Okay, I'm back . . . I have absolutely no plan whatsoever for what is going
to happen in this chapter, unfortunately. So bear with me here . . .
Disclaimer: No lyrics from this chapter belong to me. They belong to Evanescence. The song is called "Haunted."
**************************************************************************** *************
Suze's POV
Adam slid from behind the tall tree amidst the gravestones, grinning broadly.
'You saw that, right?' he checked, inclining his head cockily. He was obviously deeply impressed with himself.
I was not.
'Adam, what the HELL is wrong with you?!' I shouted, shoving him in the chest.
He looked astonished. 'What? What are you on about? I just saved your life! With the floating headstone, and . . . and the floating headstone – '
'You could have got yourself killed,' I snapped at him. 'It was a stupid thing to do, Adam! These ghosts aren't for playing fair. He would have totally turned onto you, regardless of whether you're a stupid mediator or not! Don't ever do it again!' I seethed.
He was very pale. 'I . . . I'm sorry . . . ' Oh, Jeez . . . He wasn't expecting this reaction, I guess. 'Actually,' he snapped, 'I'm not, Suze. I'm not sorry for saving your life. I actually like you living, thanks. So make of it whatever. I don't give.'
Now I was the one shocked. I mean, whoa.
I deflated totally and sighed. 'Okay, fine then. You helped me out. I'm grateful. But I am so serious, dude. You don't know what you're dealing with, okay? Just don't do it again. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want any of my friends to get hurt. See why I keep this thing a secret?' And it was true. If anyone did end up believing me, they'd want to help fight ghosts, just like Adam. And they'd end up as one.
A ghost, I mean.
Or worse . . . nothing.
He shrugged. You could so tell he was still pissed. What? He was an idiot for running out and grabbing that headstone. So what if Mr. Skid Road had been about to shove it through my cranium? That was no reason for Adam to virtually commit suicide!
But still . . . No one's ever done that for me . . .
No one's had the opportunity. Except Jesse. But Jesse has an obligation. Some Spanish gentleman thing he has.
Oh, and we're kind of dating.
Yeah, that always helps.
Adam was totally offended, though. 'I'm so glad you appreciate me,' he growled, and walked silently away, his shoulders hunched a bit. I rolled my eyes. For God's sake. Why did people insist I feel guilty? It wasn't fair . . . So, I didn't want my friend dead. Was that such a crime?
. . . But he didn't want his friend dead either, Suze.
Oh yeah . . .
'Adam, wait!' I yelled. But he was already gone.
~*~
'And the average temperature of Ballarat, Australia, is?' Mr Walden was asking. Some nerd at the front answered perfectly. Oh wait, CeeCee put her hand up too, so just ignore that last sentence.
'Very good,' Mr Walden smiled. 'Ballarat's snowfall – '
That was when I saw CeeCee seize up totally, with this huge gasp. Everyone turned to her in shock, and in Kelly's case, disdain. But God . . . her purple eyes were so wide, as if she'd just had a heart attack.
'Cee, what's wrong?' I asked in a desperate harsh whisper. Was she having a fit, or something? Oh, God!
But she was okay. As quickly as it had happened, she relaxed. Although, everyone was still staring at her. She frowned, holding her head. 'Mr Walden, could I go see the nurse? Heart condition,' she said gingerly.
Mr Walden touched his nose and nodded. CeeCee rushed out of the classroom. Immediately, I stood up.
'Susannah? Where are you going?' he wanted to know.
'I'm going to see I CeeCee's all right,' I said. 'She's my friend.'
He stared at me. I SO thought he was going to tell me to sit right back down, but Walden's a good bloke. 'Okay, hurry . . . ' he muttered, and slipped me two hall passes, one for CeeCee who'd rushed out of the classroom before he'd had the chance to give her one.
I strolled casually out the door and closed it behind me, before running at full speed after CeeCee who was about thirty seconds ahead. 'CeeCee!' I yelled.
A group of tourists who were staring up at the headless statue of Juniperro Sera in confusion – wondering if he had been historically guillotined – looked at me in alarm. I bit my lip. CeeCee stood staring at me in wonder.
'What are you doing?' she wanted to know.
'I'm seeing if you are okay,' I said. 'That was really weird back in class, with the heart clutching and the big eyes and the – '
'It's nothing,' she dismissed, turning from me. 'Go back to class. You might miss something.'
