Title: Once Again
Author: Lea O'Neill
Rating: PG (a few cuss words)
Pairing: Jack/other
Season: Any
Spoilers: none
Summary: Jack faces insecurities when an old flame of Nicole's comes back into the picture.
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The original characters, situations and story are property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without author consent.Comments: Thanks to my Beta reader(s): Bonnie who plowed through diligently!Once Again
Jack O'Neill woke up to a sound he had been unaccustomed to hearing from bed and coming from someone other than himself. But, things change. Jack recognized the retching immediately now.
Someone vomiting was not a pleasant thing; not for the 'someone', or for the person in the next room. But Jack, as he got up, couldn't help but smile.
Nicki Walker wasn't smiling however. She was puking her proverbial guts out.
Jack went into the adjoining bathroom where Nicki, still in pajamas, was leaning over the toilet. He wet a washcloth with warm water. As soon as she stopped retching, he handed it too her and caressed her back as she held the cloth to her mouth.
"Okay?" he asked, already growing accustomed to her early morning ventures into the bathroom, as well as later day excursions if certain smells triggered her.
Nicki nodded. "I think I'm done for now," she murmured. They moved back into the bedroom.
As much as the nausea and vomiting troubled Nicki, she hadn't complained, not once. She knew, just like Jack did, that the miracle she carried inside her was worth any amount of struggle. Jack and Nicki, who'd never expected to be parents, had been given the surprise just over four months ago.
Nicki was entering her second trimester and her OB-GYN in Colorado Springs and Janet Fraiser, the SGC's Chief Medical Officer, assured her that the vomiting would be coming to an end. Jack glanced at the clock. It was already past six, so he figured he might as well get up. Nicki, however, climbed back into bed.
"You going in today?" Jack asked, digging in the closet for a clean shirt.
"Naaaurummmpfffssss ," came the reply from under the comforter.
Jack walked back to the bed.
"What? No more fries? Is that what you said?"
Nicki picked her head up from under the covers. "Not if I keep feeling like this," she repeated.
Jack leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Well, I'm gonna grab a shower. I'll check on you before I take off? Okay?" Nicki nodded, keeping her eyes closed.
Jack hummed to himself as he shaved, showered and dressed. He didn't put on cologne. He knew it sometimes made Nicki's stomach lurch. God, who would have thought just a few years ago that he'd have an all-encompassing relationship like this? Or that he would be excited about the possibility of becoming a father again? However, it seemed that now all he thought about was Nicki and the baby. The SG program was important, but not like it had been. In fact, he'd been taking more of a backseat lately. It was something Daniel had asked him about earlier in the week. "Just other things to think about now Danny," Jack had answered. And that's about what it amounted to.
When Jack emerged from the bathroom, Nicki was up. She looked pale and that worried him. That was something he did a lot of lately.
"Better?" he asked.
She nodded, pulling her hair into a ponytail. She stood in front of the oblong freestanding mirror. She had dressed in blue pants and white shirt over which was her Air Force issue blue sweater. Nicki ran her hands over her mid section.
"You think I look fat?"
Jack had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. She had gained all of a pound over the past three months. Admittedly, naked, he could see the beginning of an outline of roundness under her belly button; but clothed, she looked the same as she always had. Except for the fact that when she felt good, she actually did have a 'glow' about her.
"You look great. I couldn't find fat on you with a microscope." Jack came from behind her and put his arms around her. "In fact, I'm looking forward to having more of you to love."
Nicki managed a smile. "I think I'll meet Janet for lunch."
"Good."
SG-1 wasn't scheduled off world for a few days, but they were bogged down by the latest political ploy thrown them by the Pentagon. Jack, along with Daniel and Sam, were in meetings with "brass" from the Pentagon all day. There were complaints (again) that the technology being brought back by the SG teams wasn't doing much to help out the US or their defenses (again!). Jack was getting so tired of the same old arguments. He wondered how long he could hold out before he finally told some stuffed shirt exactly where he could stick it and handed General Hammond his "walking papers".
