Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews and follows. I really appreciate it.
While Olivia still tried to fight back the nausea, the nurse closed and labelled the paper bags. The doctor started preparing the next part of the exam and laid out several swaps.
Olivia took a deep breath, straightened her spine, and turned around.
"I'm ready", she looked at the doctor to emphasize her willingness to continue.
The doctor nodded and gestured to the exam table once more for Olivia to sit.
She rolled the stool closer, so she was right in front of her patient.
"Olivia, during the next part of the exam, we will be taking several swaps. We will also comb out your hair and take the evidence from under your fingernails."
Olivia frowned again, "I didn't scratch him", she said almost apologetically. She shook her head as if she was annoyed with herself. "I should have scratched him", she mumbled more to herself than the two other women in the room.
The doctor knew that victims frequently blamed themselves for not fighting their attacker harder. It was one of the more difficult healing steps.
"You said he didn't use a condom", the doctor reminded her.
"Yes, that's right".
"Olivia", she waited until Olivia looked at her. "We'll have all the evidence we need", she reassured her.
Olivia nodded. The expression of utter sorrow returned to her face and tears started to form in her eyes. "Right." She quickly blinked them way.
The doctor rolled a small tray in between her and Olivia.
"Please place your hands on the tray", she instructed.
Olivia could feel the cool of the metal tray through the thin paper on top when she placed her hands on it.
Then the doctor proceeded to scrape the evidence from under her patient's fingernails, one by one. When she was done, she asked Olivia to raise her hands and folded the paper to also place it in an evidence bag. She removed the tray and stood up. Olivia looked up at her.
"I'm going to comb out your hair", she gestured to the nurse, "nurse Emily will hold a piece of paper behind you to catch any evidence from your head."
Olivia only nodded.
"Can you lean back your head a little?"
Olivia did as she was told. Carefully the doctor combed through Olivia's hair.
When she was done, the nurse folded the paper and place it in another evidence bag. She took a seat in front of Olivia again and searched her eyes.
"How are you holding up?", she asked earnestly.
"I've been better", the captain responded – a usual understatement.
Olivia took a deep breath. Although she knew the steps of a rape kit inside and out, she still asked: "What comes next?"
The doctor briefly paused but then explained: "We are going to take swaps, from your mouth, your vagina and anus."
Olivia shook her head, "Ahm, he didn't….." she left the sentence hanging unfinished in the air.
But the doctor could still guess what she was referring to. "You said there was no anal penetration."
"Ah….no."
"Ok. Do you want to skip the anal swap?" Since any step of the exam was absolutely voluntary, it was up to the victim to skip any part of it at any time.
Olivia thought about it for a moment. Then started nodding, "Yes."
"Ok." The doctor reached for the pad and made a note of that.
She then reached for the first swap.
"Are you ready to continue?", she asked.
"Yes."
"We'll start with the oral swap."
Olivia opened her mouth, and the doctor swapped the inside of both cheeks for DNA evidence of the attacker.
While she closed and labelled the container she asked: "Would you like a glass of water?"
Olivia nodded again, "Yes, please."
The nurse handed her a plastic cup with cold water and Olivia carefully took a few sips, not trusting her stomach yet. But the cool liquid felt good, and it was only then that she realized how dry her mouth felt. When the cup was empty, she handed it back to the nurse.
The doctor watched her carefully, knowing that the most difficult part of the exam was still ahead of them.
She carefully continued, "Olivia, when you're ready, I'm going to need you to lay back on the table."
Olivia took another deep breath and looked behind her. The table was flat and suddenly, the thought of having to lay flat on her back stirred a sense of panic in her stomach.
"Ah…." She started looking around as if she was searching for something.
"Olivia?", the doctor noticed the change in her demeanor, "what is it?"
"I…..ah….I can't", Olivia started to mumble. She started drumming against her chest to address the falling feeling that started to expand there.
This was always the hardest part to get through, with any survivor. But years of experience in the area had taught the doctor a few tricks to make it easier.
"Ok", she first of all needed to prevent a full-blown panic attack in her patient. "Olivia, would it help if we raised the header, put you more into a sitting position?" She searched Olivia's face to establish eye-contact and bring her back to the present. Slowly the words of the physician registered and Olivia responded, "Yes….yes that would be good. Thank you."
