Author's Note: I should have posted this chapter three days ago but since ff.net blocked me from updating 'til now, this chapter had been uploaded just now. (grins) For those of you who are wondering, I've been blocked because my other story, Ai Shiteru did not follow the rating system of this site. Due to this, I've started a mailing list so that I could continue the said story. However, for those of you who wanted to receive an email whenever I update this story, you can join the mailing list, too.
COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:
Jen – wow, you reviewed from the first chapter to the last, I'm so touched. I'm so glad that you like the story.
Bianka-chan – of course I forgive you for not reviewing this sooner. But promise me you'll try to review this diligently from now on, lol. Well, it is a nice compliment and I really liked receiving something that is so detailed like that rather than just telling me they like the story
Mutsumi – I don't really like writing Yuusuke's point of view because I'm not a guy and I don't really know how they feel that's why I think Yuusuke is somewhat OOC here. Demo, from the start of this story, we already know about Keiko's feeling towards Yuusuke so it is really when Yuusuke realizes his feeling for Keiko that the story would pick up.
Lillian – the parts that you said you enjoyed are also the parts I enjoyed writing, lol
Onitna – actually, I planned to make Kia really mean from the start of this story because her part is just really small, that is, to start the gap and to make Yuusuke realize his feelings for Keiko, and since she had accomplished the job, well, I won't say anything anymore. Lol
Bishounen lovah – I have to agree that Yuusuke is really stupid…lol
And to the others: Cherryblossom_gurl13, KagomeWannabe, soul 141, WaterGuardian, Rei-chan, Rose Angel, and Silver Eyes Bright – thanks so much for supporting and reading this fic of mine
Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 6: Having You Back
To say that it was crazy is underestimating things. Ever since I realized I had a crush on you, whatever sanity left in my life suddenly disappeared and now I wanted to bang my head on the nearest wall for allowing this to happen.
Everything changed so fast that I can't even understand what's happening to me until it was too late. And now, I'm acting really crazy and can't do anything about it.
I've been attending my classes regularly now and I actually listened to what was being taught! I'm telling you, this is not the real me and I know you knew that.
I don't know why I listened to the lessons and actually became a good student; but the mere idea that you would catch me doing, er, undignified things inside the classroom, such as sleeping, is enough to make me blush.
Hina, Meia and Niki are giving me peculiar stares that seem to ask 'what the hell has gotten into you?' but I just smiled goofily at them. Needless to say, they left me alone. I'm beginning to think that they thought I had gone mad. Not that I blame them. I'm beginning to think that I had gone mad, too.
And the craziest thing that happened to me is my reaction towards you. Yeah, after that smile you gave me (which made me tumble over the edge that I realized that I like you more than I should), we became more or less civil with each other. You nodded at me when we meet in the hallway or classroom or…anywhere. I would just smile shyly then turn away from you because I swear, I could feel myself blushing. Damn!
It's not crazy, it's outrageous! Whatever am I going to do with this ailment? I can't possibly survive this! What if we patch things up and decided to be friends again? I can't possibly blush the whole time we're together, can I? It was like…like, I don't know.
Is it possible to die from blushing too much?
Well, that got me laughing for quite some time. Imagine, the powerful Urameshi Yuusuke dying from blushing too much. It would surely go straight to the Guiness Book of Records.
But then, I realized that I am not that pathetic because when we actually talked one time, I didn't blushed. Thank kami-sama for that. I guess I am not just used to the fact that I am seeing something different whenever I look at you, so I blush.
So, I guess the problem is solved. I mean, now that we seemed to have patched things up, I can face life now with more enthusiasm than before.
However, things aren't the way they're supposed to be. Sometimes, when I figured out that nothing will go wrong again, something always come up to prove me wrong.
"Just tell me what the hell is wrong with you," I shouted at Kia, and I threw my hands in the air in exasperation.
However, Kia just cried softly that I had to sigh, defeated. Earlier that day, I was enjoying my sleep when Kia called me and asked if we could go somewhere private. So, I reluctantly got out of bed and took her in a secluded area in a park, but as soon as she sat down, she cried and cried and for thirty minutes, I've been coaxing her to tell me what's the matter with her, but she wouldn't tell me and I'm slowly losing my patience.
I sat down next to her on the bench and grabbed her shoulders firmly and shook her gently. "Talk, Kia. Tell me what's the matter with you."
I never expected an outburst what with her crying and all, so I was really surprised when she suddenly stood up and looked at me with fury in her eyes.
"Everything is wrong. Us. You. Yukimura –"
"Are we back to that again? I swear, Kia, we've been through this a thousand times already," I said impatiently. What the hell had gotten into her head this time that made her furious again at you? Last time, it's because I wasn't paying attention to the movie, what about now?
"Well, I'm sorry if you're getting tired of this already," she said sarcastically, "but until you stopped treating her as if she's more important to you than I am, then I won't stop."
I stood up suddenly, irritated by what she said. "Look, Kia, I don't know what's the deal with you but I'm not treating her as if she's more important to me than you are. I hardly talk to her – what's the point of saying all of these to you? You're not even listening to a word that I'm saying."
