Chapter 10. Meetings of the Minds
The next day, Harry slept in and was quite sore when he finally awoke and stumbled down to the kitchen to grab some food. He was amazed that he was still enjoying a rather calm Dursleys residence. Dudley had still never noticed nor mentioned Harry having got new clothes. Harry figured if Dudley were to ever get a clue, it would have to hitch a ride atop a scone to get into Dudley's head.
Harry came back to his room, still working on an apple and plopped down into his desk chair and rummaged to pull out parchment, ink and quill to write a reply to Ron. Hedwig hooted softly from her cage and looked at Harry with one eye opened a crack, as if to say, "You do know I am supposed to sleep during the day?" Harry just turned up one side of his mouth in acknowledgement and went to writing.
Ron,
I am glad to hear you did well in DADA. A few others have written me to say they also did well. I really hope no one tries to give you-know-who (the other one) credit! I haven't let on to the muggles yet that I am allowed to do it, but it's nice to imagine telling them—or showing them. They have actually been quite un-Dursley-ish this summer: a very good thing. Why are all of you there and not where you were last summer?
How are the twins and their joke shop? Is your mum still upset? Sorry about Percy. Not really—he is a git. Why are you worried about Ginny? Dean is a perfectly nice guy and I do not recall anyone ever saying anything otherwise. Well, I will write a note to Ginny, but only because you have me worried that our only two competent returning quidditch players are not practicing at all when they very well should be. If I could be out flying anytime I wanted, you'd have to drag me in to go to sleep at night.
Oh, the classes I elected were: Transfiguration, Charms, DADA, CoMC, and Potions. Yes—Potions!! If you think you're surprised, imagine how Snape will feel!! McGonagall recommended it in my Career Advice counseling and I actually managed to qualify for it so I figured I might as well try to annoy Snape for a full 7 years. I am not sure what Hermione all has but I am sure she will at least be in my same classes and whatever else she can't help but take.
Sorry I've been so busy and didn't have time to write you sooner. Speaking of which, I really should hurry up now. Get on your broom and practice!
Harry
Harry had a few more minutes before he was to meet Professor Dumbledore at Mrs. Figg's. He quickly shuffled to a new piece of parchment (nearly the last one he had) and scribbled off a note to Ginny.
Ginny,
Ron's bored and complaining that you aren't keeping him amused sufficiently. Just ask him occasionally what he thinks about the Cannons this year. That should occupy him for a few hours.
Harry paused here and was having the same thoughts he had when writing Hermione for the first time this summer: that he wanted to apologize and thank Ginny for being with him at the Department of Mysteries. But, Harry figured her answer would be the same as Hermione's. If anything, he'd do it in person.
Don't listen to Ron about Dean. He is just being an overprotective brother. He wanted me to write to tell you that Dean is all wrong for you, but first off, there is nothing wrong with Dean and secondly, I have no idea who would be right for you. So you should just ignore Ron and do whatever you want. Like you need me to tell you that—you are a Weasley!
Oh, but, I can say, I think you and Ron should take advantage of being together and being able to go flying and be practicing quidditch every day. If I can't play, then I better at least be able to watch Gryffindor win. No go practice!!!
Harry
Harry rolled up the letters, sealed them and laid them on his desk with a look to Hedwig who had her back to him. He figured he would send them off later when she wasn't in such a fowl mood.
Harry arrived at Mrs. Figg's house to find her and Professor Dumbledore chatting away in the parlor. Mrs. Figg jumped up and bustled about to shove Harry into a chair in front of a full plate of biscuits and sandwiches. For someone who hadn't seemed to care about him as more than someone to bore to death with stories of her cats, Harry was amazed at the fervor with which the woman was constantly putting food in front of him. Not that he ever complained. She never really cooked much except for some breakfast foods but she did know how to make excellent sandwiches and often brewed the most delightful pot of Kenilworth Ceylon Tea.
"Hello Harry. How are you?" It was amazing how this same question from so many other people, could illicit little more than an 'Fine' from Harry, but now, from Dumbledore, a million thoughts rushed into Harry's mind.
Dumbledore likely sensed this and asked a more specific question, "Harry, I've been wondering, have you been any having any significant dreams lately? Recurring ones perhaps?"
