Chapter 14. Sudden Occurrences
But it was too late now. He had gone and opened his big mouth and here he was standing in the middle of the practice hall with Hermione, Lupin, and Tonks gathered off by the wall as Harry was supposed to be concentrating in order to attempt his first apparition. He couldn't stop thinking about what a stupid thing it was to try to 'clear one's mind'. He was hoping to relax and just will himself to *appear* approximately five feet over. (Hopefully with all bodily parts intact.)
Concentrate… No--Focus… On what? …Disappearing…dissolving… He closed his eyes to better focus and in his mind's eye, he could still see the other three standing off against the wall, watching him eagerly. He could still see Hermione worrying her lower lip as she watched. He sent a surge of concentrated thought towards directing his magic towards himself and in willing himself to disapparate.
Suddenly, in his mind's eye he was right in front of Hermione. His eyes flew open as he heard a gasp from right in front of him.
He blinked a few times before realizing where he was now and as he focused on Hermione's astounded face, her dropped jaw and her eyes grew wide in disbelief.
"Well!" Lupin was smiling at Harry now with an impressed look, " I'd say that wasn't bad for a first time!"
Tonks turned on Lupin then and nearly shouted, "Wasn't bad?!? Wasn't bad???!!!! Are you mad??? That was excellent!! Did you hear him?? He barely made a pop!! And on the first try! That's incredible! " She looked at Harry now and shook her head, "You're a natural, Harry. Most wizards have to throw themselves into apparition at first and then have to learn how to control it and not cause excessive air displacement so they don't scare the jeepers out of people when they come and go.
"Only the best ever achieve soundless apparition-- it takes a great deal of power, discipline and usually practice. But I'd say, you could do it once you work it out. Wow." She was walking around Harry, checking that all parts were intact, and still shaking her head. "I mean, I don't think even I make less noise than you just did. Don't you think Remus?"
Lupin was nodding, "Yes. It is excellent. Actually, I was afraid you might have a bit of a snag getting the hang of it. I remember it took your mum over a week to finally get her first apparition when we were learned in our seventh year."
Harry cocked his head to the side and asked, "But what about my dad? Did he have any trouble?"
Lupin looked dubious and shook his head, "Oh no." He laughed, "We had all been messing around and apparating from our fifth year on whenever we left the grounds. Popping in and out of places in Hogsmead and then into the Forest if we had to make a run for it. Between knowing how to apparate, knowing all the secret entrances and the rest of them being able to transform, we managed to go just about everywhere and anywhere."
Lupin saw Hermione had turned towards him and was frowning at him so he quickly added, "But, that was of course wrong and reckless and…I definitely do not recommend it." He considered that for a second and then added, "But I was always the conservative one. Your father and Sirius would have for sure encouraged it."
At this, Hermione let out a gasp of shock and disapproval. Tonks was snickering and Harry had a smile.
"But again, not recommended. Nope, not at all. Definitely not a good idea." Lupin looked sheepish as he ended.
Harry decided to cut Hermione off before she could say something and asked, "Can I try it again? I think I was distracted thinking about you all watching me over here. I think I know what to do."
Harry had disapparated and apparated several different times now with increasing accuracy in his reappearance location. The last one he did was to apparate down to the far end of the hall, pick up a book off the fireplace mantle and disapparate with the book and reappear back by the others with the book. Tonks and Lupin were visibly enthusiastic with Harry's success. However, when Harry looked expectantly at Hermione and asked, "You ready to go next?" She seemed to shrink and suggested that perhaps they should break for lunch first.
Tonks chatted away excitedly to Harry as they all made they way down to the kitchens for lunch. "See, most people learn by doing this thing were you like, throw or jump into it. Kind of like a leap that makes you feel like the momentum your gathering to move physically will translate into the magical momentum to create the time and space displacement. It works; it's how I learned. I first got it by jumping up out of my chair and trying to avoid being nipped by a Venomous Tentacula. It took me two weeks into Auror training to break the need to jump into disapparition. It's one of the keys to passing Stealth and Tracking to master a standstill disapparition and, of course, it helps to have superb control to keep the sound displacement down, as well."
