Author's Note: Oh my god, here is the third chapter in this very dramatic and emotional fic of mine. I also want to thank all of you readers who took time to review even if this is just my first fanfic about Yuusuke and Keiko.
DEDICATION: I would like to dedicate this chapter to my very good friend and cousin, Ching. (this one's for you, sis!)
COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:
KagomeWannabe – really, you started crying? I never thought I could invoke such emotions with just my words. Wow, I was inspired.
Leigh – if Keiko tell him, then this fic would be over, don't you think? *smile* this is going to be a happy ending, so don't worry
Water Guardian / Rose Angel – I'm sorry but I have to confess as early as now that I adore cliffhangers as long as I'm the one writing them. I know I'm evil, yes!
Mutsumi – wala lang, special mention ka lang kasi friend kita (naks, favoritism!). hoy, update mo na story mo.
And to all the rest, I thank you still: wilting rose, heerosgurl, keiko urameshi, kanojosupastar, yukohana, xolilgurlpopox, bheiby waterhearts, desiree.
I've delayed you long enough…the next installment.
Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 3: From Bad to Worse
Will anyone be surprised if I told anyone that I didn't get any sleep that night after you turned away from me? I guess no one will.
But I'll tell you someone who's surprised – me. Hell, yes, I was more than surprised when you suggested we should not speak to each other anymore and that you truly believed that that's the solution to our problems. Problems that you yourself had created.
After all those years of friendship, I can't believe you can so easily say something like that to me as if I never meant anything to you at all. Yeah, so I admit that I often threatened not to speak to you again whenever you did something to me that made my blood boil, but we both know that that's all there is to it – threats. I never intend to act on it. I never really had the courage to ignore you especially when you're trying your damndest to say sorry (though awkwardly) that I always find cute.
But now, well, let's just say that the past three weeks had been the worst weeks of my life as you are really determined not to acknowledge my existence. I'm so tired of walking home alone, eating lunch with the girls and helping in the ramen house when I could be doing all of those things with you.
And because I'm a martyr when it comes to you, I'm willing to call a truce. To call it quits as I can now see that it is only I who suffers without you. I am willing to risk my heart again even if the pain of knowing you chose her over me broke my heart into a thousand pieces.
"What's that?" Meia asked me the moment I sealed the letter of 'asking a truce' for you. I almost jumped in shock.
"Meia, don't you ever do that to me again!" I told her and she just grinned at me that I had to shake my head in exasperation.
"You didn't answer my question. I asked you what was that," she said and pointed at the letter I'm holding.
"I'm calling it a truce," I said simply and I looked around, making sure no one's looking at us, then slipped the letter inside one of your books before I could completely lose my nerve and take it back.
"Why?" she asked in a very innocent voice that I looked at her in astonishment. Meia isn't what you can call stupid, more of like the opposite because she had always been a good student, though not up to my league, as you often told me. And now she's asking me why I'm calling it a truce? "I can't take it anymore, Mei. It's so damn hard," I manage to choke out.
She shrugged then, "You give too much of yourself, Kei. Don't lower your pride any lower than it is. He'll only hurt you more," she told me even though she knew I would not listen. I don't know when exactly, but there was once a point in my life when I stopped listening to advices when it concerns you. I've come to realized that I always knew what I am doing, even now when everything was a mess.
"You don't know how I feel. I am willing to give my life if it will save his," I said even before I could stop myself. Up to now, I have to confess that Shizuru still teased me the way I was shocked when you fought Chuu and the way I breakdown with the way you're fighting for your life. Ha! Like I would ever confess that to Meia.
"Come on, Kei, don't be ridiculous. You can't love him that much, it'll kill you," she said rather worriedly and I almost laughed when she put her hand on my forehead to find out if I have a fever. "No, you're fine so I can't be delirious," she said as a matter-of-factly.
"Whatever," I said then stood up to leave. I still have to go to the library to study for the big exam next week. "Hey, Mei, can I ask you a favor? Great! Make sure Yuusuke read the letter, huh? Just think of something, okay? You're the best," I said, pointedly ignoring her 'dumbfoundedness' as she still haven't replied if she'll do it or not, but I already turned her back on her, my moods drastically improved. Nothing now could ever go wrong.