'Thus the appeal of seeing if you all right,' I rolled my eyes. 'Come on . . .'
'Suze I'm f-'
'Snow!'
She screamed. I am SO serious. She literally screamed when I said the word "snow." Like I'd threatened her with a gun. Now the tourists were eyeing her with interest. After getting over the shock, she avoided my eyes.
'So, what? You have a fear of snow?' I asked.
She winced. 'Yeah . . . that's it . . . uh, Chionophobia, it's called.' I noticed with interest that her breath had quickened remarkably. Whoa . . . way to react to a four letter word that wasn't a swear word . . .
But seriously . . . a fear of snow? What the hell?
'When did this fear start?' I asked her, with the smallest wry smile.
'Oh, don't go all therapist on me,' she snapped, and turned away. I continued to stare. She sighed and sat down on one of the benches in the courtyard.
'You don't have a fear of snow,' I said slowly, realizing. 'Do you.'
She burying her pale face in her hands. 'What's it to you?'
I put my hand on her shoulder. 'You can so tell me,' I said. 'Please . . .'
She shrugged me off. 'Nah, it's just too . . . too weird,' she squeaked, and glared ahead into space.
Ha . . . don't I know about that line?
'Dude, I've seen things that are weirder than you could ever imagine,' I said lightly. 'I guarantee, NOTHING will freak me out.'
'But, it just doesn't make any –' she cut herself off, and looked at me. 'Suze, do you believe in ghosts?'
I choked.
'What?' I asked her wildly.
She looked horrified with herself. 'I knew I was stupid to tell you. Duh, of course you don't. I don't either, but I just remember something, and it seemed to real, but it was probably just some munted day dream or something and I know you now think I'm a loser but please –'
'CeeCee!' I snapped. She broke off, looking alarmed. 'Babbling is strictly my job,' I scowled. She grinned feebly. 'I'm not high, Simon. It's just . . . you wouldn't understand,' she said instead angrily.
Then I remembered with a painful flash . . .
". . . Oh, don't give me all the credit. A certain Miss Snow White revealed your little tryst, with some somewhat painful persuasion . . . "
Oh my God . . . No . . .
How could I have only just realized this?!
I clapped my hand to my mouth in horror. No, Paul. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't . . .
But he did. He'd affected her. He'd showed himself as a ghost. And CeeCee had taken badly to it.
'Whoa,' I said, and gave her a hug. When I let go, she was staring at me weirdly, her white eyebrows hiked right up.
'Er . . . Simon?' she checked, 'Are YOU feeling okay?'
I blinked at her grimly. 'He appeared to you, didn't he?'
Her eyes, very briefly, went very wide. But then she looked casual. 'I don't know what you're talking about, Simon.'
'Do,' I protested in a low voice. 'You've seen him too, haven't you?'
She shook her head at me, so her white hair skimmed her shoulders crisply. 'What are you on about –'
'CeeCee, I don't think you're screwy,' I said softly. 'You saw a ghost. I've . . . I've seen him too . . . '
Her mouth fell open.
'My God,' she said breathlessly. 'We're both nuts . . . '
Okay, that wasn't quite the reaction I was aiming for, ya know? I twitched slightly with irritation.
'All I am saying,' I said, 'is that you're not the only one who's seen him. Admit it.'
She shook her head at me again. 'No . . . saw nothing.'
'Snow White,' I glared at her.
She shut her eyes forcibly. 'Don't,' she pleaded. 'Don't say that . . .'
'That's what he called you, right?' I asked. 'He called you Snow White. Because you're albino.'
Her eyes were still shut. I noticed that her hands were shaking again. Just like last night, when we'd found Tara.
Dead.
She'd seen a dead body.
CeeCee nodded very gently. 'Yeah,' she mouthed. 'He called me that.' She opened her lavenders, and looked at me with fearful anxiety. 'Suze, he scared me . . . I don't know why, but he did. He asked me these things about you and Jesse, and, well, I had to tell him.'
'Mmm,' I mused. 'You almost got me killed.'
She blanched. Well, went paler than she already was.
'W-what?' she spluttered, aghast.
Oops, I wasn't meant to say that out loud. 'Not that I blame you,' I jumbled, 'He freaks me out too. But he so tried to off me and Jesse. He came this close –' I held up my thumb and my index ringer a centimeter apart from each other, in front of her eyes '- to killing me. It was so scary . . .'