She continued chatting incessantly throughout lunch and Harry wondered when she had ever paused to take a bite to eat. "Remember how Fred and George were always cracking in and out about here last summer? Everyone could hear them come and go a room away! But they were always in a hurry, and oh, it is hard to not want to hurry up sometimes, but it's the discipline to control yourself and your magic that's key. I was real bad at that until I learned I was a Metamorphamagus; that really helped me to learn to control self-applied magic. But I bet you'll be great-- you're already better than I was when I first started.
"I've seen Dumbledore and he makes just barely the softest 'poof'--of course now, he is great. But, really Harry, you must have a fair amount of power to be able to do so well. Damn. We should work on apparating while dueling next-- I can't wait to see the look on Old Moody's face when you pull that one on him!!"
After lunch, Lupin suggested that Tonks and Harry go to work on their dueling and He would work with Hermione on her apparition. Harry had no time to reply as an overly enthusiastic Tonks yanked him up the stairs.
Harry and Tonks went back and forth all afternoon as she demonstrated how disapparition could be used in lieu of shielding or dodging spells. She explained the strategies of reappearing to gain a position of advantage and surprise over an opponent. Tonks also showed him what it felt to have an anti-apparition jinx placed on him. After she had demonstrated a few of these different things and Harry had tried them all to get a feel for them, they became engaged in a jinxing duel where they were usually trying o disapparate out of oncoming spells. They began to use a rotating combination of shields, dodges, and disapparition to avoid each other's jinxes.
The last duel ended with Harry finally besting Tonks by whispering, without her knowledge, the same anti-apparition jinx he had heard her say just hours before, and then sending an overly obvious Jelly Legs Jinx at her. When she saw the jinx head her way, she tried to disapparate out of the way but was held in place by the first jinx and hit straight on with the Jelly Legs. Harry then took advantage of her surprise, stunned her, bound her and summoned her wand.
He waited and watched her for a moment as he caught his breath and then revived her. He let her struggle for a moment and realize she was bound and wandless before she finally whined, "Damn, your stunners are getting stronger, I didn't even wake from that one. I need a rest--if you can beat me then I am obviously not at full strength." She smirked at him as she said this.
"Obviously." He replied as he waved away the conjured ropes and tossed her back her wand. They headed over to where Hermione and Lupin were sitting on the floor against a wall and had been watching the dueling.
Lupin smiled as they approached, "I think I need to call it a day: you two are exhausting just to watch."
Hermione had gotten up and was heading out the door as Tonks called after her to wait up and then caught up to her on her way out.
Harry watched them leave, girls, he thought. He looked back at Lupin and asked, "So? How'd she do?" He was figuring Hermione didn't want to show off her apparition skills until they were impeccably perfect.
* * * *
Harry had been more than a little shocked to hear Lupin say that Hermione had not been able to disapparate at all yet. Hermione was always been the first to do everything and he imagined she was feeling a little down about it.
He was in his room now had just finished polishing off McGonagall's essay for the next day. He looked over at the clock by the nightstand and saw it was after seven-thirty and no one had stopped by to grab him for dinner. He stretched, a little stiff from the extended workout with Tonks that afternoon, and after a brief glance out the enchanted window, headed out the room to go down to the kitchen.
He had stopped at Hermione's door and gave a soft knock, but moved on, grumbling, when he received no answer. His irritation that she went to dinner without him disappeared when he entered the kitchen to find only Lupin and Dobby. "Where is everyone else?" he asked as he pulled out a chair across from Lupin and sat down.
Dobby hovered a plate of food down in front of Harry as Lupin swallowed and then answered, "I think, that they said they would be having a girl's only chat and dinner in one of the rooms."
"Oh." Harry mumbled around a mouthful of chicken and ham pie.
After dinner, Harry returned to his room, grabbed his Charms assignment and some books to complete it and then headed down to the drawing room. He settled himself in front of the large fire on the floor and spread out the books before him. After only two days, he was really starting to like the New Grimmauld Place. It really did feel like a great big old version of Gryffindor Tower, but with several fewer people and considerably less noise.
