Talker – Chapter Twenty-Four: Weary Departure
Author's Note: Alright, it may take a while for the next chapter to come up, as it is unfinnished. Up until now, all previously posted chapters had been completed prior to having been added, they've just been going through editing. But seeing as chapter twenty-five is unfinished and unedited…well, things might go slower pending on my time to write. So, enjoy. Thank you for reviewing. (Hey, I'm actually finishing a story for once!) But I won't say how many chapters are left…maybe two, three, four, EIGHTEEN, YOU DON'T KNOW, HAHAHAHA—
Tyler pulled his shirt back down to cover the wound in his side. It was healing pretty well, so for that at least he was glad. Though if that small injury was the only thing weighing on his mind at the moment, he maybe truly have a reason to rejoice—as it stood, the sun having risen after a night of very uneasy sleep, he was beginning to feel the pressure of his decision. The few light moments that he had been asleep, he was plagued with nightmarish visions of the scenario he was about to willingly face. The zombies hadn't given him a second glance back at the resort, but who's to say that Ana wasn't right? Maybe they would see him for what he desperately hoped he still was. Tyler was determined, however, and all things considered, he did not regret his suggestion to venture out there alone. Not that he was exactly comfortable with the idea…Who would be?
The dreams he had the previous night still somehow bothered him more than he was sure they should have. He dreamed of various negative things, such as wandering alone in the ruined city from which he came, no people anywhere, but thank God for that. It may have been the conjuration of a battle-scarred mind, it may have been a something that he had indeed experienced, but at this point he could no longer dicern much between dream and memory. Neither really mattered now, did they? Not now, when the survivors of this island depended solely on the future. Depended on him…Hey, at least he wasn't as useless as he feared he was. If he succeeded, that was.
He turned towards the trees and sighed at the cool light of morning drawn over the barely twitching palms, relishing the bleak but noticable color of it all. It was something that was his alone at the moment, not the brisk city mornings that he'd looked upon appriciatively on his way out the door among the hundreds of thousands around him. It seemed like years ago that he'd even had the opportunity. But despite the fact that he never would have it again, he still somehow appriciated this. After all, as far as he knew, it could be the last sunrise he got to see. And he wouldn't miss that show for anything. Too bad that meant his last meal would be another Power Bar. And too bad he would leave the others on such bad terms…He just hoped that they would forgive him, or that they would understand. But that was enough of this sentimental 'last rights' crap, he decided.
He should be focused on the task at hand. His motivation was the lives of his only fellow men (and women respectively) left living, and he wouldn't fuck up this time. What happened to good old reliable Tyler? He was still there, infected or not. He'd let them know that today. Cracking his neck and rubbing his stiff forearm, he gazed back up and the bluing sky thankfully... Blue was definitely the color he had missed the most. It was a peaceful color, and peace by any measure was always welcome to him. Really truly? Well he was a little less than peaceful feeling at the moment in question, but any calming thought was clung to tightly. Though as the sun rose higher, he knew he'd have to be going soon. He looked down at the pack that they had given him (the one that had previously been carrying all of their supplies) and picked it up, flinging the strap over his shoulder as he turned and began making his way back towards the camp site.
As he turned around, however, he found that someone had already come to meet him here, or to retrieve him, he supposed. Naturally, he should have expected that with tension lingering where it was. But… he hadn't expected it to be Ana after the things that had occurrred the previous day. He honestly wasn't sure what he should say to her, or if she really wished to speak with him at all, but he figured he would start simple enough. After his slight surprise of seeing her, he lowered his head and released a placid sigh. "Hey…" he tried quietly.
He didn't know how long she'd been watching him there, or what exactly she'd come for, but she seemed reluctant to begin whatever was on her mind. She stood about five five away with an unsure expression. "Hey Tyler." She almost whispered that, her eyes meeting his only in fleeting glances.
"Is something…wrong?" he swallowed and looked on at her with regret, knowing why she was so uncomfortable and knowing just as much that it was his fault. He wanted to apologize again, but it would seem so out of place.
