Chapter Two: The Realisation & The Irony
Remus's POV
When the Hogwarts express was drawing closer to Hogsmeade, and the sun had set, I turn back to the window and looked into the sky. I don't know why, but the night sky always looks so...beautiful at Hogwarts, and it's become almost a tradition to look out at the stars when the Hogwarts Express pulls up. They have yet to realise that there is scarcely anything more beautiful than the midnight sky on a cloudless night. Even the moon is beautiful, grimly beautiful, in it's own way.
"Remus? We're here," a hear a voice telling me, so I shook myself back into the cold harshness of reality. Whenever I need to escape the world around me, I look at the stars, or stand outside in the rain. Both have such a calming effect, it makes things seem not as bad anymore.
I find my feet taking me automatically to the door; I've traveled this route so many times before it just happens automatically. I take this time to think, just about life, and everything that comes with it. To wonder what pranks we'll play this year, and whether Lily will finally go out with James.
"Huh? Arr-!" My arms turn wildly as I struggle to keep my balance, but failing, and I fall down the steps to the ground. A few people around us snicker, but Sirius turns around and offered his hand to help me up, which I accept. Because of the direction of the light, I can't see his face. But, with my keen wolfish eyes, I can see James in the background smirking wickedly, obviously from my fall, Peter looking slightly worried about whether I'm Ok, and...is that Snape? But, why would he be hanging around here? Near us? But, after a second he's gone, and I guess that it was just a trick of the light.
We head over to the horseless carriages, saying a quick hello to Hagrid allong the way. There are only two left, an empty one and one with two Hufflepuff girls. I look at the girls, as a sort of test, but nothing changed. I know they're cute, but I just don't feel attracted to them.
James, however, reacts the exact opposite way, and asks Sirius if he minds him going with them. Peter, as always, tags along with James, leaving me and Sirius to go in the empty carriage.
I sit next to the window, like I always do, and look out the window at the stars, noticing that, for some reason, they looked extra beautiful tonight. Sirius sits on the seat opposite me.
When were're about halfway to the castle, I feel Sirius's eyes on me, so I turn to look over at him.
If Sirius had been looking at me before, he wasn't anymore. Now he was staring out the window, like I had been before, his head resting on the windowsill. I look at Sirius and notice that his hair looks even better in the moonlight. It kind of goes all silvery, and it looks almost as if it's glowing. His skin is exactly the right colour in contrast, tan, but slightly pale, which also sort of glows. His bright blue eyes sparkle in the light, looking even bluer than normal. I look into his eyes, and I feel slightly weak, but happy.
There wasn't any gradual discovery, it hit me like a smack in the face, a random thought, but I beleive it. I don't know why, I just do. It just seems real; it all adds up.
I like Sirius.
And no, I don't mean as a friend, I mean as a crush. As in, I have a crush on Sirius, the guy. I like a guy. That would mean I'm gay.
I turn back to the window and shake myself. It doesn't mean I'm gay, I've had heaps of crushes before, hardly any last for more than a year or two. I'ts probably just a phase, I think.
But, I can't help noticing the way that I don't feel attracted to any of the girls I think of...
I don't have long to think about it, though, because that second the carriage stops, and me and Sirius have to get out and go into Hogwarts.
Home again, home again.
Sirius's POV
Nothing much happened for the rest of the train ride, we just laughed and joked around as usual. In fact, nothing much really happened at all for a while, only a few small little things that I picked up.
When we were getting off the Hogwarts Express, Remus tripped on the steps and fell over. Since I was closest to him, and because there's no way James would, I hold out my hand to help him up. When he takes it, I get butterflies in my stomach and I go bright red, which I'm glad Remus can't see because the light was behind me.
We started off to the carriages, and James says to me a bit quietly so only I can hear, "Hey, Padfoot, I saw Snape back there." I shrug.
"So what? We can't prank him now!" James kind of sighs, and does this weird little smile, saying, "Well, I don't know what he could see, but from where I was standing, you were looking bright red just then." I turn pink. "You don't think he..." I start, but get interuppted.
"Why, 'ello, guys! 'Ello, James, Remus, Sirius an' Peter! 'Ow your 'olidays been?" "Not too bad, Hagrid," Remus says brightly. "Well, we'd better go or there won't be any carriages left." We bid Hagrid goodbye and continue walking.