Nicki was at her desk in her office in the NORAD command center building. She knew Jack would be tied up all day. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces, mostly from Washington, around this week. But Nicki, for the most part, had little to do with them. She was in the process of making a syllabus for her newest training class dealing with sexual harassment.
Her fingers were flying over the keyboard when there was a knock on her office door.
"Come," she called.
And then more trouble than she could have ever expected came walking in.
Nicki looked up and drew in a sharp breath. Standing before her was Senator Jesse Dean, still good looking, still smiling, still…the same man she used to be in love with.
"Hello Nicole," said the blonde, blue eyed political pretty boy.
"Hello," she returned, trying to compose herself.
"I heard you were stationed here. I'm on a tour with a group from the Pentagon. Thought I'd stop in."
Same smooth Jesse. He'd always been a suave talker, from the day he convinced Nicole, then an ambitious Captain working with Iraqi weapons inspectors out of the Pentagon, that he was separated from his wife, to the day she found out otherwise. Jesse had been a gorgeous political hopeful at the time, who saw a new face and fell hard. He'd wooed Nicole as easily then as he did Washington. By the time she wised up, both dean's wife and the press corps had gotten wind of their affair. Nicole took steps to get out of DC as fast as she could, but her transfer papers hadn't come through until a week after the events of 9/11. After being critically injured at the Pentagon, Nicole had spent six months in a care and rehabilitation facility and had not heard a word from Jesse Dean, who'd by then been elected.
Now, years later, here he was. "How are you?" he asked, when it became apparent she didn't know what to say.
"Fine. You? The wife?"
He gave her one of those flashes of teeth. "Now Nic, you're not still upset?"
"Upset? Me? Oh no," she said, the sarcasm dripping heavily on her words.
"No reason to hold a grudge. I just came by to see if you wanted to get some coffee maybe, catch up."
Nicole stood up then, pushing some papers into a folder. "I don't think so Jesse…Senator. I'm not drinking coffee anymore. And we have nothing to catch up on."
"Nic, I'm in town for a week. It gets awful lonely. How about dinner tonight?"
Geeze, this guy was amazing! Why hadn't she seen what a world-class ass he was?
"No," she said simply. "I'm engaged," she added. She picked up the folder, in which she had no idea what papers she'd just inserted. "Now, unless you have some questions about the Training Program, I'm late for a meeting."
She headed out her office door, holding it open long enough for the Senator, in his expensive gray suit and Dior cologne to step out.
"Well, Nic, I wish I could talk you into giving me a tour. I've missed you."
She hated that nickname. She shook her head and closed her office door. "I can't. I'm busy. You can ask the Staff Sergeant at the front desk. He'll find you an escort."
And with that, Nicki walked off down the hall, her patent leather heels clicking on the tile.
The Senator stared after her. He'd really messed up with that one. He should have never let her get away.
Nicki walked as quickly as she could down the next hall, out of Dean's view, and straight into the ladies room. She set the file, with everything from her syllabus to a menu from the cafeteria inside it, on the counter. She found that her hands were shaking.
Why did he still have such an effect on her? Maybe it was the nonchalant way he just used her and forgot about here, then reappeared as if it were just yesterday they'd shared a bed. What a bastard!
She twisted the ring on her left hand. Thank god for Jack. And for the fact that she'd never mentioned Jesse Dean to him. It wouldn't do at all for the two of them to meet up. Not at all.
Jack threw his clipboard down in his leather chair in frustration. He could talk until he was blue in the face and those bastards wouldn't even open their ears unless they wanted to.
"Colonel?" Carter stood at the door. "You okay?" She knew things had gone badly in the meetings and knew Jack well enough to know he was upset.
"I'm just…" he shook his head in frustration. "Pissed," he finally said for lack of a better phrase.
Carter nodded. "I know sir. But it could be worse. They could want to shut down the whole program."
The Colonel knew she was right. It could be worse.
Daniel came in next. He wore a suit and looked more like a legal aide than an archeologist.
He sensed the mood. "Hey, I might have some good news. One of the Senators who are on our side with all this is on his way down. Senator Dean has rallied for the program for the past year. And now we have an in."