Harry was just taking notes from Defensive Magic to Avoid Death describing the requirements for application and limitations of Disillusionment Charms when he heard someone plop down onto one of the sofas be side him.
He turned and looked up to see a grinning Hermione with a lapful of books, "Hi!" she said brightly.
Harry was wary, "Why are you grinning?"
Her grin only grew bigger, "Because, I am so pleased to see you studying. Speaking of which, what are you working on?"
"Charms. Hey, can I see your assignments list?" he asked as he adjusted to sit up.
She ruffled through a book with several sheets of parchment stuck in between the pages and finally pulled out the piece she wanted, "Here it is. Why do you ask?"
Harry answered as he took the parchment from her, "Oh, I've been wondering if they might all be different this year. Like for each person or something." He scanned her list of courses and summer assignments and found that their Charms work was the same but that, Potions, was indeed, different. Hermione's Potions essays were: "Discuss the biochemical mechanism of action of mind-altering potions and how they are utilized by modern Healers. Theorize and discuss other potential applications for these potions." and "Discuss and explain why and when potions are better suited to counter magical spells, curse, hexes, etc than counter spells."
"Hmm, same for Charms but definitely different for Potions. Snape mustn't want us to be able to work on it together. Probably did it on purpose." Harry said as he handed back the parchment.
Hermione looked at him reprovingly as she spread out her own books on the floor next to Harry, "Not necessarily. Alicia told me last year that in NEWT Potions you are assigned to a group of about four people and you are stuck in these groups for the next two years." She added thoughtfully, "It probably means we will be in different groups, though." Harry frowned at this idea.
Hermione continued, "Really, considering what the Sorting Hat had to say last year about uniting the houses and all, I think it's a good idea to mix up people. I mean, I assume since in NEWTs course all four houses meet together for class and that there are about four people to a group, then there would be one from each house in a group-- approximately."
Harry was really not liking the idea of possibly getting stuck working with Malfoy for two straight years. "Mmm." was all he managed to say.
They had been working steadily on their Charms essays for a while. (Hermione had been just a tad jealous that Harry could offer first hand testimony of how it felt to have a Disillusionment Charm placed upon him.) Lupin had just popped his head in to say he was turning in for the night.
Harry dropped his quill down and stretched out his hand and wrist that was getting a little cramped from writing. He was lying on his stomach facing the fire next to Hermione. He propped his head up on one elbow and used his other hand to rub the back of his neck as he turned to watch Hermione flipping a page in a book as she traced the end of her quill across her mouth. It was so different with just the two of them. Usually Ron was always around them and he would be complaining about this or that or bickering with Hermione. Half the time Harry spent with the two of them, he spent trying to ignore them instead of actually doing any work.
He considered her for a moment longer and then asked, "So what were you and Tonks discussing that you had to have a private dinner?" He had suspected that Tonks was just trying to give Hermione some cheering up and maybe extra help on apparating.
Hermione looked over at him and then turned back to her book and said elusively, "Oh, nothing. Just girl stuff."
Harry was about to comment on her ever-so-evasive answer when she turned back and cut him off with a change of subject, "So, did you ever hear back from Ron? I mean, after I sent him news of our OWL scores?"
"Er, yeah. Why? He told me what classes he all signed up for next year. Told me I was a nutter to voluntarily take Potions." He laughed then, remembering, "He also told me to write Ginny and to tell her Dean was a mad prat and all."
Hermione looked a bit disappointed for just a moment and then said rather coolly, "Oh, well."
Harry watched her reaction and then asked slowly, "Didn't he write you back, too?"
She took a deep breath, "He probably just…well, never mind. He probably just forgot."
Harry thought this was quite unlikely and said, "Well, actually it sounded like he might not have done so well on his scores. I mean not bad or anything, but maybe not as well as you. Or me." He paused for a moment as Hermione looked at him and then began ticking off on his fingers, "I know he said he's taking Defense, Magical Creatures, Herbology, History of Magic and Divination. So maybe he just…" Harry trailed off as he saw a scowl growing on Hermione's face and jaw dropping in horror.
