Author's Note: Here's the next installment…Enjoy!
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Disclaimers Applied!!!
Mixed EmotionsChapter 12: Are You or Are You Not?
"I really hate you," I said and groaned as I lie down his bed.
"No, you don't," he said and pulled me into a sitting position. "Now, come on and finish this."
"I don't want to," I said and frowned at him.
Kurama only laughed. "Don't be so mule-headed about it. Now finish the bloody homework."
"But I'm so tired. My brain is demanding a rest already," I wailed but Kurama only handed me the calculator.
Why oh why did I ever think asking Kurama to tutor me was a fantastic idea? It was god-awful! He didn't even show me any kind of mercy and won't give my tired little mind a rest.
"No. We won't stop 'til you finish this," he said firmly.
I sighed and glared at him. Fine! I knew he wouldn't relent. Not a nerd like him.
I should have asked Meia's help instead, I thought but immediately disregarded the idea. She's more ruthless than that kitsune.
At least, Kurama allowed me to eat snacks every once in a while.
It's just that, why am I being like this anyway? I, myself, don't know. Maybe I'm just used to your pampering. You know, whenever you would tutor me, you totally understood that I'm not used to long study periods.
You allowed me to lounge around, eat, take a break and be immaturely impossible during those times that you ended up doing half of my homework.
But not this time. I knew you are just too furious at me right now that it won't be a good idea for me to approach you and ask you for your help.
It's not like I want to ask for your help, either. I'm just insanely jealous of Zekuna – no matter how much I deny it to myself and to everybody.
I stared at the problem and disgustedly looked at the kitsune. "What the hell is this? I can't even understand a damn thing!"
Kurama smiled patiently at me. "It's called valences, Yuusuke," he said as if that sentence made perfect, logical sense to me.
"I have never seen anything like this before," I said definitely.
"Of course, you haven't," Kurama said grimly and handed me my notebook, "look at your notes. How do you expect to learn with that?"
I took a peek and immediately blushed. On that page was a big WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS LOON TALKING ABOUT? And under that were a number of your name. Yukimura Keiko.
"I was just –"
"Sure. You were just bored to death and can't understand a thing. So you wrote Keiko's name a number of times. You seemed to have an awful fascination of her name. You want to claim it as your own? Or, are you still going to deny that you like her?"
"I don't – alright. I do like her. So what? She's got a boyfriend already," I said, totally upset and irritated.
"Look, maybe if you tell her –"
"Ha! She'll probably think I'm out of my mind and succeeded in going over the edge," I said bitterly.
"I don't think –"
"Hi guys," Botan greeted as she soared into the window of Kurama's room.
I was not really in the mood for her cheerfulness that night so I just nodded at her and my jaw almost dropped open when she sat next to Kurama and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
Honestly, if I were in my normal self right now, I would have teased them. So that's why Kurama's been spending so much time in Reikai – his girlfriend was there.
"Haven't you got anything to do?" Kurama asked her, confused, but she just smiled at him.
"I just dropped by here. I'm going in two minutes," Botan said then stood up and went to his closet, "did I leave my jacket here the last time? I can't find it in my closet."
I followed Kurama with my gaze when he stood up and went to his closet and crouched down. "Here it is."
"Thanks," she said as she put on the jacket, "I'm going now. Drop by my place when you have some free time, alright?"
When Kurama nodded, she smiled and kissed him again. I turned away because I know I'm invading their privacy already.
"Bye, Yuusuke!" I heard her say and looked up to her as just before she soared into the air again.
"I didn't know you are dating her," I said and he only shrugged at me.
"You wanna go get some lunch?" he asked instead and I just nodded at him, glad that he had forgotten my problem with you.
*-*
"Why do we have to eat here, of all places?" I asked irritably as he ushered me inside your ramen house.
"I haven't been here in ages," he said and smirked at me.
"I'm not going to tell her about it," I said to him and he only smirked at me – again.
"Don't be stupid. We're here to eat, not court your bestfriend."
***CHANGE OF POV***
He's here, I panickedly thought that I didn't notice I smoothened my hair nervously.
"Keiko!"
Otousan called me and I weakly walked over to him. "What is it, tousan?"
"Your lad is here. Ask him what he wanted to eat," he urged me and I guess I blushed furiously because I can feel my face go hot.
"Yuusuke is not my lad, tousan," I told him, quite embarrassed by his assumption.
"Sure. Now ask him what he wanted to eat, I'll just wash the dishes at the back –"
"But tousan!" I complained but my father had already gone inside. Some father I got!
Alright, so I was left there to take your orders, and cook for it, too. I just hope I won't be too tempted to put mustard in your food because you certainly have no idea that you hurt me because you are being such an ass.
