Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. He and all other creations associated with him belong to JK Rowling. Like they always have.
A/N: Here it is. The big one. The chapter. Okay, I'm getting a little over-dramatic. But I've quit stalling. Harry's fate is actually in this chapter. So you can't threaten me or whatever. You'll know by the end of this chapter.
Oddly enough, I have the first paragraphs of the next three or four chapters started already…who knows which ones I'll actually get around to finishing, though…it all depends on how this chapter ends…
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Title: The Dreamer
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There is a clearing in the woods.
Time is standing still. Only the silver ribbon of water moves, the sound muted.
The grass wavers on a soft breeze. I can feel the warm air… The trees are whispering as well, the soft air gently rushing through their branches.
My feet don't make a sound in the grass as I walk forward.
There are unicorns ahead of me. They are dancing.
I want to join their dance…I want to feel how they feel, living and breathing and dancing all of the time.
Moonlight filters down, casting the unicorns and myself in a blue-tinted glow. And the dance continues.
It has been happening since time began, and the dance will not end anytime soon…but even it is not eternal…
I try to join in. I lift my arms in joy and twirl around, long hair whipping in a circle.
But the unicorns move away. They continue their dance farther down the clearing. I cannot dance with them…
The water of the stream is cool and wonderful, though…I dance with it instead, relishing the feeling of the slightly chilly water rushing over my legs. It is life, too. It is its own dance.
I laugh aloud as I dance in the water. I feel so alive…
Something shifts in the tall grass to my right and I whirl, frightened…
But it is the dark haired boy…man? He is always there. And he is always sleeping…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
My mother comes into my room. She has heard me crying.
"Did you dream?" she asks. I nod, and when she sits next to me I lean into her, needing that warmth and love.
"The same dream…" I murmur. "He was sleeping still."
She knows what I am talking about. I have told her about this dream all week. Ever since…
She says that she has dreamed it as well…but she never sees more than the clearing and the boy sleeping, because it is what I have described to her the most. "It is just a dream, love," she says softly. "Let it comfort you."
But the boy sleeps in the dream! How can that be comforting? I want him to wake up! I want him to join the dance and show me he's living and happy! Why does he just sleep??
"I don't understand Ron anymore," I say, instead of asking my questions. "I don't get it. How does he?"
"Ron had more time to understand," she tells me softly. "Harry…" she can't finish that right away. Even now, a week later, it is still too hard to talk about it… "Harry helped him to understand…"
"He showed me the unicorns," I say. "He never showed Ron."
"Ron didn't need to see them, I don't think," she says. "He has Hermione. She is his unicorn."
"I don't understand," I admit. I feel like I spend a lot of time saying that. But I am just reaching fifteen. Surely I am allowed to not understand some things?
"What did you feel when you saw the unicorns?" she asks.
I think back, remembering the moment they came out of the trees… "I felt alive," I say. "I wanted to laugh and dance with them."
"Hope," mother says softly.
She is right. It was hope that I felt… "But—"
"Hermione is Ron's hope," she says. "They have each other to believe in and live for. I think Harry showed them to you to give you hope," she finishes.
"He showed the Headmaster too," I say. Did the headmaster need something to believe in too? Was he just as lost as I? An old man, separated by age from his peers, and a girl, younger than the others…did both of us need the hope that Harry brought us?
"You need hope to live, Ginny," mother whispers in my ear.
"Then why does Ron just let Harry be dead?" I ask, frustrated. "He can't be dead!"
Mother is crying now. There are tears on her face.
It's too bad they're not for Harry, but for me. Why do I need tears? "I wish you could have had a few more years before this happened," she murmurs. "Just a few more years…"
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
The young man is sleeping still, stretched out on the grass. There is a smile curving his perfect lips, and his dark hair is mussed and fluttering in the soft breeze. He looks content, but he never wakes.
The unicorns are dancing for him, I realize. They dance for the boy that sleeps in their clearing and never wakes…
I want to scream at him. I want to shout and rage until he opens his eyes and sits up.