Ah, so Lupin apparently didn't buy my story yesterday. Harry looked down for a moment and wondered best how to phrase his recollection of his persisting dreams.
"Harry, it may help to remind you that since we will be practicing Occlumency together, I will likely see anything you would want to hide form me."
"Oh no sir, I was just wondering how best to describe them. They are all the same, more or less." Harry took a deep breath, looked at Dumbledore and went on, "In the room with the veil, at the Ministry. When I first saw the veil, I thought I could voices from it or behind it…or something. It was…intriguing. Almost, well…enchanting or…mesmerizing. Well, that's what I dream of. The veil. The voices. Always the voices." Dumbledore was peering intently over his half-moon glasses at Harry. "I'm not, I mean I won't be fooled. I know it could be Voldemort, trying to...well, plotting something no doubt. But, on the other hand, the dreams aren't really disturbing all that much as they were a few weeks ago."
"How so Harry?"
Harry hadn't really thought about it but it was true that at first the dreams would renew the guilt he felt for causing Sirius's death. He spoke slowly, "Before, the dreams made me feel guilty. I used to dream I could hear Sirius's voice begging to get back to help me. Now, sometimes, one of the voices sounds more like Sirius telling me not to feel guilty and to live on.
Dumbledore was still silent and contemplatively leaning back now and stroking his beard.
"Do you think it is Voldemort, sir?"
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and gave a soft smile, "I can't be sure, but if it is, I am sure his intention was not to comfort you.
"The only motive I can think of for Voldemort to cause you to dream of the veil and Sirius is to try to lure you to investigate the veil. The veil, I am quite sorry to say with complete certainty, is a one-way portal—to the afterlife.
"Before the Ministry employed the use of Dementors and would sentence the most extreme criminals to the Dementor's Kiss, they would, instead, be sentenced to walk Beyond the Veil. The veil's mysterious voices have long been debated. Not everyone, it seems can hear them, and of those that do, each seems to hear different voices or perhaps even only a single voice. But there has never been a record of actually communicating with these voices or discerning their words. Many have said, Harry, as you have, that the voices were soothing or comforting, though. It is most--mysterious--as you would expect anything in that particular department to be.
"Now, you'll be sure to let me now if there are any new developments with your dreams or hearing the voices, yes?" Dumbledore had Harry skewered on one of his piercing gazes again.
A feeble voice in the back of Harry's mind wondered if he ought to mention that he might be hearing the voices when he was awake but a much stronger voice echoed in his memory of being told, "Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good thing." Harry just nodded and didn't say a word.
Dumbledore smiled and said, "Good. Now then, let's head out back and get down to business." Harry and Dumbledore then headed out to Mrs. Figg's backyard and crossed it to the enchanted potting shed.
"Now Harry, I know of all the books I sent to you, the least exciting would be the one on Occlumency and Legilimency, but I will still ask, have you had a chance to read this book?"
Harry felt a slight twinge of sheepishness as he had indeed chosen to read the more exciting books with all sorts of spells and defenses over this book up until the previous night when he figured he ought to finally crack it open. "Well, I actually was looking over it last night." Unfortunately, the book was so dull and verbose that Harry fell asleep using the pages as a pillow after a mere half-hour. "But it was rather…er…complex." Harry was thinking that perhaps the book worked by boring the readers into being so mind-numb that their brains emptied of all thought and they were thereby, masters of Occlumency.
"Yes, I am afraid that it is the only available book on the subject. There are few who are familiar with the art and fewer still that would help others to learn of it. That particular book is quite scientifically aimed and isn't much for teaching as it is for explaining and theorizing."
Dumbledore was walking around the inside of the shed now and seemed pleased enough. He turned to Harry and said, "Well, let's begin and see what you have learned from working with Professor Snape, shall we?"
Harry drew out his wand and was preparing himself for an onslaught as he had endured with Snape. Instead, Dumbledore asked, "Now what questions was Professor Snape probing for, do you know?"
Harry had no clue what this meant and was sure he looked bewildered as he shook his head, "I dunno, sir."
"Do you understand the questing process?"
Again, bewilderment and a shaking head, "Uh, no?"