When we get to the carriages, there are only two left, one empty, and the other with a couple of Hufflepuffs in it. James winks slyly at me and asks me if I'd mind if he went with the Hufflepuffs, so I have no choice but to let him go. Just an observation, but I was right when I thought that Remus would be a new heart-throb this year. The two girls were eying him like they always used to do to me, but Remus didn't seem to notice. I can't say the girls were too disapointed when James came in their carriage instead, although I saw the look on thair faces when Peter went with him. Bitches.
Me and Remus get into the carriage, and we both look out the window, just thinking. When we're about halfway there I sneak a glance at him, noticing that he looks even better in moonlight than in daylight. I think he sensed me looking at him, though, because he turns to me and I look back out the window. I can feel him looking at me for a while before turning back.
Soon the carriage stops, and we get out. Remus goes ahead into the castle while I stay a bit behind. When I'm almost at the door, Snape, no, Snivellous approaches me, smirking. "What do you want, Snivellous," I growl, ready to take him on. "Just wanting to know how you're getting along with your boyfriend," he says, still smirking. The smarmy git.
"What boyfriend? What the hell are you talking about?" I say angrily, ready to pounce. "You don't even consider him your boyfriend? I don't think Remmy will be pleased to hear that." I'm just about ready to hex him before I hear Remus's voice from the doors. "Sirius? Are you coming?" "Have fun, lover-boy," Snivellous says in that great I'm-such-a-git voice of his, and push past me and Remus, shouldering him as he goes past.
I swear, I was ready to strangle him. In fact, I would've if Remus hadn't done that. I think he noticed that I was so angry; hell, I would have been greatly surprised if he didn't. Anyway, he said to me, "Look, just try to ignore him. He's just trying to get you angry." "Well, he's succeding," I growl back, but Remus just sighs and we walk into the great hall.
Since we walked in a bit late, most of the other people were already in their seats. As soon as we walk in, everyone starts whispering and staring at us. For a second I wondered why, but then remembered. I guess my encounter with Snivellous erased it temporarily from my mind.
We walk down the middle of the tables until we see James and Peter, and sit opposite from them. I noticed that Remus seemed slightly uneasy about everyone looking at him, which didn't really surprise me all that much.
"Hey, Sirius. Hey, Remus," James says, and I grunt in reply. When James looks confused, I explain. "Just something Snivelous said to me when we were walking to the castle. Damn, this time he's on thin ice." "Wha'd he say?" Peter asked.
"Just, some really bad stuffs about you two," I say. James looks as if to say that he understands, Remus not really caring, and Peter excited.
"Nothing about me?!" Peter asks ecstatically, and I decide to tell him the truth. "Nup. Nothing 'bout you." "Wow! I mean...Wow!" he says, so happy and we all laugh. It was common knowledge that Peter was insulted so much by the Slytherins if you bottled it all up and threw them off the top of the astronomy tower it would blow up the school. At least to Remus. God he's creative.
"Hey, Reeeemmyyyy," a sickeningly sweet voice said from Remus's left. There stood a girl with long brown hair, which she was twirling around her finger, and sea-green eyes. It was Rae Keirl, the girl Remus had asked to the dance. The one that turned him down, just to ask me. "I just wanted to ask if you'd go to Hogsmeade with me next trip?" she asked, still in that sugary-sweet-as-honey voice. Bitch.
"Uh, no thanks..." he said politely, And she got this big shocked expression on her face, as though she hadn't even considered this might happen. It immediately changed to a look of disgust and walked away saying, "What-eveeeeer!"
Remus turned to us with on 'Ooo-kaaaaay' expression on his face. "I can't beleive I used to like her,"he commented, but before we could say anything else, Dumledore stood up and gave us the whole speech. You know, Whomping Willow and Forbidden Forest out of bounds, no magic to be used in corridors, yada yada.
During the course of dinner, Remus was asked out about four more times. After the fourth one, a Hufflepuff blonde called Trinity who was a few players short of a Quidditch team asked Remus out, he vowed to stand up in front of the school and announce that he didn't want to go out with anyone, so stop asking. So, James had to, of course, put on this giggly voice, pretend to blush and say in this high voice, "Oh, Remus, will you giggle go out with me?" So Remus, of course, whacked him behind the head.
