Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: Remove the stick from my ass? Lady, you're picking on the wrong Elf. By the way, F.Y.I., I can outshoot Legoboy any day of the week. Legolas: The hell you can. Nobody can outshoot me. Haldir: Legs, you're starting to believe your own publicity. Legolas: Listen, you trumped up majorette, everybody knows that I'm the best archer! Me: Elf Fight! Elf Fight! Haldir: Author, you aren't very mature, are you? Legolas: I figured that out about 9 chapters ago. Me: Are you kidding? A steel-cage match between you two? I could sell tickets.

Chapter 11

Raging Bull

Haldir looked resplendent in his dark blue tunic when he arrived to escort me to dinner. I have to admit it - he was a fine looking Elf, if a little stiff. All right, a LOT stiff. Still, he was put together very nicely.

Adranial had dressed me in a dark green velvet-like gown, with embroidered trim. I had never been much of a clotheshorse, but I was really getting to like the whole "dressing for dinner" thing. I guess I was getting used to wearing skirts all the time. Funny how things like that can grow on you.

Haldir did the "bowing" thing again (I wondered briefly how they didn't all end up with back problems from all the kow-towing they did around here), and held his arm out for me.

"Nice dress," he said, as we walked out the door of my room.

"Oh, Haldir, how you do go on!" I replied sarcastically. The boy wasn't really much on words, was he? I received a droll look in return.

"You look very nice, tonight," I said, in an effort to continue the conversation. I had had visions of us sitting in total stony silence throughout the entire meal. "Tell me, Haldir, exactly what is a March Warden, anyway?"

"I, along with my brothers, am a warrior of Lothlorien. It is our responsibility to keep the Golden Wood safe and secure from intruders," was his curt reply.

I looked up to see the reserved expression on his face, and sighed. 'You don't really want to be escorting me anywhere, do you, Haldir?" I asked softly. I had suddenly realized that Thranduil had most likely, forced him into this. I wasn't very quick on the uptake, you know. "It's okay...really. I understand..."

"Nonsense. Why do women always think that if an Elf is not gushing all over them, then the Elf must wish he were somewhere else?" he asked brusquely, looking down at me. "It is true that I was requested to accompany you by King Thranduil, but that does not mean that I am here against my will."

"Fair enough," I said, looking up at him. "I don't expect you to gush, Haldir, but a little conversation would be nice. Getting you to talk is like pulling teeth."

For the first time, I got a smile. It was a guarded, half-smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"So I have been told, Milady."

"That's another thing, Haldir. Do you think you could possibly call me by my name? It's frustrating to be called by a title all the time."

"Forgive me. It is not in my nature to be so informal, but I will try...Emmess."

"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" I smiled, feeling a bit more comfortable around him. I received that little half-smile in return.

We descended down into the Great Hall, where once again tables had been set for dinner. I noticed that there were far fewer tables set - evidently many of the guests that had been in attendance the first night had left.

Haldir led me to the head table, where King Thranduil sat, along with Elrond, Gandalf, Aragorn, and Arwen. I noticed that Legolas' place was empty. I wondered whether he would show up for dinner.

Haldir bowed deeply to Thranduil, and I managed a curtsy without falling over. Thranduil smiled at me, complimented my gown, and asked after my well being.

"I am much better, Your Majesty, thanks to Lord Elrond." I blushed a little, remembering our encounter from the first night. Elrond just sat there with an amused smile on his face.

Haldir and I sat at the table just in front and to the left of the head table. Our tablemates were the Hobbits - Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry - and Gimli.

"Well," I thought, looking at them with a smile, "Haldir may not be much on words, but with these guys at the table, I doubt that conversation will be a problem."

"Lassie! Good to see ye again," Gimli grinned. "How be ye? I heard that Elrond's knuckle-headed twins gave ye a problem..."

"I'm fine, Gimli...I'm sure they didn't think to make me sick on purpose..."

"That'd be the problem with those two...they never think," he laughed. He looked at Haldir and said, "March Warden! What brings ye here tonight?"

"Likely the same as you, Dwarf. Food."

"Argh. Conversation with you is impossible! Can ye not be sociable for one evening?"

"Dwarves. Always running on at the mouth."

"Egads." I thought, "No love lost between these two, I guess."

"Did you see the new trees in the arbor yet, Miss Emmess?" Sam asked me, trying to diffuse the hostility between Gimli and Haldir. "The Elves have transplanted a grove of mallorn trees from Lothlorien. They are at their most beautiful this time of year."

"No, I haven't yet, Sam. Perhaps you could take me to see them tomorrow."

"Certainly, Miss Emmess!"

The Hobbit was so cute and excited about the trees; I couldn't help but smile.

Servants had just brought out the first course - vegetable soup of some sort - when I noticed a disturbance in the back of the room. Someone was walking up the aisle, and guests were bowing and curtsying.

"Legolas," I thought, rising along with the rest of my table. I curtsied, as he passed but he didn't even glance in my direction.

I looked at him, though. The first thing I noticed was that he looked positively gorgeous, dressed in a golden tunic and matching leggings, his hair flowing down his back. The second thing I noticed was that he wasn't alone.

He was escorting an Elf maiden; her arm securely tucked in his. She was breathtakingly beautiful - tall and slim, fair-skinned, with honey-blonde tresses, dressed in a gauzy, pale lavender gown. She looked at him with lovesick eyes and I felt a wave of anger course through me. He escorted her up to meet his father, and they took their places at the head table. Not once did he spare me a single look.

I could have just spit.

"Milady...er...Emmess, are you alright?" Haldir asked me, seeing the look on my face.