"That… Ergh! He!! Oh!!"
Harry was not quite sure what he had said to cause this reaction.
"He's not taking…Transfiguration or Charms?!?!" Harry nodded dumbly. "Oh! That! Are you sure?" She had sat up now and pounded her fist onto her knee.
Harry nodded dumbly and swallowed and had to ask, "Er, is that a problem?"
She looked at him now with a furious look and explained, "Well, he had asked me to keep it a secret, but, now, well…" She calmed down and continued, "See, he had asked me shortly after the quidditch match against Ravenclaw if I would help him study. He said he had chosen to be an Auror in his career counseling and that he really needed to ace Charms and Transfiguration. He said he had no shot getting an O in Potions but that he would be content to study on his own for the NEWT exam if I would help with that, too.
"He made me promise not to tell you, but, oh! He had me tutor him after every Prefect meeting. He begged me to help him! Oh! And he knew it, too! He should have done very well. I even gave him copies of some of my notes and he should have known it all. He just panics sometimes, is all!"
Her face suddenly got a stricken look on it, "Oh. Harry. You don't' imagine… I mean, you don't think…"
"What?"
She gulped and nearly whispered, "You don't think he might have failed those, do you?" Her eyes were wide with horror, as if she could not think of a single worse thing to have happen to anyone.
Harry shook his head, "No. No way. He would have told me if he messed up that bad. No."
Hermione was still worried, "But, I mean, well, if you're a Prefect and you fail a class… Oh, it would crush him!"
Harry was baffled about what she meant, "What do you mean?"
"Oh Harry, you forfeit your Prefect Badge if you fail." She looked frightful for a moment longer and then her face suddenly turned into a steely look. "He better not have failed."
Harry almost wanted to laugh at her, for he was sure she would take it as a personal insult to her own skills if anyone she was tutoring failed a class. "Hermione, I'm sure." He wasn't really. "Positive. Ron did not fail any classes. Well, maybe Divination or something. But, no way. He probably just changed his mind or something."
She looked somewhat relived but still rather doubtful, "But wouldn't he have told you that then?"
Harry shrugged, "He never told me he had decided on an Auror for sure, so why would he tell me he changed his mind?" Harry hoped he wouldn't have to listen to Hermione rant about Ron all evening when Ron wasn't even around.
Hermione sighed and looked down as she fiddled with her quill, "Oh, I suppose you're right. I just thought… I mean I figured…"
"That with your help, anyone should have aced the exams?" Harry quirked up an eyebrow at her.
She smiled and nodded weakly, "Well, maybe."
Harry was smiling at how well he knew her, "Well, I am sure he did fine."
Harry sprawled back out onto his stomach and rested his head on his folded arms. As he scrunched up his shoulders and rolled his neck a bit, Hermione asked him, "Are you sore?"
Harry grimaced, "Yeah, Tonks was brutal today." He almost added something about how draining apparition was but thought better of it.
"You've really learned a lot, Harry. We were watching you. I was very impressed." Harry felt himself blush at the compliment. She gave him a sly look and added, "I don't think you've told me yet half of all you've learned."
He smiled up at her, "Well, I've got to keep something to bribe you with so you'll lend me your notes if I need them." She wore a look of mock outrage at this.
He then grimaced again, closed his eyes and began rubbing the back of his neck.
He heard her tentatively ask, "Do you… would you like, me to give you a neck massage?" She finished trying to sound as businesslike as possible.
"What? Oh." Harry had never had a massage of any kind. Unless you count Dudley giving him a knuckle massage, but that was definitely not pleasant. "Er...sure."
Hermione motioned for him to sit up as she settled herself cross-legged with her back against the sofa. "Here, sit in front of me and face that way."
Harry felt her hand on the back of his head as she gently told him, "Tilt your head down." She then smoothed out his t-shirt across his shoulders and kneaded in close by his neck.
"Oh, you're tense." she said as she squeezed his shoulders.
"Oi! Is it supposed to hurt?" Harry asked as he flinched at the soreness in his neck and shoulders.