Lol.
Remus's POV
When I walked into that hall, with everyone staring at me, I was scared. I really was. They were all pointing at me, giggling, whispering, staring...it was so scary. Like you were in a zoo as something girls like. A baby tiger? Yeah, like you were a baby tiger in a zoo and everyone's pointing at you. I don't know how James and Sirius put up with it.
Well, lately Sirius hasn't exactly enjoyed it. But, let's just say I'm going to be more than a little annoyed if this keeps up. I'll be like a Dragon with a cold.
All through dinner all these girls kept on asking me out. Even this girl I-well, I'll just show you.
Flashback
"Go on, ask her!" It was fourth year and there was going to be a dance in a few weeks. I was nervous as hell as I watched this really beautiful Ravenclaw girl at the Ravenclaw table. I felt like I loved her.
"Uh...maybe not..." I said, as nervous as a kid going for their first haircut. "Oh, come on, you big wuss!" Sirius cried, and I glared at him. "Shut up!" "Then just go and ask her! I've had a date to the dance for a month!" "Well, it's not as easy for me! I don't have girls hanging off my arms like fruitbats!" "Stop with the similes already!" "Yeah, and we'll manage to convince Jamesie here to not score any goals in the next Quidditch match!" "AARRGG!!!" I smirked. I had won. Sirius hated when I used a lot of similes. "Remus, just ask her. The worst she can do is say 'no'," James said reasonably.
"And laugh at me. And get everyone else in her posse to laugh at me. I'll be like a mouse acting like a lion," I simile-d back.
James sighed. "Well, I didn't want to have to resort to this, but..." my eyes grew wide. I knew what James could do.
James walked, no, strutted towards the girl, pushing past her friends. "Hey, Rae," he said casually, and everyone started whispering excitedly. Rae, the girl, blushed and took on her flirting voice. "Yes, Jamsie?" she asked, walking towards him, swinging her hips.
"One of my friends here wants to talk to you," he said, equally as casually, and gestured to Sirius, Peter and I. All the girls started whispering and giggling again, looking at Sirius. I had known from the beginning that this had been a mistake, but I never fully understood how much until then.
"Hey, can you give me and Sir a little privacy, thanks?" Rae said sweetly to her posse, and they immediately walked away.
"See ya, guys," James said, walking away, obviously to give me and Rae time to talk. Fat chance. Peter and Sirius walked away, too, and I went bright red. It was just me and Rae. Me, bright red, nervous as hell, and Rae, who was staring at me, a disbeleiving look on her face. "You?" she said incrediously. "Uh, yeah..." I said, growing more nervous by the minute. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you'd....like to go to the Hallowe'en dance with me?" I asked, and guess what she did? No, guess.
Anyone who answered that she said yes, bum-bum-bumm! Wrong. All of those who answered that she laughed in my face win a million dollars.
I've never been more humiliated in my life. I was just standing there, as red as a quaffle, with her laughing at me as though it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. I felt like crying. I felt even more like punching her in the face. But, I didn't. I walked away, past the others, up to Gryffindor tower, into the dormitory, pulled the hangings of my bed around me and refused to come out again until dinner.
And, the next day at breakfast, right in front of me, she asked Sirius out.
He called her a bitch and punched her in the face.
Of course, the guys had been sympathetic to my plight. They hadn't actually understood, though. After all, Sirius was pretty much the playboy of Hogwarts, James was continually knocked back by Lily, and Peter had never had a girlfriend in his life. Oh, how times have changed.
She was immediately stated 'uncool', as us, the Marauders were the ultimate in cool. Whatever we thought was uncool, so did the majority of Hogwarts. No matter what we did, it was just like that.
Anyway, after a couple of weeks she managed to claw her way back up to the top as the grand slut of Hogwarts. And she welcomed that title graciously, celebrating by sucking at Diggory's mouth 23 hours a day, 7 days a week.
End Flashback
And, well, that's what happened. And now, she was right here in front of me, twirling her hair around her finger, asking me out. I felt like saying, "No way, get lost, bitch," to get her back, but I settled with a look of slight disgust on my face and said, "Uh, no thanks..." You should have seen the look on her face. It was priceless.
