FINDING PEACE
By Lea O'Neill
Rating: R
Category: Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Drama
Season: Any (future)
Spoilers: none Pairing: Jack/other Summary: Nicki is attacked. Can Jack help her heal the hurt?
Warning: non-con
Disclaimer: (The characters of Stargate SG-1 don't belong to me. They are property of the Sci Fi Channel, Gekko Film Corporation, and their respective creators. )
The fall leaves fluttered to the ground with the slight breeze. The sun still warmed the crisp October day but fall had defiantly arrived in Colorado Springs.
Jack O'Neill, off duty Colonel, and Nicole Walker, off duty Major, were taking this time off seriously as they jogged. It was rare lately that they had any coinciding days off. But as luck would have it, on this beautiful October weekend, they were away from Cheyenne Mountain for the whole weekend.
O'Neill wore running shorts, despite the crisp air a Minnesota Twins sweat shirt and ball cap. He felt good, despite the shot ACL in his knee and a multitude of other age appropriate maladies. And despite the fact a woman was outdistancing him. He knew he was going on a weeklong off world mission on Monday, but was making the most of his time, working on his 6 month old relationship with Nicole. Thoughts of the SGC, the Gao'uld, and any kind of world-saving heroism were far from his mind.
Nicole had her long hair in a ponytail tucked through the back of a Cubs ball cap. She wore a dark blue sweatshirt and matching pants. The perk of being a Special Programs director at the SGC was that she got weekends off. This one was damn near perfect. As long as she was with Jack.
They'd started off the fall morning with a run on a trail not far from the base housing. They planned a day of relaxation and fun. But Jack was not having fun right at the moment. He huffed along.
"Geeze, gimme a break," he finally yelled at Nicole, who was a few lengths ahead of him. She trotted back.
Jack was bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "I'm an old guy. I could have a coronary or something." They had run about three miles, something more than a few twenty five year olds couldn't even do. Nicki laughed and stopped beside him. "Well I'm right behind you, you old geezer," she kidded.
"Like 10 years," he argued.
They opted to walk back, enjoying the day, the changing colors of leaves and the warm sun on their backs. They held hands as they walked.
"It's back to the old grind tomorrow," Jack reminded her as they strolled along.
"Yeah, yeah. Through the worm hole, fight the aliens, blow up a sun, save the world, yada yada yada," she monotoned.
"You're such a smart ass," he cracked.
"Perfect match for you." Jack used his free hand to swat her butt. Well maybe I'll have'ta smack some of that sass off 'ya." They rounded a bend then and came face to face with Daniel Jackson.
"Daniel!" a surprised Jack greeted, dropping Nicki's hand just as she had jerked it away like they were touched with a hot poker.
"Uh, Jack, Major Walker," Daniel greeted nodding to each. He had casually wondered about the possibility of a relationship between them. "Um, I was out running and ran into the Major here, and now you. Where's Teal'c hiding, in your gym bag?" O'Neill laughed a little too quickly.
Daniel smiled, "Well, it's a nice day for a run. I see you're feeling better Nicole," he added with a warm smile her way. He had secretly had a few fantasies about his training director while in class with her last week. But he was beginning to think that for Jack, they weren't just fantasies and maybe he'd better give up the idea that he might ask her to dinner some time.
"I am, thanks," she said, returning the smile.
"Well, I've got another mile to do. See you back at the mountain." O'Neill nodded. "Yeah, see ya Daniel." And then the three parted ways.
Nicole had to laugh finally. "Well, that was uncomfortable. What if he'd come by a few minutes earlier?" "You mean like when my hand was on your ass?" "Yeah. Then," she said with a smirk.
They continued to walk. "You really think we're fooling anyone Jack? At least the people close to you?" O'Neill shrugged. "Well, hell, I've been trying. But who knows? Sam was sure shocked when I didn't ask her to go fishing on our last leave. And when I turned her down for pizza last week. Daniel, well, he sometimes misses the clue bus, but I dunno.." They arrived back at Chez O'Neill in time to catch a hockey game and a bath, in which there was more groping then scrubbing going on.
The evening Jack and Nicole had planned was take in Chinese food, cold beer and a western movie on TV. Curled together on the sofa, a fire going in the fireplace, the comfortable nothing-ness was bliss for the normally go-at-full-throttle couple.
And then the doorbell rang.
"For cryin' out loud," Jack said with a sigh as Nicole dislodged herself from between his legs.
He went to the door and Nicole went to the kitchen to see if there was any more Chinese left.
Jack opened the door a crack.
Sam, Daniel and Teal'c stood outside.
"Hey Jack," Sam greeted.
"Hi kids. What's up?" "We are going to eat pizza O'Neill," Teal'c told him. "And Daniel Jackson said it would be polite to invite you." Jack smiled. "Well, thanks all the same, but I'm…I've got a movie on and a fire going. I'm kind of indisposed.
"Jack, it's our last night off for like a month," Sam pushed. "Come out with us. We'll have fun." "Maybe another time," Jack hedged.
The three stood in the cold fall air on the porch in uncomfortable silence for a moment.
"Major Walker is welcome to come of course," Teal'c finally said, breaking the silence.
Sam and Daniel stared at him.
He raised one eyebrow, giving them a look as if to say "what?" Jack made a face. He sighed.
"Maybe you guys better come in for a few." He swung open the door.
The team walked inside just as Nicole came out of the kitchen carrying a beer. She looked at the team, then at Jack. She felt like she was supposed to jump into the closet or something.
Jack shrugged.
Three sets of eyes looked from Jack to Nicole and back.
"Well, it looks like the gig is up," Jack said then.
"Explain 'gig' O'Neill," Teal'c said.
"My deception," he clarified for the Jaffa.
Jack gestured them to the living room. They all took seats.
"Look, we all know how the Military frowns on internal fraternization, but sometimes well, the rules just bite," Jack tried to explain.
"I think what Jack is saying is that sometimes you don't choose who you fall in love with," Nicole finished diplomatically. It was her job after all.
