Author's Note: Okay, chapter two is up. It took two weeks to update and I'm sorry for that, I was internalizing hoping I would be able to recover my writer's block from my story Stolen Hearts. Anyway, this chapter is kinda long, about 7 pages, so I hope it could compensate for the time you waited.
READ THIS OR YOU'LL NOT BE ALLOWED TO FLAME ME. THIS STORY IS SET AFTER THE WHOLE STORY OF THE YU YU HAKUSHO MINUS THE PROMISE OF YUUSUKE TO KEIKO THAT HE'LL COME BACK AND MARRY HER AFTER THREE YEARS. IN SHORT, IN THIS STORY, YUUSUKE HADN'T CONFESSED (AND DIDN'T KNOW YET) HIS FEELINGS FOR OUR KEIKO.
Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 2: Slowly Changing
I wasn't overreacting that day and I know I haven't when the whole school had known about you and Miruni. I'm sorry but I still can't bear to be friendly with her much less say her first name. You might think that I'm overreacting and acting very immaturely but, so what? I don't really give a damn.
On the contrary, I really do. I do really care wherever you're concerned. I was doomed to love you and I was doomed to suffer. I wanted to weep. But not in front of all these people. Not in front of the whole school that believed I am strong enough to let you go.
I don't know if all of them are that stupid or I'm just a good actress. But I don't really care about them. I have never lived up with their expectation when I befriended you anyway. Why bother now?
"Hey," Niki Osake greeted as she sat down on the chair beside me. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Wanna talk about what?" I asked, not really into the conversation.
"Why your baka bestfriend hurt you the way he did," she said bluntly, just the way she is – blunt. Of course, you knew that, we'd been friends with Niki, Meia, and Hina since we were fourth grade. But I am the one closer to them since I'm also a girl.
I looked at her and sighed. Obviously, I didn't fool her. Not that I want to, I want to be honest with her and tell her how I really feel about the whole situation but I don't want her pity. I don't want her to know how pathetically I'm being because of you. I don't want anyone to know.
"It came off as a surprise," I said a little bit too nonchalantly and shrugged. But you know what? I want to tell her that I'm cursing you every second of the day especially when some students dared enough to look at me strangely as if they want to say 'look what Urameshi had done to her after years of friendship. He'd suddenly betrayed her for her arch enemy."
I heard her sigh and stood up to face me. "Let's go somewhere private," she told me and offered me her hand. I didn't take it; instead, I stared at it dumbly.
"Why?" I asked, my voice so low I can't almost hear myself.
"To talk, you stupid girl," she said and ruffled my hair just to annoy me. She's provoking me and she knows I'm trying hard to control my temper. She called me stupid, blast her!
"Isn't this place good enough for you?" I asked again, understanding so little and not really wanting to understand at all.
"Sure. It depends on you. If you want the whole world to see you break down," she said. It was cruel. And blunt. She didn't beat around the bush and told me exactly with those words what she intended to talk about. There was no fooling her of what I really feel.
I wished I could be like her and up to now, I still do. Then maybe, I had long ago told you all of these. But I know I could never be like her. So it all remained as a wish.
I stood up and followed her. She led me to the rooftop. And I know that the idea is stupid. You could be here and it wouldn't be private anymore. So I looked around and surprisingly, you are not there. Maybe you're off to somewhere with her. And I felt another pang in my stomach.
"What are you doing?" she asked as I looked around. She might think that I'm losing my mind but I'm not risking myself when you could be here.
"Yuusuke might be here. He was always up here when he doesn't attend her classes," I said and when I at last knew you were not there, I sat down on the shade that the wall provided. You sat beside me.
"So, spill," that's all she said and put her arms behind her head as she leaned on the wall.
"Spill what?"
"Everything that's inside of you. You look like you're close to exploding, you know. Everyone else, didn't notice but we're your friends, for goddamn sake, you can't possibly fool us with that fake smiles of yours." She said and I know she's right. I couldn't fool them. I couldn't fool you.
Maybe you knew all along what I feel for you but you just chose to ignore it because you obviously don't want it. And that thought hurt a lot more than I thought it could. Maybe you went after Miruni just to shock me and force me to forget my feelings for you. Obviously, at this rate I'm going, I won't be able to for a long time.
"I am a fool for loving him," I said simply and tried to distract the tears from forming at the corner of my eyes by looking at different directions at a very fast rate, it almost made my head ache.
I heard her chuckle. She's laughing at me, damn her! "I wouldn't disagree with that, Keiko, Yuu-kun is a very unlovable person, you know," she said simply that I just have to contradict her.
"That's not true! You know as well as I do that Yuusuke could be really nice and sweet when he wanted to," I said as memories came rushing back to me. When you boost your ki when you thought Toguro would kill me, the way you always wanted to protect me when we were still children, even up to now, and how you entrusted Puu to me which is the other half of yourself and so much more.
Yeah, so the thrill of being a Reikai tantei had worn you off, having only minor missions now, and that's the reason why you had to return to school and get back to being the usual troublemaker that you are, now infusing more fear as you have now Kuwabara as your ally. And it breaks my heart that it would never be the same again. Now, I wouldn't be the only woman in your life.
