Anyway, this is the fastest and longest update I've ever ended up making... So I guess the only real thing I can say is Happy Fouth of July. :3 By the way, this chapter's name came from this really cool FFIV song that's done completely with the violin. The song has nothing at all to do with the chapter, but the name of it just fit. Anyway... The song is really good... You should get it; other than that, enjoy.
Chapter 6: Within the Darkness
Faye couldn't really put into words what was happening. Time and everything else was moving so quickly, and yet so agonizingly slow. Her body fell into that old pattern, the old rhythm that she used to know so well. Soon after it had started, she didn't know how she had gotten there. Everything up until this point didn't seem to exist in her mind; in some ways, that was better for her. Now only one thing was true to her. Spike was lying on top of her with a glint in his eyes filled with lust and promise. Maybe this time, she wouldn't be let down.
She slid her hands down his back and was quickly pulling his jacket off of him. Her moves worked without the help of her mind. She instinctively knew what to do, what he liked, and what he wanted, but her mind was else where. This was so much more than just fucking him. There was the morning after to think about, the consequences that would come afterwards, but most of those warnings were disregarded. A part of her wanted to be with him, wanted to please him. Another part wondered what the Hell she thought she was doing. Nevertheless, a seductive smirk crept onto her face as he waited for her response.
It wasn't hard to tell that he was holding back just for this, just for her. Even in the heat of the moment, he would wait forever for her if he had to. It was one of the things she ended up enjoying the most about him. He was so patient when it counted... "If that's what you want, then just take it." Her words were just as sultry as her moves. The glint in his eyes changed, turned into something deeper, but it was gone too soon. She opened her mouth to say something more, but she was silenced when his lips pressed against hers.
Hands were gliding over their bodies, caressing, feeling, pleasuring. The feeling of her naked body pressed up against him was enticing for both of them. Cotton rubbing against flesh on both sides, it was the thinnest of walls between them. Even so, they needed to feel each other without the barrier of clothing separating them. Her fingers made quick work of unfastening each button as their lips met again and again in demanding kisses. Their actions were urgent only because of the previous built up tension and adrenalin. There was no need for them to rush, but neither wanted to slow down. It always felt better this way, always.
"Damnit," she cursed against his lips as she pulled at one of the buttons in the middle of his shirt. The damned thing was being stubborn by not being moved. He lowly chuckled, running his hands down her sides knowing that his actions were distracting her. It didn't matter; he loved messing with her like this. She was so cute when she was frustrated, and it was only over a simple piece of clothing. She tried a couple more times to get it undone while he was kissing her, but the button refused to stay in her grasp. With an agitated growl, she grabbed the open flaps of his shirt and ripped them apart, causing all the rest of the buttons to pop off.
Spike pulled away from her mouth to look down at his forced open shirt while still caressing her with his fingers. He didn't know that she would get that frustrated with the button. Maybe she was just as riled up about this as he was. The thought that she might actually get rough with him this time highly amused him. A tiny smile appeared on his face when he looked back up at her. "And I liked this shirt to…" Running her hands up his abdomen and chest, she glanced at him beneath her eyelids. Amusement turned back into lust for her. Damn that tempting vixen.
"Would you like me to stop? I could repair it for you." The tone that she used would have sounded sexy to him regardless of what she could have said. Spike was already like a tight wire ready to snap; she was just merely plucking at it. He grabbed her wrists with one of his hands and pinned them above her head. Pressing his hips down against hers, he kissed up her shoulder until he reached her ear. God, she tasted so good. It was like tasting a small bit of Heaven. He had missed this. How could he have gone this long without it?
"Never," he lightly murmured in her ear before gently biting down on her earlobe. Her body arched against his as he let go of her wrists and returned his hand to caressing her thigh. Her hands shot up to touch his body, tugging his shirt off his frame so that she could have better access to his skin. It slipped passed her that now everything turned into an urge, a desperate need. It was no longer a matter or wanting or desires. All of this was just as vital as air. He removed his hands from her to let the cotton material slide off, but as soon as it hit the ground, his hands were back on her silky skin.
He bent his head down to nip at her shoulder while running his hands up her back, causing her to be pulled closer to him. She sighed softly to herself as her hands moved down his sides until they landed on his waist. It was fully set in her mind then; his touch was blissful. With a tiny bit of effort, she pushed his hips back in an attempt to tell him to step away for a moment. With a slight frown on his face, he placed one last kiss on the crook of her neck before he moved away reluctantly. Spike's arms fell limp to his sides as he watched her kneel on the bed before him. His gaze never left her body as her long fingers reached out to undo the button on his pants.
