The Cold-Infested Killer
He stepped out of his car and into the shadows, his swift, gracefull, catlike movements blending into the darkness, hardly detectable. When he stood still he vanished almost completely. If someone had stood a mere 10 yards away and stared intently at the area for a few moments they would seen nothing. As he moved once more there were a few slight signs of life, the soft rustle of his clothing, the cold glint of light reflected off the circular frames of his glasses, the soft tap of his shoes on the asphault. He traveled up one backstreet and down another, finally sighting the place he was lookng for. A slight wind rustled the leaves of a small tree in the yard of a house, but besides that noise all was still.
"Uuuhh..." Oh no... "aahhhhhh... AH-CHOOO!" Goddamn virus! He pulled another tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose. That must've been loud enough to wake the entire cul-de-sac! I should've known better than to try and sneak around a residential area with this cold! He heard a creaking sound near the house, and watched the front door swung open. Damn, it would be so much better if I killed him indoors, the cops'll be on me much quicker this way. Good thing my car is parked nearby... he glanced back to make sure it was there. A man came out of the house ahead and glanced in his direction, but only for a moment. Then he walked down to his driveway, and lit a cigarette.
"He just had to be a smoker, didn't he?" Long mumbled. "Great, not only will the smoke revive all of my nicotine cravings, but it will also further irritate my sneezing as well." He started walking over the grassy lawn towards the other man, coming up from behind him. It will be a pleasure to kill you, he thought, already becoming irritated by the smell of the smoke. He glared angrilly at the man's back, watching the thin vapors of smoke rise over the back of his head and into the cool night air. Finally he got to the pavement of the driveway, the soft tapping of his footsteps alerting the other to his presence. When he was a few scant yards away the other turned to look behind him. The assassin smiled and walked right up to him, staring down into his up-turned face.
"I've come for you."
"You sound like the grim reaper when you say that."
"As far as you're concerned, I am the grim reaper." #318 replied, quickly pulling back and then smashing the end of his right into the man's forehead. He cried out in pain as his head hit the pavement and his skull cracked wide open. Very good, Long complimented himself, but not quite dead just yet. He moved to stomp on the man's head, but to his surpirse his foot hit nothing but the pavement as the man rolled to one side and then back up onto his feet. "That's more than I would have expected from most people." Singh Long admitted.
"You won't take me so easilly." the man grunted.
"Do you know that your skull is split open?" the assassin asked casually. "There's a very large gash right down the center of your head. Surely you must feel the blood running down your neck by now."
"Wha...?" the startled man felt at the back of his head. He pulled his hand off covered with blood and brought it over to his face. "I knew I had a splitting headache." While he was distracted Long took the opportunity to jump up and do a flying kick to his stomach, sending him falling backward and down to the ground. #318 followed after him and stared down at the man as he fluttered in and out of conscious. By now his head laid in a pool of his own blood.
"I can end it more quickly if you like." Singh Long offered, but then he felt another sneeze coming on. "Uuuuh... eehhhhh... AH-CHOOO!!!"
"Oh great..." his victim grumbled. "I've been murdered by the sneezing assassin."
"Hey, I resent that!" he centered his foot over the man's nose, and crushed his head into the pavement one final time. "I'm getting so tired of cleaning blood off my shoes, I've got to find a better way to kill people..." He heard a soft, high-pitched screech and looked across the street at a woman with a horror-stricken look on her face. "Good evening madam. It's a lovely night to be out working, don't you think? Uuuh... ehhhhhh... AH-CHOOO!!!" He pulled a tissue out of his pants and blew his nose while she stared at him in shock. "Well, it's been grand, but I'm afraid I've got to be going now... hopefully we will never meet again." That said he dropped the tissue on the dead body and walked back into the shadows.
The next morning Alica, Bakuryu and Fox all sat waiting in the assassin room once again. Hans had finally replaced his broken mirror with a new one and seemed to be overjoyed to be able to sit around and 'enhance his natural beauty' while waiting for his assignment. He was humming happilly about something this morning while fixing his hair, twirling it gently with his brush. Bakuryu seemed grumpy as usual. He hated that fact that he was getting old, and although all had heard that he had kept his skills it was also common knowledge that his strength and speed were both steadilly deteriorating. He detested this fact, and stubbornly ignored it in favor of insisting that he would perfect his skills and regain his old position someday.
"I wonder where Greg and #318 are?" Alica asked to no one in particular, looking at a clock on the wall and realizing that Van would call them in soon.
"Ooo, you don't think they're off somewhere together, do you?" Fox suggested gleefully.
"Ugh, you are sick! You just like suggesting pairs between every couple of men you can think of, don't you?"
"Not at all deary, or else I would suggest someone pairing with Bakuryu... which would be both disgusting and disastefull."
"As if your current pairings arent." A confused look came over the old assassin's face as he considered whether he ought to be insulted at the last comment or happy that he wasn't being considered for any homosexual pairings. Finally he just brushed the matter aside.
"I heard that Greg's been demoted..." the Master Ninja told them. "to janitorial work." Then he grinned and thought, Just one less competitor to worry about.
"He was a crumby assassin anyway." Hans replied, ignoring everyone else and gazing at himself in the mirror.
"And why are you so happy today, Fox?" Bakuryu asked. "Get back with your ugly little boyfriend in the experimentation lab?"
