Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Elrohir: What the hell was that? Elladan: Yeah! We get 10 seconds with the girl, and daddy sends us home? We're 2,000 freaking years old, for God's sake.

Chapter 10

Patton

The first thing I became aware of was bright light shining behind my eyelids. The second was the sledgehammer that was insistently pounding on my skull.

"Oh, my blessed head!" I moaned, wincing at the volume of my own voice. "What hit me?"

"Two nitwit brothers, whom I have the dubious honor of calling my sons."

I cracked open an eye, shielding it from the light with my hand, to see Elrond sitting quietly by my bedside.

"The punch? Oh, God...the punch! They said they spiked it," I said, closing my eye. "What the hell did they spike it with? I only had a sip!"

"Elvenmead. It has a notorious reputation for NOT agreeing with those of Men."

I groaned, and tried to open my eyes. Bad idea. The light sliced through them like knives and I quickly closed them again.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly noon."

"I've slept half the day away?"

"You have slept three and a half days away."

"Oh, brother...have you been here the entire time?" I asked him, still not willing to open my eyes to the light.

"Indeed. I couldn't very well leave you alone in this state, now could I? Especially since it was my spawn who put you there," Elrond replied. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Thanks. Guess I made a great impression my first night here," I said, covering my eyes with my hands. I tried peeking through my fingers, but the light hurt too much.

"Nonsense. You were quite ladylike all evening," he stated, then murmured something under his breath.

"Sorry...didn't catch that last part. Would you mind speaking up?" I asked.

"I said, tell me what you remember of that night."

I knew that couldn't have been what he said, or he wouldn't have whispered it, but I didn't want to press. "I remember you telling the twins that they had to go back to Rivendell...I remember someone carrying me up the stairs to my room...I remember...OH GOD!" I pulled the covers up over my head.

"Yes...well, just to let you know...you kiss very well, young lady. However, you should also know that that is all it was...I put you on the bed and you commenced to snore - quite loudly, as I recall," he chuckled. I could hear him rise from his seat. "I'll take my leave now. You'll be fine. Have some breakfast -or lunch as the case may be - and try not to do anything strenuous today."

I heard the door close, and knew I was alone.

"Please, someone just kill me now. Only me. It could only happen to me. I make a pass at twin brothers, and wind up making out with their father! Freud would have a field day with this."

Cautiously, I tried opening my eyes again. This time I was able to withstand the light pouring in from the windows. Hearing the door open, I turned my head - painfully - and saw Adranial slip inside, quietly closing the door behind her.

"Milady," she said softly, "Lord Elrond has sent me to help you."

"Adranial, please...let me apologize for last night. I was rude, and you certainly didn't deserve it. I am so sorry," I said. I was ashamed of my behavior toward the Elf girl who had only been sweet and helpful to me.

"Think nothing of it, Milady. I understand completely. Elves are often not the easiest creatures to love," she said, smiling at me.

"Love? Love who? Oh, no...you've got it all wrong! I don't love anyone. Don't even think it! That is NOT what happened!" wincing as the volume of my voice went up.

"As you say, Milady...as you say," Adranial acquiesced. She still had a very small annoying smile on her face, though. "Shall I ready your bath, Milady? It will make you feel better. Then, after some breakfast, Lord Elrond has left a packet of herbs for you to take. He is a renown healer..."

"Thank you, Adranial. I don't know what I would do without you," I replied, painfully nodding my head, doubting I would ever feel better again. "Elrond," I thought, "I freaking kissed him. Wasn't he like 7,000 years old? Ugh. Well, at least he said I was a good kisser. It would have really been pathetic if a 7,000 year old Elf said you blew the big cheese.

I was nibbling on a piece of bread that Adranial had called 'lembas' when a knock came at the door. Adranial opened it, and stepped aside for someone to enter.

A tall - well, they were all tall - blonde Elf entered the room. He had a military bearing, standing ramrod straight in his jerkin and leggings, feet apart, his hands behind his back. Looking at me, he bowed formally. I noticed that Adranial had quietly left the room.

"Milady, I am Haldir, March Warden of Lothlorien. I have been requested by King Thranduil to be your escort for the day," he said in a deep voice.

"Oh, I...well, I'm not sure that I'm up to being escorted anywhere at the moment," I said, still feeling the horrendous throbbing in my skull.

