Author's Note: I'm once again apologizing for the delay. I got busy with the new layout for my site, (please check it out, I've got a fanart of Zekuna there à "others" section of fanart). And I'm also reviewing for my board exam, so bear with me.
COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:
Water Guardian – and I was wondering where my first reviewer for this fic went. Lol. Glad you're back…here's a reward for your patience, a nice long chapter for you.
Katie – alright, this is the update. Lol
Cherryblossom Gurl13 – I'm glad you like it.
Anigym – see if you can find me…lol. Anyway, I think if you do horrible things to me, I'll just make Omi end up with Keiko, hehe
Francine – if I put I love you, it would end the fic already, don't you think?
Your little nagger – guess I can't stop you from nagging…but you can't make me update if the chapter is not done yet, right? lol
YYH gal – please don't die. Here's your chapter.
Rose Angelz, angel-leigh, Penny: Angel of Darkest Dreams, LittleDarkOne, DAMN, Celebgwenn, K1K, aira,
Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 11: I Love You, Yukimura Keiko
"Hey, gorgeous!" you said and under his arms, I stiffened and paled noticeably.
"Are you alright?" Omi asked me, worry evident in his eyes.
I barely nodded.
"Are you –"
"I'm sure, Omi. Don't worry about me," I cut him off and sighed. My shoulders slumped as I forced my eyes not to wander and look for you.
I know you were somewhere here. Somewhere near. I can hear your voice even if I can't really make out what you were saying.
It's been two weeks. Yeah, two weeks since you walked out on me; and well, up to now, I don't know what to do to get you to talk to me.
Of course, we talk while we were inside the classroom but it was composed of questions and monosyllabic answers. Whenever I tried to engage you in a conversation, you always managed to make some excuse to leave.
"Are you having trouble with Yuusuke?" he asked me again.
I shook my head. I don't know why, but I don't want him to know about our fight. I know he's not dumb and I know he figured out something was wrong, but at least he respected my privacy that I don't want to tell him about it.
"You haven't been talking to him –"
"He's busy," I interrupted him and he only snorted in disapproval. See? I told you he's not dumb.
"Why don't you go ahead? You have a class, right?" I asked irritably and narrowed my eyes at him.
"Alright," he sighed, giving up. "Tell you what, why don't you wait for me after class? I'll walk you home," he said.
"No need," I said while shaking my head. "I'll meet up with Niki, anyway. Some other time, maybe?" I asked. Of course, I know he was only doing this because he knew I don't want to walk home alone. Omi, he was such a darling.
"Alright. Whatever you want," he said then gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you then?"
"Yeah, bye." I said and smiled at him before turning around.
I spotted you with Meia and walked towards you to at least listen to the conversation. I know eavesdropping is bad but if I suddenly join the conversation, you will just go – again. Besides, I want to watch you for a few minutes.
***CHANGE OF POV***
"Hey!" I said defensively as I grabbed the paper from her. "This is the highest mark I got in a Math exam – ever!"
"You mean even when we were in grade school and we were asked to write the kanji of numbers?" Meia asked incredulously and I only huffed in response.
"But, Yuu-kun! This is a fail! 42 out of 100 is a fail and that is the highest grade you got?" Meia asked again, oblivious to my irritation.
"Well, thanks a lot! You surely boosted my confidence," I said sarcastically. Then, I turned serious, "So, what about it?"
"What about what?"
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "The chemistry book!" I said, exasperated. "I told you earlier that I'm borrowing that, right?"
Meia narrowed her eyes at me. "Why are you borrowing my chemistry book again?"
I scratched my head. Oh boy, is borrowing a book from a girl really this difficult? "Isn't it obvious?" I asked.
"You're going to study chemistry?!" Meia asked again, surprise written on her face.
"Well, it's not like I can eat it, right?" I said sarcastically. Seriously, what's her problem if I wanted to study?
"Where's your book?"
"I don't know. Got buried in my room," I said sheepishly at her, but still, she narrowed her eyes at me.