O'Neill gave him a look. "Speak English Danny," he said, not in the mood to try and guess what the fair-haired one was talking about.
"You Jack. You can get him to talk to the rest of his 'gang'. He and Nicki are old friends; that's what Simmons told me. Call her and ask her to come down. Dean carries a lot of weight."
Jack made a face. "You expect me to use my fiancée to get Washington off our back?"
Daniel shrugged. "Well, if it works…" Jack shook his head. "I'm not getting her into it. If this guy's on our side, then he'll stay on it. There's not a political ass I'd kiss around here if my lips were steel plated."
Daniel saw that it was no good. Once Jack made up his mind, it was made.
General Hammond introduced Colonel O'Neill to Senator Dean. Right off there was something Jack didn't like about the 'every hair in place' politician. But he smiled politely and did his dog and pony show anyway.
It was as Hammond and the Senator were touring the SGC, O'Neill on their heels, that Jack's unusually gifted sense of hearing came in handy.
As the group passed Sergeant Davis and Lieutenant Hailey, Jack heard Hailey whisper "does the Colonel know about Dean?"
Jack didn't turn his head to see Davis' response, but he thought it was in the negative. And then Jack's though processes kicked into overdrive, as he continued with the tour. Careless mentions here and there, the looks he and the senator kept getting, and something that Nicki had said long ago triggered his final conclusion. Senator Jesse Dean and Nicole had been in a relationship.
Jack sighed to himself. That's what Simmons had meant when he told Daniel the politician and Nicki had been "friends." Daniel just hadn't picked up the inference.
Ah, Danny, you missed the train again, he thought.
Now, when he spoke to Dean, his words were hinged with a little ice. The smiling senator didn't seem to notice, but Hammond did and shot Jack a look occasionally.
When the tour was complete, Dean shook hands all around.
"Gentlemen, ladies, I'm still very impressed with your efforts here. I will submit nothing but the highest recommendations to my committee at the Pentagon."
O'Neill was glad when the meetings, tours and everything else were done.
Nicki was cleaning the house, a chore she'd rather skip, but when she and Jack spent enough time in the house, it seemed to have a way of getting messed up. She had gotten home earlier than Jack, and knew he was probably going to be busy into the evening. She decided she'd better get something done before he got home.
She was putting away the vacuum cleaner in the hall closet when she noticed something.
In the corner, behind some skis, a hockey stick, and a discarded hanging planter, was a guitar case. Nicki moved some things around in order to get to the dark case.
She pulled it out of the closet, wondering if it actually contained the instrument, and if so, was it Jacks? He'd never told her he played.
She laid it down on the floor and opened the case. Inside lay a beautiful wood acoustic guitar.
Nicki silently wondered about it. She decided to leave it out. Maybe Jack would fess up.
She took the guitar, case and all, into the living room and propped it against the arm of the couch. Where she promptly forgot about it.
Jack didn't get home until some time later in the evening. He knew Nicole would already be asleep. She seemed to go to bed earlier and earlier these days.
He wanted nothing more than to eat and go to bed himself. He wanted to forget about the Pentagon, the SGC, and especially about Senator Dean. The thought of Nicki with that guy…well, it made his skin crawl.
Jack made his way through the kitchen, depositing his keys and jacket on a kitchen chair. He glanced in the refrigerator. There was not much that looked appealing so he helped himself to a beer instead. He took it into the living room, careful not to make a racket. He switched on only the small reading lamp by the couch as he sat down to relax and drink his dinner. He'd taken a few sips of the cold beer, all of it tasting wonderful on his parched palette, when he noticed the guitar case.
Jack set down his bottle and pulled the case over. He unsnapped the locks and looked inside.
"Well, I'll be," he said quietly. He figured Nicki must have found it.
His hunger and thirst forgotten for the moment, Jack took the guitar out of the case and set it over his knees. He strummed a chord to see how out of tune it was. He fooled with it for a few moments, tuning it by ear, and the next chord was better.