"It's a possibility..." he hummed. "I really don't know if I want him back. I'm much too beautiful to be seen with the likes of him, don't you think?" The room was silent for a moment after that, since no one had any comment on Fox's looks. The only sound was the ticking of the clock, and the sound of the brush that Hans ran through his golden-yellow locks. Then Alica thought she heard something in the corridors, maybe someone breathing very heavilly. So she waited a few moments, listening carefully, and a little later she heard a slight sniffling noise. Then came a bit of unsteady breathing that sounded almost like hacking, and a loud sneeze.
Yeah, Long's definately on his way here, she thought. As soon as the thought left her mind he walked though the door, blew his nose, and threw the tissue in the trash can. Everyone in the room watched as he walked towards his chair, practically falling down into it. His eyes were a bit bloodshot again, and his nose a bit red, but otherwise he looked much better than he had the day before. He sniffled a bit more and blew his nose again, then threw the tissue at the trash can, but missed. So he got up and dragged the trash can over to his chair so he wouldn't have to get up again. Then he groaned in annoyance at the symptoms and laid back in his chair.
"You look like you're not feeling too well dear." Fox remarked. Long flipped him off, too tired and pissed to do anything more.
"Aw, still got that cold I see." Alica sympathized, he nodded. "Maybe you should ask Van for a day off."
"Maybe." he muttered.
"Hope he's not contagious." Hans said, looking at him as though he was wondering whether it would be a good idea to try and get closer to him or not.
"I'm probably contagious enough to get you sick from here." #318 suggested after realizing Fox was looking at him.
"Hope I don't catch it." Alica added. "I am starting to get a bit of a headache, but that could be caused by so many things, like Fox's whiny voice for instance."
"Guess I shouldn't have hugged you."
"Ah! No fair!" Hans cried. "I'm so jealous!"
"She fixed my door." Long explained. "Did you fix my door?"
"No."
"Didn't you cause me to break the door in the first place?"
"Uh... maybe..."
"Would I ever hug you even if you did fix my door? Let me answer that, hell no!!!"
"Ah, how rude!" Fox sniffled. "You don't have to be so cruel to me! And don't yell, now I'm getting a headache!" he rubbed his forehead and sniffled again, and Long started cracking up.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed so loud it echoed through the room and out into the halls. Alica even giggled a little herself.
"What's so funny!" the transvestite demanded in his high-pitched feminine voice.
"You're catching my cold." he answered. "Serves you right for touching me!" Then he pointed at Fox and started laughing again. "Ahahahahah... ahhh... AH-CHOO!!!" And then the rest of the room burst into laughter over the sneeze that had interrupted Long's laughing. Meanwhile #318 blew his nose again.
"Serves you right- he he- for laughing at me!" was Fox's retort. Long angrilly chucked a used tissue at him. It fluttered through the air towards him for a moment and then landed at the floor by his feet. "Can't you do better than that deary?" Hans taunted. Long growled, crinkled up another used tissue, and put more force into his throw. This time it landed right in the middle of Fox's bared chest, the runny part sticking to his skin. "EEEEEW!!! There's mucus on me!" he whined, brushing the tissue off him. And then room burst into laughter once more.
"He who laughes last- he he- laughs best Hans!" Singh Long shouted, grinning triumphantly.
"Hehehe... good one!" Alica agreed, laughing evilly. Even grouchy old Bakuryu joined in the laughter.
"Ugh! I need to take a shower!" Fox squealed, he grimaced in disgust and ran out of the room.
"That's the last time he'll try and hug me!" #318 declared. "Uhh... ehhh... ahhhh.... AH-CHOOO!!!" Then he groaned in annoyance and blew his nose, throwing the tissues in the trash now that Hans was gone.
"Well, at least you're not feeling so miserable that you can't enjoy making other people miserable." she noted, glad he was comming back to himself.
"Misery loves company." he agreed, smiling at how he'd made fun of Fox. She smiled back at him and then the room went silent for a moment. It could never be completely silent because of #318's constant sniffling, even when he simply tried to breathe there was a wheezing sound. He pulled a new tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose every couple of minutes. It was annoying to everyone, but Long would much rather blow it than have it running down his face. After awhile Greg walked into the room and sat down in his usual spot. Long yawned wearilly, little cirlces starting to form underneath his eyes.
"Where's Fox?" Greg wondered.
"I thought you were demoted." Bakuryu growled.
"Where did you get that idea?" he wondered. The old man just grumbled some more and didn't answer, very angry that his assumption had been wrong.
"You missed everything Greg." Alica said. "Long and Fox had the funniest argument! Finally Long just threw a tissue at him and-"
"Long?" he interrupted. "Who is Long?" Singh Long glared at her, angry for revealing his name.
"Sorry." she apologized.
"That is completely obvoius Greg, you simpleton." the Ninjitsu Master snarled. "So... Long is it? I know what that name means, it means dragon. An appropriate name for a Chinese assassin, don't you think?"
"$#!@ off." #318 grumbled, turning to glare at him.
"Dragon?" Alica asked. "As in the mythical creature?"
"What else could it mean?" Bakuryu demanded.
"Shut up Bakaryu." Long shot back.
"Don't call me baka!" the old assassin fumed. Van appeared in the doorway, giving each of the assassins disaproving looks for being so quarrelsome.
"Where is Fox?" he questioned coldly.
