Author's Note: Waaaahhh!!! Last chapter…I'm so sad…so this is goodbye to this fic…and I hope you readers out there will still continue to support me in my future Fanfictions…. Thank you all so much…now off you go to the last chapter.

Disclaimers Applied.

Thanks for those who reviewed!

sabacat, miyako14, Quiggibub, Spede, Rose Angelz, Elementalmoon, animegrl15, Monique, xLunatiCxD, Night's Tempest44, Lady Priestess

MIXED EMOTIONS

Chapter 16: Worthy of Your Tears

"Keiko!"

My otousan called me for the second time, and again, I didn't answer or came down to help him with the ramen house.

No one can blame me. I don't want him to see me like this – with puffy eyes and a bitter smile on my face.

And, Kami, I'm so tired of this.

So bloody tired of this.

I am so sick of crying over you, of waiting for you, of being there for you.

I am so sickeningly tired of this.

"Keiko!"

Here he goes again, I thought and rolled my eyes. For once, can't he leave his only daughter alone? Can't he give me a little privacy even just this time?

I stood up. But no, I didn't go down. Instead, I paced back and forth. And I had to control the urge to laugh loudly. Bitterly.

And who wouldn't be bitter about it?

You – my bestfriend and the only man I've eve loved asked me to wait for you for three years then gave me a kiss I thought would never exist outside my dreams, only for you to come back, throw me a big surprise party on my birthday I thought I would celebrate alone, then have you tell me you're leaving – for good.

And you didn't even ask me how I feel about it.

Damn you to hell and back.

"Keiko! I told you to get your butt down here!" my father bellowed angrily and louder this time, I winced.

Oh, for crying out loud!

So much for privacy, I said to myself as I headed to the door.

--CHANGE OF POV—

"Maybe she's asleep –"

"No, she's not," Yukimura-jisan interrupted me before shouting for the third time. "Keiko!"

I cringed as my ears rang from the volume pf his voice. "Uh, jisan, I think I'll just come back –"

He stopped me from leaving by grabbing my arm. "No. You'll stay here and talk to her. Lad, you know I treat you as a son, but by gods, if you make my daughter cry once again, I swear, I will hunt you down just to make you sorry for doing it."

"I didn't mean to make her cry," I told him, now, fully ashamed for the jerk I've been.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Well, that helped a lot, doesn't it? I've never seen my daughter more miserable than these past two years."

Now, that hurt. Coming from someone I thought would be most supportive of my situation, that had to hurt. And it did. "I was miserable, too, you know," I yelled at him, distress quite obvious in my voice.

I was miserable, too, I wanted to make him understand.

During those times when I was away, no one really cared even if I've been going through hell. Koenma, he didn't care if I wanted to go and be away from you. All he cared was about for me to accomplish the damned mission.

Enki only cared that I finish my training.

And you?

You only cared about your own misery.

Didn't you?

A little softness flashed in jisan's eyes, then, "Keiko, I told you to get your butt down here!" he shouted angrily, and louder this time.

And then you appeared, still beautiful in my eyes though some may say you look like shit, eyes blazing angrily.

"Can't anyone get some sleep around here?" you asked your otousan, obviously annoyed.

It was really surprising, you know. What age can do to a person.

Before I left, you couldn't even contradict a thing your otousan tells you. But now, I can say that you're now learning to stand up for what you want – and show your irritation when you've been forced to do something you didn't like.

Just like this.

You reached the landing and let out a huff of annoyance.

Then, jisan grabbed both of our arms, then forced us to seat side my side on the couch. "Well, you're grown ups now. Do what you have to do and stop acting childishly as if you were still teenagers. I'm going to bed!" he said then went upstairs.

You sighed, then leaned back and closed you eyes.

I hesitated for a moment, "Keiko?"

No answer.

"Are you asleep?"

You stood up suddenly and looked at me with weary eyes, ""I'm tired, Yuusuke. I don't want to fight you tonight. Goodnight!"

At least, I thought to myself, I knew you well enough to predict this kind of hasty exit from you. After all those years of fighting and making up, though I've been separated from you for three years, that's one thing that didn't change in you.

So, I kind of expected that, and I was able to stand up and grab your arm. "I'm that man, right?" I asked softly. Wanting – no – needing you to say that yes, I'm that man.

That, yes, even after all those heartaches I gave you, you found it in your big heart to love me.

I want this to be a happy ending for us.

I felt your body stiffen, then you breathed deeply before looking at me. "It doesn't matter." You said nonchalantly, then shrugged as if it was really nothing to you.

A reply so expected from you that though you look so nonchalant right now, a small hesitant smile played on my lips. "Of course, it does," I said.

You arched your eyebrow then crossed your arms in front of your chest. "Really? How so? You planned on going away for good."

Of course, I'd be a fool if I let go of this opportunity. "I lied."

--CHANGE OF POV—

"I lied."