"Nicki and I are…seeing each other," Jack added, as if they didn't get that by this point.
Daniel and Sam, who had begun to suspect as much when their CO changed over a period of time from continual Grumpy Bastard to Happy Go Lucky Jack, had to smile.
"Well, honestly, I'm kind of relieved, Sam said. "I was beginning to think I'd lost my touch." Jack had to return her grin. "Nah." "But you must keep your relationship a secret, is that not true O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.
Jack shrugged. "Well, technically, Nicki is NORAD personnel, so no, not really a secret. But we'd just like to keep it quiet. Keep the cafeteria gossip to a minumum." "Is this not difficult?" "Very. And that's why we do really have to ask that you guys keep a lid on this," he got a look from Teal'c, so he clarified "help us keep the secret. As a favor to me." Teal'c then nodded. "Agreed." "Of course Jack," Daniel added.
"No problem," Samantha agreed.
"Now, about that pizza…"
Jack, Nicki, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c loaded up in Jack's truck to share an evening of pizza, beer, stories, fun and laughter.
Nicole realized, as much as she loved being with Jack alone, she had missed being in the company of other friends. And it felt good to be a real part of the team.
Nicole had watched the SG-1 team leave through the Stargate for PX2-874. As always, she said a silent prayer that Jack would come home safely to her.
General Hammond, assuming she was waiting for him, walked over to her after their embarkation.
"Did you need me Major?" Nicole tore here eyes away from the now deserted Star gate.
"Yes, general, I wanted to go over some training sessions I'm putting together, as well as the latest press releases I've put together." The General smiled. "I do like a go getter, Major. Lets get started."
Nicki left the SGC late in the evening, as was customary when Jack was off world. She used her work to fill the void he left. Sometimes she didn't go home at all, but stayed in the mountain in the SGC quarters provided to many of the officers.
She had grabbed a sandwich and a salad from the cafeteria on her way out. The Styrofoam container sat on the seat beside her as she drove home.
It was lonely on her street, a fall wind blowing fallen leaves in little rustling torrents around the yards and into the street. Tomorrow she was defiantly staying in the mountain.
She passed by Jack's dark house and it made her heart ache.
She pulled into her own drive. She carried her food inside and closed the door. Nicki put the food on the kitchen table and went to the bedroom.
She stripped off her fatigues and boots, then her black tee shirt. She turned on the stereo and headed for the bathroom. She turned on the shower and began unbraiding her long hair. She was considering getting it cut, but hadn't been able to convince Jack yet.
Nicki stepped into the hot spray as Crowded House sang an 80's tune "Don't Dream it's Over." She let the water wash away her muscle aches as well as a few self-pitying tears shed over the man she'd come to enjoy seeing in the evening.
Nicki wrapped her hair in a towel and put on her terry cloth robe. She swallowed a pain pill from one of the many in her medicine cabinet, and then went to the kitchen.
She popped open a diet Coke and sat at the bar to eat her dinner.
Nicole was half way through her turkey sandwich while watching Jeopardy when the doorbell rang.
"Shit," she cussed so startled she'd spilled Coke on her robe.
She figured it might be Janet and Cassie, who occasionally came by. She couldn't think of anyone else who'd come visiting, since SG-1 was gone.
She went to the door and opened it. On her porch was Colonel Tony Jameson, commander of Sg-6 and the ill-fated mission a few months back in which both of them had been wounded and one other team member killed.
Nicole was quite surprised. The Colonel was still in uniform, gray fatigues.
"Col. Jameson," she greeted, feeling awkward in her robe and towel.
"Major Walker, I'm sorry to bother you at home…I would have come by your office, but, well, I just got back on active duty…" Nicki felt like an idiot with him standing there, and she was freezing.
"Come in sir," she said then and he did. They went to the kitchen, where she muted Jeopardy.
"Would you like a soda or something?" she offered, hoping he'd refuse.
"No, thank you. Listen, Major, um, Nicole, I just have some things to say…I've got to get off my chest…I mean, I've felt so bad about that mission."
Nicole shook her head. "Sir, really-" she started.
"No, I need to say these things. First, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted, and for not listening to you. The whole fowl up was my fault."
"Well, we're both okay now, sir."
"Yes, but I lost Bell. And I got you shot. I screwed up and I think I should have been reprimanded, but Jack wouldn't let that happen," he shrugged.
"Sir, we all make mistakes."
"Well, I've had more than my share. And Nicole, there's something else," he paced her kitchen.
"Sir?" "Nicole, I have t tell you how I feel. I can't go another day. Ever since you were on my team, well I've been thinking about you, attracted to you-"
"Colonel," Nicole stopped him with a raised hand. "I don't think we should be having this conversation." She definitely did not share the Colonel's feelings, nor did she feel at all comfortable with him in her kitchen saying these things to her.
He approached her. "Nicole, I know it's wrong, but I think we could have something special." He kept moving forward. Nicki backed up.
She kept backing up until her back hit the refrigerator. She didn't like the look that had suddenly come over his face.
"Colonel, I think you should leave," she said sternly.
Jameson shook his head. "I can't Nicole. I want to show you how much I'm in love with you. That I'm serious."
Nicki felt her heart began to race; her eyes darted about. She looked for a weapon.
"You really need to leave-"
But the tall man didn't move to go, instead he moved his arms to either side of her, and swept down, covering her lips with his, kissing her roughly.
Nicole used all her strength to push his back.
"Now, come on Nicole. I know you feel like I do," Jameson continued. "It's okay to show it."
Nicki was going to show him all right. The business end of her service revolver was what she wanted to show him.
As Jameson made another grab for her, Nicki slipped under his arms and ran for the bedroom. She knew her weapon was loaded and ready in her nightstand.
But the big man was quicker then she thought he would be.
She was suddenly shoved and propelled into the wall of the living room close to the hall that led to the bedroom.
Her towel fell, letting her damp hair loose. Nicki was stunned as she hit the wall with a force that jarred her teeth.
She slipped to the floor, a little dizzy.
