Chapter 2: Anraku to Yuujou (Comfort and Friendship)

Standard Disclaimer Applies

Shouji grinned at the youkai, though it was more malevolent than the way he was speaking. "Dear me, she hasn't mentioned my presence when she was with you? How unfortunate...no wonder I had to go through the unpleasant introductions earlier on in our conversation. Nee-chan must have been quite busy..."

"Nevertheless, Gonou-san, I have a proposition for you. If you can, perhaps, distance yourself from the half-breed you have gotten to know here, I will grant you information on a plan I have...a plan to resurrect my sister."

"To resurrect...Kanan?" Hakkai questioned hesitantly, almost unable to believe what he was hearing.

Shouji clicked his tongue, waving a finger around. "Uh-uh-uh...no questions until I've finished speaking, Gonou-san...unless you don't want to hear about my plan...?"

"Oi, Hakkai, where'd you go!? You left the stove on again and the soup nearly boiled over!"

The distant voice in the house was undoubtedly Gojyo; but even as Hakkai stopped staring at Shouji, the man continued his speech.

"So please, do consider my offer. I'll come back in a week for your reply...that should be more than enough time for you to decide where your true loyalties brother?"

When Hakkai turned back to reply, Shouji was already gone, leaving nothing but the wind in the place that he stood.

What...in the name of the Gods was that?

Gojyo slammed the back door open, a wide, playful grin on his face. "Oi, Hakkai! What're you doing out here this time of night?! It's getting' chilly out here, you know..."

Hakkai slowly sighed, not looking at Gojyo—which worried the redhead even more. His smirk quickly disappeared. "Oi...what's the matter with you, 'Kai?"

The youkai finally turned around, seriousness etched upon his features. "Gojyo-san...let's come inside for a moment. I need to speak to you about something very important."

"...I dunno what you think, but that guy sounds awfully suspicious to me." Gojyo commented once Hakkai was finished with his explanation of the previous events. "You're sayin' that this person's clothing looked foreign, and he had red hair and red eyes like me?"

"Hai. At first, when it was almost too dark out to perceive shapes, I almost thought that he was you. Once he started speaking, however..." The brunette sighed deeply, as if troubled. "You have a much kinder voice than he does."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Gojyo replied with a half-smirk, disappearing soon after with his next words. "Still...if that guy comes back here, you tell me right away, you hear? Who knows what kind of weirdoes might want you dead?"

"...Arigatou gozaimasu, Gojyo-san."

The hanyou made an obvious expression of exasperation. "Look, enough with the, '-san's,' alright? We've known each other for a year now...the least you could do is drop the honorific. I already told you I don't like 'em."

"Demo..." Hakkai was about to protest lightly, but Gojyo would not hear of it.

"No, 'buts,' 'Kai." The redhead whapped his friend on the head playfully. "We're buddies now, after all."

If I could at least get rid of the polite talk...

Hakkai suddenly smiled—an honest one—as if relieved by the revelation. "...Of course. You're right, Gojyo. Forgive me for not remembering."

...I would lie; say anything at all, to stop you from being so distant towards me.

The tight, pregnant silence passed, and Hakkai picked up the one of the books he had picked up from the library, beginning from where he left off last. While still sitting on the bed with him, Gojyo leaned against the youkai's shoulder, comfortable and reading along with him. Hakkai seemed to be, too, since he didn't push the other man away. "...Whatcha reading?"

Gojyo glanced at the page his friend was reading when he didn't answer, a boyish smirk appearing. "Heh. I never knew you were a romantic, Hakkai."

"...W-Well, I'm really not." The brunette snapped out of his trance. "But the first few pages intrigued me, and it turned out that this was a romance novel."

"Suuure...that's what they all say..." The redhead tapped Hakkai's forehead lightly, then affectionately adding, "...Just kidding with you."

Hakkai's undying smile became a bit lighter. "Gojyo, I never knew you were the one to make jokes."

"Huh. Funny, neither did I." Grinning, he tossed back his long red dreadlocks and pulled a box of cigarettes from his pocket. "To me, it was always YOU making the cynical quips, so I always assumed you were the jokester."

Hakkai watched the cancer stick's tip glow faintly mesmerized for a moment by the curve of its owner's lips. "Aa...well, I highly doubt I'm a jokester, Gojyo. Goku is the more mischievous one out of all of us, I would think."

"Well, the saru does have a reputation to keep. Of bein' annoying, I mean."

Both the converser and one being spoken with laughed out loud at that statement, and the tense atmosphere that Hakkai could not get rid of after the mysterious visitor's encounter was dissolved; broken by mirth, a tenor voice, and the familiar scent of musk, cigarette smoke, and perspiration. His grin emerged into a gentler one, not so much like the forced mask he wore every day—but, instead, as close to a true smile as you would get from Cho Hakkai.

"Hey, it's gettin' pretty late..." Gojyo commented while glancing at the clock, the large hand of the manual clock pointing to eleven and the smaller one at one. "You should get some rest, and I'll go out tonight and come back around one-'o-clock. That's okay with you, right?"

"Of course...but I'm really not tired now, Gojyo-san--"

"Just, 'Gojyo,' remember?" Gojyo reminded the brunette, regarding the man's false smile and blunder with a small frown.