***CHANGE OF POV***
It suddenly worsened that afternoon. I thought nothing could never beat the way I was those blasted three weeks, but, boy, was I wrong. So wrong. If only I hadn't said those words out loud. I didn't mean to say that we should not talk to each other anymore, but I said it anyway. And I know that it hurt you.
Damn! And now, I'm too shy and frightened to even apologize to you now that you seem to do well without me. But, what if you just realized that you no longer need me? What if you'd really rather let our friendship end just like that?
Then it would be all my fault! I need to do something quick now. But then, "I'm jealous of Yuki-chan, is it okay if you won't be together for some time now 'til I can adjust to her?" Yuki-chan is what Kia called you in our conversation, from your surname, Yukimura.
Oh no, what trouble! I forgot that Kia asked me now to talk to you for awhile because she's jealous of you. Of course, that time, though we're not speaking with each other, I wanted to say, "Well, you should be. Keiko is worth more than a thousand girlfriend the whole world can offer me," but I didn't. How can I when I know it's not a proper thing to say to a girlfriend. She might decide to suddenly break up with me and it's barely a month since we started dating.
Back to reality, I was about to beat some shit to a guy who was looking at me strangely when Meia approached me. "Hey, Yuu-kun!"
I turned and smiled at her goofily. It was great. I could never smile like that with Kia, she might get turned-off. And besides, I have to act so proper and polite every time I'm with her, I'm afraid I'm turning into another Shuichi Minamino. (A/N: sumimasen, my beloved Ku-chan!)
"Can I borrow your Chemistry book? I lend mine to Niki," she asked and I just shrugged. "Sure," I mumbled.
Like I care about the stupid book, anyway. I only brought it for appearance, you know. So that Kia won't think I'm a complete idiot. I would have brought the History book as it's lighter than the Chemistry book but I remembered that it's three weeks since my room had been cleaned. That is, because we haven't been talking for three weeks, you never came to my house anymore to clean my room. Needless to say, my History book might be buried underneath all those trash in my room.
I was about to exit the room and go to the rooftop to be alone for some time but Meia called me again. "Hey Yuu-kun?"
I turned to her again, "Yeah?"
"I saw this sheet of paper here. I think it's for you," she said as she handed me a neatly folded sheet of paper. But it has no name or whatsoever in it so I opened it. It was a short note, and judging by the handwriting of it, I knew it was yours. I nodded at Meia then turned away from her to read the letter in private.
I understand that we haven't been talking to each other for quite some time and the dance this Saturday is a good opportunity for us to patch things up. Would you like to come with me?
Short and straight to the point. But it was enough to make me crumple it, though I did not threw it away. Why? I'm not mad or angry at you for doing this, but, yes, I'm mad and angry. And do you wanna know why?
Because I know I'm going to hurt you again. I want to go to the dance with you, but Kia already asked me to take her, and I agreed. And because of this, I have to say no to you.
And you know I can't say no to you. Ever since we were young, I made it a point to hide from you when I don't want to watch a movie with you. Why again? Because I won't be able to say 'no' to you when you ask me to. And during those unfortunate moments that you find me, I know you had a hard time dragging me along.
I looked at the crumpled paper in my hand and I had the sudden urge to punch the first guy I see. Damn! What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment? This kind of dilemma? One thing's for sure, I could not say no to you.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I should have stayed home that night. What's the use in going to this blasted dance when I have no guy to accompany me now? But no, those three girls had practically forced me into a decent dress and dragged me here. And I ended up sitting with them on a vacant table, drinking some punch.
I tried to have a good time, I really did, because I know they're doing this for me. They're doing this so that, even a little, my spirits would be lifted. So that, even for a few hours, I would be able to forget how hurt I am when I did not receive a reply from you.
Damn it, a simple, "I'm sorry, I can't" or even, "No." would have been better than no reply at all.
"Maybe he never read the letter. You put it inside his book, right? And you know he never open his book," Hina told me, determined to give me hope.
"No, Meia had informed me that she had personally seen Yuusuke read the letter," I said as Meia nodded her head.
