Disclaimer: I do not own Harry, oh how I wish I did and I could have my way with him and so many other ickle characters. Alas, I am poor and pathetically obsessed with the world of Harry Potter so I only can write about him.
Note to reviewer He Who Hunts: I have no problem explaining my interpretations of canon here. We know that Dumbledore could not have been in any way involved in the casting of the Fidelius charm that the Potters used because if he had been, he would have known that Sirius was not the Secret Keeper and would not have given testimony that he had been. As to Dumbledore being the founder of the Order, we only have Hermione's word as hearsay on that. At the time the kids were being told nothing and had to overhear anything they knew and I still think it is possible that Dumbledore may have brought together the Order when Voldemort first arose to power and been regarded as the founder, but I think it is plausible that the Order has much more ancient roots. Besides, this will be a foundation of my main plot. Thanks for the review!
Chapter 6. Who are you and what have you done to my aunt?
Harry laid down the book, Defensive Magic to Avoid Death and pushed his glasses up onto his forehead in order to rub his eyes. It was nearly one o'clock in the morning and Harry had been lying on his stomach on his bed reading since after dinner. Dinner had recently become one of the better meals at Number Four as Uncle Vernon had taken to grumbling in the mornings about working with incompetent morons and that since he was the only one who knew what he was doing at Grunnings, he would be needing to stay late at work. Harry found this quite all right with him as the absence of his uncle seemed directly related to the amount of tension felt in the Dursley residence.
Aunt Petunia was back to her usual horsey self with Vernon gone and seemed to want to convince her Dinky-Duddydums to spend more time at home with her and to persuade him that he would look so much nicer if he would just let her take him shopping. Dudley had somehow accomplished the enormous feat of locating clothes that were actually baggy on him and seemed to think that the baggier--the better. Harry severely hoped he would not ever have to resort to these current small circus tents for his own attire. Dudley, however, seemed well entrenched in his teenage rebellion stage and exercised his new found abilities of independent thought by choosing to ignore his parents completely. Harry found this rather amusing as ignoring his Aunt and Uncle had long been his own favorite coping strategy. Tonight, Aunt Petunia had become so desperate for something to mother that she actual looked at Harry and stated that he very surely needed a haircut. Harry immediately resented Dudley for doing the only useful thing he had ever done-- divert scrutiny away from Harry. The subject was quickly dropped however, when Aunt Petunia inquired when the last time Harry had his haircut and he answered, "You ought to know as you took me; I must have been about ten."
Harry thought he should probably turn in for the night as he was expected around ten o'clock at Mrs. Figg's. When Harry and Professor Dumbledore were concluding their visit two days ago, Dumbledore, Lupin, and Mrs. Figg had arranged a schedule of varying times for which Harry was expected at Mrs. Figg's. Harry was told he might encounter other members of the Order visiting at these times as well. Just today, Mad-Eye Moody had showed up before Harry was about to leave to inform him that Moody would meet him on Saturday to instruct Harry with basic wand care and use. As it was "something every lad should know and few do" and also because actually doing magic would not be necessary. Harry thought this all sounded quite dull and boring and was not eager to be forced to endure tales of wizards who lost their buttocks all while trying not to get motion sickness from that magical, whizzing eye.
The next day, Harry was awakened early in the morning by his aunt for the first time all summer with a sharp rapping on the door, "Up! I have plans for us today!" Harry had to pinch himself twice to make sure he was in the right room and that he wasn't dreaming. He even briefly wondered whether it was a vision sent to him by Voldemort to confuse him or make him think he was going mad.
"I'm up," Harry groaned as he struggled out of bed and to the door blearily rubbing his eyes. "What do you mean by 'plans'?"
Aunt Petunia was standing there in the hallway looking rather calculating with her arms crossed, "I mean that I have a proposition for you." Her eyes had narrowed and Harry suspected his had as well as he was quite certain this definitely must be some concoction of Voldemort's--torture by having to associate with his relatives. "You will agree to get a haircut--and I mean agree-- not making it grow back a or anything like that. You agree to let them make your hair look like it is not a rat nest-- and I--I will take you shopping."
Definitely a dream. Harry turned around and was proceeding to go back to sleep, figuring this was indeed not reality.
"Where are you going? Do you agree??" Aunt Petunia had taken a few steps into the room, sniffed and scrunched up her nose at seeing Defensive Magic to Avoid Death lying upside down on the floor next to the bed and went on after Harry had put on his glasses, "You could use some newer clothes, couldn't you?"
