Snyderverse Neptunia Snippets

by Derald Snyder

Snippet 22- And Now For Somewhere Completely Different, Part 5

"Honestly, Lady Cobblemeyer, I wish you would have waited for us," the lead detective said to Laura, as police officers escorted out Austin Jackson and the surviving thugs.

"Time was of the essence, officer," Laura crossed her arms, again dressed in her old robes. "Had we waited for you to arrive, Rosette would have been killed. Jackson had nothing left to lose."

"And now he has lost his freedom as well as his wealth and status," Damien spoke up. "He should be fortunate that it was not my blade at his neck, or he would no longer draw breath."

"Yeah, and it was rad to see Lady Laura go full-dragon like that!" Neptune exclaimed. "Reminds me of that one strategy game from Lowee... Blazing Emblem or something."

"You don't say," the detective half-snarked. Just then, the sound of a galloping horse was heard, the group turning to see what appeared to be a fully-armored knight riding up on horseback. "Ah, it seems Sir Roland has arrived..."

"Mother?!" Sir Roland Cobblemeyer gasped upon recognition, bringing his steed to a halt and dismounting, dark brown hair visible from beneath his helmet's visor. "What has happened? I beheld the police and followed, that I might lend mine assistance...!"

"Thou hast arrived a mite too late, older brother," Damien said as he strode up to the knight, his black eyes locking with Roland's blue orbs. "Our dear niece was abducted by a foul man bent for vengeance, but as thoust can see, all hast already been resolved."

"Truly? Then I must profusely apologize for mine tardiness, Mother!" Roland bowed to Laura in remorse.

"No need to apologize, Roland," Laura shook her head. "Damien, Corey, and Miss Neptune here were more than enough to foil these fiends."

"H-hi, Uncle Roland," Corey waved nervously.

"Corey? Ah! Thou must be Darren Jr's son! Well met, thine assistance is greatly appreciated!" Roland said with a smile, holding out one hand, Corey accepting the handshake, though he grimaced from the strong grip.

"What's with the Old English speak?" Neptune commented.

"He always talks like that," Damien rolled his eyes. "I always tell him that he needs to get with the times..."

"Knightly chivalry never becomes old-fashioned, brother," Roland sniffed.

"Chivalry means different things to different people! It's too broad a term!" Damien countered.

"At its core, chivalry means being a good knight," Roland responded. "And there is none denying that I am the best knight that there be in the land!"

"Alright, you two, break it up," Laura gently pushed the two apart. "Honestly, you're not much better than when you were wrestling as children..."

"I am wounded! Surely thou jest, Mother!" Roland put a hand over his chest. Damien just turned away and crossed his arms.

"I agree with Grandma, Dad says you two fought all the time, literally and figuratively," Corey nodded.

"Like, totally! You think you two could seriously get along after, what, 180 years?" Rosette piled on.

"O-one hundred eighty?!" the lead detective gasped.

"179. Roland is a year older," Damien corrected.

"Well, once the police get everything squared away, we should head back to Lady Laura's house so I can call Nep Jr. back," Neptune cut in. "She's probably getting worried by now..."

"Yeah, wait 'til we tell you about Neptune here, Uncle Roland!" Rosette gushed. "Your mind'll be, like, totally blown!"

"I highly doubt that," Roland shrugged.

*Later, back at Laura's manor...*

"...I... I see," Roland said slowly as he sat in the family room with the others, having doffed his helmet and set it aside. "I must admit, thy story appears quite far-fetched... but thine unnatural hair color lends credence to thy assertion that thou art not of this world."

"Apparently her phone was only supposed to call across dimensions, not actually send her to one," Corey appended. "Good thing Dad managed to break her fall..."

"Well, at least he still retains the traditional Cobblemeyer toughness," Damien jabbed.

"Well, 'tis good he managed to save this damsel, even if inadvertently," Roland said.

"I just hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon..." Darren Jr. sighed. "Anyway, now that Roland's caught up, you gonna make the call?"

"Right! Here goes..." Neptune dialed Nepgear's number, a ring tone briefly sounding before it was picked up.

"Neptune?"

"Hey Nep Jr! Sorry it took so long to call back, but we kinda had to deal with a little kidnapping..."

"Yes, but it's all been resolved now," Laura spoke up.

"Oh, that's good to hear," Nepgear replied. "Well, I've got MAGES. here, she needs to ask you a few things..."

"Alright, put her on," Neptune nodded.

"Hello, Neptune," MAGES.' voice spoke up. "And hello to all you denizens of the other world. I suppose I should apologize for my role in accidentally dropping Neptune into your lives..."