"He had to go take a bath." #318 replied, snickering. Van gave him a strange look that told him that she really didn't want to know what Fox had to wash off of himself. Then he entered the room and switch on the television, checking to make sure it was on the news channel. He walked over to the couch and sat down between Greg and Alica, leaning more towards Alica's side. Alica cringed at his touch and shrank away but he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. Long and Fox curiously observed this odd behavior while Greg and Bakuryu turned towards the television. A female reporter was interviewing some lady who mumbled incoherently for a bit. The screen switched back to the news room for a moment untill the woman had calmed down enough to talk, and then was put back on.
"Now my dear, I know you've had an encounter with the murderer, and I heard he actually talked to you, is that true?"
"Oh, yes." the woman replied shakilly. "He called me madam and said something about what a lovely night it was. And then, he... sneezed... and threw the napkin down on the dead body of the man I saw him kill. Then he said he had to leave..." Long started laughing so hard the entire chair shook. The way people seemed so surprised that a killer could even talk, let alone have a cold struck him as something that was terribly funny. Alica started to laugh, but then Van started snicking evilly, his side vibrating against Alica. She was so sickened by it that she completely lost her sense of humor. She shot a pleading look at Long, begging him to find some way to get Van off of her. But he didn't notice, he was too busy laughing. Then the screen flashed a bit as the scene changed back to the news room.
"This is the first attack of the man who is now being called the cold-infested killer." a man announced. #318 laughed ever harder. Then Fox re-entered the room, having only decided to wash off his chest instead of bathing and changing his entire outfit. "The police have taken the aforementioned tissue as evidence, and it has been examined. However they report that it bears no initials, messages, or insignia of any kind, nothing except the results of his sneezing..."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Singh Long cried, holding his shaking stomach which was beginning to get sore from all the laughter.
"This isn't funny!" Bakuryu yelled. "That means they probably have your fingerprints!" Suddenly the room fell quiet. The news program went on about other angles of the case, failing to mention whether they had his fingerprints or not.
"$#!@..." Alica cursed. "I guess you'd better lay low for awhile Long."
"Damn." Van agreed. "And it was just starting to become amusing, the cold-infested killer! He heh..."
"I doubt they have me in any of their databases." #318 pointed out. "And they'll hardly come looking for me here, so why should I quit?"
"They'll put those fingerprints in their databases." the old assassin argued. "Along with any description that woman gave them. I take it she saw you pretty well?"
"Ah, but the chance of detection only makes the game more enjoyable." the top assassin replied, smiling. "Admittedly though, that was careless of me. Hm... too late for regrets now."
"Hey, look!" Greg cried, pointing at the screen. A sketch of his face had been posted on the screen, not a bad one either. It made his eyes look sunk into his head too deep and his eyebrows weren't at quite the right angle. His lips were a bit thin, and they had brought out his high cheek bones even more than they should have, making him look almost emaciated. They had also drawn his glasses wrong, putting them up high on his nose while he usually wore them around the middle of it. Even with it's many imperfections the sketch it still looked enough like him that most people could recognize him from it. The news reporter gave a description along with it, stating that he was a tall man with dark hair, a medium-sized, muscular build, and sharp Asian features.
"Now that you might want to worry about." Alica advised.
"I think it needs a little work." Hans critiqued. "He's really much better looking..."
"Hm..." Long considered it for a moment and then shook his head. "They could never find me anyway, so why not make a little name for myself? The whole publicity thing could be very funny... Although, they may have to find a different name for me once I get over this cold." Van smiled, glad to hear that his top assassin would still be in business. Vark entered the room momentarilly and bowed to him, asking him if he wanted anything. Van shook his head to decline. "You can get me a nice hot cup of tea." #318 ordered. "Same way you made it last time will be fine." She looked at him strangely for a moment, unused to taking his orders. She looked to Van for approval and when he nodded she obediently left to go get the drink. Alica twitched uncomfortably in Van's grasp. Please, somebody get this creep off of me! she thought. This time Singh Long noticed her plight.
"So, Van... what wonderful stroke of luck has influenced you to decide to grace us with your glorious presence on this fine morning?" he requested. He sure knows how to suck up, Alica thought. Tylon's leader absorbed every detail of the flattery, and returned a gracious smile.
"None other than your -rather entertaining- completion of your duties my friend." he returned in his typical cool and casual manner. If I have to listen to any more of this eloquent flattery I'm going to go insane, she thought. She ignored them as they launched another round of formal compliments and glanced about the room for a moment. Unfortunately she noticed that Hans was eagerly observing every compliment that they paid each other. I have to admit that it does sound a little bit like they're flirting... but this is all just business talk... right? Would Long tell me if Van ever came on to him? Probably not... She involuntarilly turned to look at Van and shruddered in horror. Van's not that type of person, She told herself. He's not at all interested in Long, not for that reason. This is only about killing... I hope.
"Anyway..." Van ended, unwrapping his arm from around Alica and standing up from the couch. She sighed in relief, overjoyed to be free from his physical presence as well as his constantly looming and oppressive psychological one. "Things have been getting a little... off... lately. I desperately need to take a day to re-coordinate my schedule. As such there will be no assignments today. Bask in this small freedom while you can since tomorrow I will have work for you as usual."
"Alright, a day off!" Greg cried. Bakuryu looked very disapointed.Van walked out of the room and back into his office, Vark following dutifully afterwards.