Niki chuckled again. And I'm starting to get irritated. "What?" I couldn't help but ask.
"You really love him. And though I don't want to, I can see why. No matter how bad he is, and you know its true, you just have that power in you that could control him. Though he wanted to show the world that he's such a jerk, he showed you all the tenderness he possessed inside. And he's so damn scared that you'll get mad at him, can you believe it?" Niki had the gall to pause and laugh, if she only knew how close I am to grabbing her throat and choking her – "And that's why you love him. Any girl that would be in your position would feel really special by the way he treated you very differently from all others – "
"He didn't love me back, Niki," I had to interrupt her, so that I wouldn't think, even for a second, that you feel something for me. It would only get my hopes up only to be left hanging again. No, once is enough. I wouldn't dare hope again. But Niki had something else in mind.
"Don't give up on Yuusuke, Keiko. I know you're the one for him. Though it seems that I don't like him very much and I tend to fight him every time our paths crossed, I know he's a good man for you. He'll be back for you, one way or another. Don't give up on him. He just let his immaturity and boy's senses take over him for now. Once he become a real man, he'll be back for you," Niki said nonchalantly but seriously.
I looked at her with wide eyes. Fortunately, she didn't notice me – she had her eyes closed and a silly smile on her face. Weird. And those words that she said, what the hell was that supposed to mean? It's the first time Niki isn't blunt.
"What was that supposed to mean?" I can't help but ask. I know you would never believe me if I told you I asked Niki that question. You had always complained (more times than all of us combined) how Niki could be blunt to a fault. And now I'm asking her what she meant. Ha!
"You're not dumb, Keiko. Figure it out," she said and smiled at me. "Look, I want you to know that you don't have to act like nothing happened, okay? It's okay to feel hurt and breakdown if you really want to but don't you ever forget that we're always here for you. Yuu-kun isn't your only friend, girl. You've got lots, let us help you out," she said again and stood up and offered me a hand to help me up.
I took it but I tried to turn away from her gaze. I have to say that I'm crying again, and who would have thought Niki could say those things like friendship and such? It was really a surprise. I know she knew that I am crying but she just chose to ignore it, for that I am thankful.
I opened my mouth to say something but suddenly forgot all about it when I heard the door opened followed by the familiar sounds of footsteps – yours.
"What are you doing here?" we asked each other in unison.
*-*CHANGE OF POV*-*
"What are you doing here?" I asked and immediately wanted to bang my head on the nearest wall. It was a stupid thing to say but the words are out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing.
You looked bewildered then shrugged. Obviously, I'm not going to get an answer on that very stupid question of mine. That's when I noticed it. Swollen eyes, red nose and wet cheeks – you were crying and Niki had been looking so damn guilty I would have punched her if she's a man. (A/N: he just thought she's guilty because he's mad and is only looking for a person to blame)
I felt my ki rise, a familiar thing to happen whenever I thought you had been hurt in one way or another. And I had to ask what was going on before my ki glowed from anger. I wouldn't want to frighten the ningen Niki, of course.
"Ei, Niki, what have you done to her?" I asked authoritatively though I know fear would fail to register on her. She knew simply too much about me to be afraid of me. So I wasn't really surprised when she raised an eyebrow at me.
"What have I done to her? Aren't we quite presumptuous? What makes you think it is I who did something and not you?" her question riled me.
The question had me overcome with guilt even though I was the one accusing her for hurting you. Niki always had that power over me that makes me think I'm so worthless of your attention and friendship and I'll be damned if she tell me I grew pale with what she said. "I didn't do anything to her," I muttered while looking at you, pleading to believe me.
The woman had the nerve to snort in disbelief. "You didn't do anything to her? Then you didn't do anything to her when you did something to that Miruni chick?' she lashed at me and I was horrified when I realized I couldn't come up with an answer. I was tongue-tied and I could only look at you helplessly. I could have wept when you looked at me indifferently.
"What is it with that whore that you can't find in our Keiko? How can you betray her that way?" she asked me and when I didn't respond, she muttered, "traitor."
Full of conviction.
A verdict.
Traitor.
She called me a traitor and I just couldn't let it pass. I'm not a traitor, goddammit!
"Don't call me that!" I said angrily that I would have lunged at her if you hadn't stopped me. I almost hit a girl. A friend.
*-*CHANGE OF POV*-*
"Stop it, both of you," I ordered as I looked at the both of you. It's a good thing Niki shrugged and moved away, knowing that she's going out of line. I turned to you and I saw you blinked at me, as if waking from a trance. You almost hit her.
"I'm sorry," you said, but I'm not really sure if you're apologizing to me or to her because you wouldn't look at either of us.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I asked, somewhat annoyed by the situation.
You suddenly looked up and looked at me straight in the eye, I almost looked away at the intensity of your stare. "I was looking for you," you said softly.
"Why?" I asked, dumbfounded. I took a deep breath when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Niki went to the door to leave the two of us alone.