She was now, it was plain to see, appalled with herself. 'I almost killed you?' she squeaked.
'No!'
'But you just said –'
'CeeCee, Paul's the type of guy who knows how to get what he wants,' I explained to her horrified white face, 'And he shouldn't have done what he did to you, whatever that was. I don't know. But yeah. He would have found some other way to find me,' I assured her.
Her eyes were glazed over. 'I am so sorry,' she whispered. 'I didn't want to believe it happened. I have never believed in ghosts, Suze. Never. Not even, well, God,' she added under her breath as a novice sauntered by. We flashed our hall passes, and sticking her nose up, she continued on. 'But this, this is big. Ghosts. Real ghosts,' she said, her voice going raspy. 'And I almost killed you. I can't believe it.'
Whoa, she was looking messed up over the whole thing all right. I'd go as far as to say, traumatized. Her pallid forehead was creased in deep dismay. This was really disturbing her. I mean, REALLY. She looked close to tears. And for as long as I've known CeeCee, she hasn't cried in her life.
Well, so Adam says.
'Oh, Cee,' I clicked my tongue, and again, pulled her into a hug. This time, she didn't think I was acting like a freak of nature.
So that was why she got scared when she heard the word "snow" . . .
Paul was really going to get his own some day.
He'd reduced one of the strongest people I knew to tears. Emotional disarray.
He'd gone too far.
~*~
No, not again . . .
'I told you I'm not leaving . . . '
Once again, I was trapped in a land of mist and darkness. I place where I couldn't escape. No . . . not again . . .
Numbed terror burnt within my heart, and a terrible, chilling hand had again, seized my throat. I felt as though I couldn't breathe again. It was oh so familiar. But I didn't want it to be. I wanted it to end . . . I didn't want to see his face like this, acting around him like this.
I wanted him out of my life. Out of my head!
'But I'm apart of you, Suze. It's what I've been trying to tell you . . . '
His lips formed these deadly words to perfection. Pure, yet heavily polluted with evil. Painful, enticing words that bound me to the spot.
'Apart of me?' I scoffed, with no less fear, 'Get ripped, Paul.'
A knowing smirk tugged at his lips. 'Suze, Suze . . . ' he hissed in my ear. Fog enclosed us and chilled me to the bone. My fingers were like ice, and the cold stung my cheeks.
'I'm inside you, Suze. You're inside of me too . . . haven't you wondered why you've been speaking to me? Thinking about me? Dreaming about me . . . ' he said in a slow-burning tone, again pulling me into him. I groaned. It happened every night, but it never stopped hurting. Never.
~*~
. . . Long lost words whisper slowly to me
still can't find what keeps me here
when all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there . . .
~*~
'What do you mean?' I gasped as he pushed my head against his chest gently. I didn't want to be this close to him, ever. This wasn't real, Suze. None of this is real. It's a nightmare.
'It's not, you know,' he smirked. Well, I couldn't see, but I could feel him smirking against my head. My scalp froze at the touch of this lips. It sent my brain in to a fast, throbbing whir. My whole body ached from the cold.
If this was just a nightmare, why was the pain so real? Why did it hurt so much? The pain, and the knowledge? Why?!
'I'm in your system,' he went on. 'You're craving me, Suze. I told you that you loved me. How could you be thinking these thoughts if you didn't? In the very least you're attracted to me, but I can sense something more.' He stroked the side of my face with a long, cold finger that left a trail of ice on my cheek. 'It's hurting you. Tearing you up inside. But it's there. If only you'd let lose, and allow yourself to feel what you do for me . . . '
He's lying . . .
Messing with my mind again . . . Don't listen.
~*~
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down.
Fearing you, loving you,
I won't let you pull me down.
~*~
'Deep down, you know you feel. It's real, Suze. You can't ignore it for much longer, or it will kill you.'
I looked up at him. My eyes connected with his steady, cold blues. They stared at me, trying to explore me, trying to manipulate my thoughts. But I wasn't letting him enter. My mind, I mean. God, I wasn't letting him enter me full stop. Ew . . . ever so slightly wrong there . . .