"And why is it that it is my book that you're borrowing?"
"Well, it's not like I can borrow from my ex-girlfriend, right?" I asked sarcastically, again, then glared at the students who were staring at us. I mean, what the hell is their problem, anyway?
"Where's Keiko?" she suddenly asked.
"How the hell should I know?" I asked, irritated because of the students previously staring at us. They cowered away but I heard them saying things like I'm intimidating poor Meia.
If I were to say my own opinion, I'd say Meia is intimidating me. And speaking of intimidating –
"You don't know where Keiko is, you're not borrowing the book from her, did you two have a fight?" she asked me.
"We didn't have a fight," I denied and vehemently shook my head.
"Then why aren't you with her?" she continued asking me. Really, the trouble I had to go through just for a book.
"Because she's busy!"
"Keiko told me she's not doing anything after class," Meia informed me and I guess I totally lost it.
"Fine! If you don't want me to borrow your book, you can just say so," I said, irritated and was about to leave when –
"Hi guys! I heard my name. Were you talking about me?" you said and my heart stopped beating.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I didn't really mean to join the conversation but it looks like Meia is starting to irritate you.
"Good, you're here. Tell me, did you and Yuu-kun had a fight?" Meia asked me.
"No. Why would we fight?" I lied, and tried looking confused. I guess I'm a pretty good actress because Meia looked a little ashamed of herself.
"See? I told you," you said as Meia handed the book to you.
"Yuusuke said you were busy. I thought you're not doing anything today?" she asked me.
I looked at you, looking terribly bored, and fought the urge to laugh. Yeah, since when did Meia become this interrogating policewoman?
"Actually, I had a meeting awhile ago. It was sort of an emergency," I lied again. Why I'm doing this, I'm not even sure.
"I see," Meia said then looked from me to you. I guess she can sense that she's being lied at.
"Aren't you supposed to go to your meeting or something?" you asked her and her face suddenly lit up.
"Oh yeah, that reminds me. See you," she said, then turned to leave.
When she was out of earshot, you turned from me and started to walk away.
"Yuusuke, wait up!" I called and I was glad that you stopped and looked at me, well, even if you don't look really friendly.
"You're going home?" I asked and my heart sank when you just shrugged. Well, it's not a crime to speak, you know?
"That's nice. Can we walk together? I hate walking alone," I blabbed on. Yeah, I'm just pretending to be cheerful and act really talkative because uncomfortable silences with you always made me, um, uncomfortable.
You cleared your throat. "Actually, I'm not going home yet."
"Why? Where are you going?" I asked nervously. Usually, when you don't head home straight after school, you end up in brawls and god knows what trouble.
"I've got…plans," you said as we walked side by side.
See? This was yet another one of your excuses so that you can get away from me. But I'm too tired of this chase.
"Really? That's alright. I don't really want to go home yet," I said and smiled as I walked ahead.
You stopped in your tracks. "You can't come with me," you said and I think I heard panic in your voice. What's wrong with you now?
"Why? Where are you going, anyway?"
"Uh, I've got plans with Kurama."
At that, I laughed. But I think it was a bitter laugh. Really, can't you come up with a better excuse? Plans with Kurama? I knew for a fact that aside from studying and being active in extra-curricular activities, Kurama also worked part-time for Hatanaka-san's business. And what time he has left was either spent on Reikai doing god-knows-what, or just staying at home, studying.
You can't find a busier person than Kurama and you're telling me you've got plans with him? That was full of crap.
"What's so funny?" you asked suddenly. I guess I should be thankful. This is the longest conversation we had ever since you found out I'm dating Omi.
"You." I said and when you raised an eyebrow, "Look, Yuusuke, if you want to get rid of me, you should think of a more realistic excuse than –"
"Hey, Keiko!" Kurama greeted me, I suddenly forgot what I was saying.
"Hey," I greeted, "What are you doing here?"