"It's time to go home," you said and I guess I still looked a little weird that you continued what you were saying without letting me speak. "I'm walking you home, Kei."
"Why?" I blurted out, surprised. I didn't expect that after you and Miruni had, well, you know, I expected to see myself walking home alone from now on. What was happening now was quite the opposite.
You looked at me as if I'd grown another head that I blushed. "I've been walking you home for years and you're only going to ask me now my reasons?" you asked, annoyed.
"Aren't you going to walk Miruni home?" I asked, thoroughly confused and my facial expression must have given away all my confusion that your eyes softened.
"I can't just abandon you alone, you know?" you said and shrugged as if it was really no big deal to you.
This is stupid, and I know it because I know I should feel very special and touched that you still wanted to spend time with me and even wanted to walk me home though you already have a girlfriend. But I felt my spirits die instead. Why? Because you deal with this too nonchalantly as if you just want to fulfill your obligation to me, nothing more.
"You don't have to do it, you know. I can manage alone," I said softly as I walked past you, eager to leave you behind. You don't have to act as if nothing happened. That nothing would change between us.
"Don't be stupid," you told me as you grabbed my arm as if assisting me from going down the stairs. I did not protest, the conversation would just go on and on and I knew that I wouldn't change your mind. So I just kept quiet.
I noticed a few students looking at us strangely as we went back to our room so that I could get my bag. My back stiffened when I heard them whispering things like 'I thought Kia is Yuusuke's girlfriend? How come he's with Keiko-san now?' I knew you heard them, too, because you suddenly out your arms around me, as if wanting to protect me from them, and slowly massaged the tension out of my muscles.
It sent shivers down my back and I wanted to jerk away from your arms but I had no strength to move away from you. I had no strength to avoid you even knowing the fact that I should – to save myself from further heartaches.
We are now outside the campus, away from all the whispers and gossips but you still had your arms around me. I started to walk faster, to leave you again so that you would remove your arms around me, but you just walked faster to keep up with me.
"Can you please remove your arms around me?" I asked and turned to glare at you, only to see you blushing as you did what I asked – you removed your arms around me.
We continued to walk in silence, and maybe, you can't bear the silence again that you have to start a conversation with me again. "What did you and Niki talked about in the rooftop?"
"Nothing, just stuffs," I said nonchalantly.
"What exactly are those stuffs?" you asked again.
"Nothing important. Quit it, Yuusuke," I said, sounding irritated so you wouldn't ask again. Obviously, I was surprised when you still insisted to know.
"So what if it's nothing important? You used to tell me things even if they're not important," you argued.
"Used to. Things change, Yuusuke," I said even before I could reconsider what I had in mind. For once, I was blunt.
Your eyes narrowed as you looked at me. "And what exactly changed?"
"You're with Miruni now. You can't expect me to treat you the same way I did before," I said, then sighed. Maybe then, you would get my point and stop acting like nothing happened. I know I kept saying that to myself and hoping you would change just to constantly remind myself that something really did happened.
"And what are you trying to say? That I have to choose between you and Kia?" you asked in a way that warned me not to let you choose, because you would not definitely choose me.
"I did not say that," I said defensively. At this point, we are already in front of the ramen house and I would have escaped this conversation by getting inside had you not grabbed my arms, just enough to stop me but not to hurt me.
"Then what? Are you trying to say I'm a traitor just because I dated your enemy?" you asked, now looking at me angrily.
"I did not say that," I repeated, this time, weakly. As I am helpless to stop this scene from happening.
"The hell you didn't! You implied it!" you said, your temper flaring. This is bad and I knew it but I can't do anything about it.
"I did no such thing!" I said defensively and loudly just to get my message across. I knew you very much that I am sure that when you're mad like this, you wouldn't hear a thing from the person you're mad at – me.
"You may say so, but your eyes deceived you, Yukimura Keiko, they're screaming out loud how you think I'm a traitor and that I betrayed you," you accused and all the strengths I had gathered to protest, vanished.
"That's not true," I muttered as tears fell from my eyes. This is what I've wanted, right? For you to act differently towards me, as it is very seldom for you to get mad at me. Come to think of it, this may really be the first time since all we had were petty quarrels and I usually do the yelling first, not you.
"You know what, Kei," you began in a very calm voice that my heart raced. I think it is better if we would not talk to each other for a while," you said and, without looking at me, turned to leave, leaving me there rooted on the spot – shocked.
Author's Note: Oooh, cliffhanger. I like!!! Review or I will leave you hanging for a long while (kidding!). Wait, some clarifications, this is a first point of view story so this is purely what I thought the characters would feel given these situations, they're not exactly facts and you might find things that are contradicting. Like when in Yuu's POV, he can't lose Kei, but in Kei's POV, she thought Yuu would choose Kia over her. Contradicting, huh? Oh well, next, the characters seemed OOC, especially Yuusuke, I don't care, I like him like that, made me almost fall in love with him myself and want to punch him at the same time for his stupidity, hehe. And lastly, review!!! It's always appreaciated.