"Ooo, that was so sexy!" Fox squealed. "My heart almost skipped a beat!" #318 started looking even sicker than he already did. "You two are completely perfect for each other... in fact, one might say you compliment each other perfectly! Tee-hee!"
"Oh god." Alica protested. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse... not only is he talking about Long and Van being together, but making terrible puns on it as well? I can't stand this!
"It was perfectly obvious, Hans, that I was only kissing up to him to turn his attention from Alica..." The latter casually reached one hand inside the deep pocket on her lab coat and turned on a tape recorder. Just wait until Van hears what's going on... a wicked grin speard across her face. "and maybe stroking his ego a bit." Singh Long finished.
"I bet that's not all of his you'll be stroking."
"Grrr... that does it!" #318 rose from his seat, growled and stomped over to Fox's vanity angrilly. Alica jumped from her seat and grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Long, don't! You remember what will happen if you kill Fox? Don't do it!" He growled angrilly, but stopped in his tracks. She stood on the tips of her toes so she could whisper into his ear. "Listen, I'm taping this conversation as evidence of what he's been saying. I'm going to play the tape to Van. Then he'll be in a whole world of trouble, so let's just wait this out and see what happens, okay?"
"Alright Alica." he agreed, a smirk pulling at the edges of his lips. Obviously he agreed with her idea. He sat back down in the chair, and Alica went back to the couch.
"Well, if there's no work then I'm off." Greg announced. "no reason to stick around here any longer, see you guys tomorrow." He waved and went out the door.
"Hm... I think I'll be leaving too." Bakuryu agreed. However he chose to make his exit a little differently. He seemed to throw something to the ground and a flash of smoke clouded the area, when it cleared he was gone.
"That's one thing I hate about those ninjas." Hans commented. "It's really a shame there's no work today, I would love to find out what happens when Van calls you into that office of his!"
"Then I'll tell you..." Long replied slyly. "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! There, you satisfied?"
"Of course not." he replied. "You two were so obviously flirting back there, there's definately got to be a relationship. What will you say if Van asks to f**k him I wonder?"
"It's not going to happen." Alica stated.
"What if it did?" Fox persisted. "You wouldn't risk your job, your reputation, not to mention your dear family just for the sake if your own pride, would you? Don't tell me you'd have the gall to turn him down, Long."
"This question is irrelevant since it's not going to happen!" she argued.
"Que zhi bu gong.*" he reluctantly mumbled.
"Just as I thought!"
"What did you say, Long?" Alica intejected.
"It doesn't matter." he mumbled.
"Now all that remains to be decided is who's going to be uke and who's going to be seme!" Hans declared happily. #318 groaned in annoyance as he continued. "You are both so assertive, very seme in nature, but I think Van is even more agressive than you are! If you sumbit to Van then you would most obviously be uke... unless of course he decides to become sasoi uke... Ooo, I like the sound of that! Van, the vile master of seduction!"
"Translate to english, please?" Alica requested.
"You don't want to know." Long groaned, looking so sickened that no one would be surprised if he lost his breakfast in the trash can at any moment.
"I can just imagine it now..." Fox said dreamilly. "Van requests that you accompany him to his personal quarters... and you agree, too afraid of his power to refuse! Once inside he crawls onto his bed and strips off his clothing piece by piece! Enticing you to join him atop the luschious cushions for..."
"ENOUGH!!!" the top assassin cried, unable to stand it any longer. He jumped from his chair and ran off, Alica trailing afterwards. He ran all the way up to his room, not stopping to look back. Finally he got to his door and frantically pulled out the keys and worked on the locks. Alica caught up to him and put one hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him by petting it softly. "I have the most horrible mental images now... AH!" he screamed, dropped the keys, and put his hands over his eyes, closing them tightly in an effort to banish the images form his mind. It didn't work of course, since they were mental images afterall and not visual ones. "He is so sick!"
"Don't worry about it Long, it's not going to happen, my brother may be a lot of things, but I'm very sure he's not gay."
"Very sure?" he repeated. "How sure exactly?"
"Well, he certainly seems as repulsed by Fox as you are..."
"But that's not the point! This is about me and him, not him and Fox! He treats me differently... at first I just thought it was because of my skill or rank, but now... Arrrgh! I'm no longer sure! The mere thought of this scares me, Alica! It scares me very much!"
"It's not going to happen! Long, trust me. Van is not that kinda guy, okay? He just doesn't swing that way."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positivly, absolutely, 100% certain."
"Well... if you say so..." Down the hall they heard the creaking of a door as it opened, out came Dr. Stephen Goldberg.
"What's with all the racket out here you two? Some of us actually work in these dorms you know."
"Sorry Steve." #318 replied. "uhhh... ehhhhh... AH-CHOOO! Damn cold!" he pulled another tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose again.
"I'd much prefer Stephen if you don't mind." the doctor said. "What's going on?"
"It was Fox again." Alica explained. Stephen looked confused. "You know, the transvestite?"
"Oh, him... or, should I say it? Looks more like a her, but-"
"I hate him." Long interrupted. "I swear I'm going to kill him one day... just not today." Dr. Goldberg shook his head in disaproval at the threat.
"Anyway... My lunch hour is coming up shortly, and I was thinking I wouldn't mind a bit of company if you two are up for it."
"We'd be happy to join you." Alica answered.