Because I want to see those eyes again, those brilliant green eyes. I want to see them alive and happy.
I don't care about the scars on his body. The thick mark on his cheek seems barely noticeable to me now.
I can see his other scars as well…he has only the grass to cover him…
But the scars don't matter…I just want to see him wake up. I want him to tell me that everything's all right.
But all he does is sleep, that smile on his lips…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
"You are keeping him, Ginny," Harry says.
Harry the portrait, that is. He still won't speak to anyone else, but he and I have talked more than once.
I have come to Hogwarts for the memorial. It is going to be quiet, clandestine. The headmaster doesn't want to let anything out yet. Just in case Voldemort is still alive…I wish he would add 'just in case Harry is still alive,' but he doesn't.
The portrait has been moved to by the main entrance, at the top of the first flight of stairs. There used to be a painting of some old woman…nobody remembers who…and I suppose a few hundred years from now no one will remember just who the boy in the painting is.
But for now the portrait is there, smiling and not moving for anyone but me. When he sees me alone, he smiles and waves at me. "Ginny," he says every time. "Tell me, was it sunny today?"
And no matter if it's been raining, I tell him that the sun shone down all day long. That the sky was deep blue and the air was warm and perfect.
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
The boy shifts in his sleep. He has never done that before.
Every night has been the same…the young man just sleeps on…never moving. The only indication of his living has been the rise and fall of his chest…a steady rhythm that never changes…
Until now. As I watch, he moves again, stretching out in the grass and then relaxing.
His dark hair flutters as he again stretches a little, then draws his knees forward, so his legs are bent. His smile grows.
I want to touch his skin, to see if he is as warm and alive as he looks. He is so close…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
The professors are all here, though it is summer.
Only Trelawney is missing…but there is a rumor circulation about her… That perhaps it was more than just 'fate' keeping her from the memorial…
Some say she has killed herself somehow…because she has fulfilled her part in the prophecy that Harry completed…I don't know. I prefer to think that she has left Hogwarts for good, off to make death predictions about someone else.
No one really thinks about Trelawney, though. I certainly don't. She did nothing but bring torment to a poor sixteen and a half year old boy. She tormented him in his classes with omens of his impending death…omens that were undoubtedly false, but conclusions that were not…
When I manage to make it to the great hall, the first thing I notice is that the ceiling is black…not because of night sky or dark clouds, but because it is broken…there are only old support beams and cobwebs up there now…
And Dumbledore is at the head of the hall…he wears black for the first time I can remember…there is nothing sparkly or cheery about what he wears…his cap is faded black and his robes are rough and heavy.
A scowl flits across my face for a moment. Snape is here, and I know that the man helped plenty of times in Harry's tortures. Oh, I know he had to, in order to keep up his role as a spy…but I will not forgive him…
It looks like something is wrong with his left arm…he keeps it buried in his black robes…
He does not look so sour today…perhaps even he was a little changed by Harry's life…not that he would ever admit such a thing…
Ah…his left arm ends just past his elbow…that is what is wrong…
The left is the one that carried the dark mark…how fitting that he should lose it, though I'm sure his thoughts were on how inconvenient it would be…at least, that's what he would say if someone asked…
The rest of the staff are all in black, almost all in tears. Pomfrey is here, and I wonder when I last saw her outside of the infirmary for any reason other than injury… She treated him every time he was brought back, dragging him from death time and again, just to have to watch him be sucked ever closer…until now, that is…she will never heal his wounds again…no one can…
There is a black casket in the middle of the hall, where the staff table usually rests. It has golden handles and emerald inlay, and it sits amid piles of white lilies and verdant greenery.
But the casket is empty! There is no body to be had…and for a few moments I want to shout, to demand why everyone must believe so much that he is dead…he cannot be dead, he cannot be dead, he cannot…
My eyes are drawn to the podium at the end of the hall. Dumbledore steps up to it, robes swishing softly around his feet. He clears his throat slowly, beard trembling slightly…
Everything about him says that he is now old, that he will not live much longer…
Nevertheless, he will recover…he will go on, will teach another generation and another of hopeful, eager students. He will find his peace in their innocence…
"I wish I could take it all back," he says.