Just two words. I didn't know it could shock me this much.

And with my heart beating rapidly, I asked, "What?" a little angrily.

Fear.

That's what I saw in your eyes. And it was really ironic because you've faced so many deadly enemies for you to actually fear me.

"I lied," you repeated, your voice a little shaky with reasons unknown to me. "Enki…well, uh, he never told me anything about going back there. But, you see, Keiko, I was so scared," you said, then paused while you looked at me pleadingly.

Begging me to understand.

Your soul reaching out to me, asking me to hear you out.

And when I paused and hesitantly looked up at you, then the train of words began, I had never thought you were capable of saying.

"When I saw you tonight, you were so happy and I thought you're content with your life just the way it is. After all, I just complicate your life. I only brought you pain and make your head ache with problems. So, I thought, if you're happy now, there's no need for me to return and ruin everything again, right?"

Another pause.

"God, Keiko, I was so scared that I came back only to find out you've moved on without me when I'm still dreaming of that kiss we shared and the future we can spend together. I lied because I was so scared that while you're my life, there's no more space for me in yours."

And then you stopped and took deep breaths, and suddenly you can't look at me straight in the eyes. I noticed that you looked everywhere except my eyes, which, by the way clouded with tears as you said those words to me, saw the embarrassment of baring your heart and soul to me. Yet still did it.

And then, I remembered. Something you said to me years ago.

We were having one of our sexist debates and I was winning that time. The topic? Boys are luckier than girls because all the boys can choose any woman they want in the world, while us, girls, can only choose from those making moves on us – unless you're some kind of a liberated person, which by the way, I'm not, and make the first move.

Hn, if you really love that person and that person is already in front of you, it's good if you can actually say anything decent in front of her. Worst case is that you would get tongue-tied and ruin everything, you told me.

I still won the debate, of course, the punishment was for you to help me clean the ramen house, and I never thought about it again.

But, right now, you're trying, and were quite succeeding, to talk to me.

I waited for you to stand by what you really feel.

Waited for you to fight for me.

Waited for you to say, "I love you, Keiko."

Instead, "I thought you were happy with Zekuna, so I'm willing to let it stay that way," you said softly, head bowed.

Well, for someone who's not eloquent enough and had been tactless and careless all his life, you sure can talk a lot, it surprised even me.

And I understood what you were trying to say.

Understood what you really are.

Understood what's happening between us. Understood that though you feel for me the way I feel for you, you're just not man enough to fight for me. You were so willing to let it go. To give me to someone you thought makes me happy.

And I understood one thing – if you can't fight for me, then you're not a man enough for me.

You would never be worthy of my tears.

"Goodbye, Yuusuke," I said as I turned around.

And the tears that clouded my eyes fell.

--CHANGE OF POV—

I panicked that I grabbed your shoulder and turned you around. Now, that was something I did not expect.

"Keiko, listen to me…" I began and I can feel my body tremble with the thought of losing you. "If you give me just a tiny chance, I swear to you, I'll try to be the man worth your tears. I can't promise you I wouldn't make you cry anymore, I know I had the knack of doing that, but when I've been a jerk and made you cry again, I'll cry with you, Keiko. And when you're through, I'll help you wipe those tears away."

"I'll help you wipe them dry, Kei," I finished in a whisper as I tilted your chin up and wiped the tears that cascaded down your face.

"Please, Keiko, love, don't cry," I said softly as I reached for my handkerchief. I deliberately brought one tonight because I know a jerk like me will make a crybaby like you burst into tears.

It was really awkward, you know, me, trying to wipe your tears away, "I really should get used to this, huh?" I joked and chuckled nervously even though I can feel the tears that clouded my eyes awhile ago threatened to fall.

You tried to turn away, "it's okay. Yuusuke, you don't have to do this –"

"I want to do this," I said sadly, because after all that I've said, it wasn't enough for you to accept me and I know I have nothing left to offer.

"Look, Yuusuke –"

I sealed your lips with mine and, interrupting what you have to say, kissed you so passionately, our first kiss paled compared to this. This was the last recourse I know. If I can't convince you with words, then I will with this kiss.

--CHANGE OF POV—

And the kiss went longer and deeper as you explored and tasted parts of my mouth never been kissed by anyone.

I did not intend to do it, but I returned your kiss with the same ardor you kissed me as I held you tighter and closer to me, bringing me back to the clearing almost three years ago. Making me remember how desperate we were and how hungry we felt for each other.

You broke away from the kiss slowly and you touched your forehead to mine as we both caught our breaths, your eyes closed.

"I love you, Keiko," you said softly. Then you opened your eyes and lifted your head to look at me.

It rendered me speechless.

"I love you, Keiko," you repeated, louder and firmer this time, "I love you like a father would his daughter, a brother would his sister. I love you as a friend would and as a man would his woman. Stay with me, Keiko, please. Marry me."

"Marriage?" I managed to choke out as I felt my head spin.