Remus's POV
When the Hogwarts express was drawing closer to Hogsmeade, and the sun had set, I turn back to the window and looked into the sky. I don't know why, but the night sky always looks so...beautiful at Hogwarts, and it's become almost a tradition to look out at the stars when the Hogwarts Express pulls up. They have yet to realise that there is scarcely anything more beautiful than the midnight sky on a cloudless night. Even the moon is beautiful, grimly beautiful, in it's own way.
"Remus? We're here," a hear a voice telling me, so I shook myself back into the cold harshness of reality. Whenever I need to escape the world around me, I look at the stars, or stand outside in the rain. Both have such a calming effect, it makes things seem not as bad anymore.
I find my feet taking me automatically to the door; I've traveled this route so many times before it just happens automatically. I take this time to think, just about life, and everything that comes with it. To wonder what pranks we'll play this year, and whether Lily will finally go out with James.
"Huh? Arr-!" My arms turn wildly as I struggle to keep my balance, but failing, and I fall down the steps to the ground. A few people around us snicker, but Sirius turns around and offered his hand to help me up, which I accept. Because of the direction of the light, I can't see his face. But, with my keen wolfish eyes, I can see James in the background smirking wickedly, obviously from my fall, Peter looking slightly worried about whether I'm Ok, and...is that Snape? But, why would he be hanging around here? Near us? But, after a second he's gone, and I guess that it was just a trick of the light.
We head over to the horseless carriages, saying a quick hello to Hagrid allong the way. There are only two left, an empty one and one with two Hufflepuff girls. I look at the girls, as a sort of test, but nothing changed. I know they're cute, but I just don't feel attracted to them.
James, however, reacts the exact opposite way, and asks Sirius if he minds him going with them. Peter, as always, tags along with James, leaving me and Sirius to go in the empty carriage.
I sit next to the window, like I always do, and look out the window at the stars, noticing that, for some reason, they looked extra beautiful tonight. Sirius sits on the seat opposite me.
When were're about halfway to the castle, I feel Sirius's eyes on me, so I turn to look over at him.
If Sirius had been looking at me before, he wasn't anymore. Now he was staring out the window, like I had been before, his head resting on the windowsill. I look at Sirius and notice that his hair looks even better in the moonlight. It kind of goes all silvery, and it looks almost as if it's glowing. His skin is exactly the right colour in contrast, tan, but slightly pale, which also sort of glows. His bright blue eyes sparkle in the light, looking even bluer than normal. I look into his eyes, and I feel slightly weak, but happy.
There wasn't any gradual discovery, it hit me like a smack in the face, a random thought, but I beleive it. I don't know why, I just do. It just seems real; it all adds up.
I like Sirius.
And no, I don't mean as a friend, I mean as a crush. As in, I have a crush on Sirius, the guy. I like a guy. That would mean I'm gay.
I turn back to the window and shake myself. It doesn't mean I'm gay, I've had heaps of crushes before, hardly any last for more than a year or two. I'ts probably just a phase, I think.
But, I can't help noticing the way that I don't feel attracted to any of the girls I think of...
I don't have long to think about it, though, because that second the carriage stops, and me and Sirius have to get out and go into Hogwarts.
Home again, home again.
Sirius's POV
Nothing much happened for the rest of the train ride, we just laughed and joked around as usual. In fact, nothing much really happened at all for a while, only a few small little things that I picked up.
When we were getting off the Hogwarts Express, Remus tripped on the steps and fell over. Since I was closest to him, and because there's no way James would, I hold out my hand to help him up. When he takes it, I get butterflies in my stomach and I go bright red, which I'm glad Remus can't see because the light was behind me.
We started off to the carriages, and James says to me a bit quietly so only I can hear, "Hey, Padfoot, I saw Snape back there." I shrug.
"So what? We can't prank him now!" James kind of sighs, and does this weird little smile, saying, "Well, I don't know what he could see, but from where I was standing, you were looking bright red just then." I turn pink. "You don't think he..." I start, but get interuppted.
"Why, 'ello, guys! 'Ello, James, Remus, Sirius an' Peter! 'Ow your 'olidays been?" "Not too bad, Hagrid," Remus says brightly. "Well, we'd better go or there won't be any carriages left." We bid Hagrid goodbye and continue walking.
