Chapter three: The Friend & The True Love
Remus's POV
For another week or so nothing much happened. Gradually, I began to trully love Sirius. It was hard, him being one of my best friends and everything. To see him every day, waking up to him in the morning and falling asleep with his face printed so perfectly in my brain, knowing that he could never be mine. It was just impossible. 'Sirius,' I thought one day, 'is like a brand-new plastic ruler. Perfectly straight. And easliy snapped.' I chuckled a bit on that one, until I realised I had no idea why I was laughing.
I don't think anyone picked up the signals I liked him; I kept those signals well secret. I didn't stare at him, didn't stutter or blush, everything was just like normal. I know him so well it just seemed stupid to do any of those things you're supposed to do when in love. None of those things I did when I liked Rae.
However, my insides were eating me up. To look at him, so happy and boisterous all the time, with things just as they are. To tell him would change things; nothing would be the same anymore. It would break up our friendship, and James and Sirius would never be able to look at me the same way again, to know I fancy blokes. Even more disturbing was that I liked Sirius.
The last thing I wanted to do was break up me and Sirius' friendship, and vice versa with James. Them and Peter were the first friends I ever had, the first friends that truly cared about me. I almost cried when they told me about becoming animagi, to know they would spend almost three years, just for me.
Just for me.
I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about liking Sirius, no-one. Not even Lily, whom I told most everything. I just felt sort of...distant about this. She didn't really know guys well enough, I guess.
But, when the first Hogsmeade weekend rolled around, I finally felt like I had someone to talk to.
I was walking up to the library to do some homework for Care of Magical Creatures. Not my best subject, I'll admit, but I'm Ok at it.
Anyway, I walked into the library and took one of the tables near the back next to an open window, I looked out the window for a minute, breathing in the fresh air. It was good to get some time alone; I hadn't had some in a while. Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. "Remus?" I span around to find myself faced with a large pair of olive green eyes briming with curiosity. As always.
"Ally!" I said, the corners of my mouth crinkling into a smile. It had been a long time since I'd seen her last. She was a really good friend, and I couldn't beleive I hadn't thought of her when I was thinking of someone to talk to. Ally looked really happy to see me as well. One of the best things about Ally is that she always looks really natural, like she's always herself. When she's nervous or sad or angry, she kind of goes really calm, and when she's by herself, she expresses her emotions through singing. Oh, Ally is such a good singer. She sings like an angel. She hates singing in front of other people, though. I think I might be one of the only people on earth to hear her sing.
Anyway, when it came to being natural today was no exception. She looked really calm and tranquil, which either means she's really nervous or feeling dreamy.
"Hey, Remmy," Ally replied, using the nickname she'd invented. She sat down in the chair in front of me, her long blonde hair flicking her back. Ally also must be one of the smartest blondes I know. I don't have anything against blondes, I didn't mean that as an insult, I just meant that Ally is a blonde and still manages to be one of the smartest in the class, except for us. She beats us by far in Astronomy, though, but I only just beat her in potions.
"Um..." Ally said calmly, staring into my eyes. I've also figured out that when Ally's nervous she usually stares into my eyes. She says they give her inspiration to figure out what to say next. "I was wondering if we could hang out next Hogsmeade trip? We haven't for so long." She was right about that. "Sure! Cool," I said nodding. There was no doubt about it now, Ally was definately nevous. "Because...I was thinking if we could...get back...together?" She looked so sincere, so hanging on my words, staring into my eyes with so much feeling, I had no idea what to say. I settled on the truth; I knew that Ally liked to know and tell the truth, even if it hurts. Hey, when you go out with someone for two years you learn a lot about them.
I sighed, and looked into her eyes, searching for the inspiration she got from mine. "Ally...It's just...I still don't know. I just don't...feel that way about you. I like...someone else." It didn't feel right telling her about Sirius just there and then. It was too quiet in the library, I bet some of the people near us would jump if a pin dropped.
I knew I'd have to tell her sooner or later, whether I like it or not. Ally is the sort of person that can make you tell her something by just sitting next to you. And when you do, she just listens, and thinks along with you. Not that I's mind telling her, though. Like I said, she's a great listener, and she sure knew the guys well enough. When we were going out she hung around with us a lot, and came up with some really priceless pranks. When we broke up she gradually stopped hanging with us and finally completely hung out with Lily & the other Gryffindors.