"No." she forced out, crossing her arms in a fidgety motion. "The others are waiting for you. They're pretty…confident about this…"
He nodded lightly with a well-meaning smile and looked off to the side, thinking about the others in simultaneous nervousness and determination. "Yeah, well…I'm glad they-"
"I don't want you to go." Ana broke in. He looked to her in shock, blinking a few times. She stood with her gaze down low at her feet and her hands gripping her elbows in an emotion he couldn't quite grasp. Anger? Discomfort? Whatever it was, she seemed, for lack of a better word, ashamed by it.
"I…" he stuttered numbly before putting a thought in order. "…I don't…I mean I don't know what you want to hear…" he spoke softly, confused by her display.
She said nothing, merely shaking her head.
"I know you don't agree with the rest of the group, but I can do it…you just don't trust me?" he bit his lip and waited.
"Trust you…" she shook her head again, letting out a gruff sigh. "Look at what you're willing to do for us. And look at how we've treated you."
"You guys treated me a lot better than you needed to." He protested. They didn't have to take him in. Feed him, care for him. He was the one that screwed up, didn't she know that?
"I wish that were true." After that there reigned another frivilous silence, a boring and nervous thing that had become the most hated feeling among them nowadays. It meant that they had run out of things to say, and without them, they may as well have been alone.
Tyler eventually refused to let it go on any longer and cleared his throat. "You'd be worried if it was anyone. And it has to be someone. You can't win." He offered a little shrug.
"I know that." She almost snapped. "But you…" another trail off.
"I'll be okay." He said. "I know you worry about what could happen. I've always appriciated that. But it's not that big of a deal, you'll see, I'll be fine. Besides, you and the others won't be so far off."
"A lot that does. What are we gonna do if you need help? It's not like we can just run up there. All we can do is…God, I don't know." She kept her eyes low.
"I don't think that'll happen. Did I tell you I was a good runner? I almost tried out for track in the eigth grade. See, but I failed health class." he tried.
"What happens if you need my help? I won't be able to be there." She reasoned without regard to his stab at lifting humor.
"I feel better than I did before." Well…on the outside anyway. She didn't need to know that. "I'll be okay for just an hour. Less than that, in fact."
"I don't want to have one of my friends get killed on a guess, I don't care how good of a guess it is." She growled back. "I'm not being paranoid, I'm not being over-dramatic. Why won't you all believe me?"
"I do believe you." He hesitantly held up a hand, but then lowered it. "And just because the others disagree with you doesn't mean they think you're crazy. It's like I said. Can't always win…"
"Well it would be nice to win when it counts." She said with a mix of exasperation and resentment. "I'm wondering if this damn island's just made us stir crazy."
"You don't have to worry. Maybe I don't look it, but I'm tough." He thumped his chest lightly.
"…It's not funny." She let out a breath.
"I wrote articles, not sitcoms." He replied sarcastically, shifting his stance a little.
"Stop it." Ana said sternly, but her eyes were still at her feet.
Tyler felt a tightening in his chest as he looked down as well. "I'm sorry."
Again she said nothing, only another sigh ghosting past her lips. He really didn't want this to go on any longer, he could feel an argument coming on and that was the last note he wanted to leave on.
"I've gotta go. They'll be wondering where I am." He made a move forward—
Only to be stopped as Ana came to him unexpectedly, her arms catching him in a tight embrace around the middle. He stopped abruptly, almost falling forward and tripping over her from his pace. "Please, Tyler, don't." she pleaded tenatively. Her voice was somehow calm and level, undoubtedly defying how she felt.
Tyler was frozen in shock, arms raised slightly to allow hers to come around him and mouth hanging open a ways. After everything that had happened last night, this was the last place he'd expect her to go. As his confusion died down, he came to his senses, gingerly leaning one shoulder downward to slide off the bag from his back and catch her up in his own arms. "Ana…Ana, it's okay, really, it is…" he assured gently.