Jack's fingers, not nearly as nimble as they had been back in high school when he played all the time, clumsily began to remember their way over the strings. Within a few moments, he was playing a long time forgotten tune he could remember playing back then over and over until he'd gotten it just right. It was a classical piece by Bach, although he couldn't remember the name of it.
Jack strummed out the chords, remembering the long hours he'd practiced to get it just right. He thought about the recital he'd played in his junior year; how proud his mother had been! Jack had been nervous, but not enough so he'd forgotten to wear the tie his instructor insisted on. He'd hated ties, even then.
Jack switched to an old Beatles tune he'd picked up after his instructor realized he wasn't destined to become a classical guitarist. He picked out the chords to 'Yesterday' softly. He was taken back through the instrument and the songs to days long ago, when things hadn't been so important, there was less care, less worry.
Jack was half way through the song before he realized he had an audience.
Nicki stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame, content to watch Jack, in one of Jack's shirts. Jack stopped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
Nicki shook her head; her long hair framed her face, the gold highlights catching the lamplight. "I wasn't sleeping." She came over to the chair opposite him and sat down. "You never told me you played."
Jack shrugged. "I don't. Anymore."
"Why?"
"I…I guess I just lost interest somewhere. I don't think…no, I know. I never played after I came back from the war." Jack had suffered so many losses while the Iraqis imprisoned him. His ability to play guitar, he believed, was one of them. All his fingers had been broken. He had to learn how to hold a cup again, let alone play the chords on the guitar. He just figured he'd never be able to do it again. By the time his hands were back in good shape, the instrument had been long put away. Then there had been the sadness. The overwhelming losses…Charlie…Sara…there was no happiness, no music, left in his life. Strange, how things changed. There was happiness now. And again, he found he could make the music.
"Play something for me Jack," Nicki asked then. "Yeah?" She nodded.
A tune came to Jack's mind. Something from long ago. Something he'd written himself. He dug into the pocket of the guitar case, wondering if the old papers were still there. He was surprised to find what he was looking for.
He opened the folded piece of notebook paper. The chords and words were written in his uneven scrawl.
Jack began, a little off key. But it got better…
He didn't care for performing in front of an audience, but for Nicki, it was different. He wanted to share this with her. Maybe, when he wrote it, he'd been wishing he had someone like her to share it with.
In a low, but sure voice, Jack softly sang the song he'd written while he played.
Did you know when you go,
You take part of me with you?
Did you know when I'm alone You're always with me?
Did you ever realize How I'm lost in your eyes?
Or how your laugh makes me smile?
I could loose all my things I hold dear I could ask for help from above But now I know the only reason I'm living Heaven could not help me If I ever lost your love
Did you think I'd ever change That my heart would rearrange?
Did you dream that I watched while you slept?
Well I'll tell you now it's all true Heaven could not help me if I ever lost you
I could loose all my things I hold dear I could ask for help from above But now I know the only reason I'm living Heaven could not help me If I ever lost your love
Jack strummed out the last chords of the song. Nicki had tears in her eyes.
The room went silent.
"That…" Nicki finally managed, wiping the hot tears from her cheeks. "Was beautiful."
Jack just gave a little shrug as he put the guitar back in its case.
"It's old. Kinda like the guy that played it."
She moved closer to him and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Remember, I like antiques," she joked.
They ventured back to the kitchen, hunger winning out.
.Both having been gone for some time, there was not much to be found.
Nicki gazed into the freezer, clad only in one of Jack's button down shirt, with only two buttons done in front.
Jack scanned the cupboards.
"Humm, you remember Old Mother Hubbard?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"I think we inherited her cupboard."
"Well, I guess it's frozen burritos and beer," Nicki sighed resignedly. "Except no beer for me."
"Damn," Jack said, trying to feign disappointment. Never mind he'd lived on his favorite frozen burritos and very same beer for years. "More for me."
Nicki took the entire package and tossed it with a thud into the microwave.
Jack snuck up behind her while she pressed the numbers on the control panel.