I could see she was hurt; who wouldn't be? But Ally is a strong beleiver in true love, soulmates, and all that fluffiness. That's why we stayed friends after we broke up. So, anyway, she would understand that if I like someone else, I like someone else. Good point. Also, curiosity was taking her over. Ally is as curious as a cat and twice as willing to show it. Bad point. Her curiosity has gotten us in trouble at times.
"Ok," Ally said, nodding. "I can understand. But, you do know you're gonna have to tell me sooner or later, now, do you?" she said with her usual mischievous grin. I grinned back, feeling a slight weight off my shoulders knowing I could at least tell someone.
"Not now, though," I said, and her eyes widened.
"No, of course not! They could be listening!" Just an observation I made, but I noticed that Ally didn't say 'she'. That made me feel slightly better, as well, even if she hadn't done that on purpose. "You'll tell me at Hogsmeade. So," she gestured to my work. "What are you doing?" "Care of Magical Creatures homework." she grinned.
"I suppose you want help?" Ally was the best in Care of Magical creatures. She practically knows F B & W T F T off by heart. Everyone always asks her for help, but she only helps her best friends, which makes me feel slightly honoured.
I nodded, and she walked around the table to sit next to me. "So, chimaeras..."
Ally and me walked side by side down to the three broomsticks on the day of the first Hogsmeade trip. When I told James, Sirius and Peter I was going with Ally, they all gave me these weird looks as if to say, 'Hah! So you do like her!' When they gave me that look when I was meeting Ally, she followed my gaze, beamed at them, and gave them the finger. Their jaws dropped, though they all smiled, and Sirius mumbled, "Bitch." He was smiling hard, though, so it gave it away that he was just playing. When Ally heard that she just laughed. "Wow, I miss the old marauder humor," and with that, we left.
For a few minutes we just walked down the street, thinking. Even though it wasn't that late in the year, it was snowing slightly, and looked very beautiful. This, and rain, were Ally's favourite weather, so she was content to just walk along and think. This was just fine with me, because now I was free to daydream about Sirius. About how his hair would look in the snow, how his eyes would shine-
"Remus, we're here." I snapped out of my daydream, and walked into the three broomsticks. A lot of the girls there were scowling or glaring at Ally, obviously thinking we were going out. Ally didn't mind, though. She just smiled at them as though they were waving at her, earning some weird looks. I mean, more weird than threatening.
We sat on either sides of a table near the back so we could talk freely. As soon as we sat down, Ally put her head on the table and looked up at me. "So," she said knowingly.
"So what?" I asked, knowing full well what she was 'so'ing about. I was just scared someone would overhear us.
"Who...do you like?" Ally asked dramatically, and I bit my lip. "Artemis is doing well. She really misses you," I stalled. Artemis is my sister, and Ally and her get along really well.
Ally gave me 'the look', and I obeyed.
"Ok, but, you can't tell anyone. No-one. Not even Lily," I said, and she looked at me innocently. "You know you can trust me, Remus," she said softly. "Ok, well, I haven't liked this person for really long," I said, half stalling, half so she wouldn't think I was such a freak or anything. "It just started on the first day, you know with the sorting and everything." She was nodding along with me, but I knew fully well that she was just dying to cry, 'Who is it already?!'
"And, Ok, well, promise you won't laugh or anything?" She nodded feircely, knowing that I was about to tell her. "Ok, it's...Sirius." She had a look of dawning comprehension on her face, and nodded to me again. I was astounded. It was like the werewolf thing. We're I still find it hard to say 'gays' or 'homosexuals' so...descriminated. I think my subconscious mind kinda knew that Ally wouldn't feel that way, though. She found out the werewolf thing and didn't care; in fact, she thought it was kinda a turn-on.
"So, you're Ok with it? With me, liking guys?" "Remmie," she said, in a know-it-all voice, "Liking guys isn't exactly a new and unusual expirience to me. And I don't think any girls in the entire school can say that liking Sirius is one, either." I grinned, and felt like laughing out loud. "Thanks, Ally, So much. For just listening." I reached over to hug her. "Don't I get a kiss on the cheek?" She tilted her head to the side, gave me puppy-dog eyes and blinked innocently. I sighed. I knew two people that had puppy-dog eyes that were impossible to resist. Ally and Sirius. "Well, Ok," I said, and reached over, giving her a peck on the cheek. And, at that exact moment, guess who happened to walk through the door?
