Author's Note: The next installment. I don't like the emotions in this chapter because I don't really feel it when I was writing this. I feel like it's artificial, or something like that. But, what the heck, that's just my opinion, and maybe yours would be different.
COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:
Deadkitty1- thank you for the compliment. I'll treasure it for a long while.
WaterGuardian – really? You think Yuusuke is in love with Kia, I think it was the other way around. Well, you better watch out for the next chapter to get to know Kia.
KagomeWannabe- guess I better stop writing things that make you cry. I don't want my friends to cry because of me. Lol
Bishounen lover – that's you, right? Well, I thank you for reading all my stories. I think you're the only one (except my real friend, mutsumi) who's doing that.
Cuddles – who are you? You're starting to freak me out
Mutsumi- napilitan ka lang ata magreview, e. lol. I'll be watching out for your Impossible Reality
Leigh, SNIFF SNIFF, Yukohana, Adam, SilverMoonsBlackWings – I thank you for your reviews, I hope you won't get tired of me and my stories. 'til next time
Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 4: He Called Me Pretty
I'm going to admit that its not easy saying all those things to you. And up to now, I still don't have any idea to where my strength came from to say all those things to you. I'm not really sure, but maybe, I'm just spending too much time with Niki that I'm slowly becoming blunt, too.
And because of that newfound bluntness, I've managed to end the fifteen years of friendship I ever had. But I want you to know that it didn't sit well with me. Even Niki had scolded me for doing that. She said it was a very harsh decision and a very cruel thing to do that even you don't deserve that kind of treatment.
Maybe the world had really gone crazy. You want to know why? First, you dated my enemy, next, you said we should stop talking to each other, then when you apologized, I said that maybe ,we REALLY should stop talking to each other. Lastly, Niki and I are fighting over you.
Now, that thing is as normal as it can be, as we're always fighting about you. What's crazy about it is that, for the first time in my life, she's taking your side and defending you because I was cruel to you. The world has really gone mad.
Actually, it wasn't that hard moving on with my life because you seemed to be avoiding me now because of what I've said.
Yeah, I'll totally be honest that it hurts me, too, but, what can I do? It's not like being alone never happened to me before. Those three weeks when we didn't talk had somehow toughen me up. And I'm pathetically sure that I can live without you though I'm suffering from a broken heart.
I'd have to say that your attitude worsened as you now don't come to school if you feel like it. Which meant that the rooftop, now tends to be empty most of the time. On the days you come to school, you made sure you exchanged seats with another person so that you won't have to sit beside me. And because of that, the whole school had now known that Yukimura Keiko and Urameshi Yuusuke are officially not friends anymore.
If anything, the whole school didn't like the idea. They were stupid, I just realized. Back then, they didn't like the idea that we're friends, but now, they still don't like the idea that we're not. They are a confusing lot.
But there is a reason behind their change of heart. And it surely made me laugh when I learned about it. It is because your attitude worsened and now, you seemed to pick a fight with simply anyone. If it were possible, the whole school grew more afraid of you.
I don't know where they got the crazy idea but I just heard from the gossips that I had so much control over you that I had been able to control you for so long. Control you?! Ha! If they only knew how I hardly care even if you roll on the dirt during one of your brawls and that it would only matter to me when you're fighting someone who can retaliate, because then, I know you would come back to me with your bruised face, a broken hand, and if the enemy's lucky, a broken nose, and I have to take care of it.
It's not like I don't like the idea that I have to care for you; on the contrary, it's kind of romantic that you run to me. It's just that, it pained me to see you all purple and swollen because of it.
I guess you won't run to me now, huh? And I just hope Miruni has the patience to treat your wounds, too.
But that idea didn't bother me as much as the idea that you changed did. I'm finding it hard to believe that you could become this cold to others. I don't know, it's just so…unlike you. And this thought bothered me.
I guess I just believed that you're doing this, or being like this because of what I've said that night at the dance. And a very little part of me who still believed in you kept nagging me that maybe, you are doing this so that you could catch my attention and I would take pity on you. A part of me wanted to believe that this is what you'll become without me in your life – a cold bastard who's angry at the whole world. Lost and broken.
But I did not dare believed and I wouldn't dare. I guess no matter how much I love you and even knowing that I'll continue loving you even after all this, I just couldn't find it in me to believe and have faith.
What a surprise! I never thought there would come one day that I would grow tired of being there for you, of serving you and caring for you. And again, it didn't sit well with me.
Sometimes at night, when I lay in my bed and I can't sleep for some unknown reason, I find myself thinking if I've made the right decision about you. That is, breaking the friendship and all. And up until now, I still don't know the answer to that question.
One thing's for sure, I miss my friend. The Yuusuke I've known before Miruni came. And if ever that Yuusuke came back to me again, I'm going to take him back wholeheartedly.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I miss my friend. The old Yukimura Keiko I've come to adore and love. Not the Keiko now.