When we get to the carriages, there are only two left, one empty, and the other with a couple of Hufflepuffs in it. James winks slyly at me and asks me if I'd mind if he went with the Hufflepuffs, so I have no choice but to let him go. Just an observation, but I was right when I thought that Remus would be a new heart-throb this year. The two girls were eying him like they always used to do to me, but Remus didn't seem to notice. I can't say the girls were too disapointed when James came in their carriage instead, although I saw the look on thair faces when Peter went with him. Bitches.
Me and Remus get into the carriage, and we both look out the window, just thinking. When we're about halfway there I sneak a glance at him, noticing that he looks even better in moonlight than in daylight. I think he sensed me looking at him, though, because he turns to me and I look back out the window. I can feel him looking at me for a while before turning back.
Soon the carriage stops, and we get out. Remus goes ahead into the castle while I stay a bit behind. When I'm almost at the door, Snape, no, Snivellous approaches me, smirking. "What do you want, Snivellous," I growl, ready to take him on. "Just wanting to know how you're getting along with your boyfriend," he says, still smirking. The smarmy git.
"What boyfriend? What the hell are you talking about?" I say angrily, ready to pounce. "You don't even consider him your boyfriend? I don't think Remmy will be pleased to hear that." I'm just about ready to hex him before I hear Remus's voice from the doors. "Sirius? Are you coming?" "Have fun, lover-boy," Snivellous says in that great I'm-such-a-git voice of his, and push past me and Remus, shouldering him as he goes past.
I swear, I was ready to strangle him. In fact, I would've if Remus hadn't done that. I think he noticed that I was so angry; hell, I would have been greatly surprised if he didn't. Anyway, he said to me, "Look, just try to ignore him. He's just trying to get you angry." "Well, he's succeding," I growl back, but Remus just sighs and we walk into the great hall.
Since we walked in a bit late, most of the other people were already in their seats. As soon as we walk in, everyone starts whispering and staring at us. For a second I wondered why, but then remembered. I guess my encounter with Snivellous erased it temporarily from my mind.
We walk down the middle of the tables until we see James and Peter, and sit opposite from them. I noticed that Remus seemed slightly uneasy about everyone looking at him, which didn't really surprise me all that much.
"Hey, Sirius. Hey, Remus," James says, and I grunt in reply. When James looks confused, I explain. "Just something Snivelous said to me when we were walking to the castle. Damn, this time he's on thin ice." "Wha'd he say?" Peter asked.
"Just, some really bad stuffs about you two," I say. James looks as if to say that he understands, Remus not really caring, and Peter excited.
"Nothing about me?!" Peter asks ecstatically, and I decide to tell him the truth. "Nup. Nothing 'bout you." "Wow! I mean...Wow!" he says, so happy and we all laugh. It was common knowledge that Peter was insulted so much by the Slytherins if you bottled it all up and threw them off the top of the astronomy tower it would blow up the school. At least to Remus. God he's creative.
"Hey, Reeeemmyyyy," a sickeningly sweet voice said from Remus's left. There stood a girl with long brown hair, which she was twirling around her finger, and sea-green eyes. It was Rae Keirl, the girl Remus had asked to the dance. The one that turned him down, just to ask me. "I just wanted to ask if you'd go to Hogsmeade with me next trip?" she asked, still in that sugary-sweet-as-honey voice. Bitch.
"Uh, no thanks..." he said politely, And she got this big shocked expression on her face, as though she hadn't even considered this might happen. It immediately changed to a look of disgust and walked away saying, "What-eveeeeer!"
Remus turned to us with on 'Ooo-kaaaaay' expression on his face. "I can't beleive I used to like her,"he commented, but before we could say anything else, Dumledore stood up and gave us the whole speech. You know, Whomping Willow and Forbidden Forest out of bounds, no magic to be used in corridors, yada yada.
During the course of dinner, Remus was asked out about four more times. After the fourth one, a Hufflepuff blonde called Trinity who was a few players short of a Quidditch team asked Remus out, he vowed to stand up in front of the school and announce that he didn't want to go out with anyone, so stop asking. So, James had to, of course, put on this giggly voice, pretend to blush and say in this high voice, "Oh, Remus, will you giggle go out with me?" So Remus, of course, whacked him behind the head.