He reached up with his hand to stroke her hair. It was so soft under his touch, yet still subtly damp from the shower she just took. Even from where he was standing, he could smell her signature scent of wild flowers on her. She was so constant and so random at the same time. With a soft chuckle, he said, "Try not to ruin my pants, Romani. I can go without a shirt, but explaining why I don't have pants will be a bit harder." She looked up at him with a forced frown on her face, but he could see the amusement in her eyes. This was all just an attempt to lighten up the mood, and to calm their nerves.
Silence overtook him as he watched Faye unbutton his pants. Everything that she did reminded him of having sex with her. Watching her undress him would always almost drive him to the point of saying, 'Fuck everything else,' before tearing off his own clothing and making her scream out his name. Just looking at her always did something for him. She was definitely a type of eye candy, the kind where just having a small taste of would never be enough. Eating out the whole damn factory wouldn't quench his thirst for her.
When she undid his pants, she placed her hands on his hips and slid his pants and boxers off his waist and legs. She knew that this part he always enjoyed especially slow. Every touch, every sensation was taken in by him. He was one that took his time on the finer details, enjoying every light touch and caress that he could feel from her. Prolonging this would only build up the excitement and make it just that much better for him. Faye didn't have to look up to know the look on his face. She could feel his desire in the air around him. She had no idea how much he was really holding himself back, but the thought made a smile tug at her lips.
Just as her hands came down to the top of his knees, he swiftly grabbed her wrists once again and pulled her off of him. Apparently, he was more impatient than she had anticipated. Stepping out of the pants, he kicked them behind him while keeping his gaze locked on her upturned face. When her gaze locked with his, he let her wrists slip from his fingers, not noticing how they fell limply in between her parted legs. He loved staring at her like this, with her hands between her thighs as she was sitting back on her heels. She looked so innocent, and it was only the experiences with her before that told him otherwise.
They were now fully exposed to each other with nothing to hide behind. Their eyes told the stories of the burdens their souls had gone through throughout their lives while expressing how much this really mattered to them. Their bodies expressed the desire and the need that they both had within them. Nothing was a secret anymore. There was no reason or need for it. They just simply understood each other in a way that no one else could possibly understand. Moments like this were so perfect, so much more than what they were going to do throughout the night.
He reached out a thin hand and cupped her cheek, lightly caressing it with his thumb. Pulling her toward him with that hand, he leaned over and pressed his mouth against hers, softly at first, but then it escalated into something greater, harder. It eventually became more desperate and demanding. He needed her like he had needed her before, but now he wanted her to be crying out against him as he took her to new heights. This was a shot at a new beginning; he would take it.
Now both of his hands came up to hold the sides of her face as her smaller fingers wrapped around his wrists. The kiss grew deeper as his tongue gently traced her lower lip, asking for permission to enter her mouth. She silently granted it as her lips slightly parted to let her tongue slide against his. Unlike most others, these kisses that they shared were never a battle; it was never meant to be a duel. It was something more, like a seductive dance that only they knew. It reminded him of how different she was from Julia. Julia might have understood his life and his heart, but Faye understood and captured the essence of everything else about him. Their fights were reserved for their words; their kisses were meant for purely bonding.
He pulled her face away from his slowly, just enough so that he could stare right into her jade eyes with his mismatched ones. Her orbs were wide and darkened with lust. There was so much to catch up on, and the look in her eyes reminded him of what it was like, of what she would do to drive him completely to the edge, but never pushing him off. The image was so strong, so powerful. He needed to see her do it again.
"Faye," he whispered to her. Her eyes were still locked onto his not blinking. The difference between his two eyes seemed to glare at her in the face again. They were always so hauntingly beautiful. "Do you know what I want from you right now?" She was confused. What was he trying to ask of her? She searched his eyes for any clues, trying to go over memories of what they had done before to get an idea. She was at a loss for words. Before she could ask what he was talking about, her mouth snapped shut when the realization hit her.
After a second passed, her lips quirked up into a smirk. "Didn't know you still liked that." He brushed his lips against her again while sliding his hands down her neck onto her shoulders. He pushed down on her slightly, causing her to sit on her heels once again. Pulling her legs from beneath her, she laid down on her bed with her back touching the mattress. All his motions were met with no resistance. This was a showing of trust and remembrance. He ran his fingers down her hips, thighs, and all the way to her knees before gently pushing them open. The smile he gave her was seductive yet genuine only adding to the reaction in her that his husky voice caused.
"I could never get tired of watching you."
The feeling of Spike's eyes on her only made the moment more intense. Goddamn, she loved that stare. She trailed her hands over her own chest, down her stomach, and onto the inside of her pale thighs. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back and let out a soft moan. She felt completely exposed to him, but in a deliciously good way. Faye was extremely sensitive, and his eyes were only making it worse. They both had enjoyed this the last time that it had happened, and now that the emotions were barely being controlled, she had no idea what this would eventually cause. Slowly, so that she knew Spike was watching her every move, she moved her hand lower and slid two fingers inside of herself.