Jameson grabbed her now loose long hair and pulled her from her knees, knocking her onto her back on the floor. She was aware enough to know if she didn't get away fast, if she didn't fight-
"Nicole, I didn't want it to be like this," Jameson was saying, kneeling beside her.
Nicki reached up and scratched his cheek, her nails leaving blood trails. As she did this, she tried to move backwards away from him.
Jameson grabbed his ruined face with one hand, but reached out and grabbed Nicki's robe with the other, preventing her from getting far. He let his face bleed as he tackled her to the floor once again.
"Dammit Nicole! You don't hurt someone who loves you!" he was ranting, as he pinned her this time, using his weight to straddle her thighs, and pinning both her arms above her head.
Some of his blood dripped on her white robe, she remembered noticing as he hovered over her.
"Please," she begged now, her voice catching in her throat. "Don't do this."
"Nicole, you're forcing me to be rough. I wanted this to be special," he said in the maniacal singsong tone his voice had taken on.
Nicki felt the sting of tears in her eyes. His grip on her wrist tightened.
She tried to knee him, but his weight kept her pinned. She struggled under him, until Jameson realized she was not going to submit reasonably.
He took both her small wrists in one of his big hands. He used the other one to make a fist, which he immediately smashed into the side of her face.
Nicki had never been hit that hard in her life. Her head hit the floor with a dizzying shock and then, mercifully, blackness.
She came to a little as she felt Jameson pull the robe open and began to paw at her, but then she lost consciousness again.
When Nicki came to a second time, Jameson was standing over her naked body, zipping his pants. His face was still bleeding some and he looked crazed.
"It didn't have to be like this Nicole," he said coldly.
Nicki, terrified that he would now kill her, closed her eyes, pretending she's passed out again.
Moments later, she heard his footsteps walk away. In another moment, the door opened, then closed. She heard a motor start up, and drive away.
Nicki lay on the floor for a while. She was still dizzy from the blow and knew she must have a concussion.
Finally, she managed to sit up. She pulled the disheveled robe around her. She tried to think.
Slowly, using the furniture to help her along, she got to her feet and made her way to the phone. Her vision was slightly blurred and she dialed Janet Fraiser's number. She didn't know if was from the concussion or the tears that fell silently onto the counter.
"Hello?" Janet answered.
"Janet, I need a favor," Nicki said shakily.
"Nicki? Is that you? What's wrong?" Janet immediately knew something was not right.
"Can you come to my house and take me back to the SGC?" "Sure, but what-" "Janet, I need your help. Please," Nicki begged.
"I'll be right there."
Nicki lay on the bed in the infirmary of the SGC.
She had told Janet what happened and insisted the SGC doctor be the only one to treat her. She refused to go to a hospital.
Janet cared for her injuries and took the evidence. She had done some rape kits in her life, and it always made her heartsick. Once she had done all she could for Nicole, she called General Hammond and then the Commander of the AP.
Nicole gave her statement to the Air Force police Captain and Janet turned over the evidence to him. She had already prepared slides of previously archived Colonel Jameson's' blood and the traces on Nicole's robe. They were a match.
The Captain assured Nicole that the entire base would be on alert and that Jameson would soon be in custody.
General Hammond arrived, looking sleepy, but immediately came awake when he heard the situation from Dr Fraiser.
"I want him in the brig, ASAP," the General told the AP Captain.
The Captain nodded, saluted and left with his team.
Hammond looked through the observation window into the infirmary.
"How is she?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
"Physically, she's got a concussion and some bruises. Mentally, well, we can only imagine."
The General nodded. "Call Dr. Mackenzie in the am. Have him speak with her."
Dr Fraiser nodded. She wanted to ask him to re-call SG-1, but she could find no logical reason the General would buy and she could not betray Jack and Nicole's trust to tell Hammond.
"Sir, she might appreciate it if you went in."
Hammond looked surprised, but nodded. He had no idea what to say to the younger woman, but he knew he had to do something.
"If you think it would help."
Janet nodded. "I' sure it would sir. You know her father was a Colonel. She lost him some time ago."
Hammond nodded.
Hammond went to the infirmary and rapped lightly before entering.
Nicole was awake and looked at him through eyes that made Hammond want to kill Jameson himself. Her eyes were so sad.
"Nicole," he spoke. "I'm so sorry."
She nodded. She was touched that he'd come.
"Is there…anything I can do?"
She wanted so badly to tell him to get Jack, to get him back through the Stargate no matter what it cost them, but she did not.
"I'll be alright sir, thank you."
He knew she was putting up a much braver front than she had to.
"We're off duty. No need for the 'sir.'"
She managed a nod. "There was one thing, maybe…off the record?"
"Certainly."
"When will SG-1 be back from their mission?"
The General was more than a little surprised by the question, but he would not ask why. Nor would he bring it up later. As she had requested, this was 'off the record'. If there were anything going on between the Major and one of the Sg-1 team, he would not pursue it on this basis. And after all, she was special ops and entitled to the information.
"Three days," he said. He knew the mission had been planned for longer, but also knew that Jack had sent word back that the peace talks were going better then he expected and they planned to return early.
"Thank you."
He nodded. "I'll check in on you tomorrow." He patted her hand. He hoped he had helped.
Nicki was reminded of her father. Hammond had helped more then he knew.
She didn't begin to weep until after he'd left.
"I told you so sir," Carter was saying as they disembarked.
"Well, fine Carter," O'Neill said, irritant. "Next time I'll believe you when you say that the darn little ugly suckers squirt blue jello."
On the planet, after the peace talks had ended early, the team had walked around a bit. Sam had warned Jack that the plants were unusual and not to touch anything. But Jack being, well, Jack, hadn't listened. He now wore some of the "blue Jell-O" substance on his pants because of it.
Teal'c and Daniel stayed out of the spat.
"But I was right about the armor, right? I mean, I was right?"
Carter nodded. "Yes sir, you were right."
"Ok then. We're even," he said, his child like sense of justice fulfilled.