"How about he forgot to reply? You know how –"
"That's not possible, we see each other everyday, you know," I said and shook my head at her.
"But, Kei," Hina began again, "What if he can't go with you because he's going with Miruni that's why he did not reply. Maybe he thought it would hurt you more if he said no to you."
"Hello?" Niki said, already irritated as she sipped her punch, "this is Yuu-kun we're talking about. Since when did he become sensitive when it comes to that kind of things?"
Just then, I saw you enter the hall with Miruni looking really smug as she hold your arm. I looked at you and tried to catch your eye but you wouldn't look at me and I just mentally shook my head. They continued talking about you and it was just making me sadder that I have to stop them, "Look, can we please change the topic and stop thinking about them?"
"But Kei –" Hina began when Niki interrupted her by glaring at her. That sent her shutting her mouth. Obviously, Hina is the only one left in our group who still had a complete faith in you and who still believe that a romance is capable to enter our friendship. Poor girl.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I can feel you look at me but I refused to look at you. Because I know I wouldn't be able to go through this night if I see you looking hurt because of me.
I looked for a vacant table where Kia and I can sit and talk in private but she had already dragged me in the dance floor to dance. At that moment, while I was doing a very awkward way of dancing to the tune of the music, I've wished that it was you I'm with. Of course, not in a romantic sense.
We've gone to this same kind of dance more than I care to count so we already knew about what we both feel about dancing. And if it's you I'm with right now instead of Kia, which I have to constantly remind myself that she's my girlfriend now, we would be goofing around the dance floor and playing around like maniacs. We both know I don't know how to dance and not once did you forced me to.
Of course, when a slow song would play, I would always ask you to dance because I know deep inside of me that I owe you just even that. I'm not a complete idiot when it comes to dancing, actually. I can dance to a slow song, if it qualifies as dancing. It isn't really that hard, when all I need to do is hold the girl close to me and simply sway a little.
Of course, you can stay still while holding each other but that would be too awkward. I sighed. I can't take the awkwardness anymore so I asked Kia to sit down but she wouldn't let me: "I wouldn't be caught sitting down when I could have fun dancing," she told me. Needless to say, I remained with her.
Then, the first few tunes began. It was a slow song, one that we're so familiar with. Kia pulled me closer towards her and slowly moved to the tune. But subconsciously, my eyes wander around to look for you, my soul searched for you, and my arms ached to feel you in it. And my mood further deteriorated when I realized that it was Kia I'm dancing with and not you. It was Kia I'm dancing with to this song. Our song.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I cried. I cried in front of all these people just because I caught you dancing with her to our song. It's supposed to be me you're dancing with. You should at least have enough decency to sit down on that song out of respect for me.
"Here," Niki said as she offered me a tissue.
I took it and wiped all the tears away. It's useless, because the tears kept falling, anyway. "He danced with her to our song, Niki," I mumbled.
"I know," she said but her expression told me that she's gritting her teeth to control her anger. It was a hundred and eighty degrees turn that did that to her. When we had that talk in the rooftop, she still have a complete faith in you that you could never ever deliberately hurt me that way.
When she found out that you told me to stop talking to each other, all her hopes went down the drain. She said it was cruel of you, and I can't help but agree. Then, the no-response letter. It was the final straw for her that she told me to stop being stupid because you're not worth all the tears and I deserve someone better. And for the first time, I'm going to listen to their advice. Because I've realized that she's right. It was time to move on.
"Do you want to go home?" she asked me and I just nodded at her. I couldn't bear to stay anymore and watch you throw back to my face all the things I've done for you.
Niki sighed and stood up to talk to Hina and Meia. Then, after a few minutes, she returned with the two of them, "Let's go," she told me.
"I'm sorry, you could all stay here and have fun, I can go home alone," I said then stood up and grabbed my purse.
"Nonsense, it's okay, you know? I don't want to see the bastard having a good time while I know you're suffering," Niki said and ushered the three of us towards her car.
"Look, I'm out of the way and I don't want to trouble you," I told Niki again but she just raised an eyebrow at me, "Okay," I muttered and as I turned to open the car door, I saw you just behind me.