"I could have done without her landing on me, for sure," Darren sighed.

"Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud, Uncle Darren! This has me totally stoked!" Rosette exclaimed. "I mean, she was the one who saved me from getting totally pancaked by that battering ram!"

"Well, I'm glad she was able to assist you," MAGES. said. "Anyway, to business. Neptune, I need you to tell me exactly what you did up to getting transported through dimensions..."

"Okay, well... yadda yadda yadda, blah-blah-blah-blah..."

"I see... so you attempted to take precautions, but it proved insufficient," MAGES. summarized. "Exactly how long did you run the microwave for?"

"Three minutes, why?"

"Well, I have a hypothesis," MAGES. stated. "If you could recreate the exact circumstances that led to your being transported to that other world, perhaps it may result in you being brought home. And I mean exact circumstances. The microwave oven you utilize must at least have the same wattage as the one here, which is 1200 W, according to the manufacturer's label. And the phone must be the exact same distance from the oven in question."

"I think the microwave here is 1300 watts," Rosette shook her head.

"Same at our house," Darren admitted.

"What about the microwaves at your job, Dad?" Corey suggested. "Maybe one of them is the correct wattage..."

"But what excuse could we use to get Miss Neptune in my office building? I obviously can't pass her off as a daughter or other relative..."

"...I may have an idea," Laura mused. "Junior, do you recall what the janitor's uniforms look like at your office?"

"Ah, I see," Damien nodded. "Use your magic to change her clothes and pass her off as the custodian..."

"Change my clothes?" Neptune gasped. "But, this parka dress is my fave...!"

"It's fine, I know how to affect a temporary transformation," Laura assured her.

*And so, the next day...*

"Good thing security's not quite as strict as it is in my home with office buildings," Neptune said as she snuck in through the door that Darren Jr. held open for her, now dressed in a light blue button-up uniform shirt and tan khaki pants, wearing a black cap over her hair.

"Right, let's head to the closet first," Darren said, walking down the hallway to the janitor's closet. Opening the door, he reached inside and pulled out a broom and dustpan. "All right, here, this should make you look legitimate."

"Alrighty," Neptune took the items. "Now what? To the lunch room?"

"Let's check one of the mini-kitchens first," Darren suggested. "Less conspicuous, hopefully no one asking questions."

"Well, lead on," Neptune assented, following Darren's lead.

Soon, they arrived at one of the mini-kitchens in question, Darren opening the microwave door... "Let's see... wattage is... 1200! This is it!"

"Whoo-hoo! First time lucky! As expected of the main character!" Neptune exclaimed.

"Right, now we need to measure out the distance your mage friend told us..." Darren muttered as he pulled out a tape measure. "Good things our systems of measurement are the same here as over there..." So Neptune took the other end, pulling out the tape... "Whoa, that's it. Crap, it's in empty air..."

"Maybe not," Neptune disagreed. "Let's try rotating it a little..." So she shifted the end of the tape over, keeping it straight, until it hovered over the edge of the furthest table. "Here we go!" She took out her phone and set on the table letting Darren retract the tape. "Okay, MAGES. said it shouldn't matter what we put in the oven, so let's just use a glass of water..."

"All right," Darren nodded, taking a plastic cup and filling it 3/4s full of water, sticking it in the microwave. "Three minutes, right?"

"Yep! Lemme get over there first..." Neptune walked up next to the microwave and shut the door. "Okay, hit it!" And so three minutes later, the microwave dinged, Darren opening the door. "Okay! Now for the moment of truth..." Neptune walked back to her phone, counted to five in her head, then reached out and touched it... sure enough, there was a crackle of green electricity! "Well, something's happening! Have a nice liiiiiiffffeee..." And with that, she was gone.

"What the-?!" One of Darren's coworkers walked in. "D-did that janitor just vanish into thin air?!"

"Uh..." Darren's mind raced. "She, uh, she was testing a new teleportation device. Looks like it worked."

"I guess so!" his coworker nodded, waving a hand through the area to be sure. "But where did she teleport to?"

"Hopefully, back to her home," Darren said slyly.

*Lastation Basilicom, Hyperdimension*

"Noire, noire, noire, noire~..." Noire, CPU of Lastation sang as she opened the patio door, dancing onto the balcony. "Ah, what a perfect day! Bright sun, no clouds, gentle breeze... nothing could go wrong today~!"

...alas, she really should have known better than to tempt fate like that by now...

"...okoutlookoutlookoutmoveMoveMOVEEEEE!"

"Huh...?!" the CPU looked up to see something- no someone falling right at her-!