"I believe Major Carter is up by 6, O'Neill," Teal's interjected.
Jack made a face. "Oh fine. You're counting? That really bums me out T."
Teal'c could only raise an eyebrow to the Colonel's slang.
After their decontamination, General Hammond waited for them.
"I've deferred the brief," he told them. "I'll want a report in the morning, but right now we have a situation," he told O'Neill.
"What kind?" Jack asked, immediately falling back into soldier mode.
"We have a Colonel who's to be taken into custody on site. He's disappeared. We're on high security alert, especially in the gate room."
"Who?" Jack wanted to know instantly.
"Colonel Anthony Jameson."
Jameson wasn't one of O'Neill's favorite people, but arrested?
"What are the charges?"
"Assault and rape."
"Oh my god," Carter exclaimed. "Here, in the mountain?"
Hammond shook his head. "No. Base housing. But he could have gotten back in before the warrant was placed against him."
"I will join the search," Teal'c immediately volunteered.
"Thank you Teal'c," the General said.
"Yeah, we'll get on it too," Jack said, volunteering the rest of his team.
"Was the victim-" Sam began.
"It was Major Walker," Hammond said.
Jack went pale.
Sam and Daniel stared at each other.
"Oh no," Sam said her hand flying to her mouth.
"She's in the infirmary," Hammond finished.
"We should go check on her first," Daniel said quickly.
Jack nodded. It was all he could do not to run as fast as he could.
Daniel and Sam held back. Jack's long strides carried him to the level 21 infirmary. Before he got there, Janet met him.
"Janet?" he asked, his eyes searching.
"Jack, she's not badly injured," she assured him.
"The bastard raped her?" he asked.
Janet nodded. "Luckily her physical injuries were minor. Dr Mackenzie has been in talking to her the past 2 days. I only kept her here because I didn't want to send her home alone. She refused to let me take her to my place. I think she feels safer here."
Jack was angry, furious; he was also frustrated, worried and scared. His emotions had never run like this.
"What…what do I do Janet?" he asked then, scared he would say or do the wrong thing and make it worse.
"Just be you Jack. That's what she needs the most."
Jack slowly walked into the infirmary. Nicki was sitting up in bed, wearing a standard issue gray Air Force tee shirt and sweat pants. She had an ugly purple and blue bruise that covered one entire side of her face. Seeing that made Jack burn with fury.
Nicki was flipping through a magazine and didn't see him until a moment later, after he'd been watching her, trying to regain control of his emotions.
He walked to her bedside, neither of them speaking a word.
Finally, Jack took her hand. "Hiya," he greeted.
"Hey you," came her weak reply.
It was their standard greeting, on the phone, or when they hadn't seen each other for a while. If Jack had said anything other, Nicki would know things had changed and she would have fallen apart right then.
He managed a small hint of a smile. "Missed you."
Nicki fell into his arms then, tears falling freely onto his olive tee shirt.
Janet had closed all the curtains and the door behind Jack to ensure they would have privacy.
Jack held Nicole while she sobbed. He held her tight, wishing there was something he could do to take her pain, wishing he could take it into him instead.
Finally, her crying abated. She hated crying, he knew. It was rare that she was able to pour out her emotions in such great release. But Jack gave her the safety and strength.
Jack gently cleaned her face with a tissue from the bedside table.
He stroked her long loose hair. He stared into her green eyes that usually sparkled with life. Now they seemed gray and cold. He knew he would do anything to put the sparkle back.
"Take me home Jack. I don't want to be here anymore."
Jack nodded.
Jack called General Hammond from the infirmary. He told the General that Janet had diagnosed him with a viral infection and was sending him home. The General, who knew how hard Jack had been working lately, said he understood and would let him know about any progress made on the Jameson matter.
Jack made them soup and hot bread in his kitchen. It was 'comfort food', as his mother used to call it. He made hot chamomile tea to go with it.
He was going to take the dinner tray into the living room when his phone rang. It was Sam.
"Sir, I though you'd like to know, they arrested Col. Jameson a few minutes ago. He was hiding in a supply truck, trying to get back into the base."
Jack was relieved in more ways then one. He was glad Jameson had been arrested, but he silently wished he'd been able to dish out some justice of his own to the former fellow officer.
"Thanks Carter."
He'd built a fire in his fireplace and piled blankets and pillows in front of it. Nicki was bedded down there, staring into the flames.
"Here we go," Jack said, carrying the tray into the room. He had changed into flannel pajama bottoms and tank tee shirt.
Nicki managed a grateful smile.
He told her about Jameson's arrest. She didn't say much.
They ate in silence. Jack noticed Nicki ate little, but drank her tea.
She finally spoke.
"You were doing your job Jack. I know that you couldn't have been there." She knew he blamed himself for this. That was more then she could handle on top of her grief.
Jack sighed. "I should have been."
"Please Jack, I don't think I can take you blaming yourself and pulling away."
It seemed Nicole had become aware of at least one of the factors that Jack was good at: blame. And that blame always fell on him. It was one of the reasons he and Sara had never been able to pull themselves back together after Charlie's death. He hadn't let her in. He was too busy blaming himself.
Jack knew that it was important for Nicki that he hold himself as well as her blameless. He nodded.
"I know, probably more than anyone that the 'shoulda', 'coulda,'s don't mean shit. Only what is. And I'm sorry for that."
"A lot has happened to me in my life Jack," she explained, that far off look coming into her eyes. She knew some things she might not ever be able to share, even with him. "And this is rough." She finally looked at him, really looked at him. "But dammit, I have to be okay. I'm stronger than that. I won't let a bastard like Jameson rob me of that."
Jack admired her strength. He always had. "Just remember, you don't have to be strong all by yourself anymore." Nicki did remember. And she was thankful.
Jack lay back on the pillows and offered her his shoulder to lie on.
Nicki rested her head on his chest and shoulder, just feeling safe in his arms.
She cried the last tears she would cry over the attack and then, as Jack soothed her, she fell into a sleep on his chest, listening to him breathe and finally, somewhere inside finding peace.