Yep, that's right. James, Sirius and Peter.
They always did have a knack for good -- or should I say bad? -- timing.
Of course, their eyes immediately flickered over to us, where I was kissing Ally on the cheek. They marched over, with looks on their faces that can only be described as purely Marauder-ly.
"So, Remmie, why didn't you tell us you liked Ally?" Sirius asked, as though Ally weren't there. He said it kind of...jealously? I don't know. Maybe Sirius likes Ally? Boy, would that mess things up. Ally likes me, I like Sirius and Sirius likes Ally?!
"I don't," I said, way too quickly, fully aware that my face was bright red. Not that I was any stranger to public displays of affection with Ally, at least in front of the Marauders, I was just nervous because all of this was in front of Sirius.
"Sure, Remus," Peter smirked. I wanted so much that second to scream, 'I don't like Ally! I like you, Sirius! I love you!' but I knew I couldn't. I knew there was no way Sirius could like me. I knew he could never be mine, and that just made me feel depressed.
"Heellooo! Guys? I'm still heeeeere!" Ally cried, waving her arms. Another bad point. One of Ally's pet peeves is someone not letting her finish or not letting her say something.
"Anyway, I have proof that Remus doesn't like me," Ally said, resting her arms on the table. My eyes widened in shock, and Imouthed, 'No!' to her. She simply shook her head at me and continued. "You see, the only reason we spent the Hogsmeade trip with each other is because I wanted to get back with him." She sighed. "However, he explained to me that he just didn't like me that way anymore, so we went with each other to catch up on things. We haven't seen each other in a long time." Sirius still looked susicious. "But, he kissed-" "He didn't. It was because he owed me something." "Why?" Sirius said, still suspicious.
"I practically did his whole Care of Magical Creatures homework," Ally said, smiling. "And in case you're wondering," she looked pointedly at Sirius, "I was the one to choose the 'favor'." That seemed to settle things.
"Hey, Ally, want to hang out with us for the rest of the trip?" Peter asked. "Sure!" Ally said brightly.
Remus's POV
For another week or so nothing much happened. Gradually, I began to trully love Sirius. It was hard, him being one of my best friends and everything. To see him every day, waking up to him in the morning and falling asleep with his face printed so perfectly in my brain, knowing that he could never be mine. It was just impossible. 'Sirius,' I thought one day, 'is like a brand-new plastic ruler. Perfectly straight. And easliy snapped.' I chuckled a bit on that one, until I realised I had no idea why I was laughing.
I don't think anyone picked up the signals I liked him; I kept those signals well secret. I didn't stare at him, didn't stutter or blush, everything was just like normal. I know him so well it just seemed stupid to do any of those things you're supposed to do when in love. None of those things I did when I liked Rae.
However, my insides were eating me up. To look at him, so happy and boisterous all the time, with things just as they are. To tell him would change things; nothing would be the same anymore. It would break up our friendship, and James and Sirius would never be able to look at me the same way again, to know I fancy blokes. Even more disturbing was that I liked Sirius.
The last thing I wanted to do was break up me and Sirius' friendship, and vice versa with James. Them and Peter were the first friends I ever had, the first friends that truly cared about me. I almost cried when they told me about becoming animagi, to know they would spend almost three years, just for me.
Just for me.
I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about liking Sirius, no-one. Not even Lily, whom I told most everything. I just felt sort of...distant about this. She didn't really know guys well enough, I guess.
But, when the first Hogsmeade weekend rolled around, I finally felt like I had someone to talk to.
I was walking up to the library to do some homework for Care of Magical Creatures. Not my best subject, I'll admit, but I'm Ok at it.
Anyway, I walked into the library and took one of the tables near the back next to an open window, I looked out the window for a minute, breathing in the fresh air. It was good to get some time alone; I hadn't had some in a while. Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me. "Remus?" I span around to find myself faced with a large pair of olive green eyes briming with curiosity. As always.
