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Mixed EmotionsChapter 13: First Kiss
My head was bowed low when I reached your place and I sighed deeply before entering the ramen house.
"Gomen, we're already clos – oh, it's you, lad!" Jisan greeted me and I smiled weakly in return. "Haven't seen you for quite some time, eh?"
"I was –"
"Keiko, come down here for a minute!" he said and motioned for me to sit down.
"What's the matter? I'm studying – oh, it's you," you said as soon as you saw me. But then, the friendliness was gone in your eyes, replaced by weariness. "What do you want to eat?"
I inwardly winced, but I only shrugged nonchalantly. Of course, I don't have the right to feel hurt because that was your normal greeting whenever I drop by your place late at night.
But then, this isn't quite normal because we haven't talked for a week. You could at least ask me what happened and why I am here.
"Go on," I heard jisan say as you went inside the kitchen, "join Yuusuke. You haven't eaten your dinner yet. Are you dieting?"
"Tousan!" you protested. "I'm just studying and forgot to eat dinner. I'm not dieting."
"Yare yare. Whatever you say."
Then, you appeared carrying a tray with two bowls of steaming ramen and two glasses of water. After handing me my food, drink and chopsticks, you sat beside me.
"I need to talk to you," I said, not even bothering to give the food a glance.
You split your chopsticks in half, "Talk," you said, then began eating.
"I –" I began, then glanced at your father. No offense meant, you know how I respect jisan, but this is quite confidential.
"Alright. I'll be upstairs when you need me," jisan said and left the room.
"Well?" you asked me, though a bit indifferently.
"I'm going to Makai," I muttered, then glanced at you. You suddenly stopped eating and looked at me.
"Why?" you asked weakly.
"I was summoned by Koenma for a mission," I said.
You nodded and smiled bitterly. "Well, that's what you wanted, right? A little adventure in your getting-dull life."
"Kei –"
"When are you leaving?" you asked nonchalantly. As if you don't really care if I go, just merely curious.
"Tomorrow night, when it's dark enough," I said.
"What did your mom say?" you asked again before I could say anything else.
I sighed. You have always cared for my mom, "It was alright with her. She just asked me which is farther, Makai or America."
"Well, there's no problem isn't it?" you told me nonchalantly as you resumed eating.
"I'll be gone for three whole years, Kei," I muttered and my heart sank when you looked at me, though surprised, indifferently.
"Well, that's a mighty long time."
"I know," I said woundedly.
"Good, then you won't be here when I marry –"
I grasped your shoulder tightly. "Three years, Keiko. Give me three years and I'll be back. Please don't marry him, or anyone for that matter, while I'm gone."
You raised an eyebrow at me. "Why? You want to be the best man in my wedding?"
I vehemently shook my head. I wanted to say, I wanted to be the groom in your wedding, but I stopped myself in time. "Please, Keiko. Give me three years. That's all I'm asking you."
CHANGE OF POV
I looked away because of too much intensity coming from your eyes. I have always loved your eyes; it conveys all your emotions inside. It doesn't hesitate to show the emotions you are feeling, making it a little easy to understand you.
"Alright," I muttered. It's not that difficult to wait for three years, anyway. I'm still too young to marry and I planned to do a lot of things before I settle down.
"Thank you," you said gratefully.
I nodded and stood up to clean my dishes. There's no need for me to wait for you, because being so familiar with the place already, you can clean the table and wash your dishes on your own. "Well, you've done what you had to do, I need to close this place now," I said indifferently and when I reached for my plate, you grabbed my hand.
"Keiko, I –"
"What?" I asked, mildly exasperated. I can't really understand why you won't say what you wanted all at once.
"I hope to spend the rest of my time here with you," you said, your eyes suddenly full of hope.
I think my eyes hardened from what I heard. Well, I know I ought to be touched that you wanted to spend the rest of your time with me but I was just too hurt to notice. "I thought you're mad at me," I said bitterly.
You looked ashamed for a minute, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me," you said weakly.
"I thought you wanted your space?" I accused again, the apology you asked, not even reaching my heart.
"I was wrong, Kei," you pleaded, "I was mad and jealous that he'll take you away from me."
You admitted that you were jealous but right at that moment, I was just too mad to care. Too hurt to feel. "So, every time you got mad and jealous you would call me names and won't talk to me for how many days?"
Tears gathered at the corner of your eyes. "No, Keiko. Every time I get mad, I know I'll shout at you, call you names you didn't deserve which will make you slap me, then I'd sulk around and won't talk to you for a couple of days or weeks. But we both know I'll come back crawling on my knees to apologize and ask you back. I can't live without you, Kei."
I never noticed that, as you were saying those words, tears fell down from my eyes. And when you finished, you stood up and locked me in your arms tightly. Making me feel who I am to you.
Making me realize how much you needed me.