For a moment, I think perhaps the words are mine…
"I wish I could trade with Harry every minute of every day. I would have done anything to save him, but…he was so weak, so tired, towards the end…and I couldn't do anything to stop it," he admits.
I look around at all the solemn faces…I want to scream at them even more now….
"Harry would never have let me taken this burden from him," Dumbledore continues, "And I fear that perhaps I could have done more… Harry was like a grandchild for me…I took so much heart in his love and trust in me, no matter the circumstances."
He is crying now…or at least there are tears on his face, dripping down…
I can see Remus in the crowd near the very front…he looks pale, wasting away…I wonder what he will do now. He is alone, so alone…
"When Sirius was murdered, I thought I had lost that trust…but I was wrong. Harry's understanding and love went beyond any mistake that I could make, and I will forever remember how intelligent and understanding Harry was…Harry was my lifeline in this time of strife, my example of just what I was trying so hard to save…what we were all trying so hard to save…"
Dumbledore stops again, swallowing. It is hard for him to speak…but he is doing it because none of the others can…Ron and Hermione couldn't because it was too much for them, and Remus…Remus has not spoken much in days, I have heard…
I wish they had asked me…I would have wanted to speak…to shout at them all…
But they didn't…and I understand. I understand.
"But now he is gone, and I cannot help but think that there is something wrong with a world where a sixteen year old boy must die while a man ten times his age lives on as before, uninjured except in his heart," Dumbledore finishes.
"Harry made me promise to look after the students at Hogwarts," he tells us. Ah, I think…Harry and his promises…he asked only one of each person, and I have not heard of anyone refusing him…
I am trying to keep mine…to keep Harry…but it is so hard…when everyone tells me that he is gone…
"I will always look after my students…our students…as long as I am able. Harry asked just this one ting from me, and the least I can do is keep the promise…I will never feel that my debt has been paid…"
Dumbledore chokes on his tears now, the sorrow so pronounced that others start to weep afresh. Few, I imagine, have ever seen Dumbledore so…broken…
He looks out at us with that sad, sad smile, that look I've often…had often…seen on Harry's face…Only the eyes are different… "I have no words of wisdom or courage for you," he admits. "I have no promises or encouragement. A sixteen year old boy was killed. I don't know how to make that better."
Dumbledore steps away from the platform. A hand ghosts over his eyes for a moment as he walks away…and then the hall is dead silent once more…
My anger blossoms again. What is wrong with them? What is wrong with them all?
I barely realize that I have shouted something…probably nonsensical…and then I am running, fleeing the hall…
The forest is in front of me, welcoming me, giving me sanctuary…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
The boy is sleeping still, but every now and then he shifts, stretching a little or some other small movement…
He looks so alive…he is tanned almost, the darker color helping to hide some of his scars…
His hair has grown as well, and the breeze has a little more trouble playing with it…
The unicorns are further down in the clearing, playing and leaping and dancing their dance…
It is so silent here, but the silence is fitting…is right…
I want to touch the boy again, to make him respond, to open his eyes and show me that he's awake…
But it is like before…it is so hard to reach him, so hard to stretch my fingers out…
And of course it is just a dream…just a foolish dream…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
There is something warm touching my arm…
As soon as the thought goes through my head my eyes snap open and I jump away…only to stop and stumble as I realize just what was touching me…
It is a unicorn…a young one, still a little golden…
It whickers to me…a soft friendly sound. I look around…I am somewhere in the Forbidden Forest…I don't know where…
I ran without looking back, without slowing or even really opening my eyes…
And then I cried, wept all the tears of frustration and anger until I must have drifted off to sleep…only to dream again of the boy…
The unicorn snorts at me, as if telling me to hurry up. It stops a hoof, looking impatient, and I step closer to it. It could run away at any moment…
But it doesn't seem to want to run, and as I stand breathless it reaches forward and takes my robe's sleeve in its teeth and tugs.
