Author's Note: Sorry if this chapter took to long to come out. But don't worry about it, I think I made a very good chapter 5 (lol). Besides, this chapter is 1.5 page long in an MS word, so I hope it might make up for the long time you spent waiting.
COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:
Rose Angel – I'm not going to say anything, just wait for it, ne? lol
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Soul 141 – the only thing I can say is that I won't kill Omi in this fic (contrary to what you suggested, lol)
Water Guardian – wow, what a long review! About your inquiry on balancing my life, I don't sleep anymore so that I could write (lol), no, seriously, I do the writing on weekends. I never watch TV, I think it's a waste of time, (except when I'm watching anime) my social life evolve in school and Friday nights.
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Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 5: Damn!
I could have continued like this for a long while hadn't I sensed a change in you. Two more weeks had passed since I shed a tear for you and I continued to follow you still when you go to school or go home.
Sometimes, when I feel the urge to see you more, I attend the class so that I could stare at you. I don't own the chair beside you anymore. I guess somewhere between my absence, you gave that to the class. So now, I have to sit on the back.
I don't really mind, I'm happy just staring at your back and reminiscing the old times. I know, you don't have to tell me that I'm being pathetic over this but, somehow, a part of me can't really accept that you're gone and that I've truly lost you.
I know that what I'm doing is wrong, Hina had to tell me to stop stalking you, but I don't care. It seems to me that without you, Urameshi Yuusuke is nothing. Yeah, I'm being dramatic and sentimental again but I'm telling the truth. Ever since that night at the dance, I've never been truly myself.
"Yuu-kun," I heard her whine and I had the urge to smile sheepishly at the woman beside me but I remembered that it was not you I'm with.
"What?" I muttered as we are in the movie house.
Kia snuggled closer to me and pouted her lips. "You are not paying attention to the movie," she said.
"I hate romantic movies," I told her even before I could think. Well, its true, why should I pretend to like it when I don't?
But Kia seemed to take it the wrong way, "So you're saying you don't like my taste in movies?"
I looked at her, slightly irritated, "I did not say that, Kia. I'm a guy and guys don't like romantic movies. It's sissy stuff," I said, and when she did not say anything, "come here, give me a kiss."
But Kia jerked away from me, "You should at least try to appreciate it because you're my boyfriend. What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing," I denied and when I saw people beginning to look at us, "Calm down, sweetie, you're making a scene."
But Kia paid no heed to what I said, "I'll make a damn scene if I want to. You're not paying any attention to me."
"Alright, let's get out of here," I said, grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. I don't know what's the matter with her, honestly.
Back then, when you managed to drag me to a romantic movie (which was very seldom), you don't say a thing even if I fell asleep all throughout the movie, just as long as you have someone with you. Well, maybe you do say something, but it's only a 'you're horrible' and after I smiled at you sheepishly, you'll just shake your head at me as we go out of the movie house to get something to eat.
But now, "At least I didn't sleep while we're inside," I yelled at her.
"So now you wanted to sleep in there? You're not paying any attention to me!" she yelled as tears gathered at the corner of her eyes.
"Now, listen here, Kia," I said sternly, but when I saw her walk away, "Alright, I'll take you home."
"No need, I can manage," she said coldly but it didn't made me shiver just like when you talked to me in that icy voice of yours when you got mad at me.
"Kia- "
"Why is it that even when we're together you seem so far away?" she said as tears now fall from her eyes.
I did not answer. You want to know why? Because in my mind, it was you that I'm seeing, tears falling from your eyes as you glared at me with all the hatred and contempt you feel for me.
"It's her, right? You're thinking about her?" she accused me as she narrowed her eyes at me.
Something inside me snapped. "Oh, for Christ's sake, Kia! We're not even on speaking terms and you're still jealous of Keiko?"
She might have not noticed my anger because she even poked me on my chest, "You might not be speaking to her, but its her you're thinking about all the time!"
"What do you want me to do?" I asked in exasperation, "Kill her?"
"Even if you kill her, her memory would still live with you," she said angrily.
"Damn right it will! She's my best friend. You don't have to be jealous of her because she's my best friend and you're my damn girlfriend!"
"I'll fucking do what I want! You may say that she's just your friend but she's stealing all the attention that is rightfully mine!"
I threw my hands in irritation. "Look, this conversation is pointless. I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said, turned around and slowly began walking away.