Kurama looked at us, puzzled. "Didn't Yuusuke tell you? He was asking some help for his Chemistry."
"Oh." I said. Well, what can I say? I didn't know you were telling the truth. I thought you were pulling Meia's leg when you borrowed the book. "I didn't know he was serious," I said, glancing at you.
You were looking away so I turned to Kurama and smiled. "So, what have you been up to nowadays?"
He shrugged. "Nothing much. How about you? I heard you were pretty busy."
"I am?" I asked, confused. Aside from the student council, which I've been a member for years, there's nothing I can think of for me to get busy with.
"Well, Yuusuke told me you were busy that's why he was asking me for help," Kurama explained then looked at you, confusion written on his face.
I looked at you and you seemed to be avoiding my eyes. Well, it wasn't new, really. You've been avoiding me for two weeks, you were lying to our friends, even and well, I don't really know what's wrong.
Actually, I do. I do know what's wrong. You wanted your space but you don't want everyone to know that we're having trouble, so you lied to them.
"She was, uh, quite busy," you said to Kurama before glancing at me nervously.
"Yeah," I sighed. "I was busy this last two weeks. Yuusuke and I didn't really have that much time to talk and hang out."
"Well, since you don't seem to be busy today, you can join us," Kurama invited. "Actually, you could help me by telling me what you've discussed, your next lesson and the likes, you know."
I opened my mouth to answer but you beat me into it.
"She can't."
"She can't?" Kurama repeated in question, then looked at me as if it would make him understand.
"Actually, I don't really have anything to do, so –"
"Aren't you supposed to meet with Zekuna or something?" you asked in irritation maybe because I decided not to play along.
"Woah! Wait a minute," Kurama said, halting the already brewing fight between us, "who is this Zekuna?"
"Keiko's boyfriend," you said, then, "she's not coming with us. She's BUSY!"
Kurama cleared his throat, at lost of what to say, and I just had enough.
"Well, since you're so into the idea of avoiding me, I will, of course, accommodate you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have this sudden appointment to go to because I am such a busy person," I said then walked out on you both.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I looked at your retreating figure when Kurama patted me on the back. That surely got my attention.
"Yuusuke, buddy. I would like to say that you blew it, big time!"
"I did it, didn't I?" I said forlornly as we started walking towards his place.
"What really happened?" he asked me.
"You witnessed it, right? I kept pushing her away and she just blew me up!" I said, irritated.
"Why do you keep on pushing her away, anyway?"
I couldn't look at his eyes, instead, I looked on the ground when I lied. "She kept her relationship from me for two weeks. It hurt me, as if she didn't expect me to understand."
He chuckled. "Well, considering your reaction now, she would really keep it from you had she predicted that."
I glared at him. "Are you siding her?" I asked. Hn, some friend I got.
He laughed this time. Really, does this man know how close he is to being throttled to death? "No, I'm not siding her. I'm just trying to get you to say the truth."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you saying that I am lying?"
"I did not say that," Kurama said and smiled a little too innocently as we turned right at the corner.
"Well, I'm telling the truth," I said and nodded to prove what I said.
"So you say."
"I really am telling the truth," I insisted.
"Right."
"Well," I said then turned to him, "If I am not telling the truth, what do you think is the reason why I'm avoiding her?" I challenged him.
"You're jealous of her boyfriend," Kurama said as a matter-of-factly, I was shocked, my jaw dropped.
"Are you out of your mind?" I asked, aghast. Am I that transparent?
"No, you are. Actually, you're going crazy with your jealousy of her boyfriend," he goaded more, and left me there standing in front of his apartment while he opened the door.
When my senses came back to me, I followed him inside the house and found him in the kitchen, raiding his refrigerator.
"I am not jealous. Why the hell would I be jealous?" I still denied stubbornly.
"I don't know. You tell me," he challenged me as he tossed me a soda. I caught it, but did not open it immediately.
"I'm not jealous. Now, quit it. I'm here for the Chemistry."