"We? What do you mean we?" Singh Long complained. "I'm going to take a nap! I don't even care about eating. You go and join him for lunch if you like, I'll be up in my dorm." That said he unlocked his door, went inside, and locked it again.
"Guess he's still a bit grouchy." she concluded. "Meh... Oh well, his loss."
*To refuse would be impolite.
"Uuuhh..." Oh no... "aahhhhhh... AH-CHOOO!" Goddamn virus! He pulled another tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose. That must've been loud enough to wake the entire cul-de-sac! I should've known better than to try and sneak around a residential area with this cold! He heard a creaking sound near the house, and watched the front door swung open. Damn, it would be so much better if I killed him indoors, the cops'll be on me much quicker this way. Good thing my car is parked nearby... he glanced back to make sure it was there. A man came out of the house ahead and glanced in his direction, but only for a moment. Then he walked down to his driveway, and lit a cigarette.
"He just had to be a smoker, didn't he?" Long mumbled. "Great, not only will the smoke revive all of my nicotine cravings, but it will also further irritate my sneezing as well." He started walking over the grassy lawn towards the other man, coming up from behind him. It will be a pleasure to kill you, he thought, already becoming irritated by the smell of the smoke. He glared angrilly at the man's back, watching the thin vapors of smoke rise over the back of his head and into the cool night air. Finally he got to the pavement of the driveway, the soft tapping of his footsteps alerting the other to his presence. When he was a few scant yards away the other turned to look behind him. The assassin smiled and walked right up to him, staring down into his up-turned face.
"I've come for you."
"You sound like the grim reaper when you say that."
"As far as you're concerned, I am the grim reaper." #318 replied, quickly pulling back and then smashing the end of his right into the man's forehead. He cried out in pain as his head hit the pavement and his skull cracked wide open. Very good, Long complimented himself, but not quite dead just yet. He moved to stomp on the man's head, but to his surpirse his foot hit nothing but the pavement as the man rolled to one side and then back up onto his feet. "That's more than I would have expected from most people." Singh Long admitted.
"You won't take me so easilly." the man grunted.
"Do you know that your skull is split open?" the assassin asked casually. "There's a very large gash right down the center of your head. Surely you must feel the blood running down your neck by now."
"Wha...?" the startled man felt at the back of his head. He pulled his hand off covered with blood and brought it over to his face. "I knew I had a splitting headache." While he was distracted Long took the opportunity to jump up and do a flying kick to his stomach, sending him falling backward and down to the ground. #318 followed after him and stared down at the man as he fluttered in and out of conscious. By now his head laid in a pool of his own blood.
"I can end it more quickly if you like." Singh Long offered, but then he felt another sneeze coming on. "Uuuuh... eehhhhh... AH-CHOOO!!!"
"Oh great..." his victim grumbled. "I've been murdered by the sneezing assassin."
"Hey, I resent that!" he centered his foot over the man's nose, and crushed his head into the pavement one final time. "I'm getting so tired of cleaning blood off my shoes, I've got to find a better way to kill people..." He heard a soft, high-pitched screech and looked across the street at a woman with a horror-stricken look on her face. "Good evening madam. It's a lovely night to be out working, don't you think? Uuuh... ehhhhhh... AH-CHOOO!!!" He pulled a tissue out of his pants and blew his nose while she stared at him in shock. "Well, it's been grand, but I'm afraid I've got to be going now... hopefully we will never meet again." That said he dropped the tissue on the dead body and walked back into the shadows.
The next morning Alica, Bakuryu and Fox all sat waiting in the assassin room once again. Hans had finally replaced his broken mirror with a new one and seemed to be overjoyed to be able to sit around and 'enhance his natural beauty' while waiting for his assignment. He was humming happilly about something this morning while fixing his hair, twirling it gently with his brush. Bakuryu seemed grumpy as usual. He hated that fact that he was getting old, and although all had heard that he had kept his skills it was also common knowledge that his strength and speed were both steadilly deteriorating. He detested this fact, and stubbornly ignored it in favor of insisting that he would perfect his skills and regain his old position someday.
"I wonder where Greg and #318 are?" Alica asked to no one in particular, looking at a clock on the wall and realizing that Van would call them in soon.
"Ooo, you don't think they're off somewhere together, do you?" Fox suggested gleefully.
"Ugh, you are sick! You just like suggesting pairs between every couple of men you can think of, don't you?"
"Not at all deary, or else I would suggest someone pairing with Bakuryu... which would be both disgusting and disastefull."
"As if your current pairings arent." A confused look came over the old assassin's face as he considered whether he ought to be insulted at the last comment or happy that he wasn't being considered for any homosexual pairings. Finally he just brushed the matter aside.
"I heard that Greg's been demoted..." the Master Ninja told them. "to janitorial work." Then he grinned and thought, Just one less competitor to worry about.
"He was a crumby assassin anyway." Hans replied, ignoring everyone else and gazing at himself in the mirror.
"And why are you so happy today, Fox?" Bakuryu asked. "Get back with your ugly little boyfriend in the experimentation lab?"
"It's a possibility..." he hummed. "I really don't know if I want him back. I'm much too beautiful to be seen with the likes of him, don't you think?" The room was silent for a moment after that, since no one had any comment on Fox's looks. The only sound was the ticking of the clock, and the sound of the brush that Hans ran through his golden-yellow locks. Then Alica thought she heard something in the corridors, maybe someone breathing very heavilly. So she waited a few moments, listening carefully, and a little later she heard a slight sniffling noise. Then came a bit of unsteady breathing that sounded almost like hacking, and a loud sneeze.