"Yuusuke," Kia called out but I paid no attention to her. "Yuusuke, I'm not through with you yet!"
Without turning around, I just waved at her as I turned right at the corner that I never heard her stomp her foot on the ground and shouted my name in annoyance.
Though it is a long way home, my annoyance with Kia made me decide to walk even if it will take me half an hour. It's alright, I'm used to walking home, anyway. Besides, I've come to love the silence and loneliness ever since the two of us fought.
I don't understand why, but, now, I've used all those moments that I'm alone to reminisce our old times together and remember how happy we were back then.
And then, there I am. Subconsciously, when I passed your house on my way home, I looked up and what I saw made my heart beat faster.
You were smiling so genuinely that my eyes swore, even if I'm across the street, that your dimple on your left cheek appeared.
Right at that instant, I can only think of one thing – you never looked as beautiful as you do now. And I could have sworn that no one could look as beautiful as you are now.
I don't really know what happened to me, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's been a long time since you smiled like that to me. Almost two months, ever since I've dated Kia.
Had I known earlier that you would be the price for having her, I wouldn't have pursued Kia.
Then, as if waking from a trance, I saw a figure standing near you and I would have shouted a warning had I not seen a shocking scene.
He was also smiling at you and you laughed at something he said, your amusement showing as your eyes crinkled with happiness.
Omi Zekuna. I felt a pang in my stomach just knowing that other guys can also make you laugh just like I can. It was hard accepting the fact that you found another friend from the opposite sex.
Jealousy. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling now, though I don't really know the reason behind it. I shouldn't feel it but I felt it anyway.
I would have run towards him and punched him in the face when I saw him tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear. He's taking advantage of you and I can't believe you didn't even slap him. If it were me who did that, my cheeks would be stinging now.
But all you did was blush prettily and smiled shyly at him. Damn! What do you think you're doing, letting him touch you like that?
But I know that if I stormed in your front porch this very instant and demand from you the answer to that question, I would only worsen the relationship between us, whatever our relationship is.
What the hell are you doing outside of your house at this time of night, anyway? It's not proper for you, especially since you're with someone you don't know very well. And I would be surprised if Yukimura-jisan knows about this.
And as much as this scene infuriated me, I can't bear to leave. It's better to be sure; the bastard might do something to you.
When I saw him squeeze your right arm as you bid him goodbye, I clenched my fist tightly. Even I didn't show that kind of affection towards you and I'm your damn bestfriend! Who does this guy think he is?
I planned to remain silent as I watch him leave but I never thought Zekuna had a strong sense. The instant he stepped out on the street, he greeted me. "Yuusuke. You're planning to visit Keiko?"
"No," I answered expressionless.
"Oh. She said she's going to help her father clean the ramen house," he informed me, not knowing that I'm close to punching him in the face for taking advantage of you.
"I know that. Yukimura-JISAN needs all the help he can get what with only Keiko and his few staff to help him," I said, obviously wanting him to know that I know a lot more about Keiko than him.
"Oh. I see," he said thoughtfully. "So, what are you doing here if not for Keiko?" he asked me.
I don't know why it infuriated me but I don't like the way he say your name so casually like you two have been friends for a long time now. Just plain Keiko. No –san. "I'm just on my way home."
Zekuna smiled at that. "Really? Me too. We happen to live nearby, right? We can talk on our way, I never really liked walking alone."
I just nodded at him. What am I supposed to say? That I don't like to walk with him? Ha! That would be a laugh.
"I never thought Keiko is sick," I said even before I could think about it. Stupid me! Here I am, letting all my jealousy and frustrations out on him.
"Keiko? No, I don't think she's sick. Why?" he asked, obviously confused.
"Why visit her then this late in the evening?" I asked. Well, what else can I do? I let one line slip, might as well continue it.
"Oh, that," he said and smiled at me again. Damn! Why does he keep on smiling like that? It's starting to irritate me. "We've been paired for a paper due in school."
I should let it go now, but I didn't. I narrowed my eyes questioningly at him. "This late at night?"
That sent him laughing and I got frustrated all over again. "No, not really. We talked for a while," he said. Then his eyes widened. "You don't have anything going on with her, have you? I mean-"
"No, I don't," I snapped. Interrupting him for whatever he had to say. And once again, I don't know why it suddenly irritated me. Telling the truth about us not having a thing going on irritated me for the first time.