"I don't want you to do this. I don't know if I'm being careful or paranoid or stupid…or selfish…" she said, words muffled into his chest as her arms clutched and relaxed against him in a breif hug. She hadn't exactly planned this out…she just had to convince him somehow. She'd maybe would've pushed him back, or shoved him, anything to make him stop and just fucking listen to her for a change, but now that his arms were on her…it was somehow different. "I don't know, but it feels wrong…"
"I'd…be sorta disappointed if you weren't concerned…you know?" he said. "I mean you don't know how much it means that…that you care."
"Of course I care, damn it I didn't-" She said roughly as she gripped his shirt hard, about to say something else (probably rather bitter considering the rising anger in her voice) but stopping herslef.
"I'll be okay Ana, I promise. I-I promise nothing will happen." He said, making a valiant attempt to convince her of something he himself was not sure of. He hoped he was doing a good enough job, but he wasn't always as poetic as he needed to be.
"I just…you don't know…you don't know what they'll…" she stumbled over her words, unable to find a way to explain her reasons.
"I can take care of myself. It's what I'm best at." He insisted.
"This whole idea, it's…well fuck it, this whole situation is awful."
Tyler gave a small half-smile. "I know."
"Every time we try to better ourselves, every time we find a way to make the best out of our surroundings, it turns out we didn't plan it well enough o-or we didn't follow the plan or just some plain shit luck!"
"I know." He repeated.
"Well damn it, what am I supposed to do? I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to go through this again…"
"I know…"
She pulled back out of his arms with no resistance, keeping her hands fisted in his shirt. "…And I've fucking lost it…" she said with a snort, her chest dropping with an angry breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She was fed up with both the circumstances and herself, wondering how it had come to this. Was she experiencing the break down she'd feared so much? She'd come out here to talk some sense into him, not to pour her heart out. "I used to be able to handle anything." She said shamefully.
"You can." He said in a stern but caring tone. One hand still rested on her arm, a small extension of affection but notable all the same. "Ana, just because you know what you have to do doesn't mean you have to like it. Yeah, you do it anyway, but you still don't have to like it."
"You're supposed to deal with it regardless. I feel…" her cheeks flushed and she cast her eyes down, shoulders lowering in self-disgust. "Like I can't do this anymore. Tyler, I've never felt that way."
"Then you're still one up on the rest of us. I thought everyone'd felt that way at least once."
"Not me." She disagreed. "Maybe it's that I'm confident, or arrogant, or whatever, but…but if I lose one more of us…I can't, I just won't make it. I'm at the end of my rope."
"I'm not a liar. I…I promised you that I'd come back. And if… you trust me at anything, trust me at that." He awkwardly pulled her into another quick hug and parted from her, scooping up the bag and moving around her. As he walked, he stopped and turned to look back.
"Tyler-" she tried one last time, turning towards him. But that was it. There was nothing more to do. She gazed upon him with a distant acceptance, but a wallowing dismay, not stopping him again, but clearly wishing he would reconsider. She said that this plan had felt wrong, and she meant it. But when it came down to it…she had no other option to offer in its stead. "It's not you I don't trust…" were the words she chose, but moments later she would want them back in trade for something a little more heartfelt.
Tyler nodded lightly and turned, taking one last glance at her over his shoulder. "Ana…you're in charge of 'Tyler' 'til I get back, okay?" he meant for it to sound joking, to sound uplifting. He couldn't bring himself to smile or to even say the words without discomfort and uneasy jitters in his voice.
"Y…Yeah…" she agreed, lifting a hand hesitantly as he walked off.
---
"Did you see Ana?" Terry asked in concern, looking over Tyler's shoulder anxiously as he approached.
"Uh, yeah…Yeah, she should be right up." He nodded somberly.
"Well whenever you're ready, pal." Terry idly shoved his hands into his pockets, letting out a deep sigh without realizing it.
"I'm ready when you are." He said as he studied Terry for a moment.