Above us were the alien stars. They weren't familiar. I could see no familiar constellations. Nothing to reassure me that everything was going to be all right. Because it wasn't. I knew that. If I said I didn't have feelings for Paul, he'd kill me. Slowly, too. Make me feel the pain. And if I said I did – which I SO did not! – he'd kill me anyway. And still slowly. He had a sadistic version of love.
Gripping my back ever tighter, he spun me around. I was so cold . . . Fearing the cold . . . Fearing the snow! I felt so weak . . . like I was going to pass out. But since I already felt like I was in the realm of the dead, I didn't know what was going to become of me if I ever did here. I held onto consciousness, still trying to back away from Paul, but he had superior strength for a ghost, and I was . . . as weak as wet paper.
Damn him . . .
He chuckled darkly, stepping me back until I was against one of the doors on the foggy hallway. It went on for so long . . . Stretched on for all of eternity.
'I'll give you one last chance, Suze,' he warned. His hold was tighter, more restrictive, and ever more dangerous. 'Tell me the truth about what you feel. I don't want some lie that you think will sound all virtuous. I want the truth that buried at the bottom of your heart . . . '
~*~
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head . . .
~*~
'I love Jesse,' I snarled at him.
His forehead contorted in anger. His eyes went from cold for incensed.
'You have no one to blame but yourself,' he shrugged, and promptly began kissing me so hard against the door that it hurt. Bruising my lips. Constricting his hands around my wrists. Stopping my blood flow. Sharpening my senses. Making me scream . . .
Killing me . . .
~*~
Watching me, wanting me,
I can feel you pull me down.
Saving me, raping me, Watching me . . .
~*~
'Stop!' I cried from beneath him. He was pressing himself so firmly against me it too hurt like crazy. I groaned and gasped, but he was ruthless and unyielding. Refusing to stop . . . Refusing to let me go.
*Forever is a very long time . . . *
'FEEL,' he yelled in my face. 'THAT'S ALL I ASK!' I didn't cry, but I was so close my eyes stung. I wouldn't give in . . . Never . . .
'YOU WANT ME SO BAD!' he roared at me, shaking me. I moaned, jamming my eyes shut, going rigid. 'WE ARE CONNECTED NOW! BY SOMETHING SO POWERFUL AND SECRET JESSE COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO BLOODY IMAGINE, SUZE!'
Stop! Please! We were NOT connected!
*The kiss . . . leaving me weak . . . dimmer aura . . . dreams and nightmares . . . *
'Leave, stop haunting me!' I pleaded. 'I'm trying to live, Paul. You're pulling me down. Down to your level . . . I'm above you, and don't you forget. I love Jesse. Nothing you say can change that.' I was shaking . . .
Not real . . . Not real. NOT REAL!
~*~
Watching me...wanting me,
I can feel you pull me down.
Fearing you...loving you,
I won't let you pull me down.
~*~
Won't let him . . . won't let him trick me . . . No, never . . . never give in, Suze. Don't give into him. Don't tell him the truth . . .
NO! He KNOWS the truth! I love Jesse! He was playing with my mind!
'Stop!' I screamed, louder than ever.
And oh so predictably, I woke up, sweating. It all made sense . . .
Jesse was right. Paul had done something to me.
He'd drained a bit of my life.
. . . I wasn't complete anymore.
Wasn't all me . . .
**************************************************************************** ************** Done . . . I am SO tired. So excuse any mistakes, what not. It's getting worse, the dreams . . . *Drumroll.*
***NOTE: PLZ READ!
OKAY, the GOOD bit. I am writing an *ALL NEW fanfiction, (as in, not this one, but, it's going to be a Paul&Jesse Swap Special Edition . . . sounds good ^_^) and I want you ALL to review, writing exactly what you'd like me to include! It's a SPECIAL REQUEST PLOT! I don't usually do this, but I want ALL of your Mediator desires, okay? Paul/Suze relationships, LEATHER GET UPS, CeeCee being, I dunno, Buddhist. (Please don't do that . . . ) But I want to hear EVERYTHING so I can get ideal plot for the best people on fanfiction. You PEOPLE! You all ROCK! So, PLOT IDEAS for a NEW story, not THIS one, but still Paul is DEAD and Jesse is ALIVE!
NOT ideas for this story . . . sorry going all capital on you there . . .
Review! I'm hungry for your plot ideas. I want the saucy cravings, the cute little wishes, EVERYTHING!***
Regards, MystAngel.
