Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Haldir: Why is it that Legolas always gets the girl? What does he have that I don't? He's an Elf...I'm an Elf. He's a blonde...I'm a blonde. He's tall...I'm tall. He can shoot...I can shoot. What's the freaking deal? Me: Go read southerngirl4615 's trilogy...you're the big man on campus in those stories, Lover Boy. Haldir: Lover Boy? Really? Me? Legolas: Someone wrote a story that didn't star me? I'm calling my union. POW! Me: Haldir! That's the second time you've decked him. The fangirls are gonna be all over my butt now.

Chapter 14

From Here To Eternity

Legolas led me up the stairs in the Great Hall to the third tier, walking swiftly past several doors. He stopped at an ornately carved one, in the exact center of the tier, and knocked on it.

"Legolas, it is very late...your father is probably asleep. Perhaps this would not be the best time to tell him that you want to marry a girl from another dimension," I said, tugging on Legolas' sleeve.

"Nonsense. Elves sleep very little, if at all. He's probably reading some kind of boring text, if I know my father." Legolas knocked again, louder this time.

"What?" came a muffled voice from inside the room. It sounded a little irritated and out-of-breath to my ears. "I'm busy."

"Father? We have a need to speak with you immediately. It is of the utmost importance."

"Legolas? What's wrong? Just a moment..."

I could hear scrambling, and the rustling of material from within the room. The door opened, and the King peered out, looking rather rumpled. I stood just behind Legolas, and glanced over the King's shoulder to see Adranial peeking out from under the covers of the King's bed. Uh, oh. He had NOT been reading.

Suddenly, I was extremely confused.

"Father, I have come to ask you for your permission to wed. Emmess has agreed to become my wife, and we wish to hold the ceremony as soon as possible."

"Hold it, buster..." I said, tapping Legolas on the shoulder. "I thought you just told me that being, er...intimate...was a binding contract among your people? Has the King married the handmaiden?"

"He told you WHAT?" King Thranduil asked, tying the belt of his dressing robe. I noticed Adranial pull the covers up over her head. "Legolas! Did you really feed her that line? What is wrong with you, boy?"

Legolas looked at his father in shock. "Father...you know it is true...I have been taught this since my earliest days. Mother always told me that to touch a woman was the same as marriage...why do you say otherwise? And what is the handmaiden doing in your bed?"

"Eru preserve us! Tell me you don't still believe that cock and bull story after nearly 3,000 years? Son..." Thranduil said, putting his hand on Legolas' shoulder, "I truly loved your mother, may she rest in the Halls of the Mandos. She was a wonderful wife, and mother. Unfortunately, she was also an uptight, ice queen when it came to sex. She fed you that drivel because she couldn't bear the thought of her baby boy growing up and wanting to, er...indulge himself. I thought I had this talk with you well over 1,000 years ago? Oh, wait, that may have been with one of your brothers..."

"Do you mean to tell me that all of it was a lie? That I have forced myself to remain chaste for 2,931 years for NOTHING?"

Thranduil shook his head, sympathy in his eyes. "I don't know how you did it, son...if I go more than two days, I have trouble walking."

I did NOT want to be hearing this conversation.

I turned around and walked back down the hall, leaving Legolas still standing shell shocked at his father's door. My mind was in an uproar. What exactly did this mean? He said he loved me, but did he really, or was he just desperate to get laid? Exactly what did he mean by waiting for 2,931 years? He didn't look a day over twenty-seven. How could anyone be nearly three thousand years old? How could anyone be nearly three thousand years old and still a virgin?

I heard Legolas run up behind me. His strong hands gripped my shoulders and he spun me around to face him.

"Emmess, this changes nothing. I love you and have every intention of marrying you."

"Are you kidding? This changes EVERYTHING. Legolas," I said, putting my hands on his chest, "you just learned that an important value you have held your entire life is a false one. A beautiful sentiment, but nothing more. Waiting for marriage is a wonderful thing, when the decision is made freely. But you waited simply because you thought you had no other choice. How long will you be content to be with just one person, when you now know that you can have anyone you wish without recrimination?"

"I could be content with you for eternity," he said simply, bending to kiss me. I held him away from me, shaking my head. "You need to think about this, Legolas. I need to think about this. By the way, while we're on the subject, exactly how old are you?"

He blinked, shaking his head in confusion. "What difference does how old I am make?"

"An answer, please, Legolas," I said, my eyes hardening at his avoidance of my question.

"I am 2,931 years...give or take a year. It becomes difficult to keep tract after the first twenty five hundred," he replied. "Why is this so important to you?"

"Oh, God...no wonder you asked Manwe to find you a girl! Legolas, how can anyone live so long? I don't understand."

"I'm an Elf..." he replied, as if this cleared everything up.

"So what? Does being and Elf make you immortal or something?" I asked sarcastically, then froze at the look on his face. "HOLY SHIT!" I yelled, pushing him backwards. "You're IMMORTAL? As in, living forever, never dying, walking-the-earth-forever immortal?"

"Elves can die...killed in battle, or through weariness of the world..." Legolas tried to explain, missing the point completely.

"ARGH! I can't believe you didn't tell me this! What ELSE have you neglected to tell me? Do you have an evil twin? Sprout hair doing a full moon? Is there a portrait of you somewhere that AGES? Tell me NOW Elfboy!" I was furious, both at Legolas for withholding important information about himself, and at his deceased mother for possibly ruining his life.

"Emmess...what are you talking about? I'm an Elf...you knew that. I told you that within the first five minutes of our meeting."

"Yes, you told me you were an Elf. You neglected to tell me that you were also Father Time!"

"You are beside yourself. Let's go down to the kitchen and get you some tea..."

"Don' you DARE patronize me! I DO NOT need TEA! I need an explanation! I need someone to tell me the entire, unvarnished truth for once! I need to have my head examined for being naïve enough to believe every word that falls out of your mouth!" I gave him a push backwards, and spun on my heel, running back down the stairs to the second level to my room. I gave the door a satisfying slam behind me. I leaned back against the door, shaking.