"I'm so sorry, Keiko, please forgive me," you whispered in my ear.
"I have always forgiven you in the past, Yuusuke," I replied softly, "this time is no different."
Though for me was already impossible, you held me tighter and I was awed when I felt your hard muscles pressed against me. Your training as a Reikai tantei surely improved your physique.
"Thank you. I really appreciate this," you said gruffly in my ears.
CHANGE OF POV
I suddenly woke up when you entered your room dressed in your oversized pajamas. I smiled at the sight you presented me. Even when we were young, you had always worn pajamas to sleep that looks like one size larger for you.
Your wet hair indicated that you took a shower and without looking at me, you sat on your chair and began reading one of our textbooks.
I groaned and stood up from your bed and walked towards you. "What are you doing?" I asked, and put both my hands on your shoulders.
Yeah, I've been enjoying my liberties in you right now. I know, under the normal terms, you wouldn't have allowed me to touch you with familiarity, but right now, I simply won't care.
"I'm studying," you told me as you dry your hair with a small towel.
"Let's go to sleep, Kei. I'm tired," I whined and looked really sorrowful that you looked up at me, an eyebrow raised.
"You go ahead, I'll just dry my hair," you said softly.
"I'll wait for you," I announced and sat on your table.
You looked confused. "I thought you're tired?"
I smiled, "I'll wait for you," I repeated that you just shrugged and turned your attention back to your book.
After twenty minutes or so, which I spent staring at you, you announced that you're going to bed.
"Alright!" I said happily and hopped to your bed while choosing the softer pillow between the two on your bed.
"What are you doing?" you demanded.
"Getting ready for bed," I said cheerfully as I lifted the blanket and got inside the covers.
"And where are you planning to sleep?" you asked, your voice shrill from fear that if you would ask me, was unreasonable.
"Definitely not where you want me to," I said nonchalantly when I saw you glance at the couch near the window.
"Yuusuke, this is not proper at all," you said and shook your head but a small smile escaped your lips.
I snorted in response. "Come on, Keiko-prude, it's not like I'm going to rape you or something. You know me better than that."
"Don't call me prude. I – ah, well, what if otousan comes in and find us both in –"
"Come on, jisan practically treats me like a son. He won't think of anything bad about us."
"I –"
"Or if you insist, you can always sleep on the couch," I said cheerfully that you glared at me.
"I'm not sleeping on the couch," you told me and snatched my pillow. "By the way, this is my pillow. Use the other one," you said then got inside the covers and lied down, your back on me.
I smiled naughtily as I lay down beside you and wrapped my arms around your waist. You gasped loudly.
"What?" I asked innocently as I pulled you closer to me.
"Yuusuk-" your whining was cut by a very loud gasp.
CHANGE OF POV
"Yuusuk-" I started, but gasped instead when you blew at my ear.
You had the nerve to laugh. "You're very ticklish, Keiko. I like that very much."
"And you're using it to your advantage," I grumbled as I shuddered when you caressed my waist lightly. "Stop it!"
You chuckled. "Lower your voice. You'll wake jisan up."
"I'll wake the goddamn house if you don't stop tickling me," I snapped, then stilled. I felt it now.
"What are you doing?" I breathed nervously.
"Nothing."
"You're unbuttoning my PJ top!" I said and I frowned even though you can't see me.
"I just want to feel your stomach," you said and after unclasping enough buttons to expose my stomach, you pressed your hand on it and snuggled closer to me.
I didn't move for about fifteen minutes, the nervousness I felt gradually disappearing with each passing minute. Honestly, I'm glad that you stopped moving at all, and the even breathing told me you went to sleep already. I wouldn't have known what to do if you suddenly attacked me.
Yeah, though I can always slap you, this time, I was just too terrified to even voice out my protest.
"Yuusuke?" I called softly, and when you didn't answer, I shifted, but still, your full weight was all over me, I cannot move and my body was starting to feel numb.
I sighed noisily. "Kami, this is very uncomfortable!" I said loudly, I woke you up.
"Why? I'm quite comfortable with this," you said and I snorted.
"You would think so. Move a little, Yuusuke, I can't move and my body's getting numb already," I said but you didn't even budge.
"No."
"Yuusu-"
"Just for tonight, Kei. After tomorrow, you won't have to put up with this jerk again for three years," you said pleadingly.
"I'm not at all glad that you're leaving, Yuusuke," I said softly.
"I'm glad to hear that," you said and I felt you kiss my hair and snuggled to sleep.
I woke up and felt a tree had fallen on me. The weight was quite pleasant, though, but when I opened my eyes, I almost screamed.
What were you doing sleeping in my bed? Worse, what were you doing sleeping on top of me?
And then I remembered. And I admit I had to smile. I moved to get out of bed, but you quickly held onto me. "Don't leave me, Keiko. I can't live without you," you muttered and I know you're still asleep.