*CRASH-!*

"Noire!" Two voices cried, Uni and K-Sha running out onto the balcony, guns drawn... but as the dust cloud cleared, the former relaxed her grip on her sniper rifle. "Oh, it's just Neptune. Again. Stand down, K-Sha."

"Oh... Well, at least it was her and not a meteor or something," K-Sha sighed in relief. "But why is she dressed like that?"

"Owwww..." Neptune groaned as she picked herself up, her black cap having fallen off. "I really could do without the long fall from the sky... Huh? Uni?! and K-Sha? Then that means..." She looked down, seeing a familiar pair of jet-black twintails! "Noire! Whoo-hoo, it worked! I'm back in Gamindustri!" She promptly picked up her fellow CPU in a grateful embrace. "I'm home, I'm home, I'm home~!"

"Get off!" Noire broke away, standing back up. "You are not home! This is Lastation, not Planeptune! Just what are you going on about?" Before she could complain further, a ring tone sounded.

"Whoops, sorry Noire, gotta take this!" Neptune said as she answered her phone. "Hello?"

"Ah, good," MAGES.' voice was heard. "The fact that we were able to establish contact from this end means you made it back to Hyperdimension safely..."

"MAGES.?! So this is your doing?!" Noire yelled, a blood vein visible on her forehead. "Neptune, how could you let her do this, after what she did with Ho-Hum?!"

"Lady Noire, this was an accident, I assure you," the Mad Magician replied. "Unfortunately Nepgear failed to inform Neptune of the proper precautions to be taken with this new cell phone..."

"I'm sorry, Noire! I didn't mean for Neptune to fall on you! ...Again!" Nepgear apologized.

"An accident, huh?" Noire grumbled. "I'm half tempted to head over there and give you both a piece of my mind!"

"Me too! You really need to be more careful with your inventions, Nepgear!" Uni piled on.

"All right, all right, lay off my sister already," Neptune sighed. "At least now we know, so this shouldn't happen again..."

"Well, I'm glad you made it back to Gamindustri," Histoire's voice was heard, "but you still have paperwork to be done here, so don't use your landing in Lastation as an excuse to not work!"

"Oh, don't you worry," Noire cut in, "I'll bring her back myself! It'll be killing two birds with one stone!"

"Then we shall await your arrival," Histoire agreed. "See you soon." The call then cut off.

"Right, Uni, you're in charge until I get back!" Noire ordered as she invoked her HDD, picking up Neptune under the armpits. "Let's go, Neptune!" With that they promptly took off into the sky, flying toward the west...

"...Heh, thanks, Noire," Neptune smirked. "My HDD's totally out of juice, so it woulda been a loooong walk home..."

"I just said I wasn't doing this for you!" Black Heart shot back. "It's so I can give that MAGES. a piece of my mind!"

"Uh-huh, sure," Neptune said with a smug expression. "Glad to see you're as tsundere as ever..."

"Don't call me that! I'll drop you in the ocean, don't think I won't!" Black Heart yelled with a visible blood vein as the two flew off...

*Back in Casimir...*

"Rosette?" Laura gently knocked on the door to her granddaughter's room. Getting no response, she pushed the door open, to see the auburn-haired beauty with a pen in hand, scribbling something on a sheet of paper. "Oh, my, you're hard at work for once?"

"Huh?!" Rosette reared up in surprise. "...Oh, Nanna. Well, actually, I was thinking... that totally awesome Neptune who visited us, I was thinking... maybe I should try writing a book about her, or something! I was just brainstorming here..."

"A book? You? No offense, but do you really think you could commit to that?" Laura asked skeptically.

"Totally! I mean, everything she told us... it's just begging to have a story written about it! I mean, you wrote books too, so why can't I?!"

"Well, the books I wrote were mostly autobiographical, with a few things embellished for the sake of the narrative," Laura pointed out. "That being said... perhaps we could collaborate on this project?"

"Really?! You'd do that for me, Nanna?!"

"As long as you commit to putting in some effort," Laura cautioned. "I'm not going to write the whole thing for you."

"No way! I'll totally take point on this!" Rosette asserted. "But, uh, is it OK if I use your typewriter, at least?"

"Of course," the half-dragon chuckled, pulling up a seat. "But before that, we need to come up with an outline. How to introduce the characters, what kicks off the adventure, how it ends..."

"Okay! Let's do this!" Rosette said with a grin. And so they commenced brainstorming the narrative...

*Snippet 22- End*

A/N: Again, this was a non-canon 'what if' scenario, meant to help establish my original universe. If you have any suggestions for it, please let me know! :-)