Disclaimer: No lyrics from this chapter belong to me. They belong to Evanescence. The song is called "Haunted."
**************************************************************************** *************
Suze's POV
Adam slid from behind the tall tree amidst the gravestones, grinning broadly.
'You saw that, right?' he checked, inclining his head cockily. He was obviously deeply impressed with himself.
I was not.
'Adam, what the HELL is wrong with you?!' I shouted, shoving him in the chest.
He looked astonished. 'What? What are you on about? I just saved your life! With the floating headstone, and . . . and the floating headstone – '
'You could have got yourself killed,' I snapped at him. 'It was a stupid thing to do, Adam! These ghosts aren't for playing fair. He would have totally turned onto you, regardless of whether you're a stupid mediator or not! Don't ever do it again!' I seethed.
He was very pale. 'I . . . I'm sorry . . . ' Oh, Jeez . . . He wasn't expecting this reaction, I guess. 'Actually,' he snapped, 'I'm not, Suze. I'm not sorry for saving your life. I actually like you living, thanks. So make of it whatever. I don't give.'
Now I was the one shocked. I mean, whoa.
I deflated totally and sighed. 'Okay, fine then. You helped me out. I'm grateful. But I am so serious, dude. You don't know what you're dealing with, okay? Just don't do it again. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want any of my friends to get hurt. See why I keep this thing a secret?' And it was true. If anyone did end up believing me, they'd want to help fight ghosts, just like Adam. And they'd end up as one.
A ghost, I mean.
Or worse . . . nothing.
He shrugged. You could so tell he was still pissed. What? He was an idiot for running out and grabbing that headstone. So what if Mr. Skid Road had been about to shove it through my cranium? That was no reason for Adam to virtually commit suicide!
But still . . . No one's ever done that for me . . .
No one's had the opportunity. Except Jesse. But Jesse has an obligation. Some Spanish gentleman thing he has.
Oh, and we're kind of dating.
Yeah, that always helps.
Adam was totally offended, though. 'I'm so glad you appreciate me,' he growled, and walked silently away, his shoulders hunched a bit. I rolled my eyes. For God's sake. Why did people insist I feel guilty? It wasn't fair . . . So, I didn't want my friend dead. Was that such a crime?
. . . But he didn't want his friend dead either, Suze.
Oh yeah . . .
'Adam, wait!' I yelled. But he was already gone.
~*~
'And the average temperature of Ballarat, Australia, is?' Mr Walden was asking. Some nerd at the front answered perfectly. Oh wait, CeeCee put her hand up too, so just ignore that last sentence.
'Very good,' Mr Walden smiled. 'Ballarat's snowfall – '
That was when I saw CeeCee seize up totally, with this huge gasp. Everyone turned to her in shock, and in Kelly's case, disdain. But God . . . her purple eyes were so wide, as if she'd just had a heart attack.
'Cee, what's wrong?' I asked in a desperate harsh whisper. Was she having a fit, or something? Oh, God!
But she was okay. As quickly as it had happened, she relaxed. Although, everyone was still staring at her. She frowned, holding her head. 'Mr Walden, could I go see the nurse? Heart condition,' she said gingerly.
Mr Walden touched his nose and nodded. CeeCee rushed out of the classroom. Immediately, I stood up.
'Susannah? Where are you going?' he wanted to know.
'I'm going to see I CeeCee's all right,' I said. 'She's my friend.'
He stared at me. I SO thought he was going to tell me to sit right back down, but Walden's a good bloke. 'Okay, hurry . . . ' he muttered, and slipped me two hall passes, one for CeeCee who'd rushed out of the classroom before he'd had the chance to give her one.
I strolled casually out the door and closed it behind me, before running at full speed after CeeCee who was about thirty seconds ahead. 'CeeCee!' I yelled.
A group of tourists who were staring up at the headless statue of Juniperro Sera in confusion – wondering if he had been historically guillotined – looked at me in alarm. I bit my lip. CeeCee stood staring at me in wonder.
'What are you doing?' she wanted to know.
'I'm seeing if you are okay,' I said. 'That was really weird back in class, with the heart clutching and the big eyes and the – '
'It's nothing,' she dismissed, turning from me. 'Go back to class. You might miss something.'