To say that Spike was a voyeur would be an understatement. Faye couldn't describe how many times she had to do something for him while he sat back and watched. She couldn't complain though; she loved every minute of it. What made it even more pleasurable was when he decided to touch her in the middle of her act, not necessarily bothering what she was doing, but just enough to heighten the feeling of it. It never lasted long enough for her to climax, but that only added to it. This was one of the things she didn't know that she missed so much.
He was looming over her, leisurely dragging his eyes over her lithe frame. His eyes mainly lingered on her face, but he couldn't help but drink in the sight of her. She was beautiful, sexual, sensual… perfect. For the longest time, he was afraid to touch her in fear of shattering the vision before him, but temptation took over, and it wasn't long before his hands glided up her legs to feel her smooth skin. For every moment that she would make this last, he would make her moan once when he finally took her. That was a silent promise he made to himself, one that he would happily carry out.
Biting on her lip, she tried quieting moan after moan that came from her mouth. What she was doing to herself didn't cause this reaction; it was his damnable eyes. The sensation of his eyes moving along his skin was more incredible than his hands that were actually on her. By how his hands constantly tensed and relaxed, she knew that he was dying to kiss her, but he didn't want to look away. She knew he wouldn't look away until he was tired of her teasing. Just by being with him for as many times as she had, she knew that point wouldn't be too far off from now.
It was too much. Seeing her like this after so long was bringing him to his breaking point much faster than normal. He wanted to make it last, but his impatience was slowly taking over. He felt so desperate, but he couldn't deny that he still enjoyed every moment of it. Watching her was always one of his favorite things to her with her. She could be so stimulating and entertaining at the same time. Disturbing her now would be like ruining poetry in motion. Still, there was one more thing that he needed to do.
Leaning over her, he stroked her sides with his fingertips and breathed against her neck causing her body to shudder. Brushing his lips against her jaw, he quietly said to her, "You have no idea how good you look like that." She whimpered at his words. The feeling in the pit of her stomach had already started to build a long time ago. Trying to hold herself back was now a much more difficult task than it originally was. It really had been a long time since she had let something like this happen to her. Her eyes were staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to speak to her again. "What exactly do you want now, Faye?" His hands moved down to her waist, tenderly massaging the skin there.
She kept looking straight at the ceiling with almost blank eyes. She was so close to climaxing that she could almost reach out and feel it. His words were the only thing connecting her to reality, but even they were maddening. She wanted release. She wanted to be complete. She wanted… she wanted… "You," she suddenly cried out as he pulled her hands away from her body and replaced her fingers with his own. Damned, she was still lingering over the edge, but it wasn't enough to make her go over. He was doing this purposely. He always tortured her like this on purpose. His fingers weren't moving at the same speed that hers were before. They were going slower, casually causing her to move away from the edge of ecstasy.
He smiled to himself, loving her responses. He could tell that she was pretty close to finishing right there, but he had other plans for his funny Valentine. Moving his fingers only a tiny bit faster, he breathed into her ear, "If you want me, you know you're going to have to beg for it, Faye." The cool and calmness of his voice surprised even himself. It was rare that he had this much control over himself at a moment like this, but he was thankful for it. It got his point across to the woman beneath him. She was squirming slightly, causing her body to rub against him. For that second, his composure cracked.
"Spike," she hissed between clenched teeth. She didn't know how much longer she could hold up, but she also knew that he was going to be true to his word on this. He could be so damn sadistic at times, and he always was when it came to this. She clutched his wrist in her hands, not stopping his hand or slowing it down, just merely holding it. Faye wanted to go along with it, but the sensation of his fingers moving inside her was too much. Thinking properly became a hard task; she knew only one thing. She needed it, needed him…
"Beg for it, Faye," he spoke in a harsh whisper. He drove his fingers deeper in her, making his demand perfectly clear to her muddled mind. He merely prayed that she would comply soon. He had been watching her too long, and he was now probably just as close to climaxing as she was. Her cry was not missed nor over looked. This was how he liked to have her. Spike wasn't a control freak by any means, but just seeing her like this was amazing. It was almost impossible to describe.
She tried moving her hips to get more of that friction and feeling that she loved, but the hand that was still on her waist stopped her from moving. Damn him for not letting her move! He should have known how much of an ache she was feeling right then. It was an almost primal urge. A grunt of frustration came from her before another moan escaped past her lips. This was beyond torture. Why wouldn't he just let her let go?
