A/N: Hi everyone! I LOVE this chapter personally, so enjoy it! I would like to correct a mistake I made in Chapter Two, where Ron says "Higho, Silver! Away!" I was really trying to make him copy a movie, when really Silver is not his pony's name. You'll find out what Ron named his pony, as well as many other things, in this chapter. Many thanks to my reviewer DiggaDigga for pointing this mistake out. Enjoy Chapter 5!
CHAPTER 5
DINNER IN HOGSMEADE
Hermione and Dumbledore found a table in the Three Broomsticks and ordered dinner for two.
"What's the special?" asked Dumbledore.
"Weasel Surprise," replied Madame Rosmerta, grinning evilly.
"Sounds great! We'll take two," cried Dumbledore.
"Ok." Madame Rosmerta hurried back to the kitchen to execute a plan of her own design.
Hermione and Dumbledore were both gazing at the polished table, amazed at the unique patterns in the wood. But when they heard a familiar voice, both of them looked up.
"Hermione! Dumbledore! What are you two doing here?"
It was Ginny, followed by Snape, who seemed to be a bit woozier than his usual dour self. "Mind if we join you guys?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do mind," replied Hermione. "Albie and I were just about to have a conversation on rubber bands."
"Ok," said Ginny. She and Snape sat themselves down at Hermione's table anyway. Hermione didn't seem to mind. She was still fascinated with the table.
"So, what did you two do this evening?" Dumbledore (aka Albie) asked Ginny and Snape.
"Well, first we went into the Slytherin Common Room to conduct a passionate making out session. Then, as the Slytherins began to pelt us with grapefruit, we moved our make out session to the Potions classroom. After that we moved it to the Great Hall, where everyone would see us. And then we decided to come get dinner here." (A/N: This originally was a chapter I planned, but it turned out to be extremely dull and not funny at all, except the part about the grapefruit. Oh well.)
"I see," said Dumbledore politely, who did not appear to have heard a word Ginny said but instead was folding and unfolding a paper clip over and over again. "Hermione," he said gravely, "I wonder how many times I could bend this paperclip before it breaks."
As Dumbledore and Hermione began a very serious discussion on paper clips and hippos, Ginny glued herself to Snape once more. Only this time I mean literally. Like she took out Superglue, squirted it on her lips, and pressed her lips to Snape's until the glue dried.
This had been going one for about 5 minutes when everyone heard someone they all knew.
"...and so he's lightning fast, I think, I saw this movie once where the cowboy went 'Higho, Silver! Away!' and that's where I got the idea to do that. Hey, did you know the American singer Michael Jackson scares people? He scares me. Do you know what he did? He did a bunch of bad stuff, and he dangled his baby over a railing! Barney says it's not nice to dangle babies over railings. But anyway Bella..."
Ron stopped his constant chatter abruptly as he saw the quartet at the table. "Dumbledore! Hermione! Ginny! Snape!" he cried, running over to them. "What are you guys doing here?"
Ginny and Snape could say nothing but "Eeeeorgus", while Hermione answered dreamily, "Studying paper clips. Won't you join us, Ron?"
"Ok!" said Ron happily. "Come on, Bella!" It was then that everybody noticed that trailing Ron was a medium sized chestnut colored pony, who neighed happily and sat down on the floor beside the chair Ron had just taken. Bellatrix took a seat next to Ron. Strangely enough, no one seemed the slightest bit alarmed that a Death Eater was sitting in the Three Broomsticks.
"What are you doing here anyway, Bella?" said Dumbledore, finally looking up from his paper clip. "After our love affair I thought you'd never show your face to me again."
"Fat chance," snarled Bellatrix. "Just a few hours ago, I handed Harry Potter over to the Dark Lord. Soon my lord will triumph over all!"
"And then she bought me a pony!" Ron chirped.
Bellatrix frowned. "It was a small price to pay for the Dark Lord's triumph," she said proudly. "Right now, I am sure that my lord is planning how he can best use his evil power..."
At that very moment, the Dark Lord himself walked into the pub. Several customers turned their heads and screamed horribly. "Lord Voldemort!" several people cried.
"Victor!" exclaimed Voldie, holding out his hands imploringly with a cheerful grin on his face. "My name is now Victor! I come to bring you all peace!"
Several customers fainted. One or two were scared to death. Meaning they actually died of being scared. Everyone else—except our heroes—ran out of the pub.
Bellatrix's jaw dropped. Dumbledore looked at Voldie mildly, and then went back to his paperclip. Hermione didn't even look up from the table. Ginny and Snape glanced around and their eyes grew wide, but they couldn't do a thing, considering they were glued together. Ron, on the other hand, waved cheerfully and said, "Hi Mr. Victor sir!"
"Hello, little boy! Would you like a lollipop?" "Victor" held out a selection for Ron to choose from.
"Mmmmm! Rum flavored, my favorite kind!" cried Ron, grabbing one.
Just then Captain Jack Sparrow randomly walked into the Three Broomsticks crying, "But why is the rum gone?" Everyone stared at him as he looked about wildly for rum.
"Can I help you?" said Madame Rosmerta evilly, coming out from behind the bar.
"RUM!!!!!" cried Jack Sparrow (A/N: "Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, Penguingirl266"). Madame Rosmerta grabbed a dozen tankards, filled them all with rum, and Sparrow spent the rest of his evening drinking away at the other end of the pub and remembering all the girls he had ever met. Our heroes went back to their own story.
"Master?" Bellatrix was stunned. "Are you...feeling ill?"
