chapter seven

Now, as Blaine walked across the Sandford Street Bridge, he noticed a gentle drift of snow amongst the fog. He began walking north, up Bachman Road, and he turned to see Annie's Bar. His thoughts wandered all around, through his mind, into his memories.

"Robert, where have you been this whole time?"

He remembered hearing his Father trying to come up with an answer, but he was too drunk to even speak coherently.

"You think I need to . . . tell a dumbass like you. . ."

"Oh my God, you're drunk!"

"Shut up!"

"But I didn't—"

"I said shut up!"

He had already thought of all the horrible times he and Amanda had watched their Father hit their Mother, than apologize profusely. But this time, he had seen Amanda crying, and walked up to his Father, only to learn that he wasn't afraid of hitting his son. That was the first time.

Blaine simply walked. He let his thoughts go wherever they wanted to.

"Blaine! Blaine, wake up!"

"Mom . . .? What is it?"

"There's a fire!"

That was the last time he had ever seen his house, and the day before his Mother had been shot. Dad had been in Ashfield for work, and was devastated when he came home. All their possessions had been burnt to nothing, but for some reason, few of Blaine's nightmares concerned that night. The ones that did were horrific. He had managed to forget about the fire, until now, when the memory crept once more into his consciousness.

Blaine, why am I always the one to make you notice these?

He snapped back into reality. He had already made it to Bradbury Street. There was another hole in the road, right ahead of him.

So Bachman Road is blocked, and of course the convenience store is due north from here. Try Ellroy Street.

Blaine started going east, and immediately hit another hole.

Go west and try Levin Street.

That way was blocked as well.

The last one is Midwich Street.

As Blaine turned the corner of Midwich and Bradbury Street, he saw his old school, Midwich Elementary.

You remember that place, don't you? The kids didn't like you very much. They beat you up because your Dad beat you up. They beat you up because you wouldn't let them beat Amanda up. But it wasn't all bad. That's where you first met Kelly. She was a good friend, and you two would always hang out.

"Oh God, no, not another one!" Blaine could barely make out the words he heard. He turned quickly, and saw a silhouette vanishing into the fog, heading towards the school. "Hey!" He yelled, but it ran faster. Blaine ran after it, and watched it run into the school. He stopped.

You don't want to go in there, do you?

Blaine shook his head. "This damn town has already made me remember things I never wanted to, and that's all I'm going to get in there."

Do you know who just stepped in there?

Blaine thought for a moment, than stepped back. "No way." He said. "Sorry, but that's not possible."

You know who it looked like.

He looked at the door, than the street. "Damn it." He said as he pushed open the doors. As he closed them, he seemed to hear the incessant footsteps and chatter of children through the halls.

He walked to the reception area; there was a list on the counter.

"Moore, Rinaldo, Gordon. . ." A list of the teachers.

"Mr. Haloren! About time you decided to join us!"

"Sorry, Mr. Rinaldo, my Dad. . ."

"Your Dad what?"

". . ."

"What happened?"

". . . nothing."

"One more late and it's a detention."

But you told him later that day, after school, and he just laughed at it, didn't he?

"Blaine, stupid people make excuses. Don't make excuses."

And then you told Mrs. Moore, as well, and at least she talked to your Dad.

"And he charmed her. . ."

And she walked away laughing. You never told anybody else. . .

"They wouldn't have believed me."

. . . except Kelly.

"Why do you go on about her?"

Because you're thinking about her. Blaine, she was your only friend. You two would hang out all the time, mostly you'd go off into the woods for a few hours, and play pretend. You liked playing pretend. Pretending you and Kelly were the only ones in the world.

Blaine felt a tear on his cheek.

Pretending that Dad never hit you, that Dad never hit Mom, that Dad never got drunk, that Dad never hit Amanda, that Dad never came home late. . .

Blaine covered his eyes with his hand, and started sobbing.

You'd pretend that you and Kelly were married, and had children, and you were a good Father, and then Dad would come and be proud. And Dad would come, he came a lot, to tell you were in trouble, to tell you to come in. . .

He hit the counter with his fist. "Damn it!" He said through tears.

And where is she now, Blaine? Mom hit you once, and suddenly you stopped hanging around her. She stopped coming over. You stopped going out to the forest, except that one day. . . Your friendship with her was dying, dying until the day you got shot.

Blaine could only remember crying like this as a child. "Shut up!" He yelled. "I didn't want to come in here! I hate this fucking place!" He pulled out his handgun, and shot the list of teachers. "That's what I think of you and your fucking class!"