"Dear God!" she screamed out when he buried another finger into her body while forcing the other two deeper into her. Light was starting to flash across her vision, but she didn't want to let go just yet. She couldn't wait any longer. Finally, her control just snapped. She was tired of his games, no matter how intense and how good it felt. She had waited nearly three and a half years for this day, and she would be damned if she didn't get what she wanted because of some fetish that he had. She pushed his upper body away from hers, not enough so that his fingers left her, but enough so that there was now space between them. He looked down at her with a surprised and confused look on his face.
Reaching up, she grabbed the tie that was still limply hanging around his neck and pulled his head down with it. His face was a mere inches from hers, but now their eyes were aligned. In her eyes, he saw everything she was feeling and understood. He had pushed her too far, but that didn't mean that he regretted a moment of it. He loved what he did to her too much to regret it. Because he knew that she couldn't see his mouth from that angle, he let a large grin spread across his face. This was too perfect; she was incredible.
"Fuck you and your childish games, Spiegel!" Faye yelled in his face between clenched teeth. "Stop trying to fuck with my mind and just give me what I Goddamn want!" Before she could say another word, he ripped the tie out of her hand and off his neck before he closed the distance between their lips. He gave off a possessive and feral growl as he swiftly withdrew his fingers from her body, threw the stupid tie on the floor, and grabbed her wrists. Before she could even react, she found her hands pinned on the pillow above her head and his other hand back on her waist. What was once frustration on her face melted into shock at the speed of his movements. If she wanted this so badly, that was exactly what he was planning on giving her.
Positioning himself so that his hips were just hovering over hers, he looked down into her eyes. Her eyes were still defiant, but there was a light in them that it was her way of begging for it. An almost sadistic smile was on his face, but instead of scaring her, it only caused excitement. "If you insist, my Romani..." For an instant, there was nothing said or done, and the silence overtook them. It was peaceful, yet tense. They were only stalling what was meant to happen. With no warning, he harshly thrusted into her; his eyes were completely still while intently watching her face. Her head snapped back as a scream was ripped from her throat. His rough entry surprised her, but the close mixture of pain and pleasure was nearly mind-blowing. This is what she had longed for, the feeling of being filled, being completed because of him. It had been too long… way too long.
The tightness and heat that enveloped him was the only thing that caused him to stop after he entered her. He didn't remember her ever being this tight. Briefly, he wondered how long she had gone without sex, but he had a distinct feeling that she had lived without it for all three years. If he weren't buried inside of her, he would have felt surprised and more guilt for what she had mentally and emotionally been through, but the tightness of her snuggly wrapped around him coaxed him out of thinking about anything other than what he was feeling. It felt so damn good, better than he remember. It felt like he was taking a virgin all over again.
Slowly, he began to move within her. Had they not already been so close to the edge and so eager to get lost in one another, they would have been sharing hushed words between them, heightening the passion that was already there. Now, they were too far along to give a damn about talking. All they wanted was to just drown in this feeling, this sensation of being surrounded by each other. Every thrust was made just one notch faster, one step deeper, and harder. Soon, her moans and cries were filling the room, almost completely silencing his harsh breaths and softer sighs.
His lips were frantically kissing her body anywhere that he could reach. He needed to taste her, all of her, but he didn't want to silence her at the same time. He needed to hear the sounds. Her noises only provoked him to do more to her than what he was already doing. He wanted to just run his hands all over her body touching her everywhere, but they were planted on the bed beneath her, hands bunched up in fists with the white sheets clenched between his fingers.
Her hands gripped his back tightly with her nails digging and dragging across his flesh. She would end up leaving scars like the ones that she left before, but she didn't care. Every movement he made tempted her to scream out in pleasure. Everything in her body felt like it was on fire. Her legs were wound around his waist, only squeezing him tighter after every thrust. He filled her so well. How had she almost denied herself of this pleasure? One of her hands slid into his hair and grabbed a fistful of it as she cried out again. She didn't want this to end. She wanted it to last forever.
Sweat was starting to cling to their bodies as their pace increased. How they happed to hold out for this long, neither one knew, but the fact that they did was all that mattered. The longer it lasted, the higher they climbed, closer and closer to the top; the view of the peak was so close. Each time he buried himself in her, a shockwave of pleasure would hit his body. The end was coming soon, but he wasn't physically close enough to her. She was still somehow out of his reach.
Suddenly, he pulled her toward him so that they were both sitting upright. His mouth closed over hers in a fierce kiss as his hands moved up from her hips onto her back. His strong fingers were stroking her skin; she clung to him with her arms wrapped around him as tightly as they would go. Tongues moved together once again as they kept moving in unison. Each movement one made was mirrored by the other as their passion rose. This was it; this is where he wanted it to end. He clenched his teeth together tightly before plunging into her with one last, hard thrust. Then, she snapped.