I walked towards you and almost sighed when you turned your gaze away from me.
Okay, I can take that. I know you're mad at me and my heart doesn't really have to break because of that.
"Hi, may I take your orders, please," I said politely, the lines, well-rehearsed.
"I don't really know, what can you offer us, Keiko?" Kurama asked me and politely smiled.
"Um –"
"We'll have the house's special, two orders," you told me, but you didn't even look at me.
"How about some drinks, sir?"
Kurama chuckled at that. "Just two sodas. You don't have to be so polite, we're frie—"
"Would that be all, sir?"
"Keiko –" Kurama began.
"So, let me repeat your order. Two house specials and two sodas?"
I felt you look at me and saw Kurama shook his head. I know I'm being impossible, but if you want to act distant towards me, then I'll accommodate you, of course.
"Yes, that would be all," Kurama said.
"You're order shall be served in fifteen minutes," I said then turned to leave, but I heard my father shouted –
"The meal's on the house, lad!"
"Thank you, jisan," you had the nerve to say, that I shut my eyes in irritation.
***CHANGE OF POV***
"Jerk," I muttered when he came in and Kurama looked at me, surprised.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, easily dismissing him as my eyes followed Zekuna's every move.
But I know Kurama was very astute so I wasn't really surprised when he said, "If looks could kill, that guy would have to be measured for a coffin already."
I frowned and glared at him, but he only smiled naughtily at him. "Finish your ramen, I need to go to work."
I looked at him in surprise. "Work? At six o'clock in the evening?" I asked incredulously.
Kurama smiled at me naughtily. "You know what I mean, Yuusuke," he told me.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Yeah, right. You're going to visit your girl in Reikai," I said grumpily.
"Why," he began mockingly, "Are you jealous of me because you can't have the girl of your dreams?"
Sly. The kitsune was sly, I wanted to tell you. Because as soon as those words were said, my gaze traveled to you…and Zekuna.
You two seemed to be enjoying each other's company as you talk and laugh and kid around.
It was sickening, I had the urge to hurl everything that's inside my stomach.
But when he brushed some stray locks away from your face and caressed your cheeks, something inside me snapped.
I broke my chopsticks in two, imagining it was Zekuna's neck as I stood abruptly, my gaze not leaving both of you.
However, I'm not prepared for the strength that stopped me when Kurama grabbed my hand and held me in place.
I turned to glare at him and demand him to let go of my arm but he looked so serious and firm, I knew he wouldn't relent.
Even if I wanted to break from his grasp, I knew I won't be able to without throwing a fist at him. And I don't like fighting with my friends. Well, except Kuwabara who would challenge me for a fistfight every once in a while.
So, I sighed, defeated. The fury died in my eyes as I allowed Kurama to lead me out of the ramen house and into the clearing.
You know, the clearing where we spent our nights when we were young to count the stars. The clearing where I said goodbye to you when I left to join the Makai Tournament years ago.
He sat on the ground and I followed suit, my anger returning.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Whatever you want," he said as he lay down and looked at the stars.
After about five minutes, I gave up, and looked at him," Aren't you going to meet up with Botan?" I asked.
He shrugged. "She can wait. Besides, she's still working."
I looked at him, incredulous. "Are you serious with her?"
"What do you mean?" he asked nonchalantly.
"I mean, do you love her?"
"Of course, I do. Never felt this good before. Why? You think I'm just using her for sex?"
"No, I, but –"
"How come it looks like I'm taking her for granted for making her wait for me?" he finished the question I had in mind.
I slowly nodded.
He chuckled. "Yuusuke, we're already in the stage where we are already so comfortable with each other and with the relationship that we understood we needed some personal space as well."
"It doesn't mean I'm taking her for granted. I know she's busy with her work and she knows I'm busy with my school and job here. But we made it a point to meet at least once a week to catch up on each other," he continued.
"I'm so sorry. I don't mean to say you're toying with her," I said, ashamed. Yeah. After all the help he gave me, I had to think he's some maniac toying with my friend.
Well, no one could really blame me, right? Hiei told me about the kitsune's reputation in women when he was still famous in Makai.
"That's alright. Just remember that I don't toy with someone I work with. Too much trouble," the kitsune said and shrugged.
I just nodded. Well, what can I really say?
"So, you do like her so much, huh?" Kurama suddenly asked, I didn't really know who he was talking about.
So asked him.
He chuckled instead of answering me. "Yuusuke, if you are thinking of Botan when I asked that question, I'll have to wring your neck. I'm a very possessive guy."
I didn't really know if I blushed or paled. I thought he was talking about how I like Botan that I'm looking after her welfare.
I didn't think he was talking about, well, you.
"What?" he prodded me to answer.
I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."
"You guess so?"