I don't know why I haven't noticed it before but ever since Kia came, you slowly changed. I can't even remember the last time you smiled at me maybe because it happened a long time ago already.
Ever since Kia, there's always this haunted look in your eyes that pained me every time I'm with you. Why? Because even if we're together, I can't seem to reach you. You were so engrossed with your pain and emotions, you built a wall around you that even I can't penetrate. I – your very best friend. Or I guess, ex-best friend.
Of course, I'm not blaming you for what had happened. I know that it is I who did that to you. Who slowly changed you into something that even I don't understand and know. And if ever I would be given the chance to change you back to the same, old, bubbly, smart and witty Yukimura Keiko I've known, I know I will. No doubt about it.
I sighed then kicked a pebble I found on the street. I feel so pathetic hiding behind this tree across your house, waiting for you to come out and go to school when about two months ago, I was sitting inside talking to Yukimura-jisan while I wait for you to come down.
If only I'm not such a coward, I'll just go straight and approach you and ask if I could walk you to school just like I used to do. But I'm afraid you would just ignore me and pretend that you're not seeing and hearing anything at all. And it would only just frustrate me and maybe, I will do something that could increase further your anger towards me.
I don't know what I'm doing at all. All I know is that it didn't sit well with me that you're walking to and from school alone. There are many bad guys on the street and damn if I would ever let them hurt you. So, maybe, in my own silent and cowardly way, I would still be able to protect you if needed – that is, by following you behind every morning and late afternoon.
Yeah, I've been doing this since I told you that we should stop talking to each other, but I don't know why. Maybe it's out of habit or maybe it's because of the feeling of wanting to protect. I don't know, my head hurts every time I tried to think about it so I let it be and I do what I want to do.
And then, you came out. You waved to your father before going on your way and I carefully followed within a good distance. Everyday, though I've always failed to come up with a good reason for following you if ever you'll discover me, there's this yearning inside of me that you find out what I'm doing for you. Up to what extent I'm willing to do just for you.
And maybe, you'll soon realize that I'm doing this for you alone and that I won't easily let go of you or our friendship. Then, you'll find it in your big heart to forgive me. But you didn't find out, after a total of six weeks. And I don't know if I should feel relived or frustrated.
I sighed and looked down on the ground while walking. And I had to refrain myself from kicking the empty can I saw lying around because you might hear me do it. Instead, I lifted my head and looked at you.
You were still walking when you suddenly stopped that my heart started to beat faster. Here it goes, I thought. You now felt that someone is following you. Before I could think, I hid behind the trunk of the tree just in time when you turn around.
Whew, close call! I said to myself then sighed in relief as I took a peek at you to know if you're still looking at my direction. What I saw made me heart break.
Even with the distance of ten meters, I saw the pained look in your eyes, the tired expression of your face, the slumping of your shoulders when you found out that you're alone. I felt the loneliness of the aura you emitted and it pained me to know that it is I who did that to you.
And as if my torment is not enough, you just let your tears fall from your face and I am helpless to stop it from happening. To stop you from crying.
What a coward I really am. I thought I'm doing all of these to protect you but I can't even protect you from your tears. From the pain I've caused you. From me. Because I failed you.
I tore my gaze away from you and leaned back on the tree I used as my hiding place. Surrendering to the moment, I let a tear escaped from my eyes.
As tears flow from your face, this single tear traveled down my cheek, to my chin, and eventually dropped, making a blot on the shirt that I'm wearing, symbolizing all the regret I'm feeling, the end of friendship, the loss of the most important person in my life.
Then, the fleeting moment passed; and eventually disappeared. And I am able to gather my courage again to take a peek at you, only to realize that you have continued your way again to school.
I followed you again and when I saw you enter the school's premises and greeted an acquaintance, I sighed, turned around and walked away. My duty for you today is done.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I can't understand what had happened there a while ago. For a while, I felt your presence there and was suddenly engulfed with sadness.
It suddenly turned to loneliness when I turned around and found myself alone. And once again, after that fateful night at the dance, my emotions that was hardened and frozen by all the betrayal and pain you had inflicted me, broke; and I found myself crying after a month of not being able to.
When I finished it off that night, I know it would be difficult but I never thought it was impossible. Yes, I may say sometime ago that its not as hard, I'm doing it for about six weeks, but I became lifeless. Without you, I am a living dead. Living but not really alive. Continuing my life but there's no life at all. What an irony!
It took a while before I could stop and collect my emotions again. I blinked and wiped the tears away then plastered a smile on my face. I just remembered that I have classes to attend. A life to live. But what's the use of the life of Yukimura Keiko without sharing it with Urameshi Yuusuke?
I'm sorry but no matter how smart you claim I am, that is one question I simply can't answer.
"Yuki-chan!" Deri Omako greeted me with the same syrupy voice she use whenever she approach me.
"Hello," I mumbled. I don't really like her. Need you ask? Deri is a friend of your beloved Miruni.