"Ally!" I said, the corners of my mouth crinkling into a smile. It had been a long time since I'd seen her last. She was a really good friend, and I couldn't beleive I hadn't thought of her when I was thinking of someone to talk to. Ally looked really happy to see me as well. One of the best things about Ally is that she always looks really natural, like she's always herself. When she's nervous or sad or angry, she kind of goes really calm, and when she's by herself, she expresses her emotions through singing. Oh, Ally is such a good singer. She sings like an angel. She hates singing in front of other people, though. I think I might be one of the only people on earth to hear her sing.
Anyway, when it came to being natural today was no exception. She looked really calm and tranquil, which either means she's really nervous or feeling dreamy.
"Hey, Remmy," Ally replied, using the nickname she'd invented. She sat down in the chair in front of me, her long blonde hair flicking her back. Ally also must be one of the smartest blondes I know. I don't have anything against blondes, I didn't mean that as an insult, I just meant that Ally is a blonde and still manages to be one of the smartest in the class, except for us. She beats us by far in Astronomy, though, but I only just beat her in potions.
"Um..." Ally said calmly, staring into my eyes. I've also figured out that when Ally's nervous she usually stares into my eyes. She says they give her inspiration to figure out what to say next. "I was wondering if we could hang out next Hogsmeade trip? We haven't for so long." She was right about that. "Sure! Cool," I said nodding. There was no doubt about it now, Ally was definately nevous. "Because...I was thinking if we could...get back...together?" She looked so sincere, so hanging on my words, staring into my eyes with so much feeling, I had no idea what to say. I settled on the truth; I knew that Ally liked to know and tell the truth, even if it hurts. Hey, when you go out with someone for two years you learn a lot about them.
I sighed, and looked into her eyes, searching for the inspiration she got from mine. "Ally...It's just...I still don't know. I just don't...feel that way about you. I like...someone else." It didn't feel right telling her about Sirius just there and then. It was too quiet in the library, I bet some of the people near us would jump if a pin dropped.
I knew I'd have to tell her sooner or later, whether I like it or not. Ally is the sort of person that can make you tell her something by just sitting next to you. And when you do, she just listens, and thinks along with you. Not that I's mind telling her, though. Like I said, she's a great listener, and she sure knew the guys well enough. When we were going out she hung around with us a lot, and came up with some really priceless pranks. When we broke up she gradually stopped hanging with us and finally completely hung out with Lily & the other Gryffindors.
I could see she was hurt; who wouldn't be? But Ally is a strong beleiver in true love, soulmates, and all that fluffiness. That's why we stayed friends after we broke up. So, anyway, she would understand that if I like someone else, I like someone else. Good point. Also, curiosity was taking her over. Ally is as curious as a cat and twice as willing to show it. Bad point. Her curiosity has gotten us in trouble at times.
"Ok," Ally said, nodding. "I can understand. But, you do know you're gonna have to tell me sooner or later, now, do you?" she said with her usual mischievous grin. I grinned back, feeling a slight weight off my shoulders knowing I could at least tell someone.
"Not now, though," I said, and her eyes widened.
"No, of course not! They could be listening!" Just an observation I made, but I noticed that Ally didn't say 'she'. That made me feel slightly better, as well, even if she hadn't done that on purpose. "You'll tell me at Hogsmeade. So," she gestured to my work. "What are you doing?" "Care of Magical Creatures homework." she grinned.
"I suppose you want help?" Ally was the best in Care of Magical creatures. She practically knows F B & W T F T off by heart. Everyone always asks her for help, but she only helps her best friends, which makes me feel slightly honoured.
I nodded, and she walked around the table to sit next to me. "So, chimaeras..."
Ally and me walked side by side down to the three broomsticks on the day of the first Hogsmeade trip. When I told James, Sirius and Peter I was going with Ally, they all gave me these weird looks as if to say, 'Hah! So you do like her!' When they gave me that look when I was meeting Ally, she followed my gaze, beamed at them, and gave them the finger. Their jaws dropped, though they all smiled, and Sirius mumbled, "Bitch." He was smiling hard, though, so it gave it away that he was just playing. When Ally heard that she just laughed. "Wow, I miss the old marauder humor," and with that, we left.
For a few minutes we just walked down the street, thinking. Even though it wasn't that late in the year, it was snowing slightly, and looked very beautiful. This, and rain, were Ally's favourite weather, so she was content to just walk along and think. This was just fine with me, because now I was free to daydream about Sirius. About how his hair would look in the snow, how his eyes would shine-
"Remus, we're here." I snapped out of my daydream, and walked into the three broomsticks. A lot of the girls there were scowling or glaring at Ally, obviously thinking we were going out. Ally didn't mind, though. She just smiled at them as though they were waving at her, earning some weird looks. I mean, more weird than threatening.