"No problem", the doctor move to the exam table and raised the head to a 45% angle. Olivia gave it another look, then slowly moved into a sitting position, leaning against the backrest. Her legs were hanging off the end of the table and she instinctively clasped them together. She raised her head slightly to look at the ceiling. There was a moment when she wasn't sure if she could go through with the rest of the exam. The feeling of exposure was almost too much to handle. She was painfully aware of her missing underwear and the thought of having to go through a pelvic exam right now made her wish she could just disappear – again.
In the meantime, the doctor had moved to the end of the table and pulled out the stir-ups. She took another look at the women in front of her. Her whole body was tense. She stared up at the ceiling, her hands grabbing the sides of the table so intensely that her knuckles were white. She didn't need to ask; she knew they needed to take another break.
"Olivia, we are going to pause for moment."
Olivia signed with instant relief. Her body relaxed a little and she closed her eyes for a moment.
"I'm sorry", she said and suddenly she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She placed her hands on her face to hide them, now freely streaming down her face. "I've done this so many times. You would think I'd get through it easier."
The doctor stepped up next to the exam table and handed Olivia a paper towel to wipe away her tears. "There is nothing to be sorry for. You know this is the most difficult part of the exam. You have supported survivors through this countless times. But you're in a completely different position today. We'll go as slow as necessary. There is no rush." Her face was earnest, and she took the chance of placing a hand on Olivia's forearm.
Olivia nodded, wiping away the tears.
"Is there someone we can call for you? Someone to support you?"
She shook her head, "No".
"What about Detective Rollins? She is right outside."
"No", Olivia's response came quickly. "I can do this on my own."
Even though Doctor Walters didn't think that was a good idea, she wanted to respect the wishes of her patient.
Olivia took another deep breath then said: "Please, continue."
Doctor and nurse exchanged a look. In some way the doctor admired Olivia's strength. Not a lot of women went through a rape exam alone. But she was also afraid it might traumatize her patient even more.
She returned to the end of the table and explained: "I'm going to raise your legs now."
Olivia's gaze went back to the ceiling, but she nodded. When the doctor had placed her feed in the stir-ups she carefully opened her knees a little wider.
"I'm going to comb out your pubic hair first." She placed another piece of paper at the end of the exam table to collect any evidence. When she was done, she folded it and handed it over to the nurse.
Next, she picked up a cotton swap and explained: "I'm going to swap the skin inside your thighs for any fluids now."
Olivia nodded again.
They were almost finished but the hardest part was yet to come.
The doctor reached for another swap. "Olivia, I'm going to take the outer vaginal swap now", she paused for a moment and looked up at her, "do you consent?"
"Yes", the response came right away but the doctor did notice how Olivia grabbed the sides of the table again. She exchanged a look with her nurse who stepped up to Olivia's side. When their eyes met, the nurse held out her hand for Olivia to grab. The older woman took a brief look at it, then release her grip on the table and thankfully held on to the nurse. When she felt the swap touch her skin, she sucked in the air and squeezed the nurse's hand even tighter.
"Ok", the doctor continued after a moment. "We are almost done. For this next part I'm going to have to insert the speculum." She reached for the item on the tray next to her.
"Olivia, do you consent?"
Olivia closed her eyes and whispered: "Yes".
When she felt the doctor insert the speculum, the memories of Wheatley forcing himself into her came rushing back. She gasped and felt another tear escape her eye.
"We're almost done", the doctor reassured her. "Just a few more seconds". She took the last swap and then release the speculum. "Ok, that's it."
Olivia took a deep breath and squeezed the hand of the nurse one more time. She looked at her "Thank you."
"Any time", the nurse smiled at her.
The doctor released Olivia's feet from the stir-ups. Still a little lightheaded Olivia slowly pushed herself back into a an upright position.
"Olivia", the doctor still wanted to update her on her physical condition. "There is some internal bruising and swelling, but no serious injuries. This is to be expected given the circumstances. You will most likely be in some pain for the next couple of days. Urinating could also be painful. We are going to give you a broad spec antibiotics against STDs and HIV prophylaxis. The antibiotics should prevent further infection but if the pain gets worse or you're developing a fever you must come back in, ok?"
Olivia nodded, "Yes, I understand. Thank you, doctor." She managed to give the physician a hesitant smile.
While the nurse and doctor finished labelling the last swaps Olivia asked: "Can I take a shower?"
"Yes, of course, the bathroom is through that door", the doctor pointed out a door to her right. Olivia carefully lifted herself off the table. Then turned to the nurse again, "Could you please ask Detective Rollins to get me a change of clothes?"
"Of course", with that the nurse left the room and Olivia headed into the bathroom.