"Why, you're getting prettier and prettier everyday. I wonder what your secret is to do that," she said and smiled that practiced smile of hers.
I kept quiet and looked at the campus building to let her know indirectly that I am not interested in having a conversation with her.
But, its either she's too insensitive or she's doing it on purpose. "So, how are you and Yuu-kun doing? I haven't seen you together anymore," she said. Then a smile.
That smile is slowly driving me crazy but I refused to let her have the satisfaction of seeing me sad because of the topic she chose for our conversation. "We're doing fine."
Deri's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? But I thought –"
"Kei!" Niki shouted and I almost sighed in relief. Saved! I thought to myself. "Listen, Deri, I need to get going," I said and not waiting for an answer, dashed towards Niki.
"Thanks for the rescue," I said and smiled at her in relief.
"No prob. Was she harassing you?" she asked as she waved at some acquaintances.
"No. Just annoying me," I said then stopped at the door of my classroom. "Well, see you later," I said.
Niki nodded at me before going on her way to her classroom. I stood at the door, watching her, then, when I saw her enter her classroom, I entered mine and sat on my chair need the window.
Unconsciously, I glanced at the chair beside me and sighed. How quickly I had forgotten all the happy times we've been together. How fast the two of us have thrown away our fifteen years of friendship that had molded us together to what we are today. And because of what?
Because of one person. Miruni Kia. How bitter our fate are for it to end just like this. But what can I do if this is really the way it's supposed to be? Nothing, right?
Regrets. That's what I'm feeling right now, right? Regret that it all ended so quickly. I sighed as I relived the memories we have together. Yeah, it was sad knowing it will never happen again.
"Hi," a guy about your height, with dark brown hair and a contagious smile, greeted me. Omi Zekuna.
"Hello," I said and smiled in return. I told you his smile is contagious.
"Is Yuusuke coming to class?" he asked but his stare made me stop myself from looking away from him, which became a habit to me whenever someone would inquire me about you.
"I don't think so," I answered truthfully. It's true, I said to myself, based from my experience, you seldom attend the class so it is right to assume you wouldn't attend today. "Why?" I can't help but ask.
It's not like Omi has a business with you. He's a good student so its impossible that you had a fight with him.
"Would you mind terribly much if I sit beside you today?" he asked and flashed me his pleading eyes.
I had to chuckle. So, he just wanted to sit on your chair that's why he asked me if you're attending the class. "The chair is yours," I said and smiled again at him when he looked at le gratefully.
"You got a good view from here," I heard him say but I'm not sure what it meant.
"Excuse me?"
"You know, the board," he said and smiled sheepishly. "I sat way back and sometimes I can't read what the teacher is writing on the board."
"Oh," I said just as the professor entered and greeted the class.
It was only a one-hour class but if you've got nothing to do, the time could really drag. But now, I didn't notice the time as Omi humored me with his stories and jokes. Right there and then, my impression on him changed.
Before, I thought Omi Zekuna is just a weak man who only cared about his grades. More of like Kurama-kun. Well, not really because under the façade of Shuichi Minamino, Kurama is a cunning youko thief who could get into mischief just like you could.
I never once thought that Omi could be like that. Not until he started telling me all his stories about his childhood escapades, all his pranks and everything. And in no time at all, I found myself controlling my giggle from escaping from me.
He was so good a company that I never realized that we were making that much noise until the professor cleared his throat and looked at us sternly. "Ms. Yukimura and Mr. Zekuna, if you would like to tune down your voices, the class would surely appreciate it."
"I'm sorry, sensei," both of us said in unison then Omi looked at me and winked. I found myself smiling at that; and blushing a little.
Just when the class was about to end, the professor had announced that there's a paper our class was supposed to write in pairs – a boy and a girl since our class has the same number of boys and girls.
At least, we get to pick our partners, I thought to myself just as the professor announced that the partners will be according to the arrangement of surnames of the boys and girls.
I almost groaned at that. Alphabetically? What the heck? Urameshi is close to Yukimura! What would I do if I got stuck in a paper with you?
Then a solution came into my mind. I'll make the project alone then submit it. And since I can't let you fail, I'll put your name in it, too, and pretend that we both did it. I know you would agree with me. You'll earn a grade even if you didn't do anything. What can a student ask?
Just then, I heard the professor called out. "Yukimura Keiko, your partner would be Zekuna Omi. That's all, class dismissed," the professor said before leaving the room.
I am still sitting down, shocked, when Omi winked at me. "If it isn't my lucky day, I spent the whole time talking to a pretty girl, then got myself paired off with the smartest girl in school," he said.
I blushed at his compliment. I still can't believe that I'm paired with him, instead of you, for the project. It would be easier now, I can't help but think. He called me pretty!
Author's Note: Whew, another chapter done. Sorry if I've been updating irregularly now, I'm nearing my final exams and I've got lots of schoolworks to do. Wish me luck!!!
PS: Review!!! Review!!! Review!!!