"Huh? Oh, yes, Haldir...I'm fine. Just ducky," I replied, forcing myself to smile. The reality was that I was anything but fine. I was extremely confused, angry, and a deep ache was developing in my chest.

I couldn't understand my reaction to seeing Legolas with the gorgeous blonde. "I'm pissed at him, remember? The wish? The wife? The not telling me the whole truth when I got here? I didn't want to be with him! This Elf chick has nothing to do with it...why do I feel like I want to scratch her Elven eyes out? Why do I feel like I can't breathe?"

I risked a peek at the head table. Legolas and his escort had their heads close together, talking and smiling. I thought for a moment that I might throw up.

"Oh, God," I thought, the light bulb finally going off over my dimwitted head, "I love him. I've fallen in love, and I blew it! I'm such a moron! I was too busy being petty and plotting some kind of stupid, unwarranted, harebrained revenge to notice. It's too late now...he'll never want to speak to me again after the way I acted. He won't even look at me. I don't exist for him anymore...especially now that he has Miss Elven Universe to cuddle up to!" I could feel tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"Excuse, me, Haldir...I...I'm not feeling very well again. I need to go back to my room. Please excuse me," I said, faking a small, sickly smile.

I rose without another word and silently fled, holding the tears back until I reached the door to my room. A hand on my arm stopped me from entering.

"Do you really think that I am not aware of your feelings for him?" Haldir asked, turning me to face him. "All of Mirkwood is aware of what has transpired between the two of you. In my personal opinion, he was an idiot for not being truthful to you. You, however, seem to have an anger management problem and commitment issues. Do you really think he cares one whit for the Elf he brought to dinner? Are you really that thickheaded not to see what he attempts to do? The very same thing you attempted to do to him with Elrond's sons. The two of you need to grow up and act like adults."

This was the longest speech I had ever heard Haldir make. I couldn't help myself - as upset as I was, I started to giggle.

"You're laughing? This is no laughing matter! The two of you are making the rest of us insane!"

"I'm sorry, Haldir...it's just that before dinner, I couldn't get you to string more than three words together at one time..."

A small smile graced his lips. "You are incorrigible, do you know that? If I didn't know how the two of you felt about each other, I would be tempted to sweep you off your feet myself."

"Thank you, Haldir. That means a lot to me..." the smile left me, and I could feel the tears welling up again. "But I think you're wrong about Legolas. He seems perfectly content with that blonde bombshell. I don't think he's given me a second thought." I sighed, sniffled, and felt a tear slide down my cheek. "I think I'll just retire...it's been a long day. Thank you spending the day with me, though. Good night, Haldir."

I turned and slipped into my room, closing the door softly behind me.

"Legolas! I need to have a word with you," Haldir hissed, standing behind the Prince, tapping him on the shoulder.

"I am a little busy right now, March Warden, if you don't mind. Perhaps after dinner," Legolas replied, nodding his head at his dinner partner.

"Now, Legolas," Haldir firmly put his hand on Legolas' shoulder.

"Remove your hand, Haldir, or risk losing it," Legolas growled, tensing his shoulders.

"I think perhaps you should see what the March Warden wants, son," Thranduil put in, not wishing to see a brawl start at the head table. After all, the menu tonight was duck, and Thranduil was hungry.

Legolas nodded his head at his father, but was not pleased at being ordered from the table in front of his date. He brushed past Haldir and led him to a corner of the Great Hall.

Eyes narrowed, frowning, Legolas looked at Haldir. "Is this about what happened this afternoon at the archery range? Have you lost all sense of competition, March Warden?"

"Do you really think I give a warg's ass about you showing off this afternoon? You should know me better than that. You insult me by insinuating that I am that petty."

"Then why interrupt my dinner conversation? For that matter, why aren't you attending to your own escort? She tends to wander off with the first male she encounters if left to her own devices."

"My escort is the reason for this conversation, you imbecile!"

"Sorry, Haldir...you're on your own with that one! Make sure you keep an arm's length of distance between you...she probably bites."

"I should just break you in half and save everyone a headache!" Haldir said through gritted teeth. "Legolas, I have seen your courage and fortitude in battle, your skill with a bow, and your intelligence in the face of adversity...but I have never seen your stupidity before. I am not sure that you deserve her."

"I don't deserve her. I doubt that Sauron would deserve her!"

"Keep a civil tongue in your head, Elfling!"

"Then mind your own business, Haldir!"

"This is my business, Princeling! Your father has made it my business. He chose me to escort Emmess because you seem to have your head stuck up your ass!"

"Oh, so it's 'Emmess,' now, is it? Tell me, March Warden, have you taken her out to the garden yet? Has she chewed up your heart and spit it back out at you?"

Haldir sighed, shaking his head. "Legolas...do you know what my escort is doing, right at this moment?"

"Rolling about on the floor with the Hobbits?" Legolas replied nastily.

Legolas was surprised to see the floor jump up at him. He lay there for a moment, sprawled on the cold stone, before realizing that Haldir had just decked him.

Growling, he attempted to rise, but Haldir's foot on the middle of his back prevented it.

"Listen to me, Elfling. I will not say this again. You need to get over this feeling sorry for your self-nonsense, or you WILL lose the single best thing that has ever happened to you in your entire sorry life. Your soulmate is upstairs, at this very moment, weeping because she thinks she's lost you. Soulmate, Legolas...do you realize how rare that is for Elves? You know that most of us never marry...most of us spend eternity alone. You had to ask Manwe to find her for you. Are you really going to throw that away because of a dent in your pride? If you do, then you are not worthy of happiness, and I pity you."

Legolas felt the heavy foot of the March Warden leave his back, but he didn't rise. He lay there for a long while, thinking.