Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Of course.
A/N: I almost forgot to include this next viewpoint. The sections are each so easily shuffled around that sometimes I have troubled figuring out which chapter I meant to have next. Oh well, here he is. Remember to review!
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Title: Wolf's Eyes
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He was right there. Right there!
I looked away.
Just for perhaps thirty seconds. A few students were fighting.
There was a small explosion of some spells colliding. It hurt my sensitive hearing a little, and I turned to see what was going on.
When I looked back, he was gone. There was just a bit of a glow in the air. Nothing else.
I was frantic by the time I made it to Albus. My hands shook, and all I could see was Sirius's accusing eyes. I had failed. I had failed his godson. Lily…James…how could I ever face them when I died?
There was nothing to be done. Albus just nodded, looking weary.
It is because he is between a rock and a hard place right now.
If he strengthens the wards around Hogwarts, it might stop Voldemort from being able to take Harry. It might.
But if it didn't stop him, it could just make it that much worse for Harry. We know getting ripped through the wards hurts him badly, but there is not much to do. If we changed them to accommodate his passage through them, we would have no warning of Voldemort's attempts to take him. Then he would be taken much more often…
Damned if you, damned if you don't….
Damned if you happen to be Harry Potter…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Harry!" I exclaim.
He has just appeared. In the middle of Albus's office. I was there for something…some meeting…I don't care what…
"Harry?" Albus echoes.
I am already kneeling at the boy's side.
He is a mess. Blood-covered, mud-caked and thinner than ever before. One of his eyes is gone, a bloody mess in its place.
Madame Pomfrey will heal it. She has before.
He is limp and unconscious as I pick him up, cradling him in my shaking arms. I wish I could help him…
Pomfrey is the only one that sees her efforts make a positive difference.
She smiles as Harry's eye heals under her careful work. His face is whole…but damaged. It frustrates her that she cannot heal the scar on his cheek, that she cannot erase the scars on his body.
But she will get to see him awake. She'll get to see him sit up and be alive again. Even if he is not 'living.'
She cannot do much for his emaciated body, for his lack of energy. Ron and Hermione force-feed him at every meal he attends, and push potions down his throat when they may.
For now he lies in the white bed, sleeping. He looks whole. Thin, scarred, but whole.
The tragedy is that he will not stay that way for long…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Even though I was very young, I remember being bit.
I was running…I don't remember exactly why I was outside, but I was…and I heard growling.
I ran for the house. Ran and ran…but I did not make it…I was not fast enough…
The werewolf slashed open my back with its teeth. I rolled on my back, trying to defend myself. I was screaming wildly.
Where were my parents???
The werewolf lashed out and its claws slashed across my face. It grabbed my arm, twisted and snarled…
And then a stunning spell hit it, knocked it rolling. Of course, it was not stunned…it was surprised, though.
It ran away. Silent, it disappeared into the dark.
My mother shushed my, cried with me, held me…until I felt the changes. The agonizing pain as I started to transform for the very first time…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I know how Harry continues despite the torture…
Because I know how I do. Granted, once every full moon is not the same as two weeks every month and a half or so, but in its own way, it is the same…
The inevitable looking in the future…knowing that sometime soon, sometime very soon, you will be in agony.
And then knowing that afterwards, after it is over, it will take a great deal of the time you have between the pain to even recover enough to live again.
It is the worst part of it. Knowing that you can't escape it…
But what keeps me going…What keeps me from laying down and dying…are the moments I have with others. The moments where I can laugh and smile and remember good times…
Like Lily and James's wedding. It was so perfect…
As was their little son…
When Harry was born…I remember that…I was doing something for Albus, doing some work for the Order, when I got the word.
Sirius was the one who told me…well, at least tried to tell me. Of course, he was too excited and worked up to get more than a few garbled words out, and I came to the conclusion that Lily and James had been killed.
If only I had known…
I got to the hospital as fast as I could…and found Lily and James were just fine. Peter was there…
But Lily was smiling, beaming, holding a tiny little baby in her arms.
Little Harry had such beautiful green eyes already, and the starts of a dark head of hair. He did not cry…I remember that…he just looked around, smiled, and giggled. He was such a happy little babe…
When he was almost a year old, he started saying his first understandable words. Of course, mommy and daddy were first, but then he quickly learned 'Paff' and 'Mooey.' Even then, he did not like Peter much. He refused to call him anything but 'Peer,' and cried whenever the man held him.
It's too bad that we didn't understand what it meant. We could have had a chance, if we had suspected Peter.