Breaking the kiss, she leaned her head back and screamed out his name when she finally went over the edge. Her climax was long; it almost seemed unending. All the muscles in her body tensed and spasmed. She could vaguely feel her fingers press deeper into his skin, but she didn't care. The feeling was just so amazing. When he felt her muscles close down around him, he soon followed her into ecstasy. He held her tighter to his body as he placed his head in the crook of her neck. His hot breathing silently played over her skin as he rode the crest of his climax. It all felt so damn good, too good to be true. This was the release that they had been searching for.
After a few minutes, the pleasure slowly ebbed, and they were left holding onto each other with sweating and shivering bodies. His hand lightly rubbed her back, feeling the muscles there bunch and flex with every breath. A tired yet satisfied smile spread across Spike's lips as he calmly listened to Faye's still erratic breathing. It had always felt good to hold her in his arms like this in the end. It was a sign of peace and comfort that he often looked for; he just never thought he would find it with her. Now, all the fights were over, words were forgotten, and actions were forgiven; everything went back to how it had been before. All the tension and previous stress was gone.
The storm had finally ended.
As he began to slowly pull away, Faye pulled him back toward her body before burying her head against his neck. Her breath still scorched his flesh, but in a way that relaxed him. "Don't leave me," she mumbled into his skin. Dear God, she didn't mean to make it sound as desperate as it had. She didn't want to admit it, but she needed him. She needed him not to run away from her for just one night. It would change everything, and maybe she would start to forgive him and herself for all that had happened.
He didn't say anything, but he didn't make a move either. Spike still had a muddled mind after what happened. Not knowing what she was talking about left him confused; his eyebrows drew close together as he thought about her words. He suddenly felt a drop of water fall onto his shoulder trail over his shoulder and down onto his chest. There wasn't anything leaking so that could only mean that… she was crying? He wanted to look at her, but she just wrapped her arms around him tighter as her body lightly trembled.
"I don't care what you do tomorrow," she whispered with her voice shaking, "just stay with me tonight." She was nervous, so nervous that he would just walk away. Even if he didn't now, what if he left before she woke up again? She had just offered herself to him, and she prayed that he wouldn't just flat out disappear again. The emotional rush that she was having was too strong. She wouldn't be able to take rejection. He reached a hand up and gently stroked her hair. He wasn't going to leave, anyway. He was going to stay from now on. No more running away.
Lifting his head, he planted a soft kiss on the top of her violet hair. She was still shaking in his arms, but the kiss seemed to have calmed her some. "I told you that I wasn't going to-" she looked up at him with wide eyes that were filled with tears, and then his voice died in his throat. Faye didn't know that the tears were silently falling down her cheeks. The only thing she could feel and see was him, nothing more, nothing less. The look on her face worried him. Is this what he had done? Had staying with her really meant that much?
"Please," she managed to choke out, "just tell me that you'll stay." If he said no, she was going to panic; she could tell. She didn't want him leaving her again. That much was certain. It was then that she realized she was crying; she was actually crying over this. The tears clung to her face, but she was afraid that if she let him go to wipe them away, he would get up and just disappear. Normally, she was never this emotional, but all her feelings had escalated beyond her control. She couldn't help it. She couldn't help how weak she felt.
With a small smile on his face, he reached up and brushed a tear away from her cheek. She really was beautiful… "Okay. I'll stay…"
Spike couldn't sleep. He had been awake for two hours since Faye had drifted off to the dream world. Since then, he had just been sitting there with too much on his mind and that woman in his arms. He knew somewhere in the back of his head that it was approaching six in the morning. Restlessness had taken over him, and there wasn't a single part of his body that was in the least bit tired. Normally he would have gotten up to watch TV or something of the like, but the warmth of her body was too cozy.
For the last two hours, he had been doing a couple of things. One of them was wondering about what had happened to this woman that was now lying in his arms. She seemed so different this time than what he had remembered, but did he ever really know her in the first place? She never really opened up to him, and the one time she had tried, it was already too late. By the time she was ready to fully let go off everything she was holding in, he had already decided what he had to do before that. Somehow he knew if he had stayed behind to fully listen to her, he wouldn't have left.
He softly stroked a piece of hair out of her face as he glanced down at her. That was another thing he had been doing; he had been watching her sleep for almost the full two hours. She had never looked that peaceful before. He had watched her sleep many times, but even then, her body showed the tension in her dreams. Maybe it was because even in them she was fighting to reclaim her past. Now, she had that. How long had she been sleeping this soundly? Maybe today was the first day in a long time; it was possible that her memories could have made her only more disturbed. Now was different, though. She didn't move, didn't flinch, but he did notice that every time he moved away, her whole body would tense.
