chapter thirteen

His Father hadn't been there when he returned. He hadn't seen his Father when he had left. The hospital vanished into the fog behind him, but the memory of his visit would never leave him.

"I'm going to the convenience store." He said out loud. "I'm going to find out who killed my Mother, and I'm going to kill them."

Why?

"Because it's their fault Amanda is dead."

What if she hadn't died? Would you still kill whoever did it?

Blaine thought for a few minutes, walking back to Old Silent Hill, finally going to his destination, the site of his Mother's murder, in front of the convenience store Kelly's Father owned. ". . .Yes."

Why?

"Because they hurt Mom."

The other Blaine appeared again. "Why do you never stand up for yourself, Blaine?"

He sighed. "There's a difference between standing up for yourself, and killing somebody."

"You killed Michael, didn't you?"

Blaine turned and pushed him hard, the anger and fatigue showing in his eyes. "Fuck you!" He yelled. "You know he was already dead!" He lowered his voice. "I couldn't have killed him."

"He killed Amanda, you moron! He was alive!"

"Then why the Hell was he only there when the place got fucked up?!"

The other Blaine didn't answer.

"Exactly! I don't even know which part of that was real. All I know is. . .she's dead, so some of it must have happened."

The other Blaine disappeared again.

"Blaine?!"

He turned and saw somebody standing there. It was his Father. Blaine ran up to him, the anger whole.

"Blaine. . .no way. You can't be here."

He grabbed him by the collar. "Why did you leave me alone in there?!" He yelled, and he pushed him away. "And believe me, Dad, I'm here."

Robert seemed confused. "But. . .you. . ."

"What?" Blaine said. "You can't form a sentence anymore?!"

"You were dead. . ."

Blaine stepped back. His mouth was open. ". . .what?"

"You fell down, and I checked you, and you were dead. . ."

You were dead.

He felt dizzy, incoherent, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. The world was spinning. He saw himself standing there again.

"Shit. . ." His other self said. "This is getting crazy."

But Blaine could barely understand him. He fell to his knees, but made sure he didn't close his eyes. Not this time. He wouldn't let himself pass out. Not anymore. He had to see what happened.

He heard a loud, persistent rumbling, which seemed to get louder and closer, and then he watched as the road crumbled beneath him, giving way to mesh. It fell into nothing. The fog slowly disappeared, and darkness enveloped him, as heavy as the fog had been. The rumbling stopped. He felt rain pelting his jacket.

The world slid back into focus, as his confusion steadily dissipated. He slowly rose to his feet. Now the entire town was like this, when he was so close to his goal. "Damn it. . ." He said.

"It's your fault your Mother died."

Blaine looked up. His Father wasn't there. He could feel that nobody was there, except himself. "What the Hell are you talking about?!" He said to himself.

"Why the Hell didn't you protect her?"

"Fuck you! I was ten years old!"

His other self walked steadily closer. "But what if you had stopped her from shooting your Mother?"

Blaine thought for a moment. "Her?"

"The one who killed your Mother. Don't you remember who it was? 'Cause I don't. All I remember is that it was woman."

"Of course I don't remember! That's why I'm here! What's wrong with you?"

"You could've done better, Blaine. You could've made everything better. But you didn't. It's all your fault."

Blaine's fist shot out, but was grabbed and twisted, then he felt a blow to his stomach.

"You're just too weak, motherfucker."

Now it was Michael standing there, in front of him. He was kicked hard. "Shit!" He said as he rolled back.

Blaine blinked, and once again, saw himself standing there. "You bastard. I thought you were trying to help me. . ."

"I am helping you. Now get up!"

He got up, and stared at himself. "What do you want?"

"What do you want?"

"Blaine. . ."

Blaine raised his crowbar, and struck him hard on the head. "Why won't you leave me alone?!"

"Blaine. . ."

He shot up, and ran into Blaine, pushing him closer to a hole that had appeared on the road.

And they fought.

Creatures came in from nowhere, surrounding them, pushing them closer to the hole.

It shoots once, but I hear nothing. . .

"You and the kid have a fuckin' roast, and leave me hot dogs?!"

"Blaine. . ."

"Then you leave me because of some dream that reminds you of your fucking Mother?!"

Both Blaine's were beaten and bruised, and the now numerous circle of monsters closed in around them. Blaine ran at him, but was grabbed, and thrown to the floor, beside the hole.

He was too hurt to fight anymore. The air was filled with the incessant writhing noises of the creatures, until the other Blaine spoke. "See? You're just too weak." He ran and kicked Blaine, sending him down into the hole.

Now I'm falling, but I can see everything happening to me. My Mother is crying, telling me how wrong I am. My Father is angry, telling me that no matter what I do, things aren't good enough. Kelly is depressed, saying that my past will destroy her future. Amanda is emotionless, telling me that if I had tried harder, things would've been better.

I'm falling through everywhere I've been. I'm falling through the school, through the chained children. I'm falling through the hotel, watching myself run down the infinite hallway. I'm falling through the amusement, swimming through the river of blood. Now I'm falling through the hospital, hearing everything I've ever heard in seconds.

I'm still falling, but somehow I'm standing. You walk out from inside me again, telling me that everything is going to be alright, that it never would've been better, no matter how hard I could've tried, but I can't believe you anymore.

Now I'm at home, on my bed, but something isn't right. Mother is on top of me.

