Izuku had never been good at listening to Katsuki; never when he told him to stay away after he fell when they were children, when he was told to stop following him, to stop being a nerd. So he didn't listen this time either.
He called, he texted, he emailed. He did everything but go to the agency, or Katsuki's apartment. He thought maybe that would be desperate, and he couldn't face anyone anyway. It was risky going out in public. There weren't many green eyed, green haired men. Eventually, the calls went straight to voicemail, the texts went undelivered, and days turned into months. Katsuki's negative attention in the media faded, and Dynamight's scandal featuring himself and the beautiful, troubled man went away.
Bookmarked had been vaulted into the spotlight and Izuku was forced to conduct the business through Ai and Daisuke. Book sales increased from simply having traffic, until it plateaued again and Izuku resigned himself to behind the scenes management for the foreseeable future. He gave Ai and Daisuke raises for their efforts, they deserved it.
He had developed a habit now, his phone lay face up on his desk throughout the day, and his heart skipped a beat every time it lit up with a notification. Just, not from him, not from who he wanted.
Everything was as it was before. Izuku, a mostly unknown man in a city with a bookstore he loved dearly, living alone; Katsuki, his childhood friend, far away from Izuku's life, out of arm's reach. Positive notes were that he had made friends with his coworkers now, and Iida, so he no longer felt so lonely. He thought about getting a puppy, or a cat, but he shuddered when he thought about it getting its cute teeth on his books.
Izuku blinked as he zoned out behind the register. Bookmarked sign still said closed, he enjoyed being behind the register before opening to fill that need.
A mother and child walking hand in hand as the boy eagerly pointed at the All Might poster in their display. Izuku smiled because he remembered when he and Katsuki both got All Might cards in the shop when they were younger. A snowflake, bright white before it melted into a drop, fell into the puddles on the street. It was winter again, the first snowfall was expected within the week.
Izuku sighed. He had considered dating, but he wasn't interested in being asked all about Dynamight and how he was in bed. Not like last time. He wasn't interested at all because again, none of them were Katsuki. He couldn't bear the thought of being touched by someone and opening his eyes to see it wasn't him.
Izuku had explained in his texts and the two voicemails he had sent, he had stopped just short of begging Katsuki to listen to him, but never got a response. So it was over. And winter was here again. Izuku had gotten good at not thinking about him, but the snow brought back memories of their cold walks with hot sake, warm kisses on doorsteps, and promises of seeing each other later. What a fucking whirlwind that had been.
The day the snow was a carpet with hardly a footprint in it was the hardest. For a wild moment, he thought it was that morning, so he looked to his left and for a second, thought he saw broad expanses of skin and scars across muscle before he blinked the darkness into focus and found sheets jumbled at his side.
He did his stretches, he went for his jog on the cleared path, careful to avoid ice patches. He usually would stay in on days like this, and not risk a fall or injury. But the day was beautiful, it called to him, the sharp cold air filled his lungs like a forcing his mind into sharp focus and determination.
He returned to Bookmarked at a jog and Ai was already busying herself at the register. She would usually smile when she greeted him now, but this morning, she swiped something off the countertop and smiled too late, her eyes never sparkling which contrasted with too many teeth.
"Ai?" Izuku's own smile faltered. "What's wrong?" Izuku immediately thought of Katsuki. Was he injured? Was he involved in another scandal unwillingly? Was he dating someone else…?
Ai sighed and put the newspaper back onto the counter, and sure enough, Katsuki's face was plastered across the front, scowling his signature scowl, soot across his biceps and forearms, miniscule tears through his costume as he stood, one fist in the air. His homage to All Might. The headline read, " Dynamight makes an explosion in the polls, moves up to third place in hero rankings."
Izuku blinked, reread the headline again.
"Boss. You okay?" Ai asked cautiously. Izuku touched Katsuki's face briefly before he held the paper closer to read the article.
He made it into the top 10. Not only just the top ten, the top three ! The agency was about to announce and celebrate it, open to the public. Izuku could go, he could go and disappear into the crowd and get to see him be happy and proud. He could be proud of him and celebrate with him.
"Boss." Ai said tentatively, she knew him well enough now. "You can't go."
"Why not?" Izuku placed the paper down, pleased with himself and the plan. He walked to the corridor leading up to his apartment and waited for her answer.
"They'd recognise you." Ai shrugged. "So many people would be there, all the more eyes to put a name to the face and- and I don't want you to go through that public spotlight thing again."
"I'll blend in, Ai. I'll be fine." Izuku smiled at her. "I just want to be there for this moment. He's worked so hard for it." She softened, her shoulder slumping in defeat.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Ai glanced at Katsuki's furrowed brow, her eyebrows coming slightly closer together. Izuku laughed.
"And leave Daisuke here alone, on a Saturday? I might end up homeless." Daisuke wasn't that hopeless, but he did rely on Ai a lot. They needed to hire a new hand, part-time at least. He heard Ai chuckling as he shut his apartment door and began stripping, leaving a line of clothes to the bathroom. A warm shower calmed his calf muscles and he let the water massage his scalp as his heart hammered faster and faster.