Spoilers: none Pairing: Jack/other Summary: Nicki is attacked. Can Jack help her heal the hurt?
Warning: non-con
Disclaimer: (The characters of Stargate SG-1 don't belong to me. They are property of the Sci Fi Channel, Gekko Film Corporation, and their respective creators. )
The fall leaves fluttered to the ground with the slight breeze. The sun still warmed the crisp October day but fall had defiantly arrived in Colorado Springs.
Jack O'Neill, off duty Colonel, and Nicole Walker, off duty Major, were taking this time off seriously as they jogged. It was rare lately that they had any coinciding days off. But as luck would have it, on this beautiful October weekend, they were away from Cheyenne Mountain for the whole weekend.
O'Neill wore running shorts, despite the crisp air a Minnesota Twins sweat shirt and ball cap. He felt good, despite the shot ACL in his knee and a multitude of other age appropriate maladies. And despite the fact a woman was outdistancing him. He knew he was going on a weeklong off world mission on Monday, but was making the most of his time, working on his 6 month old relationship with Nicole. Thoughts of the SGC, the Gao'uld, and any kind of world-saving heroism were far from his mind.
Nicole had her long hair in a ponytail tucked through the back of a Cubs ball cap. She wore a dark blue sweatshirt and matching pants. The perk of being a Special Programs director at the SGC was that she got weekends off. This one was damn near perfect. As long as she was with Jack.
They'd started off the fall morning with a run on a trail not far from the base housing. They planned a day of relaxation and fun. But Jack was not having fun right at the moment. He huffed along.
"Geeze, gimme a break," he finally yelled at Nicole, who was a few lengths ahead of him. She trotted back.
Jack was bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. "I'm an old guy. I could have a coronary or something." They had run about three miles, something more than a few twenty five year olds couldn't even do. Nicki laughed and stopped beside him. "Well I'm right behind you, you old geezer," she kidded.
"Like 10 years," he argued.
They opted to walk back, enjoying the day, the changing colors of leaves and the warm sun on their backs. They held hands as they walked.
"It's back to the old grind tomorrow," Jack reminded her as they strolled along.
"Yeah, yeah. Through the worm hole, fight the aliens, blow up a sun, save the world, yada yada yada," she monotoned.
"You're such a smart ass," he cracked.
"Perfect match for you." Jack used his free hand to swat her butt. Well maybe I'll have'ta smack some of that sass off 'ya." They rounded a bend then and came face to face with Daniel Jackson.
"Daniel!" a surprised Jack greeted, dropping Nicki's hand just as she had jerked it away like they were touched with a hot poker.
"Uh, Jack, Major Walker," Daniel greeted nodding to each. He had casually wondered about the possibility of a relationship between them. "Um, I was out running and ran into the Major here, and now you. Where's Teal'c hiding, in your gym bag?" O'Neill laughed a little too quickly.
Daniel smiled, "Well, it's a nice day for a run. I see you're feeling better Nicole," he added with a warm smile her way. He had secretly had a few fantasies about his training director while in class with her last week. But he was beginning to think that for Jack, they weren't just fantasies and maybe he'd better give up the idea that he might ask her to dinner some time.
"I am, thanks," she said, returning the smile.
"Well, I've got another mile to do. See you back at the mountain." O'Neill nodded. "Yeah, see ya Daniel." And then the three parted ways.
Nicole had to laugh finally. "Well, that was uncomfortable. What if he'd come by a few minutes earlier?" "You mean like when my hand was on your ass?" "Yeah. Then," she said with a smirk.
They continued to walk. "You really think we're fooling anyone Jack? At least the people close to you?" O'Neill shrugged. "Well, hell, I've been trying. But who knows? Sam was sure shocked when I didn't ask her to go fishing on our last leave. And when I turned her down for pizza last week. Daniel, well, he sometimes misses the clue bus, but I dunno.." They arrived back at Chez O'Neill in time to catch a hockey game and a bath, in which there was more groping then scrubbing going on.
The evening Jack and Nicole had planned was take in Chinese food, cold beer and a western movie on TV. Curled together on the sofa, a fire going in the fireplace, the comfortable nothing-ness was bliss for the normally go-at-full-throttle couple.
And then the doorbell rang.
"For cryin' out loud," Jack said with a sigh as Nicole dislodged herself from between his legs.
He went to the door and Nicole went to the kitchen to see if there was any more Chinese left.
Jack opened the door a crack.
Sam, Daniel and Teal'c stood outside.
"Hey Jack," Sam greeted.
"Hi kids. What's up?" "We are going to eat pizza O'Neill," Teal'c told him. "And Daniel Jackson said it would be polite to invite you." Jack smiled. "Well, thanks all the same, but I'm…I've got a movie on and a fire going. I'm kind of indisposed.
"Jack, it's our last night off for like a month," Sam pushed. "Come out with us. We'll have fun." "Maybe another time," Jack hedged.
The three stood in the cold fall air on the porch in uncomfortable silence for a moment.
"Major Walker is welcome to come of course," Teal'c finally said, breaking the silence.
Sam and Daniel stared at him.
He raised one eyebrow, giving them a look as if to say "what?" Jack made a face. He sighed.
"Maybe you guys better come in for a few." He swung open the door.
The team walked inside just as Nicole came out of the kitchen carrying a beer. She looked at the team, then at Jack. She felt like she was supposed to jump into the closet or something.
Jack shrugged.
Three sets of eyes looked from Jack to Nicole and back.
"Well, it looks like the gig is up," Jack said then.
"Explain 'gig' O'Neill," Teal'c said.
"My deception," he clarified for the Jaffa.
Jack gestured them to the living room. They all took seats.
"Look, we all know how the Military frowns on internal fraternization, but sometimes well, the rules just bite," Jack tried to explain.
"I think what Jack is saying is that sometimes you don't choose who you fall in love with," Nicole finished diplomatically. It was her job after all.
"Nicki and I are…seeing each other," Jack added, as if they didn't get that by this point.
