Final Fantasy VII: A Night of Games and Glory

A/N: After the horrific sword incident, I have finally recovered enough to add another section to this little parody I'm making. I'm doing this on the breeze so I'll surprise myself as well! (Owww! My arm still hurts from you Sephiroth)

In a black mustang, Cloud chauffeured the two ladies to a nearby bar. Very gallantly he opened the door to his girls, and opened it with a bow. The first to exit was Aeris, whom was looking quite fabulous. She took a few paces, and then her high heels got the best of her. She fell and landed in a mud puddle. It flew everywhere and Cloud needed to hide behind the car door. She was so mad that the eggs would melt before you could cook them on her head. Tifa came out and gave Cloud a nice little kiss on the cheek. Angering Aeris, she copied Tifa's signature "Waterkick" Limit, taking her down to Aeris' level. Now Cloud looked at two girls covered in mud; which wasn't really all the disgusting for him. Actually, it turned him on a bit.

Great! They're at it again. If this keeps up I'll be leaving this place in a body bag. Cloud thought.

They entered the bar, lit dimly so the lights wouldn't hurt your head once you got really drunk. It looked a lot like Tifa's sense of decoration. After all, she was head CEO of all the 7th Heaven bars all over the world!

"Hey!" called a familiar voice. It was Cait Sith, working at his new job as bar tender, "Wondered if you were ever gonna visit!"

"Hey Sith. You still don't have any affiliations with Shin-Ra do you?" Tifa asked clenching her fist.

"Gya! No no no no! I'm clean now! What do you want?" Cait Sith hopped on his Mog over the counter.

"Anything hard," Cloud said.

"Me too!" Aeris agreed, trying to get a little closer to him.

"But you always get really hammered when you drink ONE shot of vodka! How the hell are you gonna have a super large glass of our special "Makes you wish you were never born 70% alcohol spirits?" asked Tifa who just ordered something a little more sensible.

"Oh I'll manage. And if anything does go wrong I'll have Cloud!" Aeris snuggled up to Cloud, rubbing her head on his chest.

Piece of shit! Tifa got so angry that she shattered a stainless steel cup full of red wine. It spilled all over the floor. Good thing it didn't cost her anything or all she had to say was "You're FIRED!"

No matter. The soft jazz music played in the background. Cloud just remembered something.

"Yo, what about this sword we stole from Seph? What should we do with it?" Cloud asked, waving around the Masamune in the air, shattering a chandelier.

"Stick it in his back! See of he likes it!" demanded Aeris. She still never got any payback for what he did to her.

"Yeah about that, how did you come back to life?" Tifa asked. She could never comprehend how someone who had all their vertebrates shattered is up and about and not in a wheelchair.

"Well you see. All I had to do was have Cloud dive into the water and get him to..." but before Aeris could finish, Cloud covered her mouth and interrupted her.

"Do CPR! Remember like on the Pricilla girl at Junon?" Phew that was a close one!

"Really? Why didn't you use a Phoenix down?" asked Tifa sipping her new glass of wine.

"Ummm... don't you remember "About Random Battles" on Newgrounds? They don't always work!" Aeris shouted, taking a big gulp of the house special.

Cloud looked around for something to do, then he spotted a roulette table. He loved roulette, but had no money. Fortunately a great idea came into his head, "We can pawn that sword!"

(Back at Cloud's house)

Sephiroth was still sitting with his head down on the table, when all of a sudden a large pain came into his heart, "AHHH!!!! Swords senses, tingling! Cloud..... You bastard!" He glared into nothingness.

(At the bar)

"Oh yeah! A quarter million gil! I'm going to go and blow it all on roulette!" Cloud ran up to the roulette table and started to gamble.

Aeris had trouble getting out of her seat. She was all hammered and such that Tifa needed to help her out of her chair. Aeris was wobbling and staggering. She looked at Tifa's face and put her hand on her face, "Hehehehe! Funny monkey!" she said as her hand slipped down Tifa's face.

"Funny monkey! Why you little Bitch!" She slapped Aeris on the face. The funny thing was that instead of getting all angry, she was laughing her ass off. She then got up (with the support of a stool) and slapped her back.

"DAMMIT! This means war!" And so the two kept slapping each other for the rest of the night.

(At the roulette table)

"Ok, 20,000 gil on black 31." Cloud moved his chips to the middle so that it was official. The man in charge of the game spun the roulette wheel and put the ball in.

"Yes! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Wohoo! Awww!" said Cloud every time it went past black 31 and to some other number. It started to slow down and.... Cloud lost.

"SHIT! Ok, again same amount on black 31!"

(On the highway)

"This was the day that I am going to Kill Cloud!" Sephiroth was driving down the freeway in a black convertible. He was going at least 210 Km/H. He went pass Midgar, Kalm, the chocobo ranch. Then someone called out.

"Hey! The bar was about 5 hours that way!"

"Ah Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp!" said Sephiroth as his car ran out of gas and slammed his head onto the steering wheel.

(At the bar)

"Ok, I'll win back all of this now! Black 31!"

"Sir, I suggest you either stop or change your number," said the man at the counter.

"Ah! Shut the hell up!"

"But sir, you're in your undergarments!"

"Underwear!" screamed Tifa and Aeris as they ran for Cloud and fought over who could tear off his underwear. Good thing that empty barrel was near because they got it off of him lickety-split!

"Yes! I finally have them!" Tifa exclaimed.

"Not anymore wench! HAHA!" Aeris grabbed them from Tifa who held them up high. She ran for the door but Tifa grabbed her heel. Aeris fell to the ground and a small white bead fell out of her hair. It turned pale green and the Aeris theme came out of nowhere. The two looked around.

"Where the hell is the soothing music coming from?" Tifa asked.

"Dunno! But my WHITE MATERIA!"

At that moment an armored sleeve picked up the rolling sphere.

"HAHA! Now Wutai can become powerful again! Urk! That car ride wasn't so fun though!" It was Yuffie who winked and left the bar.

"Come back here you two-time pillow eating monkey smelling pencil pusher!" yelled Aeris who was still drunk and was not a good mover on her part. She stumbled and fell into the spiked fence at the door. Blood ran down the pole.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I finally..." said Tifa with pride, but then a big muscular hand took the underwear out of her hand and back onto his lower abdomen.

"Can give them back to me! Come on Tifa we're going home. Sorry about the mess Cait Sith." Cloud said leaving a tip for him.

"No prob!"

As they left Sephiroth pulled up, "HAHA! I will kill you for what you did to... AERIS!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" said Sephiroth changing his mission to destroying Cloud and saving Aeris. Cloud and Tifa walked away giving him some room to breathe.

Vincint was the last to come, "What I miss?"

A/N: Ahhh... I just can't write a good sequel to this thing. Oh well. I thought it was still funny. Sorry for not having it long enough! R&R!