Chapter Two: One Step Closer
Rei watched the buildings pass by with a detached interest. They were moving at very high speeds, and many came very close to her. But she didn't care. Feeling the comforting weight of her beloved's arm around her, she closed her eyes. The subway trickled away, and all that mattered was Shinji.
The Third Child felt Rei gently place her head upon his shoulder. He smiled, and the warmth of that wonderful emotion traveled through his entire being. It lulled him to sleep, perhaps to meet Rei. She was already there.
Shinji was almost used to it now. He'd felt it often within the last six months, ever since Rei's rebirth. She was an entirely new person, both literally and otherwise. She'd become more...human, he supposed. More alive. And because of it, so had he. There had been nights when the last thing he would see was Rei's softly smiling face, and would wake to the same thing hours later. Yes, they had slept together. Not that he'd "slept" with her, as the saying is usually used. They were only fifteen now, and both knew that their current situation was neither the time nor the place. Asuka's oft-repeated defensive cries of "You pervert!" may have finally found a use in Shinji's presumptuous classmates. But to hell with what others thought they did. Besides, Asuka was too busy crying about other things. Maybe it was just Shinji's imagination, as many things often were, but it seemed that she had developed somewhat of a crush on him. Naturally, this presented two problems: firstly, he was deeply in love with Rei and could barely even see anyone else; secondly, Asuka was the type to take the word "crush" literally if turned away.
She still cried at night, and so did Misato. But for Rei and Shinji, the end of the day held nothing but bliss. After her old apartment had been condemned following the incident, Rei moved in next door to Shinji. Their apartment doors had remained conveniently silent in use, even at the midnight hours. Between sunset and sunrise were dreams of beauty, of joy. Some of them were real. His former routine of nightmares had all but ceased, except for one.
Though he had seen no more of his father than usual, the elder Ikari's effects kept becoming more intrusive every day. Whether it was the mention of his commands by one of the techs or even the barely audible utterance of his name, the elusive Commander could always manage to remotely invoke a spark of anger within his son. Sometimes it would be just a random neuron firing within Shinji's brain, a fragile connection to another subject. That was enough. A microscopically insignificant mental trigger like that was the smoldering cigarette butt, tossed carelessly into a convenient pile of refuse. The invisible flame could do nothing on its own, but once it found something to feed it, it burst into life and out of control.
These thoughts and others were jolted from Shinji's head as the train came to a stop. Rei roused quickly and the two exited to close the distance between the station and the Geo-Front transport on foot.
The ride down seemed quieter than usual, and 'usual' was fairly quiet anyway. Neither of the two had ever been overly talkative, but for half a year that collective stoic demeanor had eroded away, just a bit, to reveal two perfectly normal teenagers. True, one was a formerly suicidal quasi-orphan and the other was an angelic albino clone, but normal nonetheless.
Rei turned to her companion. Soon enough, Shinji broke his vacant stare and looked over to meet her questioning eyes. "I'm fine," he replied, and put on his best fake smile.
You can tell me, she thought.
The smile expired with a sigh. "They're just dreams. They don't mean anything." And then he caught himself, noting that she already had. This was not the couple to tell that dreams are insignificant. Rei half-smiled as Shinji gave a hollow chuckle. "Still...I just wish I knew what they meant."
"But you do know," she offered. "That's why you have them."
She's right, he thought. She's always right.
"Not always."
Shinji grinned. "Sure you are. Tell me one time when you weren't."
"When I thought that there was no reason to keep on living. You're here," she said, quietly smiling. "That's all the reason I need."
A smile once again found its way to his lips as they found Rei's. With his arm around her, they turned at the sound of the electronic chime and stood to enter Central Dogma.
Ritsuko was waiting inside. As the two turned a corner, she rose from her seat to greet them.
Shinji beat her to it. "Good morning, Ritsuko," he said cheerfully. Rei bowed almost imperceptibly, adding, "Dr. Akagi."
A flicker of malice became visible in her eyes for a fraction of a second, and was gone. Rei had seen it and understood fully what she was thinking: how unwelcome it was to see those two children, so lazy and worthless, finding happiness while she, the diligent worker, had been given nothing in return but the cold shell of the Magi supercomputers. She felt that twinge of jealousy, and the attached hate hit deep.
Shinji immediately sensed it within Rei. Ritsuko's spite, directed at all who were happier than her, had now found two new targets. He felt her hatred, her condescending envy.
It felt familiar.
The change was as tangible as it was sudden. Rei, her arms still entwined with Shinji's, felt his shoulders slump. All the muscles throughout those solid limbs just gave out. His expression changed from one of optimistic readiness back to the one they both remembered from so long ago; gazing downwards at nothing, he reverted to his old self. As he remembered who had first felt this towards him, Shinji's hand began to shake.
The embers smoldered.
I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I said before
All these words, they make no sense
I've found bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
After a long period of uneasy silence, Dr. Akagi broke it, saying, "They're waiting for you in the cage." Rei nodded in confirmation. She and Shinji walked past her, and for a brief microsecond, he thought of doing something he would later regret. The image was just as quickly pushed down, back into his subconscious, and buried under layers of conscience and morality. As they proceeded onwards, Rei distanced herself just slightly from him. She had seen it too, and secretly, it frightened her.
