My feet hit the familiar plush rug in my living room. The hazy blue light of early morning flowed through the windows. I snuck quietly back into my bedroom. Charlie was tucked under the covers, his deep breathing the only sound in the room. I slipped under the duvet and snuggled into the warmth of Charlie's sleeping body. I closed my eyes in an attempt to get a little bit of sleep before going into work.
I don't hate you! The words replayed in my head. An image of dark, desperate eyes flashed in my mind. I remember everything. The desperation in those dark eyes shifted into pain. I wanted to reach out, to comfort him. A flash of light and any emotion in those eyes was gone. They were blank, lifeless, staring forward. My heart gave a jolt and my eyes shot open with a gasp.
Morning light brightened the bedroom. The space next to me was empty and Charlie stood at the side of the bed, finishing the windsor knot on his tie.
"Are you alright?" he asked, his fingers wiggling the tie to secure the knot.
I sat up, my heart still pounding from my dream. "Yes." I whispered, shaking my head. "Just a bad dream."
"What happened?" He sat on the edge of bed, his eyes intently fixed on me.
"I can't remember." I lied.
"Funny how dreams can melt away so quickly after you wake." He stood up and walked to the night table next to his side of the bed, picked up his watch, and fastened it to his wrist.
I nodded my head, the image of Severus' lifeless eyes still playing in my mind. "What time is it?" I asked as I turned my head to look at the clock on my bedside table. 6.23 glowed on the digital alarm clock. I looked back over at Charlie as he spritzed cologne on his neck and left wrist. He set the bottle down and made a quick movement rubbing his wrists together. The smell of him wafted over to me and my stomach fluttered.
"I have an early meeting." he responded to a question that my look must have been asking. He reached into the wardrobe and removed a well tailored suit coat that complemented his pants. He was always so put together on work days. He gave himself a quick glance in the mirror before walking over to me. He bent over and planted a soft kiss on my cheek, he pulled his lips away and planted them a second time on the side of my neck. The flutters in my stomach from his scent exploded into a riot of butterflies. I seized him by the lapel and pulled his lips to mine. They were soft and familiar. His fresh cologne enveloped me. He pulled away first. "I have to go. I'll be late if we continue." His smirk made my insides melt like ice cream.
He grabbed his keys and wallet from the bedside table. I listened to him leave and the click of him locking the door behind himself. I begrudgingly dragged myself from bed, finally feeling the tiredness from my lack of sleep. I dressed quickly and picked up my portkey. I felt the familiar pull behind my belly button and suddenly I was standing in the staff break room. I shuffled over to a waiting pot of coffee and poured some into a cup. I added cream and a good amount of sugar. I shivered at the taste but I prayed that it would give me the energy I needed to get through the day.
I was on my third cup by lunchtime when the Welcome Witch approached me.
"Healer Winston." she said. "I don't know where this came from. I looked over about ten minutes ago and it was sitting next to my paperwork. It has your name on it."
She held out a folded bit of parchment with my name hastily scrawled on it. I took it and flipped it over in my hands, it had an unmarked seal. "Thank you." I put my coffee cup down and broke the wax seal.
Shrieking Shack, tonight, 10.
My heart jumped and I felt as though I needed to hide the message or destroy it. I tucked it quickly into my pocket. Of course he would contact me at work. He doesn't know anything about now Ruby other than she works at St. Mungo's.
When late afternoon rolled around, my hands were shaking and my body was buzzing. I wasn't sure if it was the five cups of coffee or the anticipation of seeing Severus Snape again. I was a mixture of drained and energised. I needed to fight with my eyes to stay open but my mind was racing. The clock was moving too slowly and I was getting to a point where I was feeling as though I would die before my shift ended. I wished Severus would have sent his note later in the day so I didn't have as much time to wait.
I travelled back to my apartment with the unfortunate task of waiting even longer. I set my bag down on the table when I noticed an amazing smell wafting from the kitchen. I wandered it to find Charlie in the kitchen standing over a series of pots and pans. He was wearing what he had worn to work minus the suit jacket. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and one of my mother's floral aprons protected his front from splatter. He turned back around to chop some basil, his forearm muscles rippled as he handled the knife. He scooped up the ribbons of green leaves and tossed them into a pot and gave it a quick stir. He turned back around and his eyes found me standing in the doorway. His eyes lit up and a beaming smile illuminated his face.
"Surprise!" The words came out almost as a song. "After my early meeting I left early and have been making a pasta dinner to celebrate what would have been our last night in Italy."
"I didn't know you could cook." I said, entering into the kitchen and leaning against the counter, watching him continue his preparations.
"Ah," he sounded. "I apologise for that. I should have made you a dozen romantic dinners by this time but we're both so busy and taking you out to the best London has to offer seemed the better option."
"Well, It smells amazing in here." I said, leaning in closer to get a look. "What are we having?"
"It's a spaghetti…type pasta with tomato sauce." He lifted a hand towel off the counter revealing several knotted balls of thin cut pasta."