***CHANGE OF POV***
"I can take you home," I said the moment you looked at me. It was hard escaping Kia. I reasoned out that I had to go to the bathroom so she would allow me out of her sight. It wasn't part of my plan for the night to talk to you but I didn't mean to dance with her to our song, either. And I guess I have to apologize for what I've done. And maybe, if I found the courage, tell you that dancing with her to our song just didn't felt right at all. Maybe because the song belonged only to us.
But before you could answer, Niki already shoved you behind her and glared at me with all the hatred she's capable of possessing. "I don't think so, she's coming with us," she said.
But I wouldn't be swayed that easily. "It's okay. I'm going home, anyway. We can talk on the way, Kei," I said, though I'm not so sure if I'm talking to you or to Niki. It sounds like I'm asking Niki's permission to walk you home.
"She came here with us, she's leaving with us," Niki said and crossed her arms in front of her as if daring me to contradict her.
"But, Niki, look, why don't you let Keiko decide? I really need to talk to her," I said, my voice almost pleading.
"We can talk some other time, Yuusuke," you suddenly said that I looked at you, confused. I was so sure you would not deny me, and here you are, telling me we could talk some other time when we have a misunderstanding to settle.
"You heard her, Yuusuke," Niki said but I paid no attention to her.
"What? You want to talk some other time? You want to talk some other fucking time? What the hell's the matter with you? Look, I want to apologize for not going with you tonight –"
"I said we can talk some other time," you repeated, in a very peculiar calm voice, I was starting to wonder if you're feeling anything at all about what's happening between us. I didn't notice when Niki got into the car to give us the privacy to talk (which, by the way was nice of her) because something inside me snapped.
"Dammit!" I roared and punch the nearest wall I could reach. It cracked though did not gave way because I didn't use enough force to it. "What's happening to us, Kei? Just tell me what's wrong with us," I pleaded, and I guess, deep inside of you, you heard the anguish in my voice because you looked down and fixed your gaze on the ground.
"Keiko, talk to me," I asked, my voice low and fragile, thick with tears.
"I'm tired, Yuusuke."
"Tired of what? Tired of me? Please, let's just settle this between us," I said and almost begged on my knees.
"We can talk tomor –"
"Tomorrow? What's the matter, Kei? Why tomorrow? This time is as good as any time," I said, as I felt the pain inside my chest.
"It'll be rude if you'll just leave your girlfriend there, Yuusuke. Let's talk tomorrow," you said but the guilt for Kia you wanted me to feel failed to register in me as I'm desperate now for you.
"Just talk to me, Kei, please."
"Yuusuke –"
"What's the matter with you? Don't you care about me? Don't you care about our fifteen years of friendship?" I asked, almost getting hysterical with the situation. All I wanted was to talk to you but you can't grant me even that.
"I could ask the same thing to you when you told me we should stop talking to each other," you said quietly.
"I was wrong, alright? I don't know what I was doing that time," I said, rather defensively but deep inside, I know you were right. I started all of these and now I'm suffering the consequences.
"Look, on the contrary, maybe we should not talk at all," you said, irritated, and I was so surprised with what you said that all I can do was look at you, shocked.
"I guess it's about time I tell you what I really feel about this whole damn thing. I'll just get one thing straight, once and for all. I could never be your friend while you were dating her. Call me immature, call me selfish. Take it as if I'm making you choose between her and me, I don't care. I can't pretend that I like her and I won't even try to pretend so why don't you just go back to her?" you told me and the very same thing that I'm dreading to happen just unfolded in front of my eyes, bursting and creating ripples of shock inside my body.
"Goodbye, Yuusuke," you told me and turned away from me, just as I did to you three weeks ago, as I watched you went inside the car and left me, taking with you my soul as you end the fifteen years of friendship I fought for with my whole life to maintain.
Author's Note: This chapter is my favorite among the three and you might notice that because this is longer than the other two. You know why? Because this happened in real life. But not to me, I guess my real life role here is the character if Niki, the Keiko in my life really cried to me that night because the bastard danced with a girl on the three consecutive songs that are the favorites of my friend. I even cried when she poured all her heartaches on me about the guy. They are bestfriends, too, and they were having trouble that time, too.
PS: Review, please!!!