A Stupid Worthless Boy
A/N: I don't know how, but people always end up having psychological breakdowns in my story. Sorry.
Chapter 5: Under the Covers, I'm Okay
Disclaimer: Many references to the song "Counting Stars" by Sugarcult. (The chapter title is lyrics from the song) Degrassi is owned by CTV and Epitome and all that.
Paige felt limp in Spinner's arms. "Thank God Hazel found you," he explained as he ran as fast as he could with a "broken" Paige. "How long were you out there?"
Paige's eyes darted nervously around the hallway. "Where are we?" she managed. It seemed like a dream. A very, very bad dream, but she still couldn't seem to wake herself.
"School, Paige, come on! Get with it."
Paige glanced over Spinner's shoulder and saw Hazel a few yards back. "Haze," she tried to yell, but it ended up a whisper.
"What is it, sweetie?" Hazel said, trying her hardest to keep up with the running Spinner.
"I saw Dean."
"Dean? Was he here? Where was he? Are you sure?"
Paige managed to nod. "He was..."
"Hazel, please!" Spinner interrupted. "She needs to save her strength."
"You're right, Spin. Paige, it's okay, we're here."
"You guys are my best friends," she said drowsily. She tilted her head against Spinner's shoulder, and her body gave in to sleep.
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"Emma, are you alright? Snake said you left early today," Spike called down the stairs to her daughter's room.
"I'm fine, mom. Just a little upset stomach!" Emma called back.
"Alright, well, will you be up for dinner?"
"No, I think I'm just going to go back to sleep."
Spike sighed audibly. "Good night then," she said almost in a murmur.
Emma threw off the covers that she had added for effect in case her mom had come downstairs. She flopped her hair into a messy ponytail and quickly put on an old pair of jeans. She glanced at her appearance in the mirror and flinched. "I'm just leaving for a few minutes, it doesn't matter what I look like," she said aloud to her reflection.
She went to her window and crawled out, ignoring the fact that she was just getting herself even more dirty. She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other in no real semblance of direction. She knew if she continued on the road much longer, she would be by the school or, even worse, the Dot. She was just about to turn down a side street when she heard someone calling her name. Her head shot up to see who it was.
"Hey, um, Hazel," Emma said wearily. Hazel quickly fell in step with Emma, even though she had been traveling in an opposite direction.
"How are you? I barely see you in school anymore."
Emma raised her eyebrows. Anymore? At what point were her and Hazel Aden friends? She decided to let it slide, though. "I'm fine. I have a lot going on, so I took a walk to clear my head. What about you?"
Hazel seemed please to be asked this question. "Ohmigod, it was so horrible! I hadn't seen Paige since, like, fourth period, and I started to worry, but I just thought she got sick, ya know? But I'm walking outside, past all the trees in the courtyard, and there's Paige, lying in some dirt, totally passed out! So I freaked and found Spinner, and he ran her all the way to the nurse's office. Turns out, she leaves at 2, so then we had to call an ambulance to come get her! Emma it was so horrible! But here's the worst part- guess why she passed out!"
"I have no idea," Emma said truthfully.
"She saw Dean!" Emma's face began to flush. "We have absolutely no idea why he was at Degrassi! She just said that she saw Dean, and it must've triggered some horrible memory. Oh, Em," Hazel finished, half leaning on Emma for support.
Emma was still confused as to why Hazel was all of the sudden her best friend, but she decided to ignore it. Paige saw them. She must've seen Emma, too. Her secret was out. And, worst of all, it caused Paige to have some sort of nervous breakdown. She hung her head in defeat.
However, she realized, if Snake found out about her secret tomorrow, tonight might be her last night of freedom. She needed to ditch Hazel. "Ow!" Emma said, quickly grabbing her stomach. "Hazel- I know this is horrible timing, but I'm just getting the worst cramps. They were so bad earlier, I had to leave school. I'm sorry, but I better get home. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Oh, ok hon! I'm sorry. I'll bring you some Midol tomorrow," she said with a wink. Emma turned and started walking in the direction of her house, all the while plotting where the nearest bus station was.
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Dean laid back on his bed, letting the music flow over him. "Hey/I want to crawl out of my skin/Apologize for all my sins/All the things I should've said to you..." He heard a knock at his door and grudgingly went to it.
He looked through the eye piece, and then immediately flung the door open. "Emma!" he said, taking her in with a swipe of his arm. She pocketed the piece of paper he had given her earlier of the address of his dorm. "Have you been crying?" he asked, swiping the last tear she had forgotten to brush away herself.
"No," she said with the total look of a liar written all over her face in red splotches. "I mean, maybe."
"What's wrong?" Dean asked, grabbing her hand.
"This may be the last time I ever get to see you," she said with a sob.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, Paige saw you. I think she saw me, too. If she did, she'll tell everyone, including my dad, and I'll be grounded and never, ever allowed to talk to you again."
"Oh," he whispered. "Paige saw me?"
"Yea," she said, sitting next to him on the bed. "What if this is it? I don't want this to be it."
He gathered her into his arms. "This isn't it. I promise."
"I wish I could believe you, but... everything's just going haywire."
He didn't know what to say. As much as he hated it, a part of him knew she was totally right. "Em, when I'm with you, I get this totally amazing feeling, like fucking love running through my veins, as corny as that sounds. I would never let anyone take that away. We'll manage. Please don't cry."
"There's one more thing," she said looking up at him. "My parents don't know I'm gone, and I was wondering, well, if you wanted, I could spend the night here."
"Emma," he said looking down at her. "Yes. Yes, of course. But if you don't want to do anything, I totally understand. Sex has a tendency to screw up relationships, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me or anything."
She cocked her head to the side for a second. "No, Dean, if this is the last night I might be spending with you, that's exactly what I want to do."
He laid back on his bed, and she curled up next to him. He restarted the music on low so they wouldn't sit in silence. "Hey/I'll take this day by day by day/Under the covers, I'm okay, I guess/Life's too short and I feel small/Counting stars wishing I was okay/Crashing down was my biggest mistake/I never ever meant to hurt you/I only did what I had to do/Counting stars again..."