Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and I own no other reference to anything else.

Ahem, due to the fact that I am too lazy for my own good it took forever to type this chapter. Yes, it was already written, just not typed. I will try to post chapter three in about a month.
Chapter 2: The Big Purple Dinosaur

It surprised Harry when he and Hagrid arrived in a grungy looking little pub. It surprised Harry even more when they let him in. Secretly he considered that maybe he was really older than he originally thought. When Harry strode into the room he was swarmed like a hive of angry bees.

"Bless my word, it's Harry Potter," a voice exclaimed amazed. Hagrid dragged Harry through the throng of people. They came upon a man with a purple turban.

"Oh, 'ello professor. Didn't see you there." Harry stared at the man. He reminded him of someone familiar...someone evil...BARNEY!

"Y-you're Barney," Harry stuttered.

"T-that's my Animagi form," the professor stuttered back. "M-my n-name is Quirrell." Harry eyed the man before him suspiciously. Yes, there was definitely something off about him, too, besides the fact that his Animagi form was Barney. Harry inwardly shuddered at the thought of the big purple dinosaur before going back to his previous thoughts. He had it!

"That turban went out of style five minutes ago," Harry said nodding his head, proud that he had found the error. The professor squeaked and dove under the nearest table. Harry looked at Hagrid who shrugged. The two continued onward until they came to a large brick wall.

"Darn, what was that password?" Hagrid wondered aloud, stroking his beard. "Hmm...Applejacks! No...peach cobbler!" This went on for several minutes before Hagrid remembered that it wasn't a vocal password at all.

"After the two of them had finally made it into Diagon Alley, Hagrid and Harry went into Gringotts.

"What the heck are those things? Trolls?" Harry asked gesturing to the small, ugly beings brutally stamping...well, whatever it is that they stamp. The two of them walked up to the head honcho dude while Hagrid explained that they weren't trolls at all, but really goblins that could be really really mean if they wanted.

"We'd like to make a withdrawal, please, for Mister Harry Potter."

"And does Mister Harry Potter have his key?" the goblin asked, leaning forward.

"Oh! Here it is," Hagrid said as he pulled out...a rubber ducky. "Wait'a'minute, it's in here somewhere." And thus, the Great Key Search began.

It was after they had managed to find the key and were on their way down to the vaults did Harry realize that maybe; just maybe, it wasn't such a good idea to eat those nicked crumpets a few hours before.

"I am soooo going to be sick," he moaned as he put his head on his knees and tried to block out all sound. It didn't seem that Hagrid was fairing any better. The whoosh and fast moving cart apparently had the same effects on Yeti's.

After they had spent some time ogling over how much gold Harry's Parents had left him, he and Hagrid went to a different vault. This vault was in top security and when the cart pulled to a stop Harry was waiting with baited breath.

The goblin ran his long finger down the door making a horrible sound that resembled a person running their fingers down a chalkboard.

"Ah! It burns!" Harry screamed reeling on the floor. He squirmed around and held his hands to his head. After he had recovered from his attack he stood and looked as the door opened, creaking the whole time.

"This whole book is centered around that?" Harry asked wrinkling his nose and gesturing to a grubby brown, little package.

"Yep," replied Hagrid. "Just don't tell anyone...even though we all know you'll spill the enchiladas to Ron and Hermione." Hagrid muttered the last part to himself. Harry's eyebrows shot up.

"Me?!" he asked surprised. "You're the one who tells everybody! ...And who are Ron and Hermione?!" he exclaimed narrowing his eyes. Hagrid just shook his head.

"This will be the death of me," he stated sadly.

The ride up wasn't any better than the ride down and Harry swore he say a lightning bug down one of the tunnels because there was a pretty flaming glow.

"Okay Harry, I'm going to go...err...somewhere else and you go get your wand." Harry nodded his head vigorously and skipped off to the wand department store where he could pick out a wand to match his hot little buttocks.

A pale man came from the back room when he arrived in the thirteen floor wand department store, 'Vander's Hot and Spicy Wands. Harry looked around the store in interest.

"Hello," the elderly man said, "I wondered when I'd be seeing you here." The ghostly man peered at Harry with his light blue eyes. "It seems just like yesterday your mother and father were in here buying their first wands."

And with that, the man went into a flashback, as often old people do. A small boy that looked peculiarly like Harry was zipping around the room zapping things with a wand, an evil look smeared across his face. James Potter turned around and pointed the wand at a small redhead. She screeched as her hair turned turquoise and tackled James to the floor, screaming for him to change it back.

"Ah, yes. It was suck an eventful time. Lily and James Potter; what a wonderful couple they were." Harry nodded his head unsure of what to do for he had little experience with reminiscing old people.

"Well, now to get to your wand," the man said, suddenly very perky. He glided happily over a shelf and took a wand out of its box. "Like a shoe, it should fit perfectly," he said giddily. Harry looked at him incredulously, but said nothing.

He handed Harry the wand, but Harry did nothing, but stare so 'Vander exclaimed, "Well, Give it a wave."

Harry jumped and did as told. He flung his arm around crazily and 'Vander had to duck to save his eye from being skewered from its socket. The wand did work its magic though. Harry successfully made a vase shatter.

"I did it!" He said ecstatic.

'Vander blinked slowly and cautiously moved closer to the insane child. "That wasn't supposed to happen." Harry's face fell.

"Oh," he mumbled, disappointed.

After going through all thirteen floors of 'Vander's Hot and Spicy Wands, Harry and 'Vander had just about given up; Harry because it was taking too long and his attention span was giving out and 'Vander because he could no longer see through his left eye.

'Vander decided to give it one more try as he remembered there was a wand in the back storage room. He went back to get it and when he came out, handed it to the messy haired boy.

As soon as the wand was in his grasp a mysterious light shone upon his shiny, shiny hair.

"Thanks Bob!" The camera zoomed in on the special effects guy. Bob gave a thumbs up sign and winked, making all the ladies swoon for he was incredibly good looking. So much more good looking than Harry, who was just plain hot even with his wild hair and geeky glasses. Little did they all know Bob was going to be playing the American exchange student. And the Canadian exchange student. And the French. And the Australian. And a couple more that nobody really cared about.

Back to Harry—Harry was being wind-blown and light-shined. He suddenly burst into the catchy, "Oh oh, it's magic. Ya know-ow-ow."

A horrible place to cut it off, I know. This chapter was originally supposed to be a little over 2,000 words, but I felt bad for not updating. The next chapter will just be a bit longer. Thank you everyone who reviewed! Please remember to review!