mention anything about me telling you this, OK?"
"It's completely fine, Saotome, I want all this payback to myself."
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Another day, another threatening note from Ryouga. "I will have my revenge,
Saotome. The usual place, three days from now." Ryouga had postmarked it in
Sapporo, but it was obviously from Hong Kong, the maroon. I smiled.
"Well, our resident berserker is back on the prowl. I wonder if he perfected his
new Shishi Hokodan attack yet." He really should rename that move the
mazoku munchie. It put all his considerable power in one convenient and easy
to absorb package. Come to think of it, it's too bad there's no way of getting
him here quickly. Maybe there's some kinda spell Phibrizzo knows that can
draw him like a magnet or something, so I can have some eats whenever I want
them. Delivered, even.
Now that I think about it, I really should be going. I grab my pack and start
stuffing the usual stuff into it, using what I've picked up of hidden weapons to
hide some magic books and such in with the normal gear. Ryouga was giving
me the perfect excuse to hang out in the Kataart Mountains for a few days on
his little "training trip"
"Yo! Oyaji! I'm going on a little training trip for my fight with Ryouga!" I
hollered as I ran out the door. I quickly hung a left past the Yamani's house
into an alley and opened the gateway Hellmaster had created for me. Faster
than I could think about it I was in safe territory once again.
The Kataart mountains are where Hellmaster has been spending most of his
time lately. Surprisingly, though, when I visited his house, he wasn't there. My
father was, however. "Pop?" I asked, as he was kind of out of it. In fact his
arm had been torn away, revealing inky, swirling blackness. "Hey, what
happened to you?"
He smiled, which told me it couldn't be that bad. "Ah. Just the result of a little
disagreement from Gaav."
"Gaav?" I goggled. "I thought you were smarter than that, picking on someone
so much more powerful than yourself. What were you thinking?" I exclaimed
angrily.
"You sound like Amelia." Pop said, sneering. I gave a hurt look.
"Where's Phibrizzo?" I said, poking at the junk left behind in the old house.
There wasn't much. Phibrizzo had spent centuries wandering the great desert
before taking up residence in this tiny town in the Kataart range.
"Sairaag. It seems he's finally shown his true colors. We were right. He's
planning on getting Lina to cast a Giga Slave.. he's going to try to destroy the
world." he grumbled. "Mother saw that coming years ago. I'd guess we have a
week or two before Lina arrives to confront him. Is our safe house in your
world still fine?"
The safe house has always been an item of preoccupation with Granny and
Pop. The whole reason she sent Xellos to my world in the first place was to
have a hideyhole once she realized Hellmaster was going off the deep end.
"Sure, it's still ready to go. I've been checking in on it in Juuban. There are
some minor league do-gooders who might be a pest, but they aren't anything I
couldn't handle, never mind you guys." That brought a smile to his face.
"Hellmaster keyed that portal so only you can open it. Now, Zelas is strong
enough to open one herself, but-"
"Ahh, we can't let an old lady like her make such an effort. I'll bring you two
over myself. Let Hellmaster do the work." I said, chuckling.
"Old lady, am I?" Zelas's voice sounded out of the air, instantly ending my
chuckles. She materialized, wine glass swishing in her hand, and not very
happy looking.
"Ah.. you se. well.. you are what, 5000?" I said, stammering, as Pop disguised
a laugh by pretending to cough. Grandmother's frown just deepened. "Ah.."
More frowning. Stupid mouth, think! A black mallet materialized and
hammered me into the floor. "Uggh... 5000.. ite! going on 25.. yeah!" I
croaked, the hammer dispelling at the end along with Zelas's frown.
"Yes, I do hold my age well, don't I?" she said, laughing. Pop laughed too,
politely. It wasn't that funny a joke. Mazoku don't age. That didn't stop
Granny from obsessing over her looks, though. "So, Ranma, despite your utter
lack of the manners befitting a demon lord, I will accept your offer to transport
me to our safe house." She snapped her hands, healing me.
"Whew!" I said, patting my now-healed body. "OK. I'll bring you guys over
and then come back. I plan on doing a little martial arts training over here. So..
hey, what should I look for if the world ends?" I asked. Maybe Lina would get
there early, who knows.
"The sky turning black, the sun turning red, that sort of thing." Zelas said
dismissively. "Everything dying a horrible death. Yare, yare, yare." So that's
where we get it from. "If you see that sort of thing happening, jump out.