"Mom?"

She doesn't answer. She looks hurt, because her face is all weird, making hurting noises. But now she says she loves me.

"And isn't that why you tried so hard to protect her, because she always hit you, as much as Dad did, but she loved you."

"She told that's how people love each other."

"And you believed her, because you thought that was love. It was sick, Blaine."

"Stop it!"

"No, Blaine! Don't you get it?! Your Mother was as bad as your Father! But you thought she loved you!"

Blaine was awake. "No! She did love me!"

Don't you remember the dream?

He was confused again. "What. . .dream?"

Once again, he saw himself standing there. "The one that made you break up with Kelly!"

Tears ran down Blaine's cheeks again. "Please, stop this. . ."

"You were making love to Kelly, and she turned into your Mother."

Blaine sobbed. "No!"

"You couldn't even stand to look at Kelly anymore, so you couldn't be with her."

He was sobbing over and over. "No. . ." he said. ". . .please, I don't want to remember anymore. . ."

Anybody else would have cried for their mother, but Blaine had nobody to cry to. He cried to himself, and was answered.

It's going to be alright, Blaine.

He was alone again, in a forest. He looked around. He recognized every single tree he saw.

He was standing beside himself. "You remember this forest, don't you, Blaine?"

"Yes." He answered. He had a smile on his face.

"This is where you and Kelly used to play."

Blaine began walking forward, smiling at the beautiful memories he had, temporarily forgetting all the horrible ones he had pushed back into his head, forgetting that he had forced himself to remember them. "We'd play pretend all the time."

And then he saw another one of himself, only this one was a child. He was playing with Kelly, who was also a child. But everything in front of him was jumping and blurry, like a movie.

"You'd always pretend that everything was perfect, but Blaine, you have to realize, that it wasn't. What did you think of your life when you were back home in Portland?"

Blaine stopped for a moment. "Well. . ." He said slowly. "Pretty normal, I guess. . ."

"Exactly, Blaine. You're life has been nothing but horrible experience after horrible experience, and if you didn't remember it soon, it would've killed you."

He turned to face himself. He laughed. "It is killing me! You're killing me! All this crap that I repressed . . . I repressed it for a reason, dumbass!"

"You would've remembered eventually. It would've driven you totally off the wall."

He looked all around. "Have you even seen what's been going on around me?! I'm already off the wall! Hell, I don't even remember what the wall looked like!"

"Blaine, you can't be happy until—"

"C'mon, Kelly, I think I hear something."

Both Blaine's turned to see the two children running towards a noise they both seemed to have heard.

"Do you remember this day?"

"Yeah, the day before . . . Mother was shot. The day Dad disappeared."

"Do you remember this part?"

". . . no. . ."

The small children ran behind a bush.

Suddenly, Blaine's head seemed to explode with pain, and suddenly. . .

. . . I'm a kid again. I heard something that sounded like Mom was hurt again. I used to hear that sound a lot. Almost like a song.

I can see it, but I can't tell what it is. Mother is there. She's looking around. What is she looking for?

I can see two shadows. They're moving . . . almost like a dance.

Just like butterflies.

I laugh at this, and then they laugh too. A dangerous laugh, like they're doing something they're not supposed to.

I can see a white dress on the ground. It was my Mother's favourite. She only wore it on special occasions. Then I hear the noise again. I can't explain what it means. . .

Then I can see them both. I can tell who they are. It's my Mother. It's Kelly's Father.

Now I can understand the sounds I can hear. It's the sound people make when they love each other. That's what Mom told me it was.

I'm not happy anymore. They're both up against the big tree. But . . . this isn't right.

"This can't be right!" I turned and saw you standing there.

"Why can't it be right, Blaine?"

"Mother loves me! She can't love anybody else! It's not right! This can't be right!"

Then I turn and look at Kelly. She's crying on the ground. I don't understand why. Her Dad never loved her, but my Mother always loved me. She can't love anybody else! I step out from the bushes.

"Mom! You can't love him! You love me!"

Then, for no reason, she's got the dress on again, and she's walking up to me. I've never heard anything so vicious and angry before. "I'll tell you what I can do!"

Now I'm cry again. This always happens. Nothing good lasts. Ever. I don't have a family. Kelly and Amanda are my only family. I turn and run. I grab Kelly's hand and pull her with me.

My Mother is chasing us both now. Our feet are rustling through the grass, like they always do when we're playing.

But then I trip, and Mom catches up to us. She's picked up a big stick. "Fucking little brat!" She yells.

But Kelly steps between us, and holds out her hands. She's crying like I've never seen before. I don't like it at all.

But Mom hits her, too, and she falls down. Then she hits me.

"Maybe if you two weren't so fuckin' ungrateful!"

She hits me again.

"You have to dive in, Blaine, or else you'll never know what happened."

She hits me until I can't see very well.

"Yeah, looking at a dumb bitch! Get in the goddamn car; we're going back to the damn hotel to find your fucking money!"

Now she picks me up. "If anybody asks, tell them Michael beat you up again."

"Why the fuck didn't you protect her, Blaine?!"

She leaves me there, and goes back to the big tree.

I look and see you there again. Why are you doing this to me?

"You have to dive in, Blaine, or else you'll never know what happened."

Blaine blinked. "Maybe I don't want to know what happened."

"You're going to wake up, okay?"

"Alright."

His eyes opened.