Dumbledore looked slightly disappointed for a mere moment but recovered and then explained, "To Legilimence is to quest for memories, images, and feelings specific to a particular emotion or desire. It would be a confusing jumble to just ask for all the thoughts in one's mind. Rather, questions are posed to pull forth memories and feelings relevant to a particular emotion, such as love, joy, triumph, anger, shame--the list is endless.
"The memories and images your mind may provide alone are not often useful, unless they can be interpreted as meaningful.
"For instance, Voldemort, if he had the opportunity, may want to discern from you for whom you care about a great deal in the hopes of using this information against you. He would Legilimence for love and affection then. Or, perhaps, he would wish to humiliate and degrade you and then bring forth your memories associated with feelings of shame and embarrassment. Most likely of all though, is that he would simply want to know what it is you most wish for him to never to know and for this, he would seek out your thoughts and memories associated with secrecy."
Harry was dumbstruck that he hadn't realized that Snape wasn't just rooting through random memories but was seemingly going through Harry's worst memories. Perhaps they were all things he was ashamed about. Perhaps they were things Harry wouldn't have wanted to Snape to know. Life with the Dursleys, being bullied by Dudley and his gang, chased up a tree by Aunt Marge's stupid dog, Ripper, the sorting hat telling Harry he would do well in Slytherin, and Cho--moving towards him for a kiss--"Things I didn't want him to know. Professor Snape was searching most definitely for things I didn't want him to know." Harry was sure of it.
Dumbledore gave a small smile, "Yes. It may seem to have been cruel, Harry, but really, it is the most dangerous of questions to withstand. Not to mention, it also carries with it an innate motivation to learn to block the quest.
"Now, a key to blocking a quest is to be able to identify what it is being sought. Of course, after a full-out Legilimency attack has begun, it is often too late to prevent it completely, however, it will allow you to understand the nature of the quest. Anticipating the quest and its purpose is extremely important. You will learn to always block the thoughts of things you wish no one else to know but you will need some quick thinking and good intuition to be able to accurately and effectively anticipate, confirm, block and--eventually--deceive other particular quests.
"Let's begin with something simple. I will quest for thoughts that you associate with happiness or joy. You already will know for what I am going to probe. See if you can stop me from pulling forth these thoughts and seeing them. Stopping the probing is the first battle of Occlumency. The second is the part that may allow you to use Occlumency as your own powerful weapon. A Legilimencer will know if you simply block them and produce no memories for them to see. However, when you can control the process within your mind and then filter forth thoughts of your own volition, you may thus manipulate the Legilimencer and deceive them from the truth.
"Now, Harry without telling me, can you think of memories where you were happy? Those are what I will seek out in your mind to bring forth and see. You try to stop me. Are you ready to begin?"
Harry was actually beginning to think that the way Dumbledore explained it, Occlumency actually seemed possible; not that great intangible obstacle of trying to completely empty out his mind of all thought, like Snape had asked him to do. Harry nodded his assent.
"Legilimens!"
Harry was flying a victory lap after catching the snitch in a quidditch game in his first year…Cho Chang was running up to him in the hallway smiling at him, holding his hand and kissing him on the cheek…Harry and Sirius were walking back from the Shrieking Shack in the tunnel and Harry had just found out he would never have to live with the Dursley's again…Harry had just waved his wand for the first time at Ollivander's and red and gold sparks were flying out of it…his wand… he could feel his wand now in his hand…he focused on gripping his wand tighter and tried to see it in his hand….his wand…
"Good Harry! That was very good!" Dumbledore had his wand down now and was smiling at Harry. "Let me tell you all I could see from your thoughts. I saw you flying and holding the snitch after a game, walking hand in hand with a certain Ravenclaw, you and Sirius walking in a tunnel--likely from the Shrieking Shack to the Whomping Willow, then you getting your wand, and then you stopped me from probing further and only showed me an image of your wand. Do you know why it was you were able to stop me and focus on your wand?"
"I think…I thought or remembered that there was something I could do to stop you with my wand. I could stop your spell. I was able to stop Snape a few times by using my wand to stop him."
Dumbledore was nodding, "Yes, Professor Snape did say you showed a tendency to use magic of the wand and not mind to try to repel attacks. However, you will notice, this time, you did use your mind and never had to use your wand to stop me from probing further. You do not need to stop me from casting the spell so much as you need to stop me from probing your mind.