Yeah, Long's definately on his way here, she thought. As soon as the thought left her mind he walked though the door, blew his nose, and threw the tissue in the trash can. Everyone in the room watched as he walked towards his chair, practically falling down into it. His eyes were a bit bloodshot again, and his nose a bit red, but otherwise he looked much better than he had the day before. He sniffled a bit more and blew his nose again, then threw the tissue at the trash can, but missed. So he got up and dragged the trash can over to his chair so he wouldn't have to get up again. Then he groaned in annoyance at the symptoms and laid back in his chair.
"You look like you're not feeling too well dear." Fox remarked. Long flipped him off, too tired and pissed to do anything more.
"Aw, still got that cold I see." Alica sympathized, he nodded. "Maybe you should ask Van for a day off."
"Maybe." he muttered.
"Hope he's not contagious." Hans said, looking at him as though he was wondering whether it would be a good idea to try and get closer to him or not.
"I'm probably contagious enough to get you sick from here." #318 suggested after realizing Fox was looking at him.
"Hope I don't catch it." Alica added. "I am starting to get a bit of a headache, but that could be caused by so many things, like Fox's whiny voice for instance."
"Guess I shouldn't have hugged you."
"Ah! No fair!" Hans cried. "I'm so jealous!"
"She fixed my door." Long explained. "Did you fix my door?"
"No."
"Didn't you cause me to break the door in the first place?"
"Uh... maybe..."
"Would I ever hug you even if you did fix my door? Let me answer that, hell no!!!"
"Ah, how rude!" Fox sniffled. "You don't have to be so cruel to me! And don't yell, now I'm getting a headache!" he rubbed his forehead and sniffled again, and Long started cracking up.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed so loud it echoed through the room and out into the halls. Alica even giggled a little herself.
"What's so funny!" the transvestite demanded in his high-pitched feminine voice.
"You're catching my cold." he answered. "Serves you right for touching me!" Then he pointed at Fox and started laughing again. "Ahahahahah... ahhh... AH-CHOO!!!" And then the rest of the room burst into laughter over the sneeze that had interrupted Long's laughing. Meanwhile #318 blew his nose again.
"Serves you right- he he- for laughing at me!" was Fox's retort. Long angrilly chucked a used tissue at him. It fluttered through the air towards him for a moment and then landed at the floor by his feet. "Can't you do better than that deary?" Hans taunted. Long growled, crinkled up another used tissue, and put more force into his throw. This time it landed right in the middle of Fox's bared chest, the runny part sticking to his skin. "EEEEEW!!! There's mucus on me!" he whined, brushing the tissue off him. And then room burst into laughter once more.
"He who laughes last- he he- laughs best Hans!" Singh Long shouted, grinning triumphantly.
"Hehehe... good one!" Alica agreed, laughing evilly. Even grouchy old Bakuryu joined in the laughter.
"Ugh! I need to take a shower!" Fox squealed, he grimaced in disgust and ran out of the room.
"That's the last time he'll try and hug me!" #318 declared. "Uhh... ehhh... ahhhh.... AH-CHOOO!!!" Then he groaned in annoyance and blew his nose, throwing the tissues in the trash now that Hans was gone.
"Well, at least you're not feeling so miserable that you can't enjoy making other people miserable." she noted, glad he was comming back to himself.
"Misery loves company." he agreed, smiling at how he'd made fun of Fox. She smiled back at him and then the room went silent for a moment. It could never be completely silent because of #318's constant sniffling, even when he simply tried to breathe there was a wheezing sound. He pulled a new tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose every couple of minutes. It was annoying to everyone, but Long would much rather blow it than have it running down his face. After awhile Greg walked into the room and sat down in his usual spot. Long yawned wearilly, little cirlces starting to form underneath his eyes.
"Where's Fox?" Greg wondered.
"I thought you were demoted." Bakuryu growled.
"Where did you get that idea?" he wondered. The old man just grumbled some more and didn't answer, very angry that his assumption had been wrong.
"You missed everything Greg." Alica said. "Long and Fox had the funniest argument! Finally Long just threw a tissue at him and-"
"Long?" he interrupted. "Who is Long?" Singh Long glared at her, angry for revealing his name.
"Sorry." she apologized.
"That is completely obvoius Greg, you simpleton." the Ninjitsu Master snarled. "So... Long is it? I know what that name means, it means dragon. An appropriate name for a Chinese assassin, don't you think?"
"$#!@ off." #318 grumbled, turning to glare at him.
"Dragon?" Alica asked. "As in the mythical creature?"
"What else could it mean?" Bakuryu demanded.
"Shut up Bakaryu." Long shot back.
"Don't call me baka!" the old assassin fumed. Van appeared in the doorway, giving each of the assassins disaproving looks for being so quarrelsome.
"Where is Fox?" he questioned coldly.
"He had to go take a bath." #318 replied, snickering. Van gave him a strange look that told him that she really didn't want to know what Fox had to wash off of himself. Then he entered the room and switch on the television, checking to make sure it was on the news channel. He walked over to the couch and sat down between Greg and Alica, leaning more towards Alica's side. Alica cringed at his touch and shrank away but he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. Long and Fox curiously observed this odd behavior while Greg and Bakuryu turned towards the television. A female reporter was interviewing some lady who mumbled incoherently for a bit. The screen switched back to the news room for a moment untill the woman had calmed down enough to talk, and then was put back on.