Hellmaster is strong enough that he'll be one of the last things around, so you
should be fine. From all reports though, it'll be at least a week, so unless
you're staying longer.." I shook my head. ".. you'll be fine then. In that case,
let's get going! It's been a thousand years since I saw anyplace new." I nodded
and opened up the gate.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
An hor later I was back in the mountains, practicing on a hillside. I really wish I
could figure out that little spell Zelas had used to make cash. It would come in
handy with Nabiki. Of course, if granny kept buying every bit of tobacco and
alcohol in Tokyo like she was, the tax men were going to get suspicious. Of
course, she'd just be recreating her private stocks from this world. " I wonder
why she didn't just transfer over all her stuff from here?" I mused aloud, then
realized that if she transferred all that junk and Hellmaster's plans went bust,
she'd just make Pop and I bring it all back. "I can't believe she's just going to
ditch her friends though. Dolphin is going to be pissed if Hellmaster dies and
she finds out Granny rabbited." Though it wasn't too hard to see his
grandmother's master plan. By having the excuse of Ranma so as to have
Hellmaster open a gate, Zelas could set up a base in another world, and by
ditching everyone else from this world...
..we'd rule the Earth. No one would be able to match Zelas's power; heck,
they wouldn't even be able to match Xellos. Even I, at this low level of power,
was one of the most powerful single beings around. I wasn't the most
powerful, but very few things were as strong as even a young mazoku, and I
had been put in Nerima, possibly the richest, densest source of dark emotions
possible, with all those crazed martial artists. And I had just drained Cologne's
Demon's Blood Talismans. There would be no possible force to oppose us if
we wanted to take over the world. Of course, Granny wouldn't bother taking
over the world, that would just be a major headache, but there would be no
question about who the real power was. There was something I could feel, as if
in the back of my mind, that told me I was missing something. I reached back
to scratch my head, only to catch hold of a hand. Oops. I turned around to
see..
"SHAMPOO!" I yelled, jumping in fright as the absolute last person I expected
to see here was in front of me. Except there were two of them. They were
giving me weird looks.
"Like, are you a mazoku?" one Shampoo said.
"Of course. He's like, floating in midair without magic." Oops.
"Well, maybe he just has a really weird spell for levitating." the other Shampoo
said, tilting her head.
"Totally. Like, who calls a spell 'Shampoo'?" the second Shampoo retorted.
"Well, it doesn't matter what you call it, does it?" I said. I stepped lightly back
onto the ledge I had just jumped off of in surprise. I gave the Shampoos a
look-over. Both seemed to be martial artists, though weapon users. Of course,
they just ignored me and continued their argument.
"I still think he's a mazoku." the second Shampoo insisted.
"There's only one way to find out. We'll have to use the spell." the first
Shampoo agreed. Then they started to fish around in their packs.
"Uh, girls?" I said, wondering what the hell was going on. The two quickly ran
behind a boulder and re-emerged wearing what looked like Happousai's
interpretation of a fuku.
"Right!" they chorused, and pulled out microphones. At which point I
summoned two small spheres of dark energy and blasted them unconscious.
"Sorry about that, but I had to nip that in the bud." I dragged their
unconscious forms over to where I had left my pack and made camp, taking
out the questionable cuisine Akane had made me and letting it heat near the
fire. I'd wait for them to wake up and find out what the hell they wanted from
me. The two woke up faster than I figured they would. "Ah, I see you've
finally woken up."
"So who are you?" Shampoo one.. I think.. said. "What are you?"
I laughed. "Ah, you don't need to worry about me or nothing. I'm Ranma, a
wandering martial artist." I gave an enigmatic grin and pretended to eat some
food, again using the Gourmet de Fois Gras to fire it off the mountainside
without them noticing. "You two wouldn't be hungry, would you? Help
yourselves." Like martial artists on any world, the two were ravenously
hungry, and ate Akane's teriyaki...
..with entirely predictable results. "ARRGH! What is in this crap!" one
Shampoo yelled, rolling around on the ground. Her twin crawled weakly to the
cliff and threw up. Both turned gray, then a sort of sickly green, and crawled
towards their packs and their water. "Water, water.." they mumbled, reaching
for a canteen. I hid my smile behind my own canteen.
It took a while, but the two finally recovered and turned to me. "Ugh.. *hack*
*cough*... Anyhow, I'm Mimi and this is my sister Nene, and we're, like,
famous martial artists and idol singers, and, like, how can you eat that stuff and
not get sick?"
"Yeah, totally." Nene chimed in.
I made a big show of cocking my head and adopting a sensei-type voice. "Ah!