"Ah...sorry. Nevertheless, please don't worry about me—I'm not tired at the moment, so I'll wait up for you."

Gojyo was clearly fed up with talking, it seemed, as he lightly placed his hands on the smaller male's shoulders. "Hakkai. You can't fool this guy with your smile like that...I know you haven't been sleeping well the last few nights, so tell me why already."

"...What....?"

"Look, just tell me what's wrong, Hakkai! Don't you trust me enough, man?" The hanyou shook his friend gently.

"If something's bothering you, I'm here if you want to...talk and stuff..." Shamefully almost, the red-haired half-breed sighed and turned away from a quizzical Hakkai.

Ugh...well, that plan of action sure went down the toilet...I must've TOTALLY confused him now. But how could I possibly tell him that I'm really worried about him? I mean, do I have to say it to his face or something for him to get it?! I don't think he's THAT clueless...

"The truth is, Gojyo...I haven't been sleeping well because I've been having dreams about...that time again."

Shocked, Gojyo whipped his head up. "'That time...?'"

"...The night she was killed...that's what I've been remembering. Nightmares, and strange ones, at that."

"You wanna...tell me about it, 'Kai?"

By now, Hakkai realized there was no need for a false smile—instead, a visage of sorrow and tired acceptance appeared. "I suppose I should...you have the right to know, after all. I'm sorry to have...kept this from you."

"Hey, it's alright. We've all got our own secrets and burdens to worry about...shouldn't be butting into your private shit, anyway..." Putting out the burning end of his cigarette, he leaned back to prevent from invading his friend's personal space.

Hakkai smiled sadly. "That's just like you, Gojyo. In any case...I suppose I should start with what the dreams are about, ne...?"

"Do it however you want. I'm listening."

"...Well...they always begins in front of the palace, with a knife in my hand and an overwhelming bloodlust...the clouds are always dark as they hover over me, and there's rain, too."

Rain... Gojyo couldn't help letting the irony of this symbolism pass through his mind, but did not say anything as Hakkai continued.

"The middle of the dream is usually when I kill the guards and the other demons in the palace...but it's sometimes different in the sense of how I murder them. Like I said, they're such strange dreams...I know what I did, and it's nothing like what happened in the visions."

"Dreams are usually different than reality after all." Gojyo patted Hakkai's shoulder supportively. "Go on."

"Yes, so they are...anyway, everything starts to get even stranger when I finally reach Kanan's cell...because once I get there, she isn't there. And it's strangely frightening—to think that I killed all those demons for nothing!" A soft, caustic scoff soon followed. "After a moment of feeling foolish of myself, I finally decide to go check the other cells, until something grabs onto my leg, tugging at me."

His green eyes flickered with something unfathomable, dimming as he now recalled the exact details of the dream. "I remember turning around to find Kanan on the ground, reaching out to me and clinging to me..."

"Gonou...please, help me..."

"Kanan...! You're alright..."

"I'm sorry, Gonou. I can't stay here long...you were already too late. I've only summed up a spiritual body to talk to you, so you must listen to me."

"'Spiritual body...?'"

"You were too late to save me, but I need you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. It was my fault, being so foolish and ending my life this way...we had so much left, but I threw it all away...if anything, I should be the one apologizing to you..."

"...But, I was..."

"I love you. And for as long as I can, I'll remember all of the memories and happiness we shared. But, please, move on without me, Gonou. Your heart can only hold on to a ghost for so long..."

"No...Kanan, please don't go!"

"Sayonara...Gonou..."

"I would wake up then...feeling so horrible and terrified. Her last words then, in that vision...were the same ones she uttered to me before her death. Usually, you're out at the time, so that was part of the reason I hadn't said anything to you, Gojyo. And the other half of me...was afraid of telling you."

Gojyo stared. "..Afraid of what?"

"How you would judge me, I suppose...I was afraid you might think I was being too self-centered or caught up in the past, just like she said...but, I can't say I want to forget about things like that, even if the memories are painful. Without knowing of our mistakes, how can we possibly change ourselves and become better people...?"

"I didn't think that way before you came here, though." Gojyo said, softly looking away so he would not have to face the other man's surprised gaze. "I wanted to say to myself that if I forgot about everything—my mother, the pain I felt as a child—that I could live normally and not be haunted by the past every day. That was why I grew my hair out...hid my scars...I wanted to hide what was, really, the one thing that could make me...well, me."

"But, then...you came along, Hakkai—with that smile on your face all the time and a tangled past like mine. You hid from it, too...behind a happy smile, you must've thought that being happy would erase the sadness within you. And it made me realize how foolish I had been—and WAS—trying to take away something that would always be with me...you know?"

Behind Gojyo's now shorter curtain of red hair, Hakkai nodded. "It's hard, sometimes, facing your pain...but it's nice to know that someone else understands. I suppose...I suppose that makes us two lucky young men, wouldn't you say?"

This time, Gojyo was grinning, too. "Got that right! We're two of the luckiest guys in Shangri-La!"

"So we are, Gojyo...so we are."

And then, Gojyo realized his friend wasn't just smiling; Hakkai was smiling—the real smile, that could only be induced for very few reasons. Either Hakkai was smiling because of his joke, or because he was truly happy.

Gojyo guessed it was the latter without second thought.