Lol.
Remus's POV
When I walked into that hall, with everyone staring at me, I was scared. I really was. They were all pointing at me, giggling, whispering, staring...it was so scary. Like you were in a zoo as something girls like. A baby tiger? Yeah, like you were a baby tiger in a zoo and everyone's pointing at you. I don't know how James and Sirius put up with it.
Well, lately Sirius hasn't exactly enjoyed it. But, let's just say I'm going to be more than a little annoyed if this keeps up. I'll be like a Dragon with a cold.
All through dinner all these girls kept on asking me out. Even this girl I-well, I'll just show you.
Flashback
"Go on, ask her!" It was fourth year and there was going to be a dance in a few weeks. I was nervous as hell as I watched this really beautiful Ravenclaw girl at the Ravenclaw table. I felt like I loved her.
"Uh...maybe not..." I said, as nervous as a kid going for their first haircut. "Oh, come on, you big wuss!" Sirius cried, and I glared at him. "Shut up!" "Then just go and ask her! I've had a date to the dance for a month!" "Well, it's not as easy for me! I don't have girls hanging off my arms like fruitbats!" "Stop with the similes already!" "Yeah, and we'll manage to convince Jamesie here to not score any goals in the next Quidditch match!" "AARRGG!!!" I smirked. I had won. Sirius hated when I used a lot of similes. "Remus, just ask her. The worst she can do is say 'no'," James said reasonably.
"And laugh at me. And get everyone else in her posse to laugh at me. I'll be like a mouse acting like a lion," I simile-d back.
James sighed. "Well, I didn't want to have to resort to this, but..." my eyes grew wide. I knew what James could do.
James walked, no, strutted towards the girl, pushing past her friends. "Hey, Rae," he said casually, and everyone started whispering excitedly. Rae, the girl, blushed and took on her flirting voice. "Yes, Jamsie?" she asked, walking towards him, swinging her hips.
"One of my friends here wants to talk to you," he said, equally as casually, and gestured to Sirius, Peter and I. All the girls started whispering and giggling again, looking at Sirius. I had known from the beginning that this had been a mistake, but I never fully understood how much until then.
"Hey, can you give me and Sir a little privacy, thanks?" Rae said sweetly to her posse, and they immediately walked away.
"See ya, guys," James said, walking away, obviously to give me and Rae time to talk. Fat chance. Peter and Sirius walked away, too, and I went bright red. It was just me and Rae. Me, bright red, nervous as hell, and Rae, who was staring at me, a disbeleiving look on her face. "You?" she said incrediously. "Uh, yeah..." I said, growing more nervous by the minute. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you'd....like to go to the Hallowe'en dance with me?" I asked, and guess what she did? No, guess.
Anyone who answered that she said yes, bum-bum-bumm! Wrong. All of those who answered that she laughed in my face win a million dollars.
I've never been more humiliated in my life. I was just standing there, as red as a quaffle, with her laughing at me as though it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. I felt like crying. I felt even more like punching her in the face. But, I didn't. I walked away, past the others, up to Gryffindor tower, into the dormitory, pulled the hangings of my bed around me and refused to come out again until dinner.
And, the next day at breakfast, right in front of me, she asked Sirius out.
He called her a bitch and punched her in the face.
Of course, the guys had been sympathetic to my plight. They hadn't actually understood, though. After all, Sirius was pretty much the playboy of Hogwarts, James was continually knocked back by Lily, and Peter had never had a girlfriend in his life. Oh, how times have changed.
She was immediately stated 'uncool', as us, the Marauders were the ultimate in cool. Whatever we thought was uncool, so did the majority of Hogwarts. No matter what we did, it was just like that.
Anyway, after a couple of weeks she managed to claw her way back up to the top as the grand slut of Hogwarts. And she welcomed that title graciously, celebrating by sucking at Diggory's mouth 23 hours a day, 7 days a week.
End Flashback
And, well, that's what happened. And now, she was right here in front of me, twirling her hair around her finger, asking me out. I felt like saying, "No way, get lost, bitch," to get her back, but I settled with a look of slight disgust on my face and said, "Uh, no thanks..." You should have seen the look on her face. It was priceless.