"I am aware of the circumstances which have befallen you, Milady. Lord Elrond has informed me that you are to take the herbs he has prepared, and that you will feel much better shortly thereafter. I will await you downstairs in the Great Hall," he replied aristocratically. His tone brook no opposition, and he gave me another bow before he left the room.

"Great. Another one used to giving orders...just what I need." I sighed, and picked up the packet of herbs, sniffing the contents. Ewww. It smelled like old fish and mothballs. I looked up as Adranial came back into the room.

"I have to eat this?" I asked her, wrinkling my nose.

"Great Eru, no!" Adranial laughed, taking the packet from me. She poured the contents into a small dish. Using a long, thin stick, she caught an ember from one of the oil lamps, and set the stinking heap on fire. "Breathe in the fumes, Milady. It will free you from your pain," she instructed.

I did as she ordered, and was surprised to find that, several minutes later, I was, indeed, pain free. But I was sure I would not be able to get the stench out my nose for days.

Adranial selected a lovely blue dress for me, made from some shimmery material I couldn't place. The sleeves were long, flared and graceful, with subtle silver designs etched throughout the yards of fabric. I gratefully noticed that she made sure the twins were securely bundled in.

"His Lordship Haldir awaits you downstairs in the Great Hall, Milady. You should not keep him waiting too long," she said, as she finished brushing and braiding my hair. Today, a single golden ribbon ran through the braids.

"Thank you, Adranial. For everything..."

"You are most welcome, Milady."

As I descended the stairs, I spotted Haldir waiting near the bottom. He held out his arm as I reached the bottom stair, expecting me to take it.

Taking his arm, I looked up at his face. He was a handsome Elf (weren't they all - so far I hadn't seen an ugly one), with an aquiline nose, and strong chin. I smiled at him, and asked, "So, where are we off to?"

"His Majesty has suggested that I show you the archery range, Milady."

"My name is Emmess. I don't know how to...um...arch."

"Shoot. You shoot a bow, Milady," he replied, not cracking a smile.

"My name is Emmess, Haldir," I repeated, frowning up at him.

"Yes, Milady. So you have said. Twice."

"Why are you still calling me Milady, then?"

"It would not be proper to call you otherwise," he said, looking down his nose at me.

"Fine. Be that way," I said, turning my nose up at him. "Great," I thought, "Last night I get stuck with the Prankster Twins and their ancient old man, and today I get Snob-boy. Terrific."

He walked me out of the Great Hall, and toward a field not far away. Targets had been set up on the far end of the field, and Elves were firing arrows at them. Watching for a while, it seemed to me that they never missed.

Haldir showed me his bow, explaining the various parts, and explained about the pounds of pull, and how to calculate them. Fascinating. Really. He showed me his arrows, and explained the process of making them, including the fundamentals of length and balance. Enthralling. Really. I don't know if I did an admirable job of acting as though I found his every word insightful and thrilling, but at least, I didn't yawn in his face.

I watched him shoot an arrow, landing it exactly in the center of the bullseye at the far end of the field. Nice.

Suddenly, from my right, I saw two arrows sink into the target next to his, at the very same time. Okay, now that was impressive.

Looking over to my right to see who the archer was, my jaw dropped when I saw Legolas standing next to us, looking extremely arrogant. He did not look at me, but was staring at Haldir.

I looked back at Haldir, who was staring back, and frowning. For all his uppity ways, I think he was mighty ticked off at being shown up in front of me.

Selecting two arrows, he fit them in his bow, and let them fly at the same time. They each landed in the bullseye of two different targets. Now, that was really impressive.

Thwunk. I looked to the right, and saw three arrows sticking out of the bullseye of Legolas' target. Wow. As angry as I still was at him, I had to admit, the boy could shoot.

Haldir snorted. "Legolas...quite the little marksman."

"Haldir...still trying to best me, I see."

"Milady," Haldir said, finally addressing me. For a moment I had thought they'd both forgotten I existed. "It is time to go." He offered me his arm. I took it, and as we walked away I risked a glance at Legolas. He was frowning, watching us, but quickly turned away when he noticed me.

"Milady, I will escort you to dinner this evening," Haldir said curtly, as he led me back to my room. "Till we meet again." Another formal bow, and he was gone.

"Talk about your uptight, uppity Elves..." I thought as the door closed behind me. "Somebody needs to take the stick out of that boy's ass." Still, it had pleased me to see how much Legolas obviously hated me being with Haldir. Dinner might prove to be an interesting affair.