'Thus the appeal of seeing if you all right,' I rolled my eyes. 'Come on . . .'
'Suze I'm f-'
'Snow!'
She screamed. I am SO serious. She literally screamed when I said the word "snow." Like I'd threatened her with a gun. Now the tourists were eyeing her with interest. After getting over the shock, she avoided my eyes.
'So, what? You have a fear of snow?' I asked.
She winced. 'Yeah . . . that's it . . . uh, Chionophobia, it's called.' I noticed with interest that her breath had quickened remarkably. Whoa . . . way to react to a four letter word that wasn't a swear word . . .
But seriously . . . a fear of snow? What the hell?
'When did this fear start?' I asked her, with the smallest wry smile.
'Oh, don't go all therapist on me,' she snapped, and turned away. I continued to stare. She sighed and sat down on one of the benches in the courtyard.
'You don't have a fear of snow,' I said slowly, realizing. 'Do you.'
She burying her pale face in her hands. 'What's it to you?'
I put my hand on her shoulder. 'You can so tell me,' I said. 'Please . . .'
She shrugged me off. 'Nah, it's just too . . . too weird,' she squeaked, and glared ahead into space.
Ha . . . don't I know about that line?
'Dude, I've seen things that are weirder than you could ever imagine,' I said lightly. 'I guarantee, NOTHING will freak me out.'
'But, it just doesn't make any –' she cut herself off, and looked at me. 'Suze, do you believe in ghosts?'
I choked.
'What?' I asked her wildly.
She looked horrified with herself. 'I knew I was stupid to tell you. Duh, of course you don't. I don't either, but I just remember something, and it seemed to real, but it was probably just some munted day dream or something and I know you now think I'm a loser but please –'
'CeeCee!' I snapped. She broke off, looking alarmed. 'Babbling is strictly my job,' I scowled. She grinned feebly. 'I'm not high, Simon. It's just . . . you wouldn't understand,' she said instead angrily.
Then I remembered with a painful flash . . .
". . . Oh, don't give me all the credit. A certain Miss Snow White revealed your little tryst, with some somewhat painful persuasion . . . "
Oh my God . . . No . . .
How could I have only just realized this?!
I clapped my hand to my mouth in horror. No, Paul. You didn't. Please tell me you didn't . . .
But he did. He'd affected her. He'd showed himself as a ghost. And CeeCee had taken badly to it.
'Whoa,' I said, and gave her a hug. When I let go, she was staring at me weirdly, her white eyebrows hiked right up.
'Er . . . Simon?' she checked, 'Are YOU feeling okay?'
I blinked at her grimly. 'He appeared to you, didn't he?'
Her eyes, very briefly, went very wide. But then she looked casual. 'I don't know what you're talking about, Simon.'
'Do,' I protested in a low voice. 'You've seen him too, haven't you?'
She shook her head at me, so her white hair skimmed her shoulders crisply. 'What are you on about –'
'CeeCee, I don't think you're screwy,' I said softly. 'You saw a ghost. I've . . . I've seen him too . . . '
Her mouth fell open.
'My God,' she said breathlessly. 'We're both nuts . . . '
Okay, that wasn't quite the reaction I was aiming for, ya know? I twitched slightly with irritation.
'All I am saying,' I said, 'is that you're not the only one who's seen him. Admit it.'
She shook her head at me again. 'No . . . saw nothing.'
'Snow White,' I glared at her.
She shut her eyes forcibly. 'Don't,' she pleaded. 'Don't say that . . .'
'That's what he called you, right?' I asked. 'He called you Snow White. Because you're albino.'
Her eyes were still shut. I noticed that her hands were shaking again. Just like last night, when we'd found Tara.
Dead.
She'd seen a dead body.
CeeCee nodded very gently. 'Yeah,' she mouthed. 'He called me that.' She opened her lavenders, and looked at me with fearful anxiety. 'Suze, he scared me . . . I don't know why, but he did. He asked me these things about you and Jesse, and, well, I had to tell him.'
'Mmm,' I mused. 'You almost got me killed.'
She blanched. Well, went paler than she already was.
'W-what?' she spluttered, aghast.
Oops, I wasn't meant to say that out loud. 'Not that I blame you,' I jumbled, 'He freaks me out too. But he so tried to off me and Jesse. He came this close –' I held up my thumb and my index ringer a centimeter apart from each other, in front of her eyes '- to killing me. It was so scary . . .'