So this was how it felt like. It was perfect and cheesy at the same time.

"Err, at least agree to be my girlfriend for now. We'll talk about marriage later on," you said, cheeks flushed as you tried to look at my eyes – but failed. You still were very embarrassed and resulted to looking at my forehead.

A small smile escaped my lips. There's no use in denying. "You do realize that you have to court me first, do you?"

You looked at me in surprise. "What?"

"But of course," I said and smirked at you.

You recovered your senses and smirked at me in return, and before I guessed your intention, you walked forward, with you still holding me, until my back was pressed against the wall.

"I've been courting you for years, Kei," you told me huskily, my throat suddenly felt dry.

"Is that so?" I whispered.

"Yeah," you said and smiled. "I've been walking you to and from school, been visiting you here and we went out on lots of dates."

"You haven't brought me flowers yet. And you slept on all our dates. I'd say you have to court me for another year," I teased.

"Another year?" you gasped.

"I thought you love me?" I asked and pouted my lips. This was a silly conversation, yet, couples were really known for their sweet nothing conversations – just like this one.

You shook your head at me and smiled. "You're such a tease. I like that," you said and leaned down to kiss me.

I turned away and I saw your exasperation. "Another year, remember?" I reminded.

--CHANGE OF POV—

I huffed in exasperation. "I'll make a deal with you, Kei. Just love me now, and I'll court you forever."

You laughed in protest. "That's cheesy!"

"That's the only way you can get your courtship, baby. Deal with it," I said huskily and held you tighter.

You tried to move but I wouldn't let you. "And I suppose you're not going to let me go without me agreeing to be your girlfriend?" you asked and arched an eyebrow at me.

"You've always been astute," I mocked and laughed when you rolled your eyes at me.

"So, we're going to stay like this for another year?"

"I'm perfectly comfortable in our position right now," I said and to prove my point, I crept my hands towards your buttocks slowly.

"Yuusuke!" you gasped loudly and glared at me.

"What?" I asked in mock innocence.

You huffed in annoyance. "Alright. Alright. I give up. Have it your way," you said and frowned at me.

But I paid no heed at your frown. A big smile escaped me as I looked in your eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah. Can you please let me go now?"

"Not yet."

"Yuusuke!"

"I believe there's something you want to say to me," I said, my eyes twinkling.

"Huh?" you looked at me in confusion. "Oh. Alright. I agree to be your girlfriend, are you happy now?"

I let you go in annoyance. "You're supposed to say 'I love you, too, Yuusuke' you know?"

Let me tell you that it broke my heart when you laughed and shoved me away. "You're cheesy! I'm not going to say that!"

"Why not? I didn't have any problem saying that to you," I said and pouted my lips. I swear, I was never like this with Miruni when we were dating. I don't really know why I act like a lovesick fool with you.

You tiptoed and kissed me quickly on the lips. Now, that certainly made my heart whole again…and I really swear…I'm not like this at all.

"I didn't know you were such a sulky little child. Alright, I'll say it. Are you happy now?" you said and smiled.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, smiling in return, as I leaned closer to you. "Let's hear it."

--CHANGE OF POV—

I didn't know I would be overcome with embarrassment when I've fantasized about this moment for so long. Your expectant eyes didn't help, either.

I opened my eyes to speak but no words came out. Instead, I felt myself blush. I didn't know it would be this awkward when you're expecting me to say it.

But, for you, I gathered enough courage and took a deep breath. "I love you, too, Yuusuke. I know you knew that," I accused you softly.

You grinned at me idiotically then kissed me quickly. "Hearing you say it is entirely a different thing," you said.

"Just one thing," I said, suddenly remembering all our bickering.

"What?"

"I'm gonna be nagging you all the time."

"That's alright," you said nonchalantly.

"You'll love me in spite of that?" I asked with hopeful eyes.

You looked at me in exasperation. "Love, I won't be Urameshi Yuusuke if you don't nag me for something stupid I did just the same that you won't be Yukimura Keiko if you don't nag me for something stupid I've done. I don't love you in spite of that…I love you because of that."

It was supposed to be really sweet and all, but I ruined the mood by laughing loudly. "That's so cheesy!" I said.

And so…that was how it was…with me in his arms…feeling strange, yet right at the same time…and right at that time, there was nowhere in the world I would want to be, but with him, the only man I've ever loved, the only man I cried for…my love… my bestfriend

--Keiko—

OWARI

Author's Note: Thank you guys for reading…I love you all so much…now because I finished this fanfic…would you be kind enough to give me a review?

Mixed Emotions had been successful because of the readers patiently waiting for me to update and drop me a review, criticize constructively and I don't really know how to tell you guys how it helped me grow as well.

Special thanks to my cousin, Ching and her never-ending crying on my shoulder because of her stupid 'Yuusuke', for inspiring this fanfic. I hope her own love story will end just as happily as this fanfic did.