"Now my dear, I know you've had an encounter with the murderer, and I heard he actually talked to you, is that true?"
"Oh, yes." the woman replied shakilly. "He called me madam and said something about what a lovely night it was. And then, he... sneezed... and threw the napkin down on the dead body of the man I saw him kill. Then he said he had to leave..." Long started laughing so hard the entire chair shook. The way people seemed so surprised that a killer could even talk, let alone have a cold struck him as something that was terribly funny. Alica started to laugh, but then Van started snicking evilly, his side vibrating against Alica. She was so sickened by it that she completely lost her sense of humor. She shot a pleading look at Long, begging him to find some way to get Van off of her. But he didn't notice, he was too busy laughing. Then the screen flashed a bit as the scene changed back to the news room.
"This is the first attack of the man who is now being called the cold-infested killer." a man announced. #318 laughed ever harder. Then Fox re-entered the room, having only decided to wash off his chest instead of bathing and changing his entire outfit. "The police have taken the aforementioned tissue as evidence, and it has been examined. However they report that it bears no initials, messages, or insignia of any kind, nothing except the results of his sneezing..."
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Singh Long cried, holding his shaking stomach which was beginning to get sore from all the laughter.
"This isn't funny!" Bakuryu yelled. "That means they probably have your fingerprints!" Suddenly the room fell quiet. The news program went on about other angles of the case, failing to mention whether they had his fingerprints or not.
"$#!@..." Alica cursed. "I guess you'd better lay low for awhile Long."
"Damn." Van agreed. "And it was just starting to become amusing, the cold-infested killer! He heh..."
"I doubt they have me in any of their databases." #318 pointed out. "And they'll hardly come looking for me here, so why should I quit?"
"They'll put those fingerprints in their databases." the old assassin argued. "Along with any description that woman gave them. I take it she saw you pretty well?"
"Ah, but the chance of detection only makes the game more enjoyable." the top assassin replied, smiling. "Admittedly though, that was careless of me. Hm... too late for regrets now."
"Hey, look!" Greg cried, pointing at the screen. A sketch of his face had been posted on the screen, not a bad one either. It made his eyes look sunk into his head too deep and his eyebrows weren't at quite the right angle. His lips were a bit thin, and they had brought out his high cheek bones even more than they should have, making him look almost emaciated. They had also drawn his glasses wrong, putting them up high on his nose while he usually wore them around the middle of it. Even with it's many imperfections the sketch it still looked enough like him that most people could recognize him from it. The news reporter gave a description along with it, stating that he was a tall man with dark hair, a medium-sized, muscular build, and sharp Asian features.
"Now that you might want to worry about." Alica advised.
"I think it needs a little work." Hans critiqued. "He's really much better looking..."
"Hm..." Long considered it for a moment and then shook his head. "They could never find me anyway, so why not make a little name for myself? The whole publicity thing could be very funny... Although, they may have to find a different name for me once I get over this cold." Van smiled, glad to hear that his top assassin would still be in business. Vark entered the room momentarilly and bowed to him, asking him if he wanted anything. Van shook his head to decline. "You can get me a nice hot cup of tea." #318 ordered. "Same way you made it last time will be fine." She looked at him strangely for a moment, unused to taking his orders. She looked to Van for approval and when he nodded she obediently left to go get the drink. Alica twitched uncomfortably in Van's grasp. Please, somebody get this creep off of me! she thought. This time Singh Long noticed her plight.
"So, Van... what wonderful stroke of luck has influenced you to decide to grace us with your glorious presence on this fine morning?" he requested. He sure knows how to suck up, Alica thought. Tylon's leader absorbed every detail of the flattery, and returned a gracious smile.
"None other than your -rather entertaining- completion of your duties my friend." he returned in his typical cool and casual manner. If I have to listen to any more of this eloquent flattery I'm going to go insane, she thought. She ignored them as they launched another round of formal compliments and glanced about the room for a moment. Unfortunately she noticed that Hans was eagerly observing every compliment that they paid each other. I have to admit that it does sound a little bit like they're flirting... but this is all just business talk... right? Would Long tell me if Van ever came on to him? Probably not... She involuntarilly turned to look at Van and shruddered in horror. Van's not that type of person, She told herself. He's not at all interested in Long, not for that reason. This is only about killing... I hope.
"Anyway..." Van ended, unwrapping his arm from around Alica and standing up from the couch. She sighed in relief, overjoyed to be free from his physical presence as well as his constantly looming and oppressive psychological one. "Things have been getting a little... off... lately. I desperately need to take a day to re-coordinate my schedule. As such there will be no assignments today. Bask in this small freedom while you can since tomorrow I will have work for you as usual."
"Alright, a day off!" Greg cried. Bakuryu looked very disapointed.Van walked out of the room and back into his office, Vark following dutifully afterwards.
"Ooo, that was so sexy!" Fox squealed. "My heart almost skipped a beat!" #318 started looking even sicker than he already did. "You two are completely perfect for each other... in fact, one might say you compliment each other perfectly! Tee-hee!"
"Oh god." Alica protested. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse... not only is he talking about Long and Van being together, but making terrible puns on it as well? I can't stand this!