"Who are you?" Harry could not quite believe that this was his aunt. Nope.
"Listen--" she dropped all pretense, "I am sick to death of my Dudley looking more like a hooligan than even you and there is only one sure way to get him to want to go shopping with me so I can get him properly outfitted." Her head was held up high as if she were quite proud of her cleverness, "You know very well, that if he sees you've got new things, then he will want some as well."
Harry thought she just might have been sorted into Slytherin if she were a witch. "You're going to get me clothes. New things? That fit me?" She nodded sharply. "And all I have to do get my hair cut." This still sounded quite odd and perhaps his mind was still partially asleep but he was beginning to think he might just be catching a break here!
"Not just a haircut--you must agree-- will you?" Harry could not believe her eyes could be so narrowed and still allow her to see.
"I can't help what--"
"Don't be ridiculous! My sister used to complain that she would try to tame that same hair on your father and he made it grow back just to rile her! I know you do it on purpose!"
Harry was again shocked by the very un-Petunia-like way this conversation was going. Mentioning my Mum and Dad!? Could this be a Death Eater in disguise trying to lure me away? This is just too…weird.
"Well?!?" She was tapping her foot and her eyes were wide open now.
"Fine." Harry wasn't about to let an opportunity to see what this trip had in store.
"Go eat breakfast; I'm not buying you lunch. We leave in an hour." She was halfway out the door and down the hall leaving Harry to realize he might just want to make sure to get some new boxer shorts as his had far too close a resemblance to those awful things he saw Snape wear. I think I need post-Occlumency therapy, he thought as he made his way to a quick shower.
They spent an hour at a walk-in barbershop where the girl cutting his hair kept cooing at what a lovely shade of green Harry's eyes were. When she was finished Aunt Petunia walked around Harry in the chair and sniffed, "And it will stay that way?" He nodded agreeably as he thought it actually did not look too bad and it sure seemed to make it less obvious how his hair would never lie flat. Then there was two hours of being dragged around and dressed up by his aunt and a shop lady who had given him a strange look when she must have felt through his shirt what was his wand that had been stuck in his front pocket (He hated to think of the lecture Moody would give him for this storage location). It was only after Harry had spent an additional two hours trailing doggedly behind his aunt as she had splurged on a spree for herself and they were finally driving home that he realized that is was the afternoon and he had completely missed his time to be at Mrs. Figg's.
When they got home and Harry had dropped off his new things (all off the sale rack but they fit and hadn't ever had to stretch around Dudley) and made to head out the door to apologize to Mrs. Figg for missing their date his aunt stopped him, "Where are you going?"
"Er, Mrs. Figg's. I was supposed to visit this morning but seeing as how--"
"No--I bought you those things so Dudley would see them and want me to take him shopping! You stay here so he can see you when he gets home. Now go up and change and then come back down here so he will see you!"
Harry really did not see the point in rushing as Dudley was rarely at home but he knew he should be grateful for what he had got out of the deal.
His aunt was nearly ready to put dinner on the table, despite only her and Harry being home when the doorbell rang. "Go get that."
Harry opened the door to see Lupin, Tonks (spiky black hair with fluorescent green tips), Mundungus Fletcher (Do I smell firewhiskey?) and the eldest Weasely--(dragon-hide boots, fang-earring and all) Bill. "Er…hi?" Nearly everyone at the door had narrowed their eyes and cocked their heads as they surveyed a not-quite-as-untidy-hair and new-clothes Harry.
Tonks was the first to recover, "Been kidnapped lately there, Harry? I see it looks like they at least took good care of you."
"Did you forget you were supposed meet this morning?" Lupin questioned.
"Who is it?" Aunt Petunia called as she came through the kitchen door and Harry turned to look at her, "Dudders? Is that--"
"Hello Petunia." Harry's head snapped back as Lupin greeted his aunt and then whipped back again to Aunt Petunia as the bowl of roast potatoes crashed to the floor in her shock. Harry heard Mundungus let out a moderate belch and then got a whiff that confirmed the man had indeed, recently imbibed some firewhiskey.
Lupin nudged slack-jawed Harry to the side so they could all stop standing on the front step and enter the house and Tonks stepped forward to wave her wand and the potatoes flew back into the bowl which then soared up to hover in front of a livid Aunt Petunia. "What in the name of decency are you people doing here?!?!" If Harry was still in any doubt that this person who had taken his shopping and been almost decent to him that day was indeed his aunt, he surely wasn't in doubt anymore.
