Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters. Legolas: Do you honestly think that anyone could possibly believe that I've never gotten any? Out of the 33,383 stories currently on this website, approximately 33,380 of them concern me getting just that. Me: Lego, have you read the books? You never got married. You hung out with Gimli, and finally sailed with him to Valinor. If you insist that you're not a virgin, what does that tell us? Gimli: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt...
Chapter 15It Happened One Night
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, and stop shaking. I could not take much more of this. Every time I thought things were finally worked out between us, something happened to bring me crashing back down to earth.
"On again...off again. On again...off again. Would you two kindly make up your minds! You are driving us all to distraction!" came a familiar voice from the direction of the dressing table.
"Manwe, please. I don't think I can handle another existential lecture from you right now. I'm sick and tired of the being the last one to know anything," I said, sitting down on the bed. "Legolas is immortal. I'm having a bit of a hard time wrapping my mind around that, okay?"
"Of course, he's immortal. You read the books Tolkien wrote...you saw the movies...you had to know it."
"I told you I read the books years and years ago in school! The movies were freaking over three hours long each...I guess I must have been doing the bathroom dash during that part."
"You knew that Elrond was 7,000 years old when you kissed him."
"I was being sarcastic. I didn't mean that I thought he was actually alive for 7,000 years! By the way, he looks really good for his age."
"You're taking this better than I would have thought...no screaming or crying?"
"I'm done screaming, and I don't think I have enough fluid left in my body to cry."
"Emmess...what's the big deal? So, he's immortal...so what? Why does that bother you so much?" Manwe asked from the reflecting glass.
"It matters because...because..."
"You see? You can't think of one good reason why it should matter. You were just shocked, that's all."
"It's not just that, Manwe. I know I can get over the immortality thing...it's the OTHER thing that I can't deal with, okay?" I said, pounding my fist on the bed.
"Oh...you mean the virgin thing? I wouldn't worry about that...Legolas has always been a fast learner," he chuckled.
I stood up and walked over to the mirror.
"God! Can you possibly get any more vulgar? Look, I'm going to explain this just one time...so pay attention. Legolas, evidently, has spent his entire life - and we've already established just how long that really has been - with a perpetual hard-on. I know that's a crude image, but you asked for it. Today he finds out that none of it was necessary...that he could fall in bed with any willing Elf - of which I am certain there is no shortage - whenever he wishes. Have you seen these broads? There isn't a dog among them! Just how long do think he'll be able to keep it in his pants? And you know what? I can't even blame him.
"But I also can't live with the possibility of him cheating on me hanging over my head, or with the possibility that the only reason he's not cheating is because he feels guilty because he married me. I can't - no, I WON'T be an albatross around this particular old man's neck. Do you get it now, Mirror Boy?"
"You certainly don't give him much credit. You say that you love him, but can't trust him?"
"I do love him...that's why this hurts so much! And I do trust him...it's just that now that he knows he's free to do whatever, or rather whoever, he wishes, sooner or later he's gonna start wondering why he's stuck himself with hamburger when there's an entire gourmet buffet waiting right outside his door!"
"What has Legolas to say about this?"
"Legolas has nothing to say about this. Legolas is still in shock over finding out that his mother lied to him. Legolas is..."
"Right here," came a voice from behind me. I had been so busy making speeches to the face in the mirror, that I hadn't heard the door.
I spun around to see Legolas standing just inside my door. He locked eyes with me, but spoke to Manwe.
"Manwe, if you please...I would like some time alone with my fiancée."
"Of course...of course..." Manwe faded from the mirror, leaving me alone with Legolas.
"Legolas..." I began, but he cut me right off.
"Do NOT Legolas me. I heard what you said to Manwe. It hurts me to think that you think so little of me. I fell in love with you...not in love with idea of having you. That's just a fringe benefit of finding the person you wish to spend your life with. I've gone three thousand years without indulging in that particular activity...I think I can manage being faithful to the woman I love for another hundred or so."
I couldn't think of a blessed thing to say to that. I reddened with shame for not having faith in him. "I'm so sorry, Legolas...I just...what are you doing?"
He had turned and thrown the bolt on the door. Turning to face me once more, he began to untie his belt from his waist.
"Legolas...what..."
He still said not a word. He was now unhooking the front of his tunic. He let it fall from his shoulders to lay in a heap at his feet.
I was in deep trouble now.
Walking slowly toward me, clad only in his breeches, my flaxen haired Adonis put his hands on either side of my face and pulled me into a fiery, open-mouthed kiss. My hands instinctively wound themselves in his silky hair, gripping fistfuls as I was overcome by the same need he felt.
"Do you want me?" he asked into the flesh of my neck as he bent to nuzzle there, his hands roaming my back.
"Legolas..." I tried to retain a vestige of sanity against the mounting desire.
"Do you want me?" he repeated, pulling my earlobe into his soft mouth.
"Ahhh...Legolas..." was the only answer I could manage.
I felt his strong fingers grasp the material of the back of my dress, and heard a long ripping sound as he literally tore the dress from my body.
He swept me up into his arms and carried me to the bed, laying me in the center of it, and began to untie the lacings of his breeches.
The night passed far too swiftly.
Sunshine poured through the windows, and I stirred my head from the crook of Legolas' shoulder. He traced the curve of my face with his finger.
"Haven't you slept at all?" I asked, stretching up my chin to lightly kiss his strong jaw.
"I told you, Elves sleep little," he replied, a small smile on his lips. I looked into his eyes, and saw the flames of desire burning there once more.
"Again, Legolas?" I laughed, sliding my hand up his chest, relishing the feeling of his smooth skin.
"After 3,000 years, once is just not enough, especially with you, Melamin," he replied, placing his hand at the small of my back to pull me closer.
"It was three times, at my last count, you horny little monkey, you!" I laughed. My laughter was cut off by his hot mouth firmly planted on mine.
The day past far too swiftly.