We sat on either sides of a table near the back so we could talk freely. As soon as we sat down, Ally put her head on the table and looked up at me. "So," she said knowingly.
"So what?" I asked, knowing full well what she was 'so'ing about. I was just scared someone would overhear us.
"Who...do you like?" Ally asked dramatically, and I bit my lip. "Artemis is doing well. She really misses you," I stalled. Artemis is my sister, and Ally and her get along really well.
Ally gave me 'the look', and I obeyed.
"Ok, but, you can't tell anyone. No-one. Not even Lily," I said, and she looked at me innocently. "You know you can trust me, Remus," she said softly. "Ok, well, I haven't liked this person for really long," I said, half stalling, half so she wouldn't think I was such a freak or anything. "It just started on the first day, you know with the sorting and everything." She was nodding along with me, but I knew fully well that she was just dying to cry, 'Who is it already?!'
"And, Ok, well, promise you won't laugh or anything?" She nodded feircely, knowing that I was about to tell her. "Ok, it's...Sirius." She had a look of dawning comprehension on her face, and nodded to me again. I was astounded. It was like the werewolf thing. We're I still find it hard to say 'gays' or 'homosexuals' so...descriminated. I think my subconscious mind kinda knew that Ally wouldn't feel that way, though. She found out the werewolf thing and didn't care; in fact, she thought it was kinda a turn-on.
"So, you're Ok with it? With me, liking guys?" "Remmie," she said, in a know-it-all voice, "Liking guys isn't exactly a new and unusual expirience to me. And I don't think any girls in the entire school can say that liking Sirius is one, either." I grinned, and felt like laughing out loud. "Thanks, Ally, So much. For just listening." I reached over to hug her. "Don't I get a kiss on the cheek?" She tilted her head to the side, gave me puppy-dog eyes and blinked innocently. I sighed. I knew two people that had puppy-dog eyes that were impossible to resist. Ally and Sirius. "Well, Ok," I said, and reached over, giving her a peck on the cheek. And, at that exact moment, guess who happened to walk through the door?
Yep, that's right. James, Sirius and Peter.
They always did have a knack for good -- or should I say bad? -- timing.
Of course, their eyes immediately flickered over to us, where I was kissing Ally on the cheek. They marched over, with looks on their faces that can only be described as purely Marauder-ly.
"So, Remmie, why didn't you tell us you liked Ally?" Sirius asked, as though Ally weren't there. He said it kind of...jealously? I don't know. Maybe Sirius likes Ally? Boy, would that mess things up. Ally likes me, I like Sirius and Sirius likes Ally?!
"I don't," I said, way too quickly, fully aware that my face was bright red. Not that I was any stranger to public displays of affection with Ally, at least in front of the Marauders, I was just nervous because all of this was in front of Sirius.
"Sure, Remus," Peter smirked. I wanted so much that second to scream, 'I don't like Ally! I like you, Sirius! I love you!' but I knew I couldn't. I knew there was no way Sirius could like me. I knew he could never be mine, and that just made me feel depressed.
"Heellooo! Guys? I'm still heeeeere!" Ally cried, waving her arms. Another bad point. One of Ally's pet peeves is someone not letting her finish or not letting her say something.
"Anyway, I have proof that Remus doesn't like me," Ally said, resting her arms on the table. My eyes widened in shock, and Imouthed, 'No!' to her. She simply shook her head at me and continued. "You see, the only reason we spent the Hogsmeade trip with each other is because I wanted to get back with him." She sighed. "However, he explained to me that he just didn't like me that way anymore, so we went with each other to catch up on things. We haven't seen each other in a long time." Sirius still looked susicious. "But, he kissed-" "He didn't. It was because he owed me something." "Why?" Sirius said, still suspicious.
"I practically did his whole Care of Magical Creatures homework," Ally said, smiling. "And in case you're wondering," she looked pointedly at Sirius, "I was the one to choose the 'favor'." That seemed to settle things.
"Hey, Ally, want to hang out with us for the rest of the trip?" Peter asked. "Sure!" Ally said brightly.