"Yuusuke –"
"Look, let's just go straight to the point of this whole damn thing because I'm getting tired of all of these. What do you want me to do to prove that you're more special than her?" I asked and I mentally hoped that the news won't reach you that I said that.
Of course, I lied to her. You will always be more special than she will ever be to me, but I have to say that because it's the right thing to say.
"I want you to stop being friends with her altogether," Kia said softly that I had to blink before it fully registered in my mind.
"You what?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"I know you heard me," she said softly then looked at me straight in the eye.
"Are you making me choose between you and Keiko?" I asked again, unable to hide the surprise I felt.
"In a way, yeah," she said, then sat down on the bench again and looked at her lap. "If you can't do it, then…then, we can't continue this anymore. It's not going to work."
"Kia," I began then sat down next to her, determined to change her mind, but she interrupted me from whatever I'm about to say.
"You don't have to say anything, Yuusuke. It's alright. If – if it's her, you can just go home and leave me here. I understand," she said and I swore I heard her crying.
I tried to think, but no coherent thought came. It's crazy. Having to choose between you and her. In all those times that we were together, we had a good time and maybe, it's just really me who made the relationship bitter. I wanted to change myself and do better, maybe put a little more effort in the relationship, but, damn! I made up my mind.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I'm ready to collapse when I finished washing the last batch of plates used in the ramen house, and right now, all I'm thinking is my soft, warm bed and sleep.
It had been a very busy day for me and otousan as the ramen house had been hopping with customers once again. The few staffs we have had already went home and left the last remaining chores to us.
I was on my way to my room when otousan called me that I groaned mentally. "Hai, tousan?"
"Someone's here to see you," he called from downstairs as he was still wiping the tables and sweeping the floor.
Thinking that it was Omi and it would be impolite to not see him, I dragged myself down the stairs, not even bothering if I look like a mess.
When I reached downstairs, I was surprised to find you there, but what made me more surprised is that you looked as if you've just gotten into a fight.
"What happened to you?" I asked as I went to the bathroom to get my medicine kit.
When I came back, you grabbed my hand and led me to the front porch. You sat on the bench then took off your shirt as I requested as I began to dabbed your wounds with wet cottons. There are deep cuts and I had to swallow hard to stop the tears from forming from my eyes every time you flinch as I gently clean your wounds.
"We broke up," you mumbled and I heard the pain in your voice. I knew she wouldn't do anything good to you.
"Really?" I asked softly, not really sure if I ought to ask what happened.
"Yeah," you said, then sighed. "Two days ago. She, uh, made me choose between you and her. I could not choose her, so, that was it."
"I'm sorry. She must be regretting that now," I said, though I don't really feel any sympathy towards her. I expected you to nod or talk some more about your relationship, instead, you laughed bitterly.
"I saw her making out with someone today," you said and smiled weakly. "I almost killed the guy hadn't Kuwabara passed by and stopped me."
I kept quiet. I didn't know what to say. So I just focused my attention in cleaning your wounds.
"I can't believe she was just using me. All this time, she's just doing all of those things to get me away from you and it worked," you said softly, then paused to caress my cheeks. "I'm sorry I'm such a horrible friend for betraying you like that. I should have known better. Can you forgive me? I'll try not to be a bastard next time."
It was good that I was kneeling as I bandage your wounds on your chest or you would have seen me crying my heart out. This is what I've wanted, right? For you to return to me and ask for my forgiveness. But for the life of me, I could not make myself speak and say I forgive you.
"Kei, come on," you said then slid off the seat.
"What are you doing?" I asked, alarmed, as I tried to make him sit back on the bench.
"I want to apologize properly, Kei," you said, "so I'll kneel on the floor and beg for your forgiveness if I have to."
"You can't do that," I exclaimed, stopping you from kneeling and forced you to sit down again on the bench. "I'm wrapping your wounds."
"No, you're not. You're crying. I've made you cry again and I'm sorry. Please, Kei, just let this one pass, I'll make it up to you, I promise, " you said, your voice gruff with emotions.
"Yuusuke no baka," I sobbed, threw my arms around your neck then buried my face on your chest as you wrapped your arms around me tightly, letting me cry, not caring if I'm soaking your bandage.
***CHANGE OF POV***
"So, where did you get that wounds again?" you asked me as you sip your coffee.
"Kuwabara. He used his Rei Ken on me," I said, as I shoved a mouthful of ramen inside my mouth again. After that very dramatic scene on the porch, you invited me inside to talk because your father had already gone to bed. And you're feeling quite cold. So, now, I'm eating the best dinner I had ever since we fought, because you had once again cooked my meal.
At first, I declined, knowing it's already past midnight and from the look of your face, you seemed too tired and about to collapse anytime, but you ignored me and still cooked something for me to eat.
"Kuwabara used his Rei Ken on you? Isn't that supposed to be illegal or something?" you asked incredulously that it made me chuckle.
"Don't worry. I almost fired my Rei Gun at him," I said then winked at you when you paled.
