DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Leave me alone.

A/N: LOOK!! Another chapter already? I'm on a roll!!

"BALD!?" Ron shrieked. "Bald!? I can't be bald!! This isn't happening!! This isn't happening!!"

"Ron, it's not that bad," Hermione said.

"Yeah, Ron. Chill, it's not that big of a deal," Harry said.

"NOT THAT BAD!?" Ron exclaimed. "That's easy for YOU to say!! Now that YOU'RE the studdly one! Is it hot in here? Whew. Oh boy. It's hot. I'm... is it hot in here? BALD! It's hot..."

Then he fainted.

"Ron!!" Hermione exclaimed, shaking him back into consciousness.

Ron's eyes fluttered open. "I'm sorry. I guess I lost my cool for a minute."

"Hey," Hermione said. "Before we go we can stop by the wig store and get you a wig. I bet you'll still look as sex-o-matic as before."

"You're probably right," Ron agreed. "Anyways, I've still got my chiseled body."

So they all climbed under the invisibility cloak and we off. They stopped at the wig store where Ron purchased a stunning straight black wig. They also bought some anti-frizz serum ("YOU could use some of this Hermione!") and then headed off to Toadpimple's...

"You got ID," said the big wizard bouncer at the door of Toadpimple's.

Hermione and Harry froze. ID! Why hadn't they thought of it before?

"I-ID?" said Hermione nervously.

"Of course we have ID!" exclaimed Ron, pulling three cards out of his pocket.

The bouncer took the cards, inspected them for a moment. "Aiight," he finally said, handing the cards back to Ron. "Jemimah, Fredrico, and Fauntleroy. You can go in."

"Thank you," Ron said.

"By the way," the bouncer, "nice wig!"

So they walked in and seated themselves close to the stage.

"Aren't you glad a made these fake ID cards?" Ron smiled.

"Yes, very glad. But, Jemimah?" Hermione said. "Why Jemimah?"

"Oh," laughed Ron. "You're not Jemimah. You're Fredrico. Harry's Jemimah. I," he said with a flourish, "am Fauntleroy."

"Fauntleroy?"

"Classy, eh?"

Hermione nodded, and then a loud voice came on the loud speakers.

"Is everybody ready for our Tuesday night special?" said the voice.

The crowd cheered.

"Harry!" whispered Hermione sharply. "You got the camera?"

"No, Ron has it," he replied.

Hermione turned to Ron in his straight black wig. "Ron," she said. "You got the camera ready?"

Ron said nothing.

"Ron?"

Still nothing.

"RON!"

"There is nobody here by that name," he said in a pompous sort of way.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fauntleroy," she said. "Do you got the camera ready?"

"Why yes, Jemimah," he said. "I DO have the camera ready."

"Hey you!" said a tough sounding man, grabbing Ron's arm. "Get back stage! The show's about to start."

Ron turned around and found himself face to face with a man who was apparently the owner of Toadpimple's. His name tag read Mr. Pokey.

"What? Me?" Ron started pulling his wig off. "No, I'm not—."

"Damn, I think you're the prettiest 'woman' here tonight!" Mr. Pokey said.

"Pretty?" Ron said, flipping his hair. "You're too kind."

"What did you say your name was again?" Mr. Pokey asked.

"My name," Ron said, back to his cocky self. "Is Fauntleroy. These two here," he pointed to Harry and Hermione, "are doing a documentary on my life. It's called 'Fauntleroy: The Classiest WO-man In The Bussiness of Sexy'."

"I mean your stage name," Mr. Pokey explained.

"Oh my stage name!" Ron laughed. "Silly me. My stage name is Trixie Laroo."

"Ah, Trixie. Well come back stage. I'd be delighted to hear some more about this documentary," Mr. Pokey replied. "Let's get you backstage. You can tell me all about it while you get into costume."

"Alright!" Ron exclaimed and then started walking off.

"Wait!" Hermione called after him.

"Ah!" he said and tossed the camera to Harry. "Jemimah! Man the camera!"

And then he was gone.

Suddenly lights flashed across the stage and the voice came on again. "Is everybody ready?!"

The crowed cheered (and so did Harry... I'd always wondered about him...) and then out walked a tall "woman" with a curly red wig. "She" was wearing a sparkly blue outfit (ok, so it was more of a loincloth) and had on bright blue eye shadow.

"PLEASE GIVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MAUREEN BOOBAVITCH!!"

The crowd went wild and Maureen started dancing seductively on the stage. Harry and Hermione sat through performances by Sassy Kitten, Sparkle, Pinky, and Hot Mama. Then a "woman" with a blonde curly wig walked onto stage. The voice announced "her" as Professor Sexy. Hermione and Harry, however knew the true identity of this pink sequin clad man. Professor Snape.

He danced all across the stage and boy was it disgusting!! Harry, of course, got it all on tape. This was PRICELESS. So he danced around a while and then went back stage. Then the man announced the next performer.

"NOW PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR TRIXIE LAROO!"

And out came Ron. And boy did he look hot!! But then something happened. Ron's manliness kind of started to disappear. The hair on his legs started ungrowing and the hair on his head (though you couldn't tell from under the wig) started regrowing. And he started shrinking...

THEY WERE GROWING YOUNGER!!

"Hey!" somebody yelled. "There are some minors here!"

"Fauntleroy!!" Hermione exclaimed. "To the pooper!"

"I HEAR YOU FREDRICO!!" Ron called.

And they all shot through the place towards the girls bathroom.

Once in the bathroom Hermione did a nifty little charm that locked the door.

"WHOA!!" Ron exclaimed. "The rumors are true!! You guys DO have couches in here!"

"I know, but you can't tell anyone. It's a big secret." Hermione said.

"Why's it such a secret?" Harry asked.

"Do you know what would happen if all the boys knew there were couches in our bathrooms?!"

"No..." Harry replied.

"IT WOULD BE A DISASTER!!" she exclaimed. "They'd demand couches for THEIR bathrooms!! It just can't happen."

"Ok."

"Now," Hermione said, "we need to figure out a way to get out of here."

"Right," said Ron. "But first, can we get a few cross dressing Ron shots??"

Harry nodded. "Definitely."