"It was perfectly obvious, Hans, that I was only kissing up to him to turn his attention from Alica..." The latter casually reached one hand inside the deep pocket on her lab coat and turned on a tape recorder. Just wait until Van hears what's going on... a wicked grin speard across her face. "and maybe stroking his ego a bit." Singh Long finished.
"I bet that's not all of his you'll be stroking."
"Grrr... that does it!" #318 rose from his seat, growled and stomped over to Fox's vanity angrilly. Alica jumped from her seat and grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Long, don't! You remember what will happen if you kill Fox? Don't do it!" He growled angrilly, but stopped in his tracks. She stood on the tips of her toes so she could whisper into his ear. "Listen, I'm taping this conversation as evidence of what he's been saying. I'm going to play the tape to Van. Then he'll be in a whole world of trouble, so let's just wait this out and see what happens, okay?"
"Alright Alica." he agreed, a smirk pulling at the edges of his lips. Obviously he agreed with her idea. He sat back down in the chair, and Alica went back to the couch.
"Well, if there's no work then I'm off." Greg announced. "no reason to stick around here any longer, see you guys tomorrow." He waved and went out the door.
"Hm... I think I'll be leaving too." Bakuryu agreed. However he chose to make his exit a little differently. He seemed to throw something to the ground and a flash of smoke clouded the area, when it cleared he was gone.
"That's one thing I hate about those ninjas." Hans commented. "It's really a shame there's no work today, I would love to find out what happens when Van calls you into that office of his!"
"Then I'll tell you..." Long replied slyly. "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! There, you satisfied?"
"Of course not." he replied. "You two were so obviously flirting back there, there's definately got to be a relationship. What will you say if Van asks to f**k him I wonder?"
"It's not going to happen." Alica stated.
"What if it did?" Fox persisted. "You wouldn't risk your job, your reputation, not to mention your dear family just for the sake if your own pride, would you? Don't tell me you'd have the gall to turn him down, Long."
"This question is irrelevant since it's not going to happen!" she argued.
"Que zhi bu gong.*" he reluctantly mumbled.
"Just as I thought!"
"What did you say, Long?" Alica intejected.
"It doesn't matter." he mumbled.
"Now all that remains to be decided is who's going to be uke and who's going to be seme!" Hans declared happily. #318 groaned in annoyance as he continued. "You are both so assertive, very seme in nature, but I think Van is even more agressive than you are! If you sumbit to Van then you would most obviously be uke... unless of course he decides to become sasoi uke... Ooo, I like the sound of that! Van, the vile master of seduction!"
"Translate to english, please?" Alica requested.
"You don't want to know." Long groaned, looking so sickened that no one would be surprised if he lost his breakfast in the trash can at any moment.
"I can just imagine it now..." Fox said dreamilly. "Van requests that you accompany him to his personal quarters... and you agree, too afraid of his power to refuse! Once inside he crawls onto his bed and strips off his clothing piece by piece! Enticing you to join him atop the luschious cushions for..."
"ENOUGH!!!" the top assassin cried, unable to stand it any longer. He jumped from his chair and ran off, Alica trailing afterwards. He ran all the way up to his room, not stopping to look back. Finally he got to his door and frantically pulled out the keys and worked on the locks. Alica caught up to him and put one hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him by petting it softly. "I have the most horrible mental images now... AH!" he screamed, dropped the keys, and put his hands over his eyes, closing them tightly in an effort to banish the images form his mind. It didn't work of course, since they were mental images afterall and not visual ones. "He is so sick!"
"Don't worry about it Long, it's not going to happen, my brother may be a lot of things, but I'm very sure he's not gay."
"Very sure?" he repeated. "How sure exactly?"
"Well, he certainly seems as repulsed by Fox as you are..."
"But that's not the point! This is about me and him, not him and Fox! He treats me differently... at first I just thought it was because of my skill or rank, but now... Arrrgh! I'm no longer sure! The mere thought of this scares me, Alica! It scares me very much!"
"It's not going to happen! Long, trust me. Van is not that kinda guy, okay? He just doesn't swing that way."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positivly, absolutely, 100% certain."
"Well... if you say so..." Down the hall they heard the creaking of a door as it opened, out came Dr. Stephen Goldberg.
"What's with all the racket out here you two? Some of us actually work in these dorms you know."
"Sorry Steve." #318 replied. "uhhh... ehhhhh... AH-CHOOO! Damn cold!" he pulled another tissue out of his pocket and blew his nose again.
"I'd much prefer Stephen if you don't mind." the doctor said. "What's going on?"
"It was Fox again." Alica explained. Stephen looked confused. "You know, the transvestite?"
"Oh, him... or, should I say it? Looks more like a her, but-"
"I hate him." Long interrupted. "I swear I'm going to kill him one day... just not today." Dr. Goldberg shook his head in disaproval at the threat.
"Anyway... My lunch hour is coming up shortly, and I was thinking I wouldn't mind a bit of company if you two are up for it."
"We'd be happy to join you." Alica answered.
"We? What do you mean we?" Singh Long complained. "I'm going to take a nap! I don't even care about eating. You go and join him for lunch if you like, I'll be up in my dorm." That said he unlocked his door, went inside, and locked it again.
"Guess he's still a bit grouchy." she concluded. "Meh... Oh well, his loss."
*To refuse would be impolite.