What irritated me more is that I got irritated by that. So, in the end, I just got so many irritation, the reason all got jumbled out inside of me that in the end, I just have to get contented to the idea that I am irritated.
A few minutes of silence enveloped us. I'm just glad he didn't press the issue of us not being together. When my house came into view, I never realized I could feel this joy in seeing it. Usually, it didn't really matter, but now, at least, I get to get away from Zekuna.
I turned to him, "Well, I got to go now. This is my house," I said before hurrying inside. Omi just nodded at me then went on his way.
That night, as I lie on my bed, not being able to sleep, I realized that I have to change my course of action in protecting you. Omi Zekuna just happened to make it on my list of people who might hurt and take advantage of you.
*-*
I glared at the guy beside me when he nudged me awake at class two weeks after. I had a hard night last night – a big fight with Kia, that it was already one o' clock in the morning but still wouldn't shut her mouth. Even through a telephone, I could feel her anger and I couldn't even butt in a word.
So, in the end, I just said goodnight and put down the phone. But she called me again so I just yanked the cord off the phone and go to sleep. This morning, she wouldn't talk to me so I didn't talk to her, either.
What a nagger! I thought you're the worst nagger I could ever know but Kia beat you to it. She nagged me about every little thing – the amount of gel I put on my hair, the way I talk loudly sometimes, my getting into fights – but she nagged me especially because of you. She didn't even know that I'm following you every morning and afternoon and she's throwing tantrums whenever she feel like it.
I know now that it could never be jealousy because, as I've said a thousand times to her, I haven't talked to you after that night in the dance, but still, she acted as if I've been cheating on her.
I guess she just wanted us to stop being friends altogether and that I forget you ever existed. But that would be like asking for the impossible.
That's one of the main reasons why I never brought her to my house. No, it's not the messy room that I called my bedroom that I'm hiding from her (which I know would make her faint in shock), but the picture frame with us in it on my nightstand near my bed.
Yeah, well, I'm not really that sentimental because when we were still in 'okay' terms, I hid that picture in my okaasan's bedroom because if you happen to find it, I know you would tease me to no end about it. Besides, at that time, I kept those pictures for souvenirs during that special vacation in one of the beaches in the country.
I could still remember that time. We were just sixteen years old and you won that free vacation for two on that poetry-writing contest you joined. You asked Yukimura-jisan to go with you but he declined, saying he's too old for a vacation like that, and besides, he had the ramen house to look after.
So, the next choice would be anyone of the girls, Niki, Hina and Meia because I found out that you were shy to ask me because it isn't proper for the two of us to go as it might falsely 'confirm' that we really have something going on. Why else would an unattached guy and girl go on a vacation like that even if they said they're just friends?
People sometimes have dirty minds.
Anyone of the girls is willing to go with you, of course, but Yukimura-jisan would not allow you to go with only a female companion. Of course, I secretly agree with him because it wouldn't exactly sit well with me if you're going to the other part of the country with only a girl to accompany you. It sounds dangerous.
Not wanting that free vacation to go to waste, you asked me to go with you and I readily agreed. Who wouldn't? It's free, and besides, (I remember saying this a thousand times already) I can't say no to you.
And so, we went there, spent the whole month together in one hotel room (of course, I slept on the couch though nobody would believe me), and explored the whole place. We ate, went swimming, got a fantastic tan, shopped til we dropped, laughed and everything we could think of of doing.
It was the best damned summer I ever had. And one time, while we were at the park, I was sitting under a tree, reading a manga I bought from the nearby bookstore; while you sleep, your head on my shoulder.
As soon as you wake up, a photographer handed us both a photo of us on that tree. Obviously, he had been watching us and unknowingly took a picture of us. His reason? It is a picture of peace and serenity. We haven't been successful in protesting when he dragged us to his studio and insisted that he take a few more shots on us.
They are good photos. The both of us are smiling and our eyes had that twinkle of amusement because the photographer had insisted that I wrap my arms around your shoulders as you lean your head on my chest.
We wanted to laugh at him because he wouldn't accept the idea that we are not a couple, but he wouldn't like it if we laugh so we hid our amusement inside, but our eyes showed it anyway. I still believe the photographer is demented.
And so, those pictures went to the drawer of my mother. But, after I told you that we should stop talking to each other, I tend to take those pictures out and look at it, reliving the memories.
So, in the end, two days after the dance, I bought this large picture frame which can hold three pictures and put our own pictures on it and displayed it on my table. If ever okaasan noticed it (that table was the only clean part of my room), she never told me about it.