Daniel and Sam, who had begun to suspect as much when their CO changed over a period of time from continual Grumpy Bastard to Happy Go Lucky Jack, had to smile.
"Well, honestly, I'm kind of relieved, Sam said. "I was beginning to think I'd lost my touch." Jack had to return her grin. "Nah." "But you must keep your relationship a secret, is that not true O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.
Jack shrugged. "Well, technically, Nicki is NORAD personnel, so no, not really a secret. But we'd just like to keep it quiet. Keep the cafeteria gossip to a minumum." "Is this not difficult?" "Very. And that's why we do really have to ask that you guys keep a lid on this," he got a look from Teal'c, so he clarified "help us keep the secret. As a favor to me." Teal'c then nodded. "Agreed." "Of course Jack," Daniel added.
"No problem," Samantha agreed.
"Now, about that pizza…"
Jack, Nicki, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c loaded up in Jack's truck to share an evening of pizza, beer, stories, fun and laughter.
Nicole realized, as much as she loved being with Jack alone, she had missed being in the company of other friends. And it felt good to be a real part of the team.
Nicole had watched the SG-1 team leave through the Stargate for PX2-874. As always, she said a silent prayer that Jack would come home safely to her.
General Hammond, assuming she was waiting for him, walked over to her after their embarkation.
"Did you need me Major?" Nicole tore here eyes away from the now deserted Star gate.
"Yes, general, I wanted to go over some training sessions I'm putting together, as well as the latest press releases I've put together." The General smiled. "I do like a go getter, Major. Lets get started."
Nicki left the SGC late in the evening, as was customary when Jack was off world. She used her work to fill the void he left. Sometimes she didn't go home at all, but stayed in the mountain in the SGC quarters provided to many of the officers.
She had grabbed a sandwich and a salad from the cafeteria on her way out. The Styrofoam container sat on the seat beside her as she drove home.
It was lonely on her street, a fall wind blowing fallen leaves in little rustling torrents around the yards and into the street. Tomorrow she was defiantly staying in the mountain.
She passed by Jack's dark house and it made her heart ache.
She pulled into her own drive. She carried her food inside and closed the door. Nicki put the food on the kitchen table and went to the bedroom.
She stripped off her fatigues and boots, then her black tee shirt. She turned on the stereo and headed for the bathroom. She turned on the shower and began unbraiding her long hair. She was considering getting it cut, but hadn't been able to convince Jack yet.
Nicki stepped into the hot spray as Crowded House sang an 80's tune "Don't Dream it's Over." She let the water wash away her muscle aches as well as a few self-pitying tears shed over the man she'd come to enjoy seeing in the evening.
Nicki wrapped her hair in a towel and put on her terry cloth robe. She swallowed a pain pill from one of the many in her medicine cabinet, and then went to the kitchen.
She popped open a diet Coke and sat at the bar to eat her dinner.
Nicole was half way through her turkey sandwich while watching Jeopardy when the doorbell rang.
"Shit," she cussed so startled she'd spilled Coke on her robe.
She figured it might be Janet and Cassie, who occasionally came by. She couldn't think of anyone else who'd come visiting, since SG-1 was gone.
She went to the door and opened it. On her porch was Colonel Tony Jameson, commander of Sg-6 and the ill-fated mission a few months back in which both of them had been wounded and one other team member killed.
Nicole was quite surprised. The Colonel was still in uniform, gray fatigues.
"Col. Jameson," she greeted, feeling awkward in her robe and towel.
"Major Walker, I'm sorry to bother you at home…I would have come by your office, but, well, I just got back on active duty…" Nicki felt like an idiot with him standing there, and she was freezing.
"Come in sir," she said then and he did. They went to the kitchen, where she muted Jeopardy.
"Would you like a soda or something?" she offered, hoping he'd refuse.
"No, thank you. Listen, Major, um, Nicole, I just have some things to say…I've got to get off my chest…I mean, I've felt so bad about that mission."
Nicole shook her head. "Sir, really-" she started.
"No, I need to say these things. First, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted, and for not listening to you. The whole fowl up was my fault."
"Well, we're both okay now, sir."
"Yes, but I lost Bell. And I got you shot. I screwed up and I think I should have been reprimanded, but Jack wouldn't let that happen," he shrugged.
"Sir, we all make mistakes."
"Well, I've had more than my share. And Nicole, there's something else," he paced her kitchen.
"Sir?" "Nicole, I have t tell you how I feel. I can't go another day. Ever since you were on my team, well I've been thinking about you, attracted to you-"
"Colonel," Nicole stopped him with a raised hand. "I don't think we should be having this conversation." She definitely did not share the Colonel's feelings, nor did she feel at all comfortable with him in her kitchen saying these things to her.
He approached her. "Nicole, I know it's wrong, but I think we could have something special." He kept moving forward. Nicki backed up.
She kept backing up until her back hit the refrigerator. She didn't like the look that had suddenly come over his face.
"Colonel, I think you should leave," she said sternly.
Jameson shook his head. "I can't Nicole. I want to show you how much I'm in love with you. That I'm serious."
Nicki felt her heart began to race; her eyes darted about. She looked for a weapon.
"You really need to leave-"
But the tall man didn't move to go, instead he moved his arms to either side of her, and swept down, covering her lips with his, kissing her roughly.
Nicole used all her strength to push his back.
"Now, come on Nicole. I know you feel like I do," Jameson continued. "It's okay to show it."
Nicki was going to show him all right. The business end of her service revolver was what she wanted to show him.
As Jameson made another grab for her, Nicki slipped under his arms and ran for the bedroom. She knew her weapon was loaded and ready in her nightstand.
But the big man was quicker then she thought he would be.
She was suddenly shoved and propelled into the wall of the living room close to the hall that led to the bedroom.
Her towel fell, letting her damp hair loose. Nicki was stunned as she hit the wall with a force that jarred her teeth.
She slipped to the floor, a little dizzy.