It wants me to follow it.
I don't have much choice in the matter, it seems. The unicorn drags me along until I follow on my own.
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
There is a clearing…
There is a clearing in the woods.
Time is standing still. Only the silver ribbon of water moves, the sound muted.
The grass wavers on a soft breeze. I can feel the warm air… The trees are whispering as well, the soft air gently rushing through their branches.
My feet don't make a sound in the grass as I walk forward.
There are unicorns ahead of me. They are dancing.
I want to join their dance…I want to feel how they feel, living and breathing and dancing all of the time.
And this time it is all real…the unicorns ahead of me dance in the warm sunlight, and I step forward, eager to join them…
But my escort holds me back with his horn, keeping me from joining in the dance, the hope…
I can feel my heart weakening…I cannot join the dance, they won't let me join them…
But then I remember in my dreams…
Merlin, it can't be real…
But after all this time, all this time denying the others their peace, denying Harry his death, I cannot deny my hopes…
The unicorn lets me go, somehow knowing that I understand, and I want him join the others in leaps and bounds, dancing…
The grass is so tall…how will I find anything in this?
I'm frantic as I search, starting by the silver stream and wading through the tall grass…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
"Ginny,' I hear someone say softly…
My heart is in my throat. I want to run, to find the source of that one word…
And he is there, lying on the grass…pushing himself up so that he can see me…
And he is smiling that smile…those lips curved up in a soft sweet expression…
Any moment now…any moment now I will wake up, and it will all be another dream…
"Ginny," he says again. "I never told you, and I should have…"
I'm afraid to speak. I creep closer, afraid I'm going to break the spell, and suddenly the boy blushes.
He has never done that before…
He shifts…he's doing something…and suddenly I realize…he was embarrassed because he was still nude…
Somehow he's covered himself with a cloth wrapped around his waist…of course, a dream can do anything it pleases…
"Ginny, I should have told you," he says again. I am so close now…
His eyes stared deep into my eyes as I reach out a hand…
Any moment now, he will fade…
Any moment now…
" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "
He does not fade.
His hand reaches out to me, capturing my hand in his warm fingers…
"Ginny, I've loved you for over a year," he says solemnly. "And I'm so sorry that I never told you…"
He's not fading…he's here, he's real…
He brings his hand up to my face as I fall to my knees next to him.
"Harry," I whisper… "I missed you, Harry…"
"It's okay," he says softly…it's going to be all right, I can feel it…
"Harry." It's all I can manage, half-sobbing as I am. My words have not broken the spell…it is real, so real…
"I love you, Ginny," he whispers, mouth close to my ear…
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A/N: Well, the first time I wrote this A/N it was to say sorry that Harry died. But then reread it and I didn't have the heart to kill him off like that. So I guess there will be a bit of happily ever after ending to this. And there will be several more chapters to deal with that, I'm sure…
I figured Ginny needed to find Harry. She's been dreaming about him every night, and I kind of figure he's been hanging out in the clearing recovering or whatnot. We'll see how it goes…I mean just two minutes ago Harry was dead at the end of this. And now he's not. Argh. Makes it hard to keep everything together. But I have all summer to work on it, right?
This wasn't meant to follow canon or anything. It was just a depressing little story I wrote out, trying to keep the characters at least somewhat true to themselves. There may be one more chapter to this, but as I'm leaving for home in…an hour and a half…I won't have it up for a while. Hang in there and I'll be back with new chapters and now stories before you know it!
Thank you so much to my wonderful reviews, and I regret that I do not have the time to respond to you here. I've been too busy writing this and packing all of my bags that I just don't have enough time left to write responses. I would like to mention names though: Ash Knight, Loony, Shadowsfriend, Thranx, Nadezhda, you've all reviewed so regularly and with such wonderful words! I'm so glad that you at least enjoyed this a little, and thank you also to all of those that at least reviewed once. Each word and every suggestion means a great deal to me, and I'm glad that you took the time to give me your input!
Have a great summer! --Miss Laine