(Everything you say to me)
Drives me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(I need a little room to breathe)
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break
The harshly glowing sign implanted in the ceiling of the corridor informed Shinji that here was his exit. A white painted arrow, next to the similarly inscribed word "lockers", pointed him to his next stop. Rei wasn't on today's schedule for testing; she slowed their walk to a stop. Shinji turned, and as a weak smile appeared, he quickly kissed her goodbye and left. He could feel her eyes behind him, questioningly staring as he went through the doorway.
The panel slid shut behind him, and he breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't see through him anymore; he and his thoughts were safe. As he opened his locker and retrieved his folded plug suit, Shinji had a moment's pause. Why am I glad to get away from Rei? he thought. I love her. What am I afraid of? He pulled on the lower half of the suit, sighing. This is stupid. It's just your imagination, nothing's changed. Just forget about it.
He pressed the wrist button, and the suit expelled the air inside with a sudden whoosh. Shrugging off the troubling thoughts, he left and started toward the cage.
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts, they make no sense
I've found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before...
Click. The external locking mechanisms of Shinji's plug snapped into place, securing him inside Unit 01. The lights went out for a few moments, as they usually did, and left him with nothing to think of but what was already inside. Despite his efforts to avoid it, his wandering mind drifted back to that morning's dream. The darkness of that nightmare...he shuddered. It was just like in here. But at least in here, I don't have to worry about him. About my father. A rush of anger seared through clenching veins. He's made me this way. Afraid of my own family. He destroyed my life.
(Everything you say to me)
Drives me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(I need a little room to breathe)
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break
(Everything you say to me)
Drives me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(I need a little room to breathe)
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to...break
Shinji's fist trembled. He took everything away from me. Took my peace...my freedom... The entire arm was twitching now. He took my life. My pride. My happiness.
With a low whirring noise, the combat simulation began to run within the Eva. Lights flashed before him, and Shinji looked past them to the virtual battlefield waiting for him. A generic Angel stood in the midst of Tokyo-3, staring blankly. The pilot's eyes widened before narrowed to slits, his face distorting into a mask that could barely repress the hatred underneath. As one simple thought passed through his consciousness, the mask disappeared entirely.
You will feel my pain.
Suddenly the Eva was upon its prey. Slamming into its chest with the force of a bomb's blast, Shinji landed a second kick that sent the Angel flying into and through a skyscraper. Metal beams collided with others, and then the Eva's purple shell; its forearm ground along a vertical pillar, sending an shrill screech through the digitized air.
A heavy thud resounded through the construct as the Eva's fists, joined together, connected with the Angel's chest plate. Again and again they pounded into the weakening armor-covered flesh. Pieces of metal girders fell from high up to harmlessly bounce off of the frenzied assailant. Undeterred, the brutality continued onward.
SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!
...SHUT UP!
...SHUT UP!
...SHUT UP!
SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!
For a brief second, the assault ceased. Recovering from the barrage, the Angel swung an ungainly arm at the Eva. It glanced off, doing no physical damage. So shocked was Shinji at this impudence that he froze for a moment before the anger could return. Adrenaline burned through his body as murderous rage filled his mind. Suddenly, with a sickening splatter, the Angel's entrails painted the half-destroyed walls behind it. Looking down in a gesture that mocked human pain, it found a steel beam where its organs should have been. Unit 01 gripped it tightly and wrenched the shaft out. Its bloodsoaked tip swung back for more.
SHUT UP!
Misato's static-ridden screams for Shinji to stop were lost in the clanging of metal on bone. For the second time, that makeshift club crushed in the misshapen limbs, reversing joints and bursting blood vessels. Where the gigantic fingers clutched their weapon, ten separate forcibly collapsed imprints formed. Inside, Shinji's white-knuckled hands clutched the controls and thrust forward again.
SHUT UP!
The Angel was dying quickly now. Somewhere in Shinji's mind, that should have told him that he had won, that he could stop. All it meant to him now was that he had to work faster. The beam swung vertically and hit at the right shoulder. Once more to the same spot, and a liquidic crunch signaled that it was time to move on.
SHUT UP!
A thoroughly red length of metal hit the ground. Above, the Evangelion held aloft a mass of meat and viscera as it quivered spasmodically. Its empty eyes gazed onward at the creature taking its life. Somewhere in its featureless face, Shinji saw familiarity. His hands tightened around the Angel's neck. Raising it above his head, the Eva's gargantuan arms bent the creature on itself lengthwise and pushed.
SHUT UP!...I'M ABOUT TO BREAK!
A guttural scream of primal, animal rage echoed through the vacant city as, with a deep crack, the bright crimson rain gushed down over Unit 01. A fragment of the S2 organ smeared and trailed down the canopy and dropped, with the rest of the mutilated pile, to the Eva's feet. Shinji tasted the blood and involuntarily licked his lips. As the displays faded back into darkness, an unseen feral grin spread across his face.
(Everything you say to me)
Drives me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(I need a little room to breathe)
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break
(Everything you say to me)
Drives me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(I need a little room to breathe)
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to...break
Later, Shinji would remember the slowness with which they ejected the plug. He'd look back and see their faces, disbelieving stares mingled with shock. How they kept out of his way. How no one dared touch him. How he was feared. And how he was invincible. They had seen what he was really capable of, and it terrified them.
He would remember walking out of the cage and the locker room, past the offices, and to the exit; and he would remember watching Rei looking back at him through the window in the moving elevator to the surface, gazing back fearfully at someone she had never seen before.