"You made your own pasta?" I asked both incredulous and impressed.
A slight pink appeared on his cheeks. "It's honestly just eggs and flour."
"Don't you dare down play this." I said admiring his effort. I moved to him and took his hands in mine. "This is all incredible." I pressed my mouth to his. He tasted of garlic and basil.
"Don't be too quick to praise." he whispered under my lips. "You haven't tasted it yet."
"I beg to differ." I argued, adding a playful bite to his bottom lip.
He wrapped his arms around me tighter despite his coming words. "I should get the pasta on and the sauce is on the verge of burning."
"There's always takeaway." I whispered, my lips rubbing against his as I spoke. I felt him smile before he pulled away.
He grabbed a spoon and gave the sauce a quick mix. "You're a bad influence. Now, taste." He held up the spoon with a sample of the simmering tomato sauce on it, blowing on it a few times before holding it out to me. I took a small taste; incredible.
"I've decided, "I said, smacking my lips. "You're the cook in the relationship now. I eat, you cook. No turning back."
He unfurled the noodles before dropping them into a waiting pot of boiling water. He wiped his hands quickly on the apron before wrapping one his arms quickly around my waist and pulling me close. "I like eating too, you know." he whispered in my ear before making a growling noise and gently biting the side of my neck. He planted a kiss on the bite following it with a trail of kisses to the front of my throat and down to my chest. A laugh burst out of me. He kissed my cheek before returning his attention to dinner.
I watched him as he went smoothly through the motions as though he had done them hundreds of times. He moved the pasta from the water into the pan with the sauce, tossing it to coat. He dished it out onto two plates before grating fresh parmesan and scattering basil on top. He picked up both servings and carried them over to the table, I followed and sat down in a chair. He set a plate in front of me and sat across the table.
I twirled some pasta around my fork and took a bite. "I can't imagine Italy could do better than this." I said once I had finished chewing.
He laughed. "It's becoming embarrassingly clear that you have never been to Italy and I really must rectify that soon."
After dinner I collected our plates and brought them to the sink. I turned the hot water on when Charlie walked over and turned it off. "I will take care of those later. I believe we were in the midst of something important when dinner was cooking." He leaned his head in and his lips pressed against my neck. His hands wandered my body as I melted into him. His lips sent electric pulses through my body with every touch. I ran my hands up his back, my fingers found themselves entwined in his hair. His hands tugged at my shirt before lifting it off over my head and tossed it aside. He took a moment to take me in. My body that he has seen many times still seemed to excite him. He leaned back in, kissing the exposed parts of my breasts as his hands grasped tightly to my hips. He lifted me rapidly onto a clear space on the counter. He lifted his lips to mine and I felt his fingers working on the clasp of my bra. He was a master of it and it was off and thrown away. He slid back down, his lips dragging, sending explosions of pleasure through my body. In my ecstasy, I caught a glimpse of my kitchen clock. It was ten to ten, my heart jumped and my racing hot blood stopped in my veins. I couldn't very well show up to meet Severus smelling of sex.
"Wait." I said begrudgingly.
"What?" he stood up, a questioning look on his face. I had never stopped him before. "Did I do something wrong? I can wash the dishes first if that's what's bothering you."
I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "It's not the dishes." My body was screaming at me to let him finish what he had started. "You were doing everything perfectly and I forgot about the dishes, but…" His hands dropped from my waist. "I have a meeting in about ten minutes." I looked back at the clock. "Eight minutes."
I watched him deflate. "Is it normal to have meetings at this time of night? Are you overworking yourself again? Am I going to have to call Louis?"
"Stop!" I pushed him back and slid myself off the counter. "Do not ever bring up my brother when I am half naked." I angrily picked up my bra and top before stomping off to the bedroom to redress myself.
I emerged a few moments later, I had brushed my hair and changed into a different shirt. I had last seen Severus while wearing my pyjamas and didn't want him to think I always wore ratty old t-shirts.
"Ruby." Charlie said upon my arrival into the living room. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry."
"We'll talk about this later." I said. "I'm by far still too angry to have anything like a civilised conversation with you." I snatched my wand off the entry table. I remembered the Shrieking shack, the creak of the floorboards, the thick, dusty smell, the sagging furniture. I held my breath and I was gone.
Creaky floorboards announced my arrival along with a crack. The house was filled with a thick darkness that made it impossible to see anything including my own hand in front of my face. A fear spread over me, anyone could be here and I would have no idea. Suddenly I became very concerned with my safety. My heart began to race and I felt my palms begin to sweat.
"Lumos." The voice was familiar and very near. I spun in its direction and Severus Snape stood a foot away, a lit wand held in his hand. I was able to see my surroundings now, the shack was nearly unchanged but for the increased dust on every surface.
"Hello." I whispered. It felt odd to speak at a normal volume in the silence surrounding us.
He held me in his gaze, again as if searching a copy for imperfections. He still looked exhausted but he looked less on edge here.