She was now, it was plain to see, appalled with herself. 'I almost killed you?' she squeaked.
'No!'
'But you just said –'
'CeeCee, Paul's the type of guy who knows how to get what he wants,' I explained to her horrified white face, 'And he shouldn't have done what he did to you, whatever that was. I don't know. But yeah. He would have found some other way to find me,' I assured her.
Her eyes were glazed over. 'I am so sorry,' she whispered. 'I didn't want to believe it happened. I have never believed in ghosts, Suze. Never. Not even, well, God,' she added under her breath as a novice sauntered by. We flashed our hall passes, and sticking her nose up, she continued on. 'But this, this is big. Ghosts. Real ghosts,' she said, her voice going raspy. 'And I almost killed you. I can't believe it.'
Whoa, she was looking messed up over the whole thing all right. I'd go as far as to say, traumatized. Her pallid forehead was creased in deep dismay. This was really disturbing her. I mean, REALLY. She looked close to tears. And for as long as I've known CeeCee, she hasn't cried in her life.
Well, so Adam says.
'Oh, Cee,' I clicked my tongue, and again, pulled her into a hug. This time, she didn't think I was acting like a freak of nature.
So that was why she got scared when she heard the word "snow" . . .
Paul was really going to get his own some day.
He'd reduced one of the strongest people I knew to tears. Emotional disarray.
He'd gone too far.
~*~
No, not again . . .
'I told you I'm not leaving . . . '
Once again, I was trapped in a land of mist and darkness. I place where I couldn't escape. No . . . not again . . .
Numbed terror burnt within my heart, and a terrible, chilling hand had again, seized my throat. I felt as though I couldn't breathe again. It was oh so familiar. But I didn't want it to be. I wanted it to end . . . I didn't want to see his face like this, acting around him like this.
I wanted him out of my life. Out of my head!
'But I'm apart of you, Suze. It's what I've been trying to tell you . . . '
His lips formed these deadly words to perfection. Pure, yet heavily polluted with evil. Painful, enticing words that bound me to the spot.
'Apart of me?' I scoffed, with no less fear, 'Get ripped, Paul.'
A knowing smirk tugged at his lips. 'Suze, Suze . . . ' he hissed in my ear. Fog enclosed us and chilled me to the bone. My fingers were like ice, and the cold stung my cheeks.
'I'm inside you, Suze. You're inside of me too . . . haven't you wondered why you've been speaking to me? Thinking about me? Dreaming about me . . . ' he said in a slow-burning tone, again pulling me into him. I groaned. It happened every night, but it never stopped hurting. Never.
~*~
. . . Long lost words whisper slowly to me
still can't find what keeps me here
when all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there . . .
~*~
'What do you mean?' I gasped as he pushed my head against his chest gently. I didn't want to be this close to him, ever. This wasn't real, Suze. None of this is real. It's a nightmare.
'It's not, you know,' he smirked. Well, I couldn't see, but I could feel him smirking against my head. My scalp froze at the touch of this lips. It sent my brain in to a fast, throbbing whir. My whole body ached from the cold.
If this was just a nightmare, why was the pain so real? Why did it hurt so much? The pain, and the knowledge? Why?!
'I'm in your system,' he went on. 'You're craving me, Suze. I told you that you loved me. How could you be thinking these thoughts if you didn't? In the very least you're attracted to me, but I can sense something more.' He stroked the side of my face with a long, cold finger that left a trail of ice on my cheek. 'It's hurting you. Tearing you up inside. But it's there. If only you'd let lose, and allow yourself to feel what you do for me . . . '
He's lying . . .
Messing with my mind again . . . Don't listen.
~*~
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down.
Fearing you, loving you,
I won't let you pull me down.
~*~
'Deep down, you know you feel. It's real, Suze. You can't ignore it for much longer, or it will kill you.'
I looked up at him. My eyes connected with his steady, cold blues. They stared at me, trying to explore me, trying to manipulate my thoughts. But I wasn't letting him enter. My mind, I mean. God, I wasn't letting him enter me full stop. Ew . . . ever so slightly wrong there . . .