She stopped trying to squeeze or massage but left her hands on his back. He heard her smile and say, "No. You need to relax. Just, loosen up. Take a deep breath," he inhaled, "and breathe out." He exhaled. "There."
She was now just running her hands across his shoulders and up against his neck. Harry felt himself breathe out even more as the feel of her hands sliding across his back began to lull him into a soothing trance.
He felt his tensions and thoughts even begin to slip away. He was just realizing how relaxing this was for his mind and had thought to comment on how it might help to 'clear his mind' but he instead found he could no longer really string together many coherent thoughts. Not that he cared.
Hermione asked softly, "Does this feel okay?"
The only answer he could manage a nod of his head and, "Mmm, hmm."
Hermione continued for quite some time, running her hands along his shoulders, down and up his upper arms, back down and up his spine, up to his neck and her fingers would run up into the back of his hair.
As one hand of hers continued to tangle and run into the back of his messy locks, Harry began to unconsciously tilt his head back and into her touch. His breathing was more ragged now and he was lost in a daze, completely unaware of where he was. He was just delirious at the sensations of being touched like this.
He was barely cognizant of the mantle clock striking midnight. Hermione's slowing hands caused his own mind to slow back down as he leaned backwards a little and felt his back against Hermione. Her left hand then slid down his side and around to his front and her right hand paused on the back of his neck as she leaned in and in barely a whisper, said, "Guess what, Harry?"
Harry felt a shiver run through him as her breath ran across his neck and he leaned back further into her hand as it tangled into his hair. He cracked his eyes open just inches from her face, "Happy Birthday, Harry." He saw her smiling at him and her eyes dart a look at his mouth.
As her own mouth parted softly and she wet her lips, it was all the invitation his dazed mind needed. He soon felt his mouth tasting her lips and as he turned slightly towards her, her mouth was opening under his and his right hand moved up to her face. His fingers traced her temple and then to her check and then cupped her neck and he held her to him.
He then felt her tongue slip out and into his own mouth, which he opened wider for her to explore as he moaned into her mouth.
It was wonderful, this feeling of surrender and abandonment. They barely paused a second to gasp for air and Harry turned more completely and wound his other arm around the back of Hermione's waist and pulled her to him as he was kissing her again. Slowly, savoring, at first and then opening her mouth with his own as he sought to explore her mouth his tongue as she had with him.
Her hands were running all down his back, up his sides, across his chest and into his hair. His own, were locking her face to his and holding her tight against him.
This was it. *It*. This was the feeling that he hadn't even known he was yearning for. Completion. The confliction he had felt between wanting to be alone and not socialize with people versus not wanting to feel alone was answered by the simple solution of just this. Touching… holding… Hermione. Hermione. His friend, Hermione…
He slowed in kissing her as he began to realize what he was doing. He nearly lost himself again when she moaned at the loss of his mouth and her hand dragged down his chest and came to rest on his thigh as he leaned back.
He had on hand on her hip and one still on her neck but his eyes were wide and he could feel his mouth hanging open as his breathing slowed and he watched Hermione flutter open her eyes.
* * * *
They were both startled and jumped apart as Crookshanks leapt up onto the sofa behind Hermione. Harry's arms were back at his own sides now and he had moved a foot or so away and was now kneeling. His heartbeat was racing as Crookshanks sprawled out on the edge of the sofa and stared curiously at both Harry and Hermione.
"I think, er…" Harry's voice was low and raspy and he had to clear his throat before he went on, "Er, maybe, we should just, er, go to bed."
Hermione whipped her head around from staring dumbly at Crookshanks to looking in shock at Harry.
Harry had by now realized what he had just said and was blushing furiously and wishing to just melt into the carpet in embarrassment but managed to stammer out, "Er, that's not what I meant! Er, I mean…"
He was too embarrassed to note Hermione's own flushing and as she began to hastily gather and pile up books from the floor, she said in a high voice, "Yes. Yes, it is quite late."
Harry watched Hermione stacking her books, as well as several of his own and was trying to replay over in his mind everything that had just happened. As she leaned back after stacking every book up before her, he reached out and put his hand on her arm, "Hermione."
