chapter twelve

I'm on my back, and everything is colourless. I'm hurting really bad, but I don't know why. I'm moving, though, as if I'm in the air, and somebody is pushing me. There are doors on either side of me, and there are sick people, dying people, and crazy people inside them. I'm in my home.

The walls and floor are on fire, but it's all in black and white, and it doesn't hurt me. I think I'm on a bed. But the bed has wheels. I know the bed very well. I spent a lot of time on it. I didn't want to come back to it, but I always do. Mom's not here, Dad's not here, Kelly's not here, Amanda's not here, but somehow, I'm comforted. Now I've stopped moving, inside a room, a very small room. I can see and hear and move, but I don't want to move. I can see you, standing beside me.

And I'm comforting you, aren't I?

Yes, that's why I'm so comforted all the time, even though I'm alone. You always tell me things are going to be alright, but then you betrayed me.

I helped you.

You're hurting me, all the time now. I still need you, though, because you comfort me.

Blaine's head throbbed again, and forced his eyes open. The room was dark, black, and he was alone in it. "No. . ." He said to himself. "Please. . . not again . . ."

Then he noticed the sound. He should've been comforted by the fact that the unearthly silence was gone, but he wasn't. It sounded like a motor.

Blaine took the flashlight out his pocket, closed his eyes, and flicked it on. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to know what's in front of me. . .

If you don't look at it, it'll never go away.

He was trembling, afraid of what was there, afraid of everything around him. He opened one eye, and there was a wall in front of it. It was rusted, there was blood running down it. He slowly opened his other, forcing himself not to give in to the fear. Surprisingly, the flashlight wasn't needed. The room was well lit. He looked around. He saw a rusting drying machine. He was in the linen room, on the third floor of the hospital.

He looked down. He could see below, to the second, and then past that, to the basement. The floor was solid there.

"Oh shit. . ." He exclaimed. "How the Hell did I get here?"

How the Hell did the hospital turn into this, Blaine?

He saw his crowbar lying beside him, and he picked it up. Then he saw something, in the corner of his eye. He saw feet. He froze. Somebody was standing beside him.

"What are you waiting for, faggot? Get up."

He lifted his head, and saw Michael standing there. Michael's foot flew into Blaine's stomach, sending him hard into the wall.

Blaine slowly got up, laughing sarcastically. "Listen, I know this is a dream, because I saw you get killed years ago, so nice try, but I'm going to wake up now."

Michael reached into his pocket. "Sorry, man, but I ain't dead." He pulled out a handgun. "You are."

Blaine instinctively threw his flashlight at Michael. It stunned him, and gave Blaine the time he needed to run to the door, and out into the hallway.

Go left! There's an elevator at the end of the hallway!

Blaine turned down it and ran. The entire floor was still mesh, the walls still rusted and bloody, but he didn't care.

There were holes scattered throughout the floor, and Blaine struggled not to fall. He turned to see Michael rounding the corner, and ducked behind a cart that happened to be next to the wall. The bullet Michael fired hit the cart, and as he ran ever closer, Blaine pushed the cart into him, sending him to the floor. Blaine ran until he found the double doors leading to the elevator. He had to leap a large hole to get to them, and he barely made it.

The doors opened, and Blaine closed them as he entered, shoving his crowbar inside the handles, locking it. He ran to the elevator, and hit the button. He heard Michael pounding the door. "Get out here, motherfucker! I'll fucking kill your sorry ass!"

He turned to the elevator. "Jesus Christ! Hurry!"

He heard the ding that indicated the arrival of the elevator, and the doors opened. He began to step in, when he heard the horrible noise of metal scraping against metal, and the elevator he was about to step into fell into the floor beneath him, hitting the basement floor with a resounding crash.

Blaine stood there, staring with astonishment. "Oh shit!"

Go to the door, and remove the crowbar!

"What?! You're fucking crazy!"

Do it! Please trust me, Blaine!

He stood there for a moment longer, then to the door, and put his hands on it.

Pull, damn it!

And he did, he yanked the crowbar from its position and the door swung open. The sudden sound seemed to surprise Michael, who stood before him.

Get him!

Blaine ran up and pushed Michael backwards, too quickly for Michael to react. He fell into the hole behind him, hitting his head on the way down.

He was still moving when he hit the bottom, but was disoriented from the blow to the head. Blaine ran back down the hallway and through the other doors. If he could only get to where Amanda was, he would wait for Michael there, and surprise him.

He ran down the stairs, hearing the door swing open as he passed the second floor. Then he heard a gunshot, but refused to stop. He reached the first floor, ran through the doors, into the entrance hallway, and ran into the examination room. Amanda laid there, on her hospital bed, the heart monitor beeping steadily beside her. Blaine's Father wasn't there.

He left the door wide open, hiding behind it. He could feel his heart pounding hard, his breathing increasing, the adrenaline pumping through his body. Then he saw Michael come in. Blaine slammed the door, making Michael turn around, right into Blaine's fist.

The blow sent the gun, and Michael, to the floor. Blaine grabbed him, and pulled him up, but he quickly turned and punched him in the face, knocking him into the wall.

Michael calmly walked to his gun and picked it up. He aimed it at Amanda.

Blaine saw it, and immediately, everything became slow as he ran with never-before achieved quickness. "I never liked your sister either." Was what Michael said before Blaine tackled him to the ground. The gun went off, and now Blaine stood up over Michael.

He kicked him hard. Then he picked up the gun, and waited until Michael looked at him before he fired.

The look on his face was of pain, confusion, and paralyzing fear. Blaine never felt as content as when he saw that look. He fired again, and the blast forced Michael into the wall. He fired again.

Michael slid down the wall. He didn't move. He was dead.

That's the only reason you'd ever hurt somebody, isn't it, Blaine? Because of what they do to someone else. . . Never for what they've done to you.

He closed his eyes, before hearing it. A steady noise that he was used to, except he always heard it pulsating.

He turned to see the flat green line of Amanda's heart monitor; the only machine in the room.

"Amanda. . .?" He walked up to her. "Amanda?" Then he noticed the bloody bullet hole in her side. "Amanda!" He shook her.

You failed to protect her, Blaine.

"Amanda! Please God, don't take her away from me!" He was sobbing uncontrollably.

Just like you failed to protect Mother.

"No! Wake up! Please! You can't die!" He didn't notice Michael's body vanish, or the room around him fall into nothing. Now they were alone in darkness.

You protected her for years, but now she's dead.

"What did I do?!" Blaine screamed. "What the fuck did I do to deserve this?! Wasn't I good enough?!" He was talking to nothing and nobody. "Everything I've ever done is right! I've never done wrong, and this is what happens to me?!"

I'm a child now, screaming at nothing for hurting me. I'm back at home, and Amanda is still an adult, lying dead in front of me. Then you appear again, with your arm around me.

"its okay, Blaine. Everything's going to be okay. . ."

"No! Every time you say that, things just get worse!"

"Things never get better, Blaine. I'm an adult because I realize that. I am helping you realize that as well."

"That's not true! Things might get better!"

I'm crying all the time, never being able to stop, because all the things that make me cry never stop. "I hate you, Dad. . ."

"Your Dad's not here, Blaine."

Now everything's falling back again, and I can hear sounds becoming normal.

The world around him now was normal. He awoke on Amanda's hospital bed. She was dead before him. He cried for hours.

You're crying all the time, aren't you?