Jameson grabbed her now loose long hair and pulled her from her knees, knocking her onto her back on the floor. She was aware enough to know if she didn't get away fast, if she didn't fight-
"Nicole, I didn't want it to be like this," Jameson was saying, kneeling beside her.
Nicki reached up and scratched his cheek, her nails leaving blood trails. As she did this, she tried to move backwards away from him.
Jameson grabbed his ruined face with one hand, but reached out and grabbed Nicki's robe with the other, preventing her from getting far. He let his face bleed as he tackled her to the floor once again.
"Dammit Nicole! You don't hurt someone who loves you!" he was ranting, as he pinned her this time, using his weight to straddle her thighs, and pinning both her arms above her head.
Some of his blood dripped on her white robe, she remembered noticing as he hovered over her.
"Please," she begged now, her voice catching in her throat. "Don't do this."
"Nicole, you're forcing me to be rough. I wanted this to be special," he said in the maniacal singsong tone his voice had taken on.
Nicki felt the sting of tears in her eyes. His grip on her wrist tightened.
She tried to knee him, but his weight kept her pinned. She struggled under him, until Jameson realized she was not going to submit reasonably.
He took both her small wrists in one of his big hands. He used the other one to make a fist, which he immediately smashed into the side of her face.
Nicki had never been hit that hard in her life. Her head hit the floor with a dizzying shock and then, mercifully, blackness.
She came to a little as she felt Jameson pull the robe open and began to paw at her, but then she lost consciousness again.
When Nicki came to a second time, Jameson was standing over her naked body, zipping his pants. His face was still bleeding some and he looked crazed.
"It didn't have to be like this Nicole," he said coldly.
Nicki, terrified that he would now kill her, closed her eyes, pretending she's passed out again.
Moments later, she heard his footsteps walk away. In another moment, the door opened, then closed. She heard a motor start up, and drive away.
Nicki lay on the floor for a while. She was still dizzy from the blow and knew she must have a concussion.
Finally, she managed to sit up. She pulled the disheveled robe around her. She tried to think.
Slowly, using the furniture to help her along, she got to her feet and made her way to the phone. Her vision was slightly blurred and she dialed Janet Fraiser's number. She didn't know if was from the concussion or the tears that fell silently onto the counter.
"Hello?" Janet answered.
"Janet, I need a favor," Nicki said shakily.
"Nicki? Is that you? What's wrong?" Janet immediately knew something was not right.
"Can you come to my house and take me back to the SGC?" "Sure, but what-" "Janet, I need your help. Please," Nicki begged.
"I'll be right there."
Nicki lay on the bed in the infirmary of the SGC.
She had told Janet what happened and insisted the SGC doctor be the only one to treat her. She refused to go to a hospital.
Janet cared for her injuries and took the evidence. She had done some rape kits in her life, and it always made her heartsick. Once she had done all she could for Nicole, she called General Hammond and then the Commander of the AP.
Nicole gave her statement to the Air Force police Captain and Janet turned over the evidence to him. She had already prepared slides of previously archived Colonel Jameson's' blood and the traces on Nicole's robe. They were a match.
The Captain assured Nicole that the entire base would be on alert and that Jameson would soon be in custody.
General Hammond arrived, looking sleepy, but immediately came awake when he heard the situation from Dr Fraiser.
"I want him in the brig, ASAP," the General told the AP Captain.
The Captain nodded, saluted and left with his team.
Hammond looked through the observation window into the infirmary.
"How is she?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
"Physically, she's got a concussion and some bruises. Mentally, well, we can only imagine."
The General nodded. "Call Dr. Mackenzie in the am. Have him speak with her."
Dr Fraiser nodded. She wanted to ask him to re-call SG-1, but she could find no logical reason the General would buy and she could not betray Jack and Nicole's trust to tell Hammond.
"Sir, she might appreciate it if you went in."
Hammond looked surprised, but nodded. He had no idea what to say to the younger woman, but he knew he had to do something.
"If you think it would help."
Janet nodded. "I' sure it would sir. You know her father was a Colonel. She lost him some time ago."
Hammond nodded.
Hammond went to the infirmary and rapped lightly before entering.
Nicole was awake and looked at him through eyes that made Hammond want to kill Jameson himself. Her eyes were so sad.
"Nicole," he spoke. "I'm so sorry."
She nodded. She was touched that he'd come.
"Is there…anything I can do?"
She wanted so badly to tell him to get Jack, to get him back through the Stargate no matter what it cost them, but she did not.
"I'll be alright sir, thank you."
He knew she was putting up a much braver front than she had to.
"We're off duty. No need for the 'sir.'"
She managed a nod. "There was one thing, maybe…off the record?"
"Certainly."
"When will SG-1 be back from their mission?"
The General was more than a little surprised by the question, but he would not ask why. Nor would he bring it up later. As she had requested, this was 'off the record'. If there were anything going on between the Major and one of the Sg-1 team, he would not pursue it on this basis. And after all, she was special ops and entitled to the information.
"Three days," he said. He knew the mission had been planned for longer, but also knew that Jack had sent word back that the peace talks were going better then he expected and they planned to return early.
"Thank you."
He nodded. "I'll check in on you tomorrow." He patted her hand. He hoped he had helped.
Nicki was reminded of her father. Hammond had helped more then he knew.
She didn't begin to weep until after he'd left.
"I told you so sir," Carter was saying as they disembarked.
"Well, fine Carter," O'Neill said, irritant. "Next time I'll believe you when you say that the darn little ugly suckers squirt blue jello."
On the planet, after the peace talks had ended early, the team had walked around a bit. Sam had warned Jack that the plants were unusual and not to touch anything. But Jack being, well, Jack, hadn't listened. He now wore some of the "blue Jell-O" substance on his pants because of it.
Teal'c and Daniel stayed out of the spat.
"But I was right about the armor, right? I mean, I was right?"
Carter nodded. "Yes sir, you were right."
"Ok then. We're even," he said, his child like sense of justice fulfilled.
"I believe Major Carter is up by 6, O'Neill," Teal's interjected.
