Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: I knew you wanted me! Me: Calm yourself, Elfboy...it was just a kiss. Legolas: Just a kiss my Elven ass! That was NOT just a kiss...we were tongue wrestling back there! Me: Gup.

Chapter 8

Psycho

"You did WHAT?" I screamed, pushing him back with both hands. "Wait a minute...wait a minute...let me get this straight. YOU made some kind of dumbass WISH and Manwe sent you ME all tied up in a pretty package?"

"Emmess, please...I cannot tell you how sorry I am," Legolas replied, trying to take hold of my hands again. I pulled away from him as if he had something catching.

"Not a chance, buster! What kind of moron makes a wish like that anyway? Wish for money? Yeah. Wish for fame? Okay. Wish for world peace? Absolutely. Wish for some poor, defenseless, clueless woman to get transported to an alternate universe and stuck inside a body that doesn't remotely resemble her own so that you can get a little? Not on your life, you pointy-eared, braided-haired BABOON!" I howled nearly purple with rage. "You knew all along! You knew Manwe was not going to send me back! You knew...wait a minute...do you mean to tell me that you specifically asked for me to look like this? You asked for THESE?" I yelled, pointing at the girls, who had behaved themselves so nicely all evening. "You perverted ASS! Do you have any idea of the trouble these things have given me? You say that you're sorry? I'm the one who's sorry - sorry I ever laid eyes on you!" I shrieked, poking him in the chest - and we all know how much he hated that.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Legolas yelled back, completely losing his composure, his eyes glowing red. I would have said that he was magnificent in his fury, if I hadn't been completely insane at the time. "Exactly just who do you think you are, speaking to me like that? AND STOP POKING ME! I've done nothing but try to make you happy since you got here! I don't know WHAT Manwe was thinking, but he made a HUGE mistake thinking that YOU would be the answer to my prayer! You can't ride a horse, you can't curtsy, you can't sing, you can't dance...I seriously doubt if there is anything that you CAN do besides scream like a banshee. And as far as all that 'poor defenseless, clueless' stuff goes, an Orc would run fleeing from your mouth! The CLUELESS part I understand, though! Besides, Manwe would never have picked you if you hadn't been unhappy with your life! He did you a favor by..."

"A FAVOR? Oh, this just gets better and better by the minute! You know what? I'm stuck here? FINE. I'm stuck looking like this? FINE! I'm stuck with a pair of boobs that could float a battleship? FINE! I'll make the best of a bad situation...with SOMEONE ELSE!" I cried, turning on my heel and stomping back into the Great Hall, leaving him standing alone in the garden.

Gimli was deep in conversation with Faramir when I marched back through the Great Hall. One look at my face told him all he needed to know.

"Oi! He told her. The Lad doesn't know when to keep his big yap shut!" he said to Faramir, his eyes following me in my irate progression up the stairs to my room. "I better go see if I can pick up whatever pieces she's left and put him back together again."

He left Faramir, who was looking extremely confused, and made his way outside. Spotting Legolas walking swiftly toward the stables, he called out after him.

"Laddie! Legolas, hold up!" he called, running as quickly as his short legs would carry him. Legolas never looked back, and by the time Gimli found him, he was saddling his horse.

"Just where do ye think yer going, Laddie?" Gimli asked, puffing for breath.

"Away," Legolas replied in a clipped, angry voice.

"And where would that be?" Gimli asked, trying to unbuckle the saddle straps, even as Legolas fastened them.

"Anywhere but here."

"Laddie...laddie, " Gimli said, compassion in his eyes, tugging on Legolas sleeve. "Ye cannot run from this..."

'Why not? What does it matter? She doesn't want me. She doesn't want anything to do with me! You didn't hear the horrible things she said to me! You didn't see the way she looked at me...as if I was an Orc! " Legolas spat. He stopped, sighing, and leaned his head against his horse. "You didn't hear the awful things I said to her. What would you have me do? Live here, seeing her every day, knowing how much she hates me for bringing her here?"

"She doesn't hate you, Laddie...she's just angry and confused right now, and rightfully so! Try putting yerself in her shoes for a moment. She just needs some time to adjust - that's all..." Gimli said, putting his hand on Legolas' arm. "She's not a bad sort, you know. She'll come around..."

"The only think she'll come around with is a sword to run me through!'

'Nonsense, Laddie. Give her some time..."

"She said she was going to find someone else, Gimli! I could not bear to see that!"

"Since when have ye become such a wussy baby? I thought ye were a warrior!" Gimli shouted, punching him on the arm in an effort to snap Legolas out of his melancholy mood.

"What are you saying, Dwarf? I am a warrior!" Legolas snarled, his dignity insulted.

"Then fight fer her, Laddie," Gimli replied softly, smiling because he got just the reaction he had hoped for. "If ye believe she be worth fighting for..."

Legolas looked down at his friend, then over toward the Great Hall.

His expression shifted into a look of resolve. "Aye," he said, "she is worth fighting for...and two can play at this game!"

Gimli was a little afraid of the smile that touched Legolas' lips as he turned and walked back toward the Great Hall leaving Gimli alone with the horse.