"This meeting was at your request." he said, his voice deep and smooth. A part deep within me came undone at its sound. "What do you wish to say?"
"I am very sorry that I tried to take your memories." I said.
"Yes, I believe we covered that the other night." he said, harshly. "If you are going to be repeating yourself, I have more important things to do."
"I know, but," I began, "I am sorry. I'm sorry that you had to realise what had happened. I'm sorry that you didn't have any context to my actions. I'm sorry that you believed that I didn't want you." I took a step towards him, it took everything in me to not lift my hand to his cheek. "But mostly I'm sorry that I didn't keep you." He regarded me with suspicion. "I know that it will not be easy to win back your good opinion, but I need to try. I didn't just lose you, I lost myself."
His eyes held mine for a long moment in the low glow of his wand. Something shifted, it was almost imperceptible, but I felt it. "You've changed." he said, amusement in his tone. It was my turn for suspicious looks. "You're more…confident, more sure of yourself."
"Oh." It was more of a sigh than a real spoken word.
"You were always headstrong but the confidence accompanying it is new." The ghost of a smile brushed his lips. I almost missed it. There began a span of silence where we both spent time studying one another. It was almost like a dream standing here with him, I hoped it wasn't.
"Did you know when I was at Hogwarts years ago?" The question bubbled out of me before I realised I wanted to ask it. "Know what I had done, I mean."
He nodded his head slowly. "Yes, I had known for a while by that time. Most of my harsher rage towards you had settled and then you were there. The surprise of being faced with you made it more difficult. It was easier to treat you like a bad dream than to deal with what actually happened, but dreams don't show up at Hogwarts and insult me."
"I insulted…you started it!" I stuttered.
A smile stretched over his mouth as though he were remembering a fond memory. "I know, and you really rose to the occasion."
"So you were just…toying with me?" I asked.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I believed you hated me but in spite of what I knew you had done and my assumedly accurate projection of how you felt, I was still in love with you. I compensated for my feelings by being overly rude to you. But then…" His story trailed off and hung in the air between us. I wanted him to continue, I needed him to continue. The sound of his voice was like rediscovering a lost memory.
"But then what?" I whispered.
"That night in the corridors when you grabbed my hand and dragged me with you. We had that moment in the shadows. You weren't looking at me in a way you would expect a person to look at someone they hate. When you grabbed my hand I assumed you didn't know who you were grabbing to flee with you but then we stopped and you looked into my eyes. You knew who I was and your demeanour didn't change. I was left confused by everything when I parted ways with you that night. I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on it, to even consider that you still felt anything towards me."
"I did." The whispered words felt like they dissipated in the air between us. Silence surrounded us as we regarded each other. I became aware of the magnetic pull he had on me. We were close but something about him beckoned me closer. I fought against it.
"Is this enough closure for you?" he asked, breaking eye contact.
"Closure?" I asked, snapping out of the trance I had been in. "I don't want closure."
"Then what is it that you want, Ruby?" He asked.
I contemplated his question. Why was this meeting so important to me? I rejected Charlie so that I could be in a dimly lit, dilapidated shack with a man I haven't spoken with in a civilised manner in nearly two decades. I had a man at home that I was in love with, I was happy, wasn't I? I looked back into Severus' eyes as he waited for my answer. I felt the magnetic pull again. "You seem like you could use a friend." As soon as the words came out I wondered where they had come from and why I had said them.
"I can assure you that I need no such thing." his demeanour snapped back and his stance went rigid. "If all this is is some attempt to make yourself feel better then I have more important things to do."
"It's not!" I argued. "Severus." He tensed at my use of his name.
"Then why?" he demanded. "I've come to terms with what happened between us, why dig all of this back up? You seem alright and I am fine."
A throaty laugh escaped me. "You are not fine! Look at you! You're completely drained and let's not pretend that you aren't on edge. I can see the fear in your eyes, you are not fine."
"And what do you think you can do to help?" he asked, raising his voice.
"I…don't know." I said. "But having someone in your corner who knows what's going on has got to be a hell of a lot better than going through everything alone."
"I've always gone it alone, why should I change now?" he asked, his tone soft and cracking.
"Just because you've been alone doesn't mean you always have to be alone." I said, giving in to the magnetism and reaching for his hand. I expected him to pull away but he didn't. I felt his fingers tighten around mine. A flame I thought was long dead was ignited, it was small and delicate but it was there. I allowed myself to be taken in by the pull I was feeling. I wrapped my arms around his torso and rested my head on his chest. I could hear his rapid heartbeat. I felt his arms press me tighter into his body. The flame burned brighter, I hadn't noticed this feeling was missing until it returned.
In the complete darkness I lost track of time. I had no idea how long Severus and I had been holding on to each other. It seemed neither of us was inclined to let go so we stood, wrapped together in the dark shack. His heart beat slowed to a steady rhythm, the sound was comforting.
"Tell me." I said into his chest.
"Tell you what?" he whispered back.
"Everything."