"Yukimura-san," the teacher called that it snapped me from my daydreaming. "Please solve this problem on the board."
"Hai," you said, then stood up to head for the board.
I suddenly became wide awake as I watched you and what you're writing. Though I only half understood what the equation meant, I totally focused on it because it is you who did it.
I don't know what's happening to me but it's starting to freak me out. Really, I know you mattered to me before, but you didn't matter to me this much that made me attend the classes for two whole weeks.
Ever since I discovered that Zekuna had managed to become your friend, I attended the classes diligently even if it bored me out of my mind.
My initial reason was because I want to protect and guard you. It's good that we have the same classes, that I'd been able to look at you when in class. And so, I made it a point to sit behind you so that I could see you.
But every time I saw Omi talked to you, something stirred inside of me. Something that made me want to beat the lights out of him. And every time you smiled at him, or even just talked to him, I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth; which is very often.
I don't know how it happened but I suddenly disliked the guy. Before, I had a high respect of him. I know he can carry himself well, a smart lad but not exactly the weak type – someone like Kurama, only milder.
But when he suddenly started hanging out with you, I became mad at him. I know I'm being possessive even if I don't have the right, but I feel like he's taking away from me something that is mine.
I hated the way you two ate lunch together, the way he sat beside you in all the classes the three of us have together, the way he tell you stories and jokes, and the way you respond to him. But what I hate most is the way you're acting too civilly towards me because of him.
Yes, whenever Omi would see me while he's with you, he would always greet me, and you would greet me, too. But it was forced, I can tell, and it's always a simple 'hello'. You didn't even ask me why I always attend the class, how I'm doing and all. And whenever I ask you how you and Yukimura-jisan are doing, you would just answer with a simple 'we're fine'.
It's like the Keiko in you died whenever you're with me. You seemed like a different person. And I can do nothing about it so I just excused myself, and watch you and Omi in the shadows. Damn, but I hate every minute of it.
At least, he never tried to ask you to walk you home. I guess I have to thank Kami that he still had a class after our last subject. That time belonged only to us, even if you don't know about it.
Yeah, even if we're already in civil terms with each other (thanks to that Zekuna), I still kept following you from behind. There are times, of course, when I had this urge to just go and ask you if we could walk home together, but I didn't. Not because I'm afraid you would decline my offer but because you might accept; but our walk would only be full of uncomfortable silences. And even if I try to engage you in a conversation you would only answer me with as few words as possible and I wouldn't like that. And then, after that, I can't follow you anymore because you'll already know what I'm doing.
That's why I continued just like this. Following you from school to your house, from your house to school, and guarding you while in class. Just like what I'm doing right now.
"That's correct. Thank you, Yukimura-san, you may go back to your seat," the professor said and began explaining to the class the logic behind your solution.
But I did not listen to him; instead, I watched you as you made your way to your seat, a small smile on your lips because you managed to get the correct answer again.
And then, for the first time after this one hell of trouble that happened to us, your eyes locked with mine and, on impulse, I smiled at you. Smiled at you just to let you know that everything's going to be alright between us. That I'm not mad at you even if you told me we could not become friends anymore while I'm dating Kia. That I'm still here for you. No matter what.
It was only for a very few seconds but all the reactions that flashed your face had been known to me. I've seen the way your eyes flashed with surprise when I smiled at you, then it suddenly changed to warmness that I swore filled my aching heart, and the genuine smile that escaped your lips even for a second before you sat on your chair to talk to Omi.
If anything, I was shocked beyond belief. You actually smiled at me and I'm not hallucinating. Odd, but your smile never had this kind of effect on me before.
The effect that made me want to stare at your warm, brown eyes forever. The effect that made me want to grab you and kiss your full lips until my hunger for you had been filled. Until you had finally forgiven me for all the stupidity I had done. Until you would realize for once and for all that you only belong to me and not to that Omi Zekuna.
Until…damn! I wasn't aware of my train of thoughts as I was busily staring at your back, hair, and everything I could see, until this realization finally hit me.
Damn! I just developed this major crush on me best friend.
Author's Note: Sap, sap, this chappy is a sap but I think it's nice. Do you think it's too long? I've enjoyed writing this but I think Yuusuke is very OOC here. Review!
PS: I've updated my site, with a new look. Please take your time to browse through it.