Lupin acted like this was to be expected, "Harry, Mrs. Figg never saw you today. You were nowhere in the neighborhood and the house has been empty nearly all day--"
"I'm sorry-- we were out-- I didn't know I'd be going anywhere--" Stupid sinking feeling in his gut-- he had finally got to be treated like somewhat of an adult and then he messes it up. "I…" he looked down unable look at all these people sent to check up on him, "My aunt offered to take me into town shopping today--I didn't realize it would be for half the day--we left when I was half asleep…"
"I am allowed to put clothes on his back, aren't I?!? You can't expect me to have him hanging around looking like FILTH! The neighbors talk enough as it is-- not that you lot turning up here will help!" Aunt Petunia was spitting into the still hovering bowl of roast potatoes as she spoke, "How did you know he missed meeting Mrs. Figg? You!! You're watching the house?!? "
The door to the kitchen opened again, "Where is every--" Dudley dropped the drumstick he had up to his mouth as he saw a grouping of wizards and began to choke on his breath.
"Dudders!! Stay in the kitchen!" Petunia whipped around and pointed for him to leave.
"But--Dad--where's--"
"GO!! NOW!!" She snapped back around to glare at the group assembled in the front hall and spoke in a snarling voice, "I was under the impression that as long as he wasn't 'mistreated', I wouldn't have to see any of you!"
"No! It's my fault, Aunt Petunia -- I was supposed to check in this morning and I forgot all about it!" Harry was hoping that he was not going to be expected to eat the spit-covered potatoes after this was all over.
Aunt Petunia turned to Harry and glared hard at him, "Get rid of them before your uncle comes home!" then grabbed the bowl of potatoes, turned on her heel and stormed back in to the kitchen.
"She's pleasant." said Tonks conversationally.
Bill piped in, "No wonder you find the quiet calamity of the Burrow a relief."
Harry looked from face to face, "Sorry--I just. She has never--never--offered to take me anywhere. I was dumbstruck--I mean--" he gave a short laugh, "I never would have thought…I am sorry I forgot and made you all worry." and finished looking contrite.
"It's alright, Harry." Tonks said brightly, "I was hoping for a chance to drop by and show them we meant what we said about checking up on you."
Lupin smiled at this and then asked, "So, how did you manage to get her to take you shopping?"
Harry relaxed and grinned at this, "Oh, she wanted to make Dudley jealous so he would spend more time with her. And she used it to bribe me to get my hair cut. Quite Slytherin-like, she is."
Mundungus snorted at this and Tonks commented, "Well, I think you look rather fetching." with a wink that made Mundungus and Bill snicker.
A smiling Lupin said, "Well, we wanted to give you one piece of good news: Dumbledore convinced Fudge to grant a temporary lift on the ban on underage magic for all students who have earned a passing O.W.L. score in the three magical courses. Scores should be out next week and as long as you earned a passing score--which we aren't worried you did--in Charms, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, you are free to do magic!" Harry was grinning full out now. "So next week, you should expect to not just be visiting at Arabella's but training. We'll work out a schedule of who will teach you what and when--"
Tonks broke in, "I'll be helping too! I'm still on paid leave with the Ministry through next week--they were so gracious that I had been 'so on top of things' that I had been able to help with the Death Eaters who broke in that night and then when I got hurt--well, I've received hazard compensation and a promotion!" Harry's face had fell at hearing about that night. "But...I'm sure you don't want to hear…"
"Mum will be relieved to know you're being treated better here." Bill recovered quickly, "She was in a right state when I had to call her on the Floo to say I wouldn't be home right away because you'd missed your check in visit. Although, I think Ron was hoping that something might have happened that made it unsafe for you to remain here so you could join him at the Burrow."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Really." The thought of the Burrow and the usual rancor that reigned there was not someplace Harry felt he could handle just now.
"Well, we should get moving then. Tomorrow at four, right?" Harry nodded to Lupin. "I'll see you there tomorrow then. Take care, Harry."
"Thank you, Professor."
"Remus--call me Remus. I haven't been your professor for over two years."
"Yes, thank you all."
"Goodnight Harry!" called Bill.
"See ya 'round." slurred an unsteady Mundungus.
"Catch you later, Hot Stuff!" as Tonks threw Harry one last overly flirtatious wink. She paused and leaned back through the doorway to whisper conspiratorially, "And make sure you don't go losing a buttock now, they make a charming little pair."
After staring dumbly at the closed door for a few moments, Harry decided this day just could not possibly get any stranger. He went upstairs thinking it was still quite likely that he might be waking up to find it was all a dream.