***CHANGE OF POV***
"That's not fair," I said and stomped my foot while we walked on our way to our house later that day.
After I walked out on you, I just decided to wait for Omi and reasoned to him that Niki cancelled on me because she has something to do after school.
"Why? It's not my fault," Omi said as he looked at me curiously.
"It is so," I said stubbornly, "You shouldn't have studied for the quiz."
"You told me to study, so I did," he reminded me, exasperated, "why are you so worked up about it, anyway?"
"Because I didn't study. If I had studied, I would get a higher mark, higher than yours."
The guy had the nerve to laugh. After I waited for him for more than an hour, then getting the results of our exam, his being higher than mine, he had the gall to laugh. "So, that's it. You're getting worked up because I got a higher mark because I studied and you didn't."
I did not say anything about that.
"Why didn't you study, anyway?" he asked me, "you almost pushed me out of your house that night," he said, referring to the night when you found out about us.
I looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "Have you forgotten that Yuusuke was there, too?"
"Oh yeah," he said and slapped his forehead. "You two fought?"
"No." I denied.
He snorted. "That's why you've been moody this past few days?"
"I am not moody," I told him and kicked a stone on the street.
He snorted again. "I'm not blind, honey. It will be easier if you will just admit it and let it all out."
At that, I looked at him and I felt tears gather at the corner of my eyes. He's such a real angel and I know I don't deserve him. Not when I'm in love with another man.
Not when I'm in love with you.
"He got mad at me because I didn't tell him about us sooner. He said I'm just getting my revenge because of what he did when he dated Miruni," I said and now, tears fell from my eyes.
And then, I was in his arms. He was holding me so tight and maybe, I was feeling so lonely that I hugged him, too. Relishing in the comfort his presence gave me.
I continued to cry, even when I knew I'm soaking his shirt, I cannot stop the tears.
I never noticed that you dropped your hands from me to get a tissue from your bag. Then, you tilted my chin and wiped the tears away.
"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked me softly as he caressed my cheek.
My lips trembled so I just shook my head. I know I can't trust my voice just yet.
"Are you sure? I can explain to him what happened. He might listen to me," he said, using that soft tone again.
I shook my head again. "He'll kill you, Omi," I said, matching the softness of his voice, forgetting the fact that we were in the middle of the street, that people might see us with our display of affection.
It's a good thing only a few people pass this street everyday.
"I'll do anything to make that smile appear on your face again, Keiko," he said, caressing my lips, "even if it kills me"
I turned away. "Don't say things like that to me," I said softly.
You tilted my chin up again so I would look at you. "Listen to me, you don't have to be afraid. I know. I know that he's more special than I am to you. I know that if I'll ask you to choose between us, I have no fighting chance."
"It's not like –"
"Ssshhh," he said, putting his index finger on my lips to stop what I have to say. "It's alright. Do you think I'm blind? Well, I'm not, though I'm not so sure if I'm stupid. I mean, look at me, I know you're loving another man and here I am, forcing myself on you. And you know what? I don't care. I don't fucking care. I LOVE YOU, YUKIMURA KEIKO."
I gasped, and jerked away from his embrace. This was the first time he told me he's in love with me. I thought he only liked me. "You can't possibly mean that!" I said and looked away so that he won't see the disappointment in my eyes.
True, I have been dreaming for this moment for so long. The words he said, everything was chosen carefully, it was very beautiful. Only, he isn't the right man. His mouth isn't the one I wanted to hear those words from.
He isn't you.
He will never be you.
"I mean it, Keiko," he spoke again, and when I look into his eyes, there was a determined glint in them. "And if it's the last thing I have to do, I will make you love me, you won't know what hit you."
With that, his arms encircled my waist, pulled me closer to him and kissed me with all the tenderness and passion I didn't know he possessed.
Author's Note: Done! I know you didn't like the chapter, but I love it so much. (notice that the chapter is unusually long?) So, please do review. It would inspire me to write more faster and more beautiful chapters for you, guys.
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