"You must have loved her that much for you to get mad at her new boyfriend like that," you said and sadness can be seen in your eyes once again.
I wanted to comfort you, and before I could think about it, I took your hand in mine, but immediately let it go when you looked at me. You might decide to take it the wrong way and you might slap me again. With the injury and wounds I have now, I don't think I could take anything anymore especially your slap.
"No, it's not like that, Keiko. I got mad because I was so stupid these past few months. It is Kia whom I'm mad at, but since she's a girl, I guess I turned my anger to the poor guy," I said then grinned lopsidedly at you.
"I see," you said simply, stood up and took your now empty cup to wash it. Obviously, you didn't believe what I said.
"You know, I've always and always will love you more than I've loved Kia," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Damn! I know that that slipup might cost me my life. Why the hell did I speak before I could think?
I stole a glance at you and I saw you blushing, and, kami help me, you looked so cute that my male hormones got so active that I blushed, too. "Er, well, something like that," I said then laughed nervously. "Well, you know that I love you, right?" I asked then gulped nervously when you smiled weakly.
Obviously, I made a mess out of the situation but, thank goodness, you didn't slap me for that. I guess you changed during those times when we weren't speaking to each other.
"I know," you said suddenly that I was so startled. "Come on, it's late. Clean that mess you made so you can go home already. I need to rest and I still got to go to school tomorrow."
At that, I got up and picked up my plate, chopsticks and glass and followed you in the kitchen. I was about to wash it when you gave me a wet rag and told me to wipe the table. I turned around to comply.
"Oh, and Yuusuke, don't forget to put the stools on top of the table, ne? I'll wash the dishes," you said from the kitchen. I had to shake my head as a smile played at the corner of my lips. You always were the sensible one. The neat freak, and, well, I'm just glad I have you back. Now, if I could figure out how to tell you what I really feel about you, then everything would be perfect.
Imagine, you and I, as couple. I guess no one would really be surprised. All of our friends seemed to think that we are made for each other, or something like that.
"Oh, good. You're done," you said from behind me that I almost jumped in surprise, and, damn! I swear I blushed again as if you've just read what I was thinking a while ago.
"What's the matter?" you asked as you followed me out of the ramen house.
"Nothing," I mumbled then turned to look at you to say goodbye.
"Liar," you said then smiled good-naturedly. "Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow," you said then nodded, as if waiting for me to leave.
"Um, Kei? Can I –" I began but I cannot do it. Shit! You're just going to ask her out, a part of my sane mind screamed in disgust, and, how come I suddenly can't look at you in the eye?
"What is it?" you asked innocently as you tilted your head a little to the right to be able to look at me in a more favorable angle.
I hesitated, then, mustered all my courage to look at you in the eye. "Can I, um, pick you up tomorrow before going to school? You know, just like we used to," I asked and prayed that you won't say 'no'. I mean, I'm already too coward to ask you out that I think I won't be able to handle it if you won't let me walk you to school. And I want to bang my head again on the nearest wall for being such a coward.
But then, I forgot all about it when you smiled brightly at me. "Sure! No problem. I'm so tired of walking alone."
But you were never alone. I was with you the whole time, I wanted to say, but I didn't. I know. I am a coward, but, what can I do? I'm so afraid to lose you again and that might happen if you don't feel the same as I feel about you. So, I just nodded.
"Well, then," you said, and I know you really want me to go. I can see that you can hardly keep your eyes open. "See you tomorrow?"
Before I could even think about it, I grabbed you and hugged you so tight as if my life depended on you; and in a way, it does. I felt you stiffen in my arms, but I didn't care. Right now, I simply won't care even if you slap me to death. All I care about is having you in my arms right at this moment. And it felt so right that I could stay like this forever.
But just like everything else in my godforsaken life, the moment just have to pass by; and no matter how much I hold on to it, I just have to let it go.
"Yuusuke?" you said softly and the moment was gone.
I sighed. But I refused to let you go. Instead, I rested my chin on top of your head and closed my eyes, as if blinking back the tears. Tears of happiness that I now have you back in my life. Tears of sadness because this is all I could get to be close to you. That this is all I could be to you.
"I'm sorry," I began, then paused to swallow hard, "I'm sorry for all that I've done. It's just that, I'm so glad to have you back. I…I missed you so much. Kami knows how much I missed you."
I felt you soften your stance and it was the greatest moment in my life when you hugged me back. Except, you have to let go. What a mush I had been this past few months. "I missed you, too," you said as you looked up at me, your beautiful warm brown eyes now clouded with tears.
You smiled at me and it took all my strength and self- control not to kiss you there and then. So, I pulled away from you and I just ruffled your hair and went on my way.
Author's Note: Done! Wow, I'm so happy. I like best the "Yuusuke no baka part" it kinda make me cry when I was writing it. I got the idea when Keiko had kissed him in the fifth episode of Yu Yu Hakusho because she hugged him that time, too, and I liked that hug so much because she threw all her weight at Yuusuke and cried her heart out. It was so sweet.