God, Blaine, what the Hell did that fix?

"I'm not getting out of here." He wiped his face. "Not until I find that person who came in here."

Blaine grabbed his gun, and started checking classrooms, still with tears in his eyes.

But you didn't think your situation was bad, did you? Not as a kid. You always told yourself that somebody had it worse off than you. And it was true, wasn't it? That poor girl named Alessa in your class. She always came in with bruises and blood worse than yours, and you tried to talk to her, but she was antisocial. Then she died in an explosion. So you thought that because she was worse, that you should just tough it out, and after that time you told Mr. Rinaldo, you never told another soul about it. But that night, after you told Mrs. Moore, that's when you first met me.

He entered a classroom. "Hello?" He waited. Then he started searching the room.

I called your name when you were praying at your bed. You were scared, because you didn't know who I was, until you recognized my voice. It was your voice, wasn't it? You asked who I was and I couldn't answer. I still can't. But eventually you got to like me, because every day I would comfort you and make sure you were okay. Eventually we got to be best friends, after Kelly was out of your life.

There was nothing in this room, so Blaine went on to the next.

I'd talk to you while you were praying, and eventually you stopped doing that, because you didn't need to. I was there for you, all the time, and I made sure you didn't go crazy.

Blaine stopped. "I think I hear something, so be quiet for a minute."

He could hear what sounded like crying, coming from the corner of the room. He walked there, and saw someone lying on the ground in a fetal position, sobbing. She looked at him. ". . .please don't hurt me. . ." She said weakly.

"It's okay." Blaine assured. "I won't. I want to help. My name's Blaine."

She blinked. "Blaine?"

Blaine saw her face. He stepped back.

"Now, today we're going to make cards for Father's day. Not Blaine, though, because he thinks he doesn't have a father."

"It's okay, Blaine."

He remembered the first time he talked to himself, replacing his best friend.

He was in shock. ". . .Kelly?"

Then he heard things all around him.

"So what's our kid's name, Blaine. How about Danny? Well, hurry up and pick. You're only allowed out a few more hours."

"You and the kid have a fuckin' roast and leave me hot dogs?!"

"God the Father. . ."

"Maybe if I hadn't married a dumbass like you, I wouldn't have to take a kid to some fuckin' amusement park!"

He heard voices from everybody he ever knew, all at once, and he felt like his head was splitting open from thoughts, and he fell to his knees.

"Don't you still want me to be your friend?"

"I don't know. . ."

His body went limp and his head hit the floor.

I'm out in the school courtyard. It's recess. They let us choose either the play area behind the school, or the courtyard. Not a lot of kids go to the courtyard, and that's why I'm here. They beat me up. Kelly is right beside me.

"It's okay, Blaine, it's not your fault that Mother is dead."

"Yes it is! I could have done more."

Than I saw her. My Mother is there, and she's really angry. "Why didn't you do more to save me?! Why did you let me die?!"

As I start to cry, it starts raining, and somehow, even though I'm outside, I know that the rain is going through the roof, and everybody gets soaked through. Now I'm alone, and I'm crying, and it's raining, and I don't know what to do.

Then I met you.

You walked out from inside me. "Blaine?"

Now I'm afraid. I don't know who you are.

"It's okay, Blaine, take my hand."

I look up, and it's a grown-up me.

That's how I first helped you, Blaine, at your house, wasn't it? You were hopeless, so I came and took your hand. And now I'm walking with you all the time, aren't I.

Yes, you are, but then Kelly reappears. "Don't you still want me to be your friend?"

Yes, I do, but now I have a better friend. I'm sorry, Kelly, but my new friend is always there, and now I play pretend with him. I can play pretend whenever I want now, so I don't need you anymore.

And she vanishes.

Don't worry, Blaine, I'll be here whenever you want.

I know that, but now, the rain is stopped, and I'm happy until I notice that the school is on fire. I can hear everybody screaming around me. And my Mother's voice is there.

"Blaine! Blaine, wake up!"

Mom. . .? What is it?

"There's a fire!"

And then Amanda comes running out from the school, insulting me, telling me I'm not worth anything unless I. . .but I can't make out the last part.

So I shoot her.

And then she's gone, and the school is gone, and Mother's voice is gone, and Kelly is gone.

There's a long road ahead of me now. I know I have to walk down it, and now I do, with my new friend carrying me, because I don't have the strength to walk by myself anymore.

Now I can hear Amanda's voice.

"Wake up!"

"Wake up, Blaine!"

Blaine's eyes slowly, reluctantly opened.

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