You haven't really outgrown talking while you sleep.
I stayed still for another ten minutes before shaking you gently. "Yuusuke, wake up," I said softly.
You stirred and opened your eyes. "Ohayou," you greeted and closed your eyes again.
I sighed. "Yuusuke, we have to get up," I said and nudged you. I shifted and then I felt…and I was so surprised I pushed you away from me.
You fell of the bed. "It's too early in the morning to be violent," you complained.
"You, uh," I said, sighed and blushed furiously while I looked at the ceiling.
"I what?" you asked, confused, then looked at the bulge in your pants.
If it was still possible, it made me blush even more.
"Should I apologize?" you asked sheepishly as you snatched a pillow to cover yourself.
"This is so embarrassing," I grumbled as I continued to look at the ceiling, not having enough guts to look at you in the eye.
"Well, it's normal for guys to get aroused considering the way we spent the night together," you had the gall to say.
"We did not do anything!" I snapped.
"Well, we were limb to limb and skin to skin the whole night last night. That's enough for any man to get excited," you reasoned out.
"Stop it," I said, "I can't believe we're talking about this. Besides, it was you who insisted we sleep the way we slept last night."
"So sue me. You felt so soft last night, you can't blame me for wanting to be near you. And I'm going away, remember? I won't be able to see you for three years so I want to remember everything about you," you said and by the widening of your eyes, I know you did not intend for that to slip out of your mouth.
I was surprised but quickly recovered. "I'm going downstairs. You," I paused to glance at the pillow covering you, "you take a shower before going downstairs. You can't let my father see you with…with – ugh!" I said and shook my head as I walked out of the room.
After twenty minutes, you went downstairs, your hair still damp from taking a shower. I frowned at you, displeased and embarrassed with what happened awhile ago.
You only grinned at me.
"Ah, lad, come, set the table, will you? Let's eat some breakfast before the place flooded with customers," Tousan said, and I guess, he didn't even notice that you're here so early in the morning.
We were seated already, eating our breakfast, when, "Did you sleep well last night, Yuusuke?"
"Tousan!"
"Why? I'm just asking him. I heard the two of you when you went upstairs last night." Tousan told me then turned his attention back to you. "Well?"
"I slept well, thank you," you said meekly, and glanced at me embarrassed. The reason why tousan heard us last night when we went upstairs was because you were so loud.
You were singing and laughing madly like a drunken man.
"Oi, lad, I'm telling you as early as now, I don't want a grandchild nine months from now. My daughter's still young," tousan said in a playful waning tone.
"Tousan!" I cried, aghast. I never thought he could think so lowly of us.
You turned red. "I won't do that to Keiko, jisan. You know that. I didn't do anything to her," you said seriously and glanced at me.
Tousan sipped his coffee. "Yare, yare. I know you didn't. I was just kidding you. Hn, young ones."
"Sorry about that," I muttered when we reached the clearing and stopped walking. "I honestly don't know what had gotten into him."
It was already dark, the whole day passed by quicker than I had wanted. We spent the whole day in the ramen house, helping out. My father even taught you the proper way to handle the business and cook the ramen.
He said that it was better if you know about it already because when we marry (I cried out in embarrassment at that, but you took it nonchalantly), it will be us who will continue running it.
You obeyed and didn't even complain once, it surprised me.
"It's alright," you said stiffly, I sighed.
We had an argument again because you don't want me to come and see you off. You told me I would go home alone and it's not safe for me.
"Come on, Yuusuke, don't be mad at me, I just want to see you off," I said and pouted my lips at you.
You looked at me in annoyance, then smiled softly. "I don't want to fight you, either," you said just as a portal magically opened behind you.
I felt tears formed in my eyes. This is it, I thought, you're really going and leaving me behind.
You turned and looked at the portal before looking at me again. You smiled sadly.
"Three years, Keiko. You promised," you said softly.
I hiccupped from stopping the tears, which eventually flowed freely. I took one step towards you. "Yuusuk-"
And then you crushed me with your tight hug, your lips seeking mine so hungrily, I thought you would devour me alive.
It was wrong. I'm with Omi and he didn't deserve any of this. But I didn't struggle.
It felt right. To be in your arms. Like I know I'm supposed to.
As you held me tighter, I poured my heart and soul in that kiss as it went longer, deeper, full of passion and emotion not everyone is capable of feeling. Telling you without words that I love you. That I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes.
Begging you, please, don't leave me, I want to stay in your arms like this forever.
But, alas! You pulled away, your eyes wild with emotion I can't quite decipher.
"I will miss you so much, Kei," you said gruffly and before I had the chance to stop you, you jumped into the portal that closed immediately – and left me alone.
Author's Note:
Okay, what will happen next? Three more chapters to go…
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