He was going to see Katsuki for the first time in months in just a few days. He wrestled with the idea, wondering for more than a few moments if it was a good idea. He hadn't exactly gotten over Katsuki, but he was okay now, not seeing him, not talking to him. Not hoping to see him.
What would he be like if he were to break that streak? Would he be heartbroken all over again? Was it worth it in the end?
The snow had gone by Saturday. Puddles were all that were left and Izuku gripped the unused umbrella in his hand as he stood across from the agency. People were milling in, media with cameras mounted on their shoulders or quirks used as cameras and mics were grouping up. Izuku tugged down on his Dynamight beanie and adjusted his mask under his shades. His face was covered, his green curls mostly were covered. He inhaled.
The conference room was packed. The babble filled all the air in the room and Izuku had to shuffle past everyone, too close for comfort, just to find a seat almost to the back. Out of the way but with a clear view of the podium. Some of Katsuki's more flattering hero photos were plastered on the backdrop on stage with his full name in orange and black lettering 'Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight' .
Izuku felt his phone vibrate and glanced at his screen. Ai was checking in. He locked his phone as the babble died down and the mic gave a whine before someone said hi nervously.
Izuku slid the shades low and looked over the rim of it. It was a publicist, but Izuku saw him, his leg, those thick cargo pants and heavy boots just off to the side. His head was turned, but his ash blond hair was there. He was there. Izuku could feel every thud of his heart beat in his throat.
"I want to welcome everyone today to celebrate Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight's new position in the top ten of the Hero rankings!" The crowd applauded, someone screamed so much they sounded like they were frothing at the mouth. Izuku clapped, his palms felt like they weren't his own.
Someone was whispering that they could see Katsuki off to the side and let out a little excited squeal. Izuku swallowed thickly, his throat was suddenly a solid lump and he couldn't breathe past it.
"We will open now for some questions, and a few lucky fans will get a photo and autograph from the man of the hour." Katsuki stepped onto the stage and everyone rose to their feet. Izuku had to stand to see him and he forced a breath, his lungs expanded painfully as whoops and hollers rang out around him. Katsuki gave a shy grin and wave. Shy .
Izuku's stomach did a swoop. He was so in love with him. He should leave. He was about to, but then Katsuki was at the microphone and he laughed into it. A smile that lit up his red eyes like sparkling rubies, with teeth showing in genuine happiness Izuku had rarely seen on his face. He wanted to bask in it. He couldn't leave. He stood immobile, his eyes seeing past arms that flailed for attention in front of him.
"Thank you, everyone." Katsuki said, his voice was husky but sharp, like he had been yelling the way Izuku knew he did whenever he was excited. "I can't express how much this means to me, how hard I've worked, and how grateful I am to the people around me who made this possible."
Izuku followed the shape of his lips and how it formed every word. How the corners of his mouth curved, one more than the other side, and a small dimple of skin formed there; he'd kissed it so many times when he discovered it.
"I know," Katsuki's hand went to his hair, and the mic just picked up the sound of the bristles against his palm, "My reputation has been tainted in the past. And I'm sorry about that, it wasn't very becoming of me as I aspired to be the best. But I promise you, I am a changed man, and I just want to be the best hero and make my idol, All Might, proud."
Izuku removed his shades, just to see him in all his pride. He was grinning, he realised. His cheeks hurt from the effort.
"I don't have all that much time today, but I did want to celebrate with you. I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with." Katsuki was bashful again as his eyes roamed the crowd. Izuku ducked his eyes; he didn't want to be seen and risk being removed.
"Uh," Katsuki looked around nervously, "I think we have a raffle, I pull a seat row and then number, and five of you get to come up here." The publicist came out with two rotating balls with smaller balls in the middle, all making gentle noises as they shifted inside their metal cages. "Don't, uh, tackle me or nothin' like that, okay?" The crowd laughed, Izuku was suddenly nervous, afraid of getting chosen when a year ago, it would be all he ever wanted.
The first seat was someone to the far left, the second, someone in the middle, the third was a man in the front row, the fourth was a kid who sobbed all the way on and off the stage, Katsuki placed a hat on his head that fell over his eyes, and the fifth was the girl beside Izuku. He slouched so low into his seat, his knees touched the back of the chair in the row in front of him.
Finally, to round off the little press release, the publicist came back on stage and applauded, congratulating Katsuki again on his achievement. The crowd roared, Katsuki raised his closed fist into the air. And Izuku, finally feeling safe to scream his joy, raised his voice in a whoop. Katsuki was grinning so wide, it looked like a completely different man to the scowling front page of the newspaper.
Izuku had closed his eyes to scream with the others, so when he opened them again and found red eyes locked onto him, he froze, his voice immediately falling into silence while his ears rang. Katsuki's grin had faded, his eyes opened wide, but then, the corners of his mouth lifted in a gentle smile, his eyes softened.
And Izuku felt hope.