She froze and slowly turned towards him with an unreadable look on her face at she met his gaze.
Harry had to swallow before he could say, "Listen, Hermione, I'm…so…sorry." He paused watched her face and trying to decipher the look she wore, "I just, I mean I didn't… I wasn't thinking. I…" He looked down and drew back his hand as he finished weakly, "It just happened."
He could see out of the corner of his eye, Hermione look back down at the pile of books and said quietly, "I know. It's not your... I mean we both… I just can't imagine… I…I don't want to lose you."
Harry furrowed his brow in confusion and Hermione looked towards him and went on, "Harry, you're my best friend. I don't want to lose that. To lose you. I just… I can't." She looked back down and leaned back on her knees as she finished.
Harry watched her and then said, "I can't lose you either. Hermione, you don't know what it was like… to see you, when… when I thought…" He was thinking of when Dolohov's curse had hit her and knocked her out and Harry hadn't known if she was dead or alive or if she would even live to wake up.
In a voice filled with emotion he said, "Hermione, I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you." He meant it. She had been the one to help in nearly everything he had ever done. It was her who got him through the wall of fire to save the Philosopher's Stone. It was her who deduced it was a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets. It was her who enabled them to turn back Time and to save Sirius in their third year. It was her who helped him learn a summoning charm and every other spell he needed for the Tournament. And it was her, Hermione, who had suspected that the vision of Sirius was a trap; she had tried to warn Harry not to go. But even when he refused, she had still been by his side, leading the way with him.
He could feel an unidentifiable emotion building in his chest. He could barely control his emotion as he whispered, "You've been there for everything. Ever since we met, you've been the best friend. You've never doubted me. Everything I've ever done… you've helped. If, last year, I should have listened…maybe he'd still be here…"
He couldn't look at her and dropped his head and closed his eyes as a single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. As he tasted the tear on his lip, he felt Hermione's hands on his shoulders pulling him into an embrace. He heard her sniff as she said, "Harry, you'll never lose me."
There, they embraced, kneeling on the floor before the dying fire and a tall stack of books. They both had to sniff a few times and as Harry gained control of his emotions, he laughed, "You know, Ron and I have never ended up sobbing and hugging after sharing heartfelt confessions."
They drew apart and Hermione laughed too as she stood up. As she began picking up the pile of books, she said, "Well, I bet you and Ron have never kissed before either."
"Er, ew. No. Definitely not and thank god for that." Harry said quickly as he was picking out his books from the stack and handing Hermione's to her. As he stood up with his own books, he asked, "So, er, does this… I mean, what happened, does it… change anything? Between us I mean?" Shut it Potter, you blabber on worse than Colin.
Hermione was looking at him and searching his face. "Well," she said, "I'm not really sure… I mean, I think… Well, do you want it to change anything?"
Harry hadn't expected this question being turned back on him. They both searched each other's faces now and Harry was pretty sure he wouldn't mind kissing Hermione again, but he wasn't sure that would be the wisest answer right now.
He was saved from having to say anything when Hermione squared her shoulders and broke the silence, "Listen, it's late. And we're both tired and I think we should just sleep on it. If there is something we want to happen, then we should discuss it later. When we're not so… It's just that right now…"
"Yeah. I agree." Harry knew she must be feeling the same way as he was right now. Still remembering the sensations of one pressing against the other and kissing… "Yeah. It's late." Harry had to stop his mind from remembering again and shifted the pile of books a little in front of him. He nodded for her to head out the room before him.
The walk upstairs to their rooms seemed like a long one. Harry had been ever so grateful for the armful of books when he had to mumble an awkward 'goodnight' as Hermione reached her door and he went on to stumble into his own room.
For the first night since Sirius's death, it wasn't the voices that lulled Harry to sleep and through his dreams; it was the memory of kissing, feeling, and holding Hermione.
* * * * * *
A/N: Many thanks to my beta who gave me an onsite visit and helped me act out the scene on the drawing room floor. Without that, we never would have known how easy it was for Hermione's hand to fall on Harry's thigh. Thanks, Hon!