Chapter Five: This is Chapter Five

"Fo shizzle Mannizzle," Craig said, smoking a cigarette. That's what you do after a rousing game of sex.

"Oh Craig I've never felt closer to you…baby…will you abort our latest lovechild for me?"

Crazy Craig Crybaby felt himself crying. "You mean it my lovedish?"

MC Manny Mae was silent for a moment. "Yes."

XxX

"CHRIs will you stop that infernal racket I have to concentrate on being ANGRY," Rick said angrily.

"Hey…you…'re…a…bout…to…hit…a…whale…" Chris said incredibly slowly. Of course Rick had already smashed into the blubber fiend right when Chris said "hey", but he was also slow enough to ignore that.

"Oh no my lovecake!" Rick screamed angrily. It wasn't a whale at all! It was none other than Tugboat Terry!

"Well…it…seems…like…"

"HOW DARE SHE RUN INTO MY MOM'S CAR LIKE THAT I'M GOING TO GO BEAT HER UP!!!!!"

"…you…ex…press…your…love…"

"AND WHEN I'M DONE I'M GOING TO GET BACK INTO THE CAR AND HIT HER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"…by…hit…ting…her…"

"AND THEN AFTER MY MOM'S CAR IS COMPLETELY"

"…so…"

"DESTROYED I WILL KICK HER! YES I WILL KICK HER A LOT OF TIMES! SHE WILL BE SORRY!!!!!!"

"…she'll…un..der…stand…and…take…you…back…"

Of course Rick had already accomplished all he had set out to do, and Totallyfat Terry was in another coma.

xXx

"Hey Terry's out of her coma," Crater Craig remarked three minutes later.

"OMIGOSH!" Paige cried ."I was so scared! I thought I'd cry for like, five seconds! Omigosh!"

"I'm going to go pretend to beat up Rick then run away crying I'M JUST LIKE HIM for no apparent reason whatsoever. BRB," Spinner said.

"Now THAT is a man," Paige said, checking out his Spinass appreciatively.

"You're telling me," Craig sighed dreamily. "I mean…hey look, Clay Aiken is back!"

"Now Terry, I was going to tell you that it's okay that you keep going back to your abusive boyfriend. My dad/mom/boyfriend/sister/beard girlfriend did the same for me, but at first I thought you were that almost-hot-if-she-didn't-have-such-a-huge-schnoz girl over there. And now that I know who you are, JESUS CHRIST WOMAN. I'm CLAY AIKEN, THE NICEST MAN ON THE PLANET, BUT FUCKING CHRIST YOU'RE SO FAT! God, go on a diet or something! And eeew! What's that smell? FISH?! Who eats fish anymore?!?! You put the fat back in "god that bitch is so fat", that's for sure," burned a disgusted Clay Aiken.

"Did he call me hot?" Terry asked between bites of fish-on-Hostess. She smiled happily. Clay was so cute! But Rick loved her. She knew it because he gave her little sissy slaps and her little sissy skin somehow got bloody over it from time to time.

"Oh Rick I love you," Terry sighed. She went on eating delicious fish-on-Hostess. Terry loved to eat.