Chapter Three – The Morning After
I wasn't the only one who had a restless night. Brady had been up too. Maybe he was picking up on my angst or something, I don't know, but as he was napping the next morning I found a few spare minutes to take a bath and relax. As if the warm water and bubbles would wash away the thoughts and events of the preceding nights.
I got into the bath, slid deep into the warm water and closed my eyes. As I did so the whole argument ran over and over in my head. There were so many things I could have done differently. I snorted to myself, yet another understatement and by now I had to laugh or I'd cry and I'd never been big on crying.
At that moment, Brady stirred, which was good timing as I was seriously considering drowning myself!
I somehow managed to drag myself out of the bath, dress Brady and myself, and eat something that resembled breakfast. I decided to stop dwelling on thing and head out to buy some groceries.
"Come on Brady, let's pull ourselves together and get out of here, what do you say?" I smiled at him as he gurgled a kind of response.
I threw on some make up and made my hair look sorta tidy before gazing in the mirror. I imagined Steve behind me, kissing my cheek saying how pretty I look just like he used to when we were together. Without really thinking, I picked up my cell, found Steve's number and pressed dial. What am I doing I thought all of a sudden. I gasped as his answering machine picked up. "Hey, it's me, I'm not here." I listened with a twinge of desperation, half wishing he'd answered "Try me at Scout, 957-7297; don't forget the 212" I hung up just before the beep. "What am I crazy?!" I said quietly to myself.
I quickly put some food down for Fatty, strapped Brady into his stroller and headed out of my apartment to the local grocery store. But as I was walking down West 78th Street, I stopped. I couldn't keep my thoughts in any longer. I needed a friendly ear and a stiff drink.
"Sorry Brady, the grocery's gonna have to wait, we're gonna go see Auntie Carrie"
After running back in and dumping the stroller, I returned to the street, carrying Brady in my left arm, I hailed a taxi with my right. I climbed into the first one to stop; flustered and impatient I managed to stutter, "245 East 75th Street, please, quick as you can"
A short taxi ride later she arrived at Carrie's building and buzzed. "Hello?" came the chirpy voice
"It's me," I replied flatly
"Well, hey sweetie, come on up"
I walked up the stairs to the apartment, running through what to say in my head, but this was Carrie, my best friend, I didn't need to worry about saying this stuff to Carrie... It's Steve I'm worrying about saying it to.
Carrie opened the door as I reached it.
"Hey," she said breathlessly
There was no point holding back, I thought, may as well get straight to the point
"I'm in love with Steve" I announced, I walked past Carrie, handing Brady to her as I passed "Hold this"
"Oh my God, I can't believe it" Carrie said in a mock surprised way to Brady as she shut the door.
I turned to look at her "Come on" I started "Are you seriously telling me you didn't know?"
I knew full well that she knew and she always had. How is it your friends can always see what's right, but you can't? You rationalize so much that you no longer realize what's right and wrong. But your friends, well, they can be objective.
"Oh I knew" she said amazed "I just can't believe you admitted it"
See.
I was emotionally exhausted. "I need a drink, what have you got?"
Carrie frowned "It's 11.30 on a Saturday morning"
I looked her astonished "Did you not hear me say that I'm in love with Steve?!"
She gave me a look "I think I have an old bottle of Kahlua somewhere" she said, and walked past me to the kitchen, with Brady. "Ok, hold on there Brady, momma needs a cocktail!"
I decided to explain myself right there and then. "Last night we were in the dining room laughing, and all of sudden I looked over at him and I realised" I paused momentarily as what I was about to say sunk in; "we belong together"
Carrie stopped rifling through her cupboards and looked at me "Oh Miranda" she said empathetically.
"Yeah" I said in agreement "So I picked a huge fight and threw him out of my apartment" I said quickly, realizing how ridiculous I sounded
Carrie winked and said sarcastically "Good thinking"
I stood there feeling better for talking, but not feeling better about the situation. Yes I had opened up and got all the thoughts out of my head to someone else, but now I was more confused than ever. I thought frantically about my next step and the fight and everything as Carrie talked about something, I'm not sure what. All of a sudden the ridiculousness of everything came out.
"I so cannot be in love with Steve, Steve is so not the guy for me," I said in frustration as tears welled up in my eyes. No sooner as had the words left my mouth, had I realised how wrong I was. I'd been thinking constantly about it for hours and hours and coming here, saying out loud, made things clear.
"Err, Miranda..." said Carrie who was going to enquire about Triscuits, but how was I to know!
I stood still, taken aback by my own revelation "You're right, Steve so is the guy for me" I said as Carrie said something about crackers, half listening I replied "no" before carrying on
"How can I have been wrong all these years?"
"You weren't wrong," she replied while keeping Brady occupied "It just took you a while to get here" She turned to look at me "So what are you going to do?"
I didn't know what to do. I knew I loved Steve and wished that I could make things right, but I also knew it wouldn't be difficult.
Little did I know that a few months later, I'd get my wish? Back with Steve, married and living in Brooklyn. Who could have predicted that? I know I couldn't.