"Look, I don't know, okay? What are you trying to say, anyway?" I asked him, irritated at his attempt to play mind games.
"Let's put it this way, Yuusuke," he said patiently, "I've had so many women, exotic ones, adventurous, and even the timid ones in my bed. But not a single one of them had the power to invoke such overwhelming emotions on me like jealousy the way Botan had," he told me.
"I don't really have time for this shit," I told him coldly. Who cares about the kitsune's escapades with women, anyway?
"All I'm saying is that, you were mighty jealous of that guy earlier. Are you sure you just like her?" he asked me, making sure his message was loud and clear.
And for all my stupidity, I understood very well what he was trying to tell me.
***CHANGE OF POV***
"It's him again, huh?" he asked me so softly, I wanted to die in shame.
"I'm so sorry. I know this is hard for you, but –"
"I understand perfectly that you are not your normal self whenever Yuusuke would appear or his name would merely be brought up in our conversation," Omi said woundedly.
"I know you don't deserve to be treated this way," I said softly as I looked in your eyes.
"Then don't treat me this way. Love me like I love you, please Keiko," he pleaded and I cried.
"I'm so sorry. I really am. But if because of this, you want to leave me, then –"
I never got to finish what I was to say because he kissed me gently as he hugged me in that same, comforting hug I had grown to love. The same hug that lets me know that no matter what wrong I had done, I will always be welcome in his arms.
I cried. And this time, not because of the pain you caused me. Not because of the helplessness I'm feeling when I'm without you.
Not even because I'm doomed forever for loving you the way you never would.
I cried because of the pain I've caused him – the only person who loved me the way I want you to.
Even if he didn't show it, didn't say it, I know I've hurt him so much that I cried for him.
"I won't leave you. Not now, not ever, Keiko," he said as he tried to pull me away from him.
I clung to him and held him tighter. "Please hold me for a few more minutes," I whispered in his ears and he relented.
He sat down on the couch and I climbed on his lap like a little girl. I used to do this with my otousan when I was young.
He would tell me stories while stroking my hair until I fall asleep. He would cuddle me and ask me softly to dry my tears whenever I came home crying, because you teased me again or we fought.
I never realized I missed it until Omi cuddled me and pulled me closer to him.
I sighed contentedly in his arms. "Thank you for putting up with me," I whispered in his ears and I can feel him smile.
"That's alright. Anything for you, love," he said in return as he kissed my hair.
We stayed like that for about half an hour and I grew really sleepy. Then, I felt him stood up, carrying me in his arms, as he made way to my room.
I panicked but I was too sleepy to do something. I know that my otousan was busy downstairs and with the sleepy state I'm in, I know he could have his way with me.
Instead, he put me down on the bed gently, tucked me under the covers and kissed me on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Keiko," he whispered.
I smiled, though my eyes remained closed. "I really like you, Omi," I whispered and because of that, I earned another kiss on the lips.
***CHANGE OF POV***
I jumped away from him. "Are you saying that I'm in love with Keiko?" I asked, aghast, as I glared at the kitsune.
"No," he said mockingly, then looked at me, "are you?"
I couldn't seem to breathe even though the shirt I had on was very loose. "I'm not," I said.
"Then why are you so worked up?" he asked me cheerfully that I wanted to strangle him right at that moment.
"That's because you're telling me that I'm…but I don't, I mean, I'm not…"
I quit trying to explain. I couldn't anyway.
But was it really possible for me to love Yukimura Keiko? My bestfriend?
You?
I groaned and closed my eyes. I am not in love with you, right? Not to a violent, loud-mouthed woman like you…right?
Not to a stubborn woman who can't seem to keep out of trouble because you kept meddling with my Reikai missions.
Right?
But how come it looks like as if I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not in love with you when –
Alright, I admit, as the truth finally slapped me suddenly in my face. I am in love with you.
Are you happy, now, kitsune? I groaned again.
And I can't really believe I'm capable of being this stupid.
That explains why I've been so protective of you since we were children. Why I'm so mad at you right now for dating Omi and why I'm so jealous of him. Why it's always you I run to whenever I need someone. Why I care so much about you and why you had so much power over me, you can convince me to do anything or even drive me to do anything for you.
Why I can't let go of you and our friendship.
I am in love with you. I've been loving you for so long, I no longer know the difference between loving you and not loving you.
I am in love with you. "I am in love with her," I finally admitted, my voice gruff with emotions.
Kurama smiled and opened his mouth to say something when Botan suddenly appeared – again.
"What are you doing here?" we both asked.
She smiled at Kurama before turning to face me seriously. "You have a new mission. Come with me."
Author's Note: Well, that was done…I'm nearing the end of this fic…about four chapters more to go…can't wait.
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