"Not at all, Bella!" cried Victor, still smiling perpetually. "I feel the best I've ever felt in my life! Here!" He grabbed a smiley face sticker out of his pocket and stuck it on the front of Bella's robes. "Bella, I have joined the Happy Smiley Cheerful Club! Its goal is to bring happiness to the world! And you should join too!"
Bella, disgusted, tore the sticker off her robes and crumpled it in her fist. Fortunately Victor did not see, or he would have started crying for sure.
"But, Master, where is Potter? Did you not curse him dead?" At least she would have this satisfaction, Bella thought.
"Well, no, Bella. You see, just as I was about to curse poor Harry to his death, I had a revelation! I figured that it is easier to be nice than to be mean, and so now I am trying to be the NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!" Victor screamed these last words, and everyone jumped.
"But what of Potter, Master? Is he dead?"
"Now, Bella, that isn't nice at all! I'm ashamed of you. No, I did not kill Harry, but after I proclaimed that I would be the nicest person in the world, he sort of...um...just froze up."
Bellatrix smirked. Even if her master had gone completely nutters, he had still taken care of Potter. "Nice work, Master," she replied, patting Victor on the back.
Ron, who had grown bored with all this talk, broke in suddenly. "Hey, Mr. Victor, do you have ponies at the Happy Smiley Cheerful Club?"
"We sure do," cried Victor. "What do you plan to name your pony?"
"Well, since he's chestnut colored, I think I'll name him...Blueberry," replied Ron. "Blueberry it is!"
As Ron and Victor began to talk about ponies, Bella glanced around the table to see what else was going on. Not much. Dumbledore was still folding and unfolding his paper clip, and Hermione was now tracing the wood patterns in the table with one finger. Snape and Ginny were still glued to each other, and they were taking advantage of it. In the midst of all this, Madame Rosmerta appeared, very evilly.
"What can I get y'all?" she asked evilly.
"I'll have a Scotch," said Bellatrix.
"Tonight only Weasel Surprise is served," replied Madame Rosmerta evilly. "Anything else?"
"Yes," said Bellatrix, irritated. "I'll have the Chicken Delight."
"One Weasel Surprise," said Madame Rosmerta evilly, jotting it down.
"No, no, no," said Bellatrix, about ready to explode. It was just not her day. "I don't want Weasel Surprise! Have you got anything else?"
"Weasel Surprise," said Madame Rosmerta evilly.
"Very well," sighed Bellatrix. "Weasel Surprises for everyone."
"Will do," said Madame Rosmerta evilly, taking down the orders. She disappeared into the kitchen.
Not much happened while Madame Rosmerta was back in the kitchen. Victor and Ron discussed the Happy Smiley Cheerful Club. Hermione gazed at the wood grains in the table, transfixed. Dumbledore's paperclip broke, so he got a new one out of his beard and began folding and unfolding it like he had the last one. Ginny and Snape couldn't stop making out—literally. Bellatrix sighed a lot. And Captain Jack Sparrow sighed, took another sip of rum, and said, "Savvy?"
Madame Rosmerta evilly crept up on our heroes' table. "Weasel Surprise!" she screamed evilly, jumping up and down in a weasel costume. "Surprise! Surprise!"
Victor and Ron jumped up and applauded, Blueberry the pony whinnied, Bellatrix looked extremely annoyed, and the other four didn't even look up. Madame Rosmerta evilly put aside her weasel costume and looked at them all. She suddenly spotted Professor Snape, evilly I might add.
"Oh, hello, Professor," she cooed evilly, ignoring Ginny and the Superglue. As you might have guessed by now (with all the hints J. K. R. has been dropping in the books), Madame Rosmerta was secretly, evilly in love with Professor Snape. But she got no further in her evil cooing when the Boy who Lived walked in, quite dazed.
"Did someone say weasels?" asked Harry. He took his place at the table next to Hermione, still looking dazed. Suddenly he went into a spastic fit.
"THE DERANGED WEASELS!!! THEY'RE AFTER US! THEY'LL POISON OUR BODIES AND SOULS!!" he screamed, twitching uncontrollably. Suddenly he was back to his normal self, but dazed.
"Weasels?" he said dreamily. Then he fell asleep.
"A double wedding!" cried Dumbledore suddenly, jumping from his chair. Apparently he had not even noticed Harry in his fascination with his paper clip. "Tomorrow—me and Hermione, plus Ginny and Snape! Oh, what a fine frolic it will be!"
"I'll come," said Madame Rosmerta evilly.
"To Hogwarts!" cried Dumbledore in a commanding voice, pointing at the door. "We must get ready for the double wedding! Come, my friends!"
And Dumbledore fled out the door, followed by Hermione (who was taking the table with her because she could not bear to part with its fascinating wood patterns), Ginny and Snape (who had to run sideways because they were literally glued together), Bellatrix (carrying Harry and mumbling to herself), Ron, Victor, and Blueberry.
Madame Rosmerta stood in shock, evilly speechless. Captain Jack Sparrow stared after them and then muttered, "It's the Pearl. MORE RUM!" he bellowed, banging one of his empty tankards on the table.
UP IN THE NEXT CHAPTER...
Could Harry find romance with one of the wedding guests?
How much did Snape really pay for Ginny's ring?
Just how evil is Madame Rosmerta?
Who is the new faculty member at Hogwarts who attacks people in the dead of night?
And last but certainly not least, who is the mysterious (and very scary) guest that no one invited at the double wedding?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN CHAPTER SIX OF "WHAT REALLY HAPPENS"!!!!
Hehehe. Well, I must say this, but I had SO MUCH FUN writing this chapter. Stay tuned for the next one.
No review responses to write, as I am publishing this chapter an hour and a half later than the previous one. Cya soon with Chapter 6!