"Now you have fresh in your mind, memories of joy and happiness. What I want you to do next is to attempt to stop my probing and feed me one of those joyous memories instead of the ones I seek."
"What will you be seeking?"
Dumbledore looked at Harry for a moment and then said, "Let's say, physical pain; quite the opposite from happiness and joy. Let's see what you can do. Legilimens!"
Harry was screaming on the ground in the graveyard under the Cruciatus curse…Harry was seeing the newly reborn face of Voldemort and his scar felt as if his head would split in half…a bludger smashed into his outstretched hand during a quidditch game…needle-sharp pain searing through his scar as Quirrell held onto him…his right hand being carved into by a magical quill during detention as Umbridge smiled sadistically at him…Umbridge…Umbridge leering with the evil smile as his Firebolt was chained to a wall behind her…Firebolt…Flying about to catch the snitch in a quidditch game…a bludger smashing into his right hand as he had reached for the snitch….his right hand having 'I must not tell lies' etched onto its back and bleeding freely…Umbridge smiling sadistically…Umbridge being chased away from school by Peeves pelting her with a sock full of chalk and McGonagall's walking stick…
"Good. Of course, assuming, Professor Umbridge's leaving was not one that caused you physical pain?" Dumbledore had an odd look on his face of a wry smile but more tense.
"No sir, not at all." In fact, if Harry thought about, it was one of his finer memories in his recent past.
"It seemed, Harry, that I thought you might turn it around when you saw yourself reaching for the snitch. Unfortunately, you also have a memory of reaching for a snitch associated with great pain--when you broke your arm. I was able to regain a grip into your mind then. However, I think perhaps, your own anger at Professor Umbridge's treatment of you was battling for your thoughts against my probing. Your will to indulge in feeling anger was overcoming my will to probe. You were even able to seek out a happy memory--her leaving--associated with her then." Dumbledore had his hands behind his back and was looking at Harry appraisingly. "It is interesting, Harry, that your own will would be powerful enough on its own accord to go against my questing probe. It may not have been your intent to do as you did but your strength of emotion and willpower enabled your mind to follow its own thoughts. Interesting, indeed. It shows an incredible strength of will and mind." Dumbledore was smiling at Harry and his eyes were twinkling in a way that made Harry feel rather proud if himself. "You definitely have the power to master Occlumency in you."
"Now, as I said before, as the questions become more sensitive or 'probing' in nature, the more motivation you will have to prevent them from being pulled forth. Let's try something more…difficult. I believe your strength of willpower may enable you to excel at this more than blocking simple quests. Shall we see if I am right?"
Harry nodded but then asked, "For what will you probe?" He was starting to feel a slight trepidation and what thoughts would be brought forth next.
Dumbledore looked at him steadily for a moment and considered him before saying, "Let's say thoughts you don't wish to remember or perhaps, memories you fear; a very common Legilimency quest. Ready?" Harry steeled himself and nodded, "Legilimens!"
Cedric lay dead on the ground near the graveyard…he could see his Mum and Dad waving at him from the Mirror of Erised…Harry was yelling and shouting every hateful thought he had at Ron and Hermione on the night he arrived at Grimmauld Place…Harry was watching Sirius's stunned body arch and fall through the veil…Bellatrix Lestrange was taunting Harry as he flung himself from behind the fountain, pointed his wand at her and screamed 'Crucio!' making her fall to the ground and scream…
"NO!!" Harry was on his knees, gasping and trembling. "Stop…" A wave of all-consuming disgust and fear and horror was washing over him starting in the pit of his stomach and taking over his body. He was swimming in a sea of self-loathing and he kept hearing himself shouting the curse over and over. The shame and disgust was crawling out of his stomach and Harry vomited onto the ground in front of him and heaved for air as tears spilled from his eyes.
A hand was on each of his shoulders and he heard Dumbledore's voice in his ear, "Shhh now, Harry. Calm down. Stand up now and come over here." Dumbledore pulled out his wand and conjured up a sofa. Harry was still trembling and felt as if his body wanted to curl up into itself in shame as Dumbledore directed him over to sit on the sofa.
A/N: For my own easy access of chapter files from any computer, I've created a new yahoo group at the site posted on my bio page. The group name is "HP_AoF". I have posted (and will post future) chapter files to be available for download on this site.