Not knowing why, he kept running his fingers up and down the smooth skin on her back. As soothing as the feeling of her flesh might have been, his mind was still unsettled. Over time, he found that that had been occurring more often. Now, it was her words that were deeply unnerving to him. The conversation that they had right before she had fallen asleep was still fresh in his mind. The words kept rushing through his mind; each time he tried to gain more from it. Each time he did gain something that he didn't like.
"Faye…"
"Yea?"
"I… What… what happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've changed so much… I was just wondering what caused it."
"… You did."
"…"
"Spike, I was lost for a long time after you left. I had such inner conflict with myself because of what- … because of this. I hated myself for letting it happen, and I hated you for running off like you did. You were the only person that even came close to understanding me… I needed you, and you just left for a life you were supposed to give up a long time ago."
"Faye…"
"Don't look at me like that. I hate it when people give me that look, especially you and Jet. It's okay… I'm better now. A life with and without you has taught me a lot."
"… I'm sor-"
"I don't want to hear it now. Please, I like everything how it is. Leave the past where it should be and just hold me. If you want to… you can forget that this had even happened in the morning if… that's what you really want. Just let me have this now…"
"Okay."
She had fallen asleep only moments after the conversation had ended. His eyes never left her figure since. Every new thing that he found out only made him feel worse for what he did. There was always guilt, and after hearing this, there would always be guilt, but never regret. He left to do what he had to do. It didn't matter to him if they happened to understand that or not. Settling the score with Vicious was his life, his problem. They had been dragged in too deeply in it as it was.
But now all that was over. He was left with this new, fragmented life that held no promises, only small glimmers of hope. It was hard to describe how he really felt about the whole situation. A part of his mind still felt uncomfortable with the idea of staying like this with Faye. It gave off such a strong impression that wasn't really true. It made them seem like lovers, but they were more like two lost souls that found comfort in each other. Not love, but just comfort.
As close as Jet was to both Faye and himself, he knew that Jet would never understand what he and Faye shared. To everyone else, it would just seem like they shared their bed together and then fought for the rest of the day. This is what was so hard about the affair. It always sent out the wrong messages, the very wrong ones. Still, he knew as well as she did that they merely fought out of habit, and maybe people would understand that. It was always the other part of their relationship that people might question. They might not have known, but he found himself with her like this because he was trying to find something to hold on to. She gave him a momentary sense of peace, a sense of self. That was all he needed.
He didn't know what he had to offer Faye, nor if he even had anything to offer her at all. Maybe it was the same connection that made her close to him. Maybe she was finding in him the same thing he found in her. One who has suffered pain and then was forced to carry the weight alone, it was what they shared. Faye needed someone to be there for her so much more than he needed someone for himself. He was used to being a loner; she wasn't as comfortable with it. It was why she kept on coming back every time she had left.
She lightly shifted in his arms, pressing her face more into his chest. Her body was so warm against his; it would have been the only thing that would be enough to cause him to go to sleep, that and her soft rhythmic breathing. It moved and danced across his skin, causing small goose bumps to rise every time she exhaled. Her arms were loosely draped over his waist while her legs were entangled with his. His legs and arms were starting to fall asleep, but he didn't care. Waking her up wasn't a bright move, and he liked how they were. Sometimes they really did look and feel like lovers.
He didn't want to disturb her, but he had to get up and move. Just lying there wasn't helping his mind, and his limbs were starting to get that numb and tingly sensation in them. Before he began to move to get up, a thought came across his mind. It would leave the wrong impression on her if he got up and left without telling her. He had a feeling that if he were to get up, he was going to be gone for a while. But after looking down at the sleeping woman, he didn't really want to wake her up either for two reasons. She looked too good like this, and she was never really a morning person.
Still lying on the bed, he started to think up several different solutions of how to get out of this situation in the least harmful way. Waking her up wasn't the hard part; it was finding a way to wake up that would almost be completely painless. That part was difficult. Thought after thought was thrown out of his head. Nothing seemed to satisfy him, until one idea came to him. It was bizarre, most likely the weirdest one that he had come up with, but it was just crazy enough to work. If he was lucky, it would be a win-win situation for everyone.
Slowly, he detached himself from her body before he was on his hands and knees above her. He knew that his motions would wake her up, which is why he had to act quickly and get her full attention. A low groan came from her as she groggily woke up. The loss of heat from his figure was surely enough to rouse her from her sleep. Turning her head toward him, she opened her eyes halfway and glared at him.
She was in the middle of such a good dream. Why'd he have to go and move like that? "Spike, what are yo-" Her words were cut off sharply when she felt his fingers quickly slide into her without warning. Her back arched and lifted off the bed as a low gasp escaped from her lips. What the Hell? It felt like it was still early in the morning, almost way too early in the morning for this. What was he doing up? She wanted to be mad at him for waking her up so soon, but the feeling of his fingers that rhythmically moved in and out of her quelled her anger.
He couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched the reactions that passed over her face. It was like he could read all her emotions. She was confused, annoyed, and yet enjoying ever second of it. There was always just something special about teasing Faye that he enjoyed. This was no exception. Even though he wanted to stay there and watch her, he knew that he had to go off and think by himself for a period of time. Damn all the things that are actually important. He drove his fingers deeper into her, trying to bring her a quick release.
"Faye," he huskily whispered in her ear. She only whimpered in response as her hands were roughly clutching at his flesh. "Faye, I have to go for a little bit. I'll be back, but I wanted to tell you. I hope you're… enjoying this little wake up call I'm giving you." She moaned in response. This really was starting to be too fun to just walk away from. Grabbing his head, she pulled his lips down to meet hers in a demanding kiss. Damned, she was starting to get him worked up enough to just ravish her. As much as he would enjoy a morning quickie, he didn't have time for it. Maybe if she was up for one later, that would be a completely different story.
When a final thrust of his fingers took her over the edge, he bit down on her lip while kissing her to silence her cries. As much as he loved to hear her sounds, he knew that it was highly possible that Jet could have been awake by now; he didn't want him to say or do anything about it until Spike was fully ready for it. He pulled away from her when her voice finally died down, noticing the glazed look that was in her eyes. Her eyes slowly closed as she let out a long sigh. It was obvious that what she just experienced was nothing mind shattering like it was last night, but at least it did do a good job of serving its purpose.
With a last kiss on her head, he slowly moved off of her. Laughing to himself, he saw how she had fallen right back asleep. It was just so… cute. Jet told him once how easily Faye could just pass out like that. Hearing about it was one thing, but seeing is truly believing. She was just something else. He quickly scanned the room for his pants before pulling them onto his body. With one last look at Faye, he left the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself.
Pulling the pack of cigarettes and the box of matches from his pocket, he placed a cigarette between his lips before lighting it and taking a long drag. Nothing like a good cancer-stick to clear one's mind while it fogs his lungs. He slowly made his way to the giant window that they had on the ship. It was the one that he constantly went to whenever he needed a break from everything else. Something about it just called out to him in more ways than one. He stared out into space, feeling at ease with the quiet darkness. Taking another drag, he sighed as the wisps of smoke curled and moved around his head.
So, now what was there to do? The passionate sex that he had with Faye last night seemed to have partially closed the gap between them, but he would be a fool if he thought this would solve everything. He wasn't stupid; they still had a long way to go, but what was there to do? They had taken the first big step, but it never promised that everything would start falling back into place because of it. It would just stop their fighting for a short while. Even though that part of it was still good, something just told him that momentary peace just wasn't good enough.
Why did everything have to be so hard for him? His eyes closed as he folded his arms in front of his chest, enjoying the cigarette. This always helped to calm his stressed out nerves. It wasn't long before the next important question drifted into his mind. What did he think of Faye now? For some reason, his opinions of her felt different, but he couldn't quite put his finger on how. He felt responsible and drawn to the jade-eyed woman. Still, she was an enigma to him. When did she become so attached to him? When did the fact she had become important? If she didn't want to be close to him, he would have been upset. But why?
This was too big of an issue for him to try to sort out on his own. He wasn't used to having serious problems like this. If you couldn't kill it or blow it up to make it go away, then he was completely barren for ideas. Reaching out, he leaned against the glass window, gazing out into the blackness of space. Looking out at the nothingness was like looking at himself. For the most part, there was just emptiness, holes and rifts caused by past experiences making him far too bitter. But then there were these lights that shined so brilliantly within him. Sparks of life that were so small, yet so hot, like finding a couple rare diamonds among mass piles of coal. It was what made him beautiful in a way, what made him completely stand out.
Still, trying to figure himself out wasn't the problem here. His problem lied within his future with Faye. As much as he wanted to pull out a random answer from the air and hope that it was the right one, he knew things would never be that simple. This was a task he needed help with, her help. When Faye officially woke up, he would actually get his chance to talk to her; he would make sure of that. With a light shudder running through his body, he stroked his arms in a hurried motion to cause heat. Damnit, why was the ship so cold?
"Can I finally go to bed now without worrying about you two ripping out each other's throats, or do I have to lock you both in different rooms for the rest of our lives?" a gruff voice said behind Spike. He turned around and found Jet standing behind him with his arms crossed over his chest. By the looks of it, the bags under his eyes were from a lack of sleep. Spike pulled the cigarette from his mouth and placed one of his hands in his pockets. His trade mark smirk appeared on his face.