"There was just something I-I wanted to say to you. I guess." Terry looked up and appeared as though he were about to say something, but first looking over his shoulder at Kenneth and Nicole. Kenneth seemed to be in one of those rare gentle moments as he spoke to Nicole, possibly assuring her.
"What's up?" Tyler couldn't help but feel detatched. He could feel his anxiety gathering in the pit of his stomach and his hands shaking, but part of him was letting go of all that. Maybe it was just a dose of numbness to make dealing with this easier.
"Just that I…we all appriciate what you're willing to do. Really." He furrowed his brow and paused.
"I know…Thanks." Tyler made a move to walk past him, but Terry held up a hand.
"Look man, I know what happened out there wasn't your fault."
Tyler stopped.
"I mean it couldn't've been. We just over-reacted…you know that, right?" he shifted in his stance and let his shoulders fall.
Tyler hesitated for a moment in surprise. "…Uh, I…"
Terry reached out a hand to touch Tyler's shoulder breifly. "You're a good guy. We all know that. And look, even if it's a good idea or…whatever…you seriously don't have to do this. Ana's right, in a sense, I mean we don't know for sure. We don't want you to get hurt any more than we want one of us…well one of the rest of us to get hurt."
Tyler knew Terry was sincere…even if he wasn't so sure if the others felt the same. It was good to know at least this much, though. "Don't worry. Believe me, if one of those bastards even looks at me funny I'm running like hell." He smiled weakly and ran a thumb over his beard.
Terry grinned tiredly and shook his head, looking back towards the rest of the group.
He heard Terry greeting Ana softly over his shoulder as he walked by, but he didn't make a move to turn. He wasn't so sure he wanted to see her right now. After all, she might be the one to see that he actually was scared. Horrified, really. She was the last person he wanted to see that at the moment. He continued to walk towards the edge of the beach clearing where the path to the resort eventually started, unable to bring himself to look at Nicole and barely able to hold even a glance with Kenneth. He knew Ana and Terry were coming up behind him as he stopped.
"Okay. Come you guys." Said Kenneth as he stood, giving Nicole a gruff pat on the back. "Tyler, we'll follow you up until about where those tire tracks started. It's far enough from the resort grounds so that those things shouldn't be able to tell we're there."
Tyler only gave a mute nod and followed Kenneth with his head low, nervous about being in the midsts of the group all over again.
None of them shared a single word or glance to one another on the walk, and as far as their fellows were aware, they didn't share a single thought over each other either. It was just a long stretch of the same uncomfortable silence that had haunted them since the very beginning. All the frustrations and displeasures just boiling at the surface but no reason and no place to express them. So much so that by the time they came to their decided destination, (a semi-clearing in tree density where they could at least all face each other) cautious and observing as they were, they were all at the end of their nerves and just below the verge of showing it. Tyler threw out his chest readily and readjusted the bag's strap around his shoulder, clearing his throat and peering through the trees in a vague attempt to recall the right way.
"You remember where to go from here?" Kenneth looked down at him.
"Just follow the tracks, right?" he dared to take a glance around at his companions.
He suddenly felt Kenneth's hand clamped down on his shoulder, something that almost pushed him over but was the only thing holding him up at the same time. The hand was still an amiable gesture, an unconscious atonement for any discomfort he may have been the cause for Tyler to feel."In and out, you got it? Don't take longer than an hour. Go for the guns first and if any of those fuckers get near you…you run back here. And if you don't come back…"
Tyler nodded with a smirk, about to turn.
"Then we're going up there to get you."
He froze, eyes slightly widening as he gazed straight up at Kenneth, mouth opening in a grasp for words. A question, he was sure. But what question he didn't know.
"So you'd better fucking come back." With that, Kenneth released him and stepped away, apparently preferring not to watch him go, or at least make it look like it was no big deal.
Tyler waited for just a moment longer to sort his head before he nodded again. "…I will." He almost accidentally met Ana's eyes as he said it, then quickly disappeared.