You see, months ago, I learned a powerful technique that would allow me to
finish entire plates of food, no matter how bad, with blinding speed. It is one of
the most devastating techniques of the School of Martial Arts Dining-"
"Martial Arts DINING?" they exclaimed in disbelief.
"Yes. As I was saying, the school likened eating to combat, and designed this
devastating technique to deal with even the most disgusting and horrible foods.
If one can master it, they need never fear bad food again." I smiled. I had seen
the look on these two's faces before, it was the look of a martial artist willing
to go to any length to learn a technique. "It is called le Gourmet de Fois Gras."
I then demonstrated by making the rest of my 'dinner' vanish, chucked into the
lengthening shadows.
"Wow! He can really eat that poison!" Nene said.
"I told you he was a mazoku!" Mimi said. "Nothing human can eat that much
of that and live."
"Oh, but on the contrary - the Gourmet de Fois Gras can be learned by any
martial artist who is skilled enough." I said, having moved in between them
without them noticing.
"AAAH!" they yelled, and promptly smashed me with their tin plates. "Sorry!"
they said, apologizing. "As interesting as that technique sounds," Mimi
continued, "I don't know if we have the time to learn it. We were going to
head to Atlass City to perform in two weeks."
"Oh, that'll be no problem." Yeah, the world will likely be destroyed before
then. "I'll teach it to you if you two don't mind helping me with my own
practice. I wouldn't mind some sparring partners." In the meantime, I could
watch two people willingly subject themselves to Akane's cooking. I felt a
smile coming on.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
It was two days later when Nene finally figured out the real Gourmet de Fois
Gras. I had fed them nearly all of Akane's meals that had gone with me, and I
was halfway amazed the two were still alive. I figured a steady diet of Akane's
cooking could kill anything, and in fact Dr. Tofu used Akane's cookies to kill
rats. Anyhow, Nene had begun to slip chunks of her food into Mimi's, and on
this last plate she had unloaded a quarter into her sister's plate, half into the
fire, and chucked the rest into the woods. I figured that was enough. I stood up
to Nene and congratulated her.
"Wonderful! You've mastered the Gourmet de Fois Gras!" I said, smiling
broadly.
"Huh?" they both said. Quite annoying, that.
"Oh? You didn't realize? The secret of the Gourmet de Fois Gras is to secretly
throw the food on your plate so quickly that the casual observer doesn't
notice! It doesn't actually involve eating the food at all." I put my fist over my
heart and lowered my eyes, appearing very solemn. "It is the greatest technique
of Martial Arts Dining." The twins looked at each other, then slammed their
plates on the ground.
"You mean we really didn't have to eat all of that?" Mimi demanded.
"No! Of course not." I said.
"Then why didn't you TELL US?" Nene growled.
I put my hand behind my head and laughed. "Um.. you never asked me!" I
answered, still laughing. The two grabbed the logs we had been sitting on and
started smashing me with them.
"JERK!"
"BASTARD!"
"Hey.. OW! Stop that!"
"TAKE THIS.. AND THIS.."
"HOW COULD YOU.. you..you Inverse!"
"Hey, that's was uncall-OW!"
Eventually, the pummeling subsided and the two sisters walked off. I staggered
to my feet and smiled. "That was fun." Maybe I'll open a dojo after becoming
one of the High Lords of the Mazoku. I suppose I could never give up learning
and teaching the martial arts. It was just too much to ask for... besides, if all
the martial artists aspired to learn at my feet - and who wouldn't? - I'd have
another base of power that the others didn't have. And I could have a lot of
fun yanking my student's chains. "I suppose I understand Happousai now." I
said, sighing as I studied the stars. An image popped into my head of
Happousai diving into a pile of bras. "Scratch that." I added, sweating.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Well.. all the stuff I said would happen in this update.. will happen next update.
Since this chapter is getting long.. again.. I'm cutting it off. I'm not going to
call the next part 2-C, because that way lies madness, so the next chapter is 3..
damn.. I need to redo all the numbers in my notes.
Thanks to all the people who have miscellaneous comments and suggestions.
Your comments are all appreciated. More random comments, C&C, they're
always welcome. How fast chapter three, or a teaser, comes out depends a lot
on my classes. I figure I might be able to speed up, though, as the story seems
to write itself sometimes. Not bad for the first fanfic, eh?
Oh, and wild guesses are always welcome if you feel like predicting Ranma's
actions. I always try to respond promptly - I'm on the computer most of the
day, so I generally respond fast and often.
it's on Nighthawk's page
www.geocities.com/NighthawkTM/index.html
and Crossover Corner
www.geocities.com/animecrossovers