Jack made a face. "Oh fine. You're counting? That really bums me out T."
Teal'c could only raise an eyebrow to the Colonel's slang.
After their decontamination, General Hammond waited for them.
"I've deferred the brief," he told them. "I'll want a report in the morning, but right now we have a situation," he told O'Neill.
"What kind?" Jack asked, immediately falling back into soldier mode.
"We have a Colonel who's to be taken into custody on site. He's disappeared. We're on high security alert, especially in the gate room."
"Who?" Jack wanted to know instantly.
"Colonel Anthony Jameson."
Jameson wasn't one of O'Neill's favorite people, but arrested?
"What are the charges?"
"Assault and rape."
"Oh my god," Carter exclaimed. "Here, in the mountain?"
Hammond shook his head. "No. Base housing. But he could have gotten back in before the warrant was placed against him."
"I will join the search," Teal'c immediately volunteered.
"Thank you Teal'c," the General said.
"Yeah, we'll get on it too," Jack said, volunteering the rest of his team.
"Was the victim-" Sam began.
"It was Major Walker," Hammond said.
Jack went pale.
Sam and Daniel stared at each other.
"Oh no," Sam said her hand flying to her mouth.
"She's in the infirmary," Hammond finished.
"We should go check on her first," Daniel said quickly.
Jack nodded. It was all he could do not to run as fast as he could.
Daniel and Sam held back. Jack's long strides carried him to the level 21 infirmary. Before he got there, Janet met him.
"Janet?" he asked, his eyes searching.
"Jack, she's not badly injured," she assured him.
"The bastard raped her?" he asked.
Janet nodded. "Luckily her physical injuries were minor. Dr Mackenzie has been in talking to her the past 2 days. I only kept her here because I didn't want to send her home alone. She refused to let me take her to my place. I think she feels safer here."
Jack was angry, furious; he was also frustrated, worried and scared. His emotions had never run like this.
"What…what do I do Janet?" he asked then, scared he would say or do the wrong thing and make it worse.
"Just be you Jack. That's what she needs the most."
Jack slowly walked into the infirmary. Nicki was sitting up in bed, wearing a standard issue gray Air Force tee shirt and sweat pants. She had an ugly purple and blue bruise that covered one entire side of her face. Seeing that made Jack burn with fury.
Nicki was flipping through a magazine and didn't see him until a moment later, after he'd been watching her, trying to regain control of his emotions.
He walked to her bedside, neither of them speaking a word.
Finally, Jack took her hand. "Hiya," he greeted.
"Hey you," came her weak reply.
It was their standard greeting, on the phone, or when they hadn't seen each other for a while. If Jack had said anything other, Nicki would know things had changed and she would have fallen apart right then.
He managed a small hint of a smile. "Missed you."
Nicki fell into his arms then, tears falling freely onto his olive tee shirt.
Janet had closed all the curtains and the door behind Jack to ensure they would have privacy.
Jack held Nicole while she sobbed. He held her tight, wishing there was something he could do to take her pain, wishing he could take it into him instead.
Finally, her crying abated. She hated crying, he knew. It was rare that she was able to pour out her emotions in such great release. But Jack gave her the safety and strength.
Jack gently cleaned her face with a tissue from the bedside table.
He stroked her long loose hair. He stared into her green eyes that usually sparkled with life. Now they seemed gray and cold. He knew he would do anything to put the sparkle back.
"Take me home Jack. I don't want to be here anymore."
Jack nodded.
Jack called General Hammond from the infirmary. He told the General that Janet had diagnosed him with a viral infection and was sending him home. The General, who knew how hard Jack had been working lately, said he understood and would let him know about any progress made on the Jameson matter.
Jack made them soup and hot bread in his kitchen. It was 'comfort food', as his mother used to call it. He made hot chamomile tea to go with it.
He was going to take the dinner tray into the living room when his phone rang. It was Sam.
"Sir, I though you'd like to know, they arrested Col. Jameson a few minutes ago. He was hiding in a supply truck, trying to get back into the base."
Jack was relieved in more ways then one. He was glad Jameson had been arrested, but he silently wished he'd been able to dish out some justice of his own to the former fellow officer.
"Thanks Carter."
He'd built a fire in his fireplace and piled blankets and pillows in front of it. Nicki was bedded down there, staring into the flames.
"Here we go," Jack said, carrying the tray into the room. He had changed into flannel pajama bottoms and tank tee shirt.
Nicki managed a grateful smile.
He told her about Jameson's arrest. She didn't say much.
They ate in silence. Jack noticed Nicki ate little, but drank her tea.
She finally spoke.
"You were doing your job Jack. I know that you couldn't have been there." She knew he blamed himself for this. That was more then she could handle on top of her grief.
Jack sighed. "I should have been."
"Please Jack, I don't think I can take you blaming yourself and pulling away."
It seemed Nicole had become aware of at least one of the factors that Jack was good at: blame. And that blame always fell on him. It was one of the reasons he and Sara had never been able to pull themselves back together after Charlie's death. He hadn't let her in. He was too busy blaming himself.
Jack knew that it was important for Nicki that he hold himself as well as her blameless. He nodded.
"I know, probably more than anyone that the 'shoulda', 'coulda,'s don't mean shit. Only what is. And I'm sorry for that."
"A lot has happened to me in my life Jack," she explained, that far off look coming into her eyes. She knew some things she might not ever be able to share, even with him. "And this is rough." She finally looked at him, really looked at him. "But dammit, I have to be okay. I'm stronger than that. I won't let a bastard like Jameson rob me of that."
Jack admired her strength. He always had. "Just remember, you don't have to be strong all by yourself anymore." Nicki did remember. And she was thankful.
Jack lay back on the pillows and offered her his shoulder to lie on.
Nicki rested her head on his chest and shoulder, just feeling safe in his arms.
She cried the last tears she would cry over the attack and then, as Jack soothed her, she fell into a sleep on his chest, listening to him breathe and finally, somewhere inside finding peace.