"And what were you doing up so late, old man?" he asked while taking a few steps closer to Jet. Jet's eyes narrowed at his partner. He didn't know how much of a bitch it truly had been to find an open hotel at one thirty in the morning, just so that he could get away. He woke up around the time that they started arguing and knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to stick around. Even so, he had been up all night, and he was in no mood for Spike's teasing bullshit right now.
"Since you two children can't seem to get along without wanting to kill one another, I had to take Ed, Ein, and myself off the ship to make sure that we didn't get stuck in the crossfire. The two of you can yell way too damn loud, that's for sure." Spike only could chuckle at the angry look on Jet's face. A part of him was relieved in some way. All Jet thought was that a fight had broken out, nothing more. This was somewhat of a small blessing for him, but knowing his luck, he wouldn't be reckless enough to take it for granted. If only Jet knew what had really happened; he probably would have left the ship just because of the sounds they made after the fight had ended.
Spike calmly smoked on his cigarette while he, for the most part, ignored Jet. He didn't really mean to ignore him, but his mind was too inverted to catch everything that the man was saying. "If it makes you feel any better, I can't really say that I slept all that much either." Jet raised his eyebrow at the younger man. What would cause him to stay up all night? Had their fight really gone that badly? From what he could tell, Spike looked almost completely worn out.
"Can't really say that it does." Spike grunted in response. "Is Faye okay?" Jet suddenly asked. He grabbed the pack out of Spike's hand when he removed it from his pocket. Sticking one between his lips, he felt around in his pockets for a lighter after tossing the pack back to Spike. If anyone else but Jet had done that, Spike would have shot him, but when you've been with one person as long as Spike and Jet have been together, you let small things like that slide. When Jet figured out that he didn't have a lighter on him, Spike offered him his matches, but he declined. Bringing his metal fingers close to the tip of the cigarette, he snapped quickly. The sparks from the pieces of metal moving against each other managed to somehow light the cigarette.
Spike stared at Jet in subtle amazement as he smoked his cigarette. "Faye's fine; she's sleeping in her room." He paused for a second, giving Jet another weird look. He must have really been tired. Small stuff like that shouldn't have been able to puzzle and surprise him as much as it did. "I didn't know you could do that." Jet shrugged and pulled the stick away from his lips as a cloud of smoke emerged from his mouth and nose.
"You didn't ask." Spike nodded as they stood in silence while smoking. They weren't really staring at anything in specific, but they weren't exactly spaced out. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up with both of them, making their thoughts and movements more sluggish. Jet was still partially pissed off that he had wasted so much time and money on looking for a place to stay for the night only to end up where he started off at. Spike was deep in thought about his whole issue with Faye. The silence started to get under his skin. Beginning to walk away, Spike patted Jet on the shoulder.
"I think I'm going to go crash on the couch instead of in my room. I'll catch you later." Jet smirked to himself. If Spike was really planning on doing that, he was going to be met with a nice surprise. If he weren't so tired, he would have let Spike try to sleep on the couch, but he was far too sleepy to put up with the chance of Spike flipping out. Spike was too noisy and bitchy for his own good sometimes.
"Don't bother," Jet called out to him. Spike stopped and turned his head around to look at his partner with his eyebrow raised. "Ed's sleeping there." Damn that girl for moving into his favorite spots! This wasn't the first time that it had happened, but she had a room… kinda. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly a room since it was a closet, but it was a sleeping space, nonetheless. Throwing his hands up in the air, Spike let out an exasperated sigh. He dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath his boot before agitatedly stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Fine," he grumbled, "to the bedroom it is." He left the room leaving Jet standing there, still puffing on his unfinished butt. With only the sound of his soft breathing and his bare feet patting against the ground, he made his way back to his room. This was all just too damn annoying. He had stayed up way too late, and he was too tired for this. He really wanted to sleep on the couch. But Ed was there, and now he had to go back to his room and-
Coming to a sudden stop, he turned around and headed back to Faye's room. He had almost forgotten about her. It wouldn't have gone over well with her if he didn't reappear like he promised that he would. Damned, he really had stayed awake too long for him to think straight. Quietly entering her room, he softly closed the door behind him. Sliding his pants off again, he climbed back into her bed and wrapped his arms around her. She instantly cuddled closer into his embrace and placed her head on his shoulder. She was still asleep through it all, but the way she moved made him think that she was awake. Either way, she looked so calm, so happy like this. He smiled softly to himself.
He cupped her cheek and gently stroked the soft skin with his thumb. For just a second, it didn't feel wrong. For just that moment, it seemed so right to have her in his arms like this. Fatigue and weariness made that realization go unnoticed to him. Things might have turned out differently if he had noticed then. He did know one thing, though. After looking at her like this, he knew today wouldn't be the last time he would see her serenity.
"I don't want to forget this…"