She felt his hardness press into her softly rounded backside as his hands wrapped around to cup her breasts.
"It was cold in the freezer, huh?" he asked, feeling the taut twin peaks.
"Jack, you need to decide right now if you want food or sex."
"Hmmm. Food. Sex. Food. Sex. Damn, how the hell can you make a guy choose between two life sustaining forces?"
Nicki shrugged. "That's just the way it is flyboy."
Jack nibbled on her neck. "Than maybe I'll just have to combine the two somehow."
Before Jack had a chance to work out the details, the microwave timer beeped. Okay, sex could wait, although not long; bean filled tortillas with hot sauce and mustard sounded damn good too.
Nicki and Jack sat on the barstools around the kitchen counter eating the micro waved fare and washing it down with beer, water for Nicole. It was then that Nicki thought back to the day's events.
Jack smiled, but his mind was elsewhere. He kept picturing Nicki and Jesse Dean.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
He knew it was going to bug him until he told her. Might as well get it over with.
"I met Senator Dean this afternoon."
"Oh," was all she said.
Jack couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement. "I kind of figured out…you and him?"
She nodded, averting her eyes.
"So he was the one?"
She nodded again. She told him some time back about the Senator. She'd just never mentioned any names.
"But it seems like a lot of people around seemed to know about it." She gave a little shrug. "Jack, it was in the papers. And it's no secret my reputation is anything but golden." J
ack nodded. He'd accepted that. He'd just never come face to face with one of her…exes. He wasn't sure that was the right word, but could think of nothing else.
"He came to see me," she told him then.
"He had the nerve to ask me out."
"And you said no?" he asked, completely serious.
Nicki looked taken aback. "Jack! Of course I said no," she told him, a little hurt. "I'm engaged to you," she pointed out. "I'm pregnant with your child. Jack, what are you thinking?"
He shrugged. "He's got money, power, and he was in love with you. You were interested once."
Nicki couldn't help but get a surge of anger. "It was a long time ago," she said with irritation. She couldn't believe Jack was so unsure of their relationship that he'd be threatened by Jesse Dean! "I can't believe you'd even think….Jack, I have no interest in him, or anyone else but you for crying out loud!" she told him, using his own expression.
Jack drew his eyes to hers then, and saw the anger, irritation, but also a hint of laughter.
He put an arm around her then. "Sorry," he said off handedly. "I just sometimes think maybe this is too good. It…scares me a little," he said, obviously embarrassed by his words, as well as his behavior.
"I'm not going anywhere flyboy," she assured him then, pulling him tight. They didn't speak for some time just sitting there, holding each other's hands was enough.
"You know this whole thing is a little overwhelming," Nicki told him then. "I feel it too. But I told you before; even when you're cranky, you can't run me off that easy. And, well, you've held my head up out of the toilet. That's got to count toward something."
Jack smiled. "So you're telling me that the two of us are both going to be old and cranky and practically disabled and watching our kid graduate from high school?"
She nodded. "And we'll be happy. So bring on the Geritol and the wheelchair."
Jack laughed now. "I just hope that me and this kid aren't both wearing diapers at the same time."
Nicki dissolved into laughter. "You and me," she said between fits of laughing, "can have wheelchair races at the school's parent game day!" Jack was still picturing them with a teenager. Life certainly had a way of paying you back!
Finally, the laughter wore down. Jack realized he would deal with his insecurities, just as he'd dealt with every twist that managed to find its way into the relationship. That, it seemed, is what really loving someone was all about. And that was a learning process in itself. And he vowed to undertake it.
He took Nicki's face gently into his hands and stared into her green eyes. "Love 'ya," he told her earnestly.
He kissed her deeply.
"Take me to bed," she murmured.
"My pleasure."
And in one smooth motion, Jack picked Nicki up and carried her down the hall to their bedroom, her laughter filling the halls.
And late into the night, laughter became cries of passion as the couple requited their love.
Music, laughter, love. All had been lacking in Jack's heart. But as fate came full circle, he found his cup filled once again.
FIN
. Original song by Lea O'Neill. All rights.