But as I hear from Albus, at the time they suspected me. Because I always seemed more distant…
They could not understand how it was for me. Being a werewolf…knowing that I could kill someone and never remember it. Or worse, make them a werewolf like myself…
And from the moment I found out Lily and James had been killed, from the moment I found out that Sirius had supposedly betrayed them and murdered Peter as well, the good went out of my life.
There was little reason to live from full moon to full moon. I lived alone, with a room in the basement for my transformations.
And then one day Albus came to speak with me.
Harry was at Hogwarts, coming into his third year. And Sirius had escaped from Azkaban…
I had not heard from Albus in some time. I was still grieving. I didn't even know what had been happening in the wizarding world for over a decade. Albus filled me in a little, but it did not prepare me for the first time that I saw Harry.
I was asleep on the train, worn and weak from traveling and moving about more than I had in years.
But when I woke up, hearing his voice, my heart leapt. He sounded almost exactly like James.
I was afraid to face him. I didn't want to see James. It would break me…
But then I had to open my eyes…
And it was worse than I could have imagined. It was James and Lily, so painfully obvious in one teenaged boy that I wanted to hug him and cry over him and tell him how sorry I was…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Harry became my reason for living. He became the reason that I put so much effort into my teaching, and so much time into helping him.
He told me some about his previous two years at Hogwarts, and I was amazed by how much he had done. He was certainly James's son.
But his compassion could only have been Lily's.
He would not let us kill Pettigrew. When Sirius was ready to kill the man that had betrayed Harry's parents, that had put him in Azkaban for twelve years…
Harry wouldn't let us kill him.
He saved us both…even if the rat escaped…
He was my lifeline…he was what I needed in my life…
The son I never got to have…the son that Sirius never had the opportunity to have…
But now I think he is the one living for me. He knows that I have no one left…
I wish he wouldn't care. I wish he'd just think about himself for a while…
But he won't. He always asks if I'm all right, makes sure that I know that I am not to blame for the torture he goes through…
I wish I could believe him. His green eyes plead with me, begging for me to accept what he says…
I wish I could. But I've let him down, and I'm afraid of what a very similar pair of green eyes will show when I next see them…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I do what I can in this war.
That's what I tell myself every day. It's what Albus tells me.
Harry tells me that I do more than my share. That he wouldn't be able to go on without my support…
I think he says that just for me. Because he doesn't want to see guilt in my eyes.
I try hard for him. I have learned to crush that guilt down as deep as I can, so that he will not find it when he searches my soul with those incredibly intelligent eyes…
I don't know what I would do if he were not here for me…here with me…
I never needed to have children…because I have Harry. I couldn't imagine loving any child more than I love Harry.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"He has grown up much too fast."
Sorrowful blue eyes watch me.
"I know," I admit. "His eyes…"
"The pain is destroying him."
"I don't know what to do."
"Do what you've been doing," he says gently. "Be there for him. Be beside him every time he wakes up, every time he searches for someone to hold on to."
"But what if—"
He holds up an old, gnarled hand to stop my fearful words. "There is no what if," he says gently. "There is only now, and what you can do for him now. Focus on that, Remus."
"I'm afraid I'm going to lose him," I admit. It is so hard to say it out loud… Like tearing a hole in my heart…
He leans forward in his chair, resting his arms on his desk as he holds me with those now-somber blue eyes. "So are we all."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A/N: Without a doubt, this was the hardest for me to write. That's why it's a little short, sorry. Remus is such a complicated guy that it's hard for me to get his feeling down. I guess I'm just not guilt-ridden enough to see through his eyes…
Anyway, someone kinda mentioned him in a review and I realized that I hadn't written anything from his point of view. Honestly, in the first version I had of this fic, I had him dying fairly early on. It just seemed to me that he'd be ending up where everyone else that had been his friends had ended up.
But things change and so did this. So he's still alive. Whether he dies or not…that is still up in the air.
Thank you to:
Two2feet – you're the one that reminded me about Remus. Thanks for the review as well.
Shadowsfriend – I always look forward to your input. Your reviews are really wonderful, and your last one really was great. I'm glad that someone'll be missing me over the summer. I'll try to update when I can!
Kjkit – thanks for the review! I'm lovin' your story right now, and it's great that you're keeping tabs on mine as well.
Ash Knight, Imaginaryfriendless, Catti, Lin, Rin, flyinhigh, thanks as well. It's really wonderful to get reviews, and I'm glad you took the time to do so!
--Miss Laine