Above us were the alien stars. They weren't familiar. I could see no familiar constellations. Nothing to reassure me that everything was going to be all right. Because it wasn't. I knew that. If I said I didn't have feelings for Paul, he'd kill me. Slowly, too. Make me feel the pain. And if I said I did – which I SO did not! – he'd kill me anyway. And still slowly. He had a sadistic version of love.
Gripping my back ever tighter, he spun me around. I was so cold . . . Fearing the cold . . . Fearing the snow! I felt so weak . . . like I was going to pass out. But since I already felt like I was in the realm of the dead, I didn't know what was going to become of me if I ever did here. I held onto consciousness, still trying to back away from Paul, but he had superior strength for a ghost, and I was . . . as weak as wet paper.
Damn him . . .
He chuckled darkly, stepping me back until I was against one of the doors on the foggy hallway. It went on for so long . . . Stretched on for all of eternity.
'I'll give you one last chance, Suze,' he warned. His hold was tighter, more restrictive, and ever more dangerous. 'Tell me the truth about what you feel. I don't want some lie that you think will sound all virtuous. I want the truth that buried at the bottom of your heart . . . '
~*~
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head . . .
~*~
'I love Jesse,' I snarled at him.
His forehead contorted in anger. His eyes went from cold for incensed.
'You have no one to blame but yourself,' he shrugged, and promptly began kissing me so hard against the door that it hurt. Bruising my lips. Constricting his hands around my wrists. Stopping my blood flow. Sharpening my senses. Making me scream . . .
Killing me . . .
~*~
Watching me, wanting me,
I can feel you pull me down.
Saving me, raping me, Watching me . . .
~*~
'Stop!' I cried from beneath him. He was pressing himself so firmly against me it too hurt like crazy. I groaned and gasped, but he was ruthless and unyielding. Refusing to stop . . . Refusing to let me go.
*Forever is a very long time . . . *
'FEEL,' he yelled in my face. 'THAT'S ALL I ASK!' I didn't cry, but I was so close my eyes stung. I wouldn't give in . . . Never . . .
'YOU WANT ME SO BAD!' he roared at me, shaking me. I moaned, jamming my eyes shut, going rigid. 'WE ARE CONNECTED NOW! BY SOMETHING SO POWERFUL AND SECRET JESSE COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO BLOODY IMAGINE, SUZE!'
Stop! Please! We were NOT connected!
*The kiss . . . leaving me weak . . . dimmer aura . . . dreams and nightmares . . . *
'Leave, stop haunting me!' I pleaded. 'I'm trying to live, Paul. You're pulling me down. Down to your level . . . I'm above you, and don't you forget. I love Jesse. Nothing you say can change that.' I was shaking . . .
Not real . . . Not real. NOT REAL!
~*~
Watching me...wanting me,
I can feel you pull me down.
Fearing you...loving you,
I won't let you pull me down.
~*~
Won't let him . . . won't let him trick me . . . No, never . . . never give in, Suze. Don't give into him. Don't tell him the truth . . .
NO! He KNOWS the truth! I love Jesse! He was playing with my mind!
'Stop!' I screamed, louder than ever.
And oh so predictably, I woke up, sweating. It all made sense . . .
Jesse was right. Paul had done something to me.
He'd drained a bit of my life.
. . . I wasn't complete anymore.
Wasn't all me . . .
**************************************************************************** ************** Done . . . I am SO tired. So excuse any mistakes, what not. It's getting worse, the dreams . . . *Drumroll.*
***NOTE: PLZ READ!
OKAY, the GOOD bit. I am writing an *ALL NEW fanfiction, (as in, not this one, but, it's going to be a Paul&Jesse Swap Special Edition . . . sounds good ^_^) and I want you ALL to review, writing exactly what you'd like me to include! It's a SPECIAL REQUEST PLOT! I don't usually do this, but I want ALL of your Mediator desires, okay? Paul/Suze relationships, LEATHER GET UPS, CeeCee being, I dunno, Buddhist. (Please don't do that . . . ) But I want to hear EVERYTHING so I can get ideal plot for the best people on fanfiction. You PEOPLE! You all ROCK! So, PLOT IDEAS for a NEW story, not THIS one, but still Paul is DEAD and Jesse is ALIVE!
NOT ideas for this story . . . sorry going all capital on you there . . .
Review! I'm hungry for your plot ideas. I want the saucy cravings, the cute little wishes, EVERYTHING!***
Regards, MystAngel.