Stupid video game parody: Pikmin
A diary of Captain Priest Xellos was found on a strange planet.
Day 1:
As I was flying my "astral plane" through the universe, an undetected meteor whammed into it and caused me crash onto this weird little planet. My astral plane broken into 30 pieces and I must find them. If my calculations are correct, the air is poisonous here and my life support will only last another 30 days. Well I better get moving.
What is this? What a weird looking ship. I will call it an onion b/c there is a red union underneath it. I hope it's stinky b/c I need to send Filia something for her birthday. What this? The onion is alive! I just pulled it out of the ground and it's actually a living, moving little creature. It's too cute to send Filia, oh well.
What's this? The stupid little thing is following me, what's up with that? Does it think I'm its mommy? I point at it to go back to its ship and it goes there. I start to leave and it runs back after me. I grab it and hurl it back to its ship. I don't want this little creature killing me with cuteness. The creature sadly doesn't seem to be hurt from my throw. That little thing has spunk. I will call him "Spunky" He grabs a funny colored rock and takes it back to the onion where seeds shoot out of it and in a minute, new little red creatures appear. And now they are all following me around. And they found my engine!
Maybe I have some use for them after all. Heh heh…
Day 4:
I found out that these little red ones are resistant to fire. Which is odd for being plants. I wanted to see what else they could do so I told them to kill that tadpole in the lake. There is nothing as great as listening 50 little creatures squeaking as they sink to the bottom of the lake. Little Spunky was devastated. Who cares? I can breed him more little friends.
Day 7:
I didn't know there were so many monsters here in the way of my plane's parts. Thank god I can use these stupid little minions of mine to do all the fighting for me. I don't care how much get eaten, I can breed more. They exchange the big bulborb's corpse for more seeds. I like that. It's so morbid. I still need 25 parts though.
Wow, there are yellow creatures for me to play with too. What fun! They have big huge ears so I can throw them higher than the red ones. I thrown one so high, this big huge flying bug took it away. That was pretty funny.
Day 10:
Cool, the yellow ones like explosives. They bombed a wall in our way. Too bad there was this big monster in the way of a part. All my little sluts attacked it. Why do they do things the hard way? I made a little yellow one throw a bomb at the creature. It was raining pikmin parts for about 5 minutes. At least the monster is dead and I have my part so I can hopefully get the hell out of here. I had the remaining few, including Spunky, to carry it back. I can breed more anyway.
Day 12:
These little guys do whatever I want! It's the best! I can say, "Jump in the river!" and they'll do it. And "Kill that big huge thing with the sharp teeth," laughs these things are so stupid!
Pikmin have this strange behavior. They HATE this beetle like creature and attack it without me even saying so. Hey, it's their fault if they are left behind at night and night creatures eat them. I can breed more.
Day 16:
Finally, I found some blue pikmin to get the parts in the water for me. One of the parts was in this giant clam. I told my stupid lemmings… errr… pikmin to get it for me. They hesitated then went for it. When they threw the part out, the clam slammed shut and grinded on the 20 or so that got stuck inside. That sound was pretty cool. Grind, grind, grind…
Day 19:
This big huge bird popped out of the ground and ate my army like popcorn. These pikmin are lucky they breed like rabbits or they would be extinct. Same thing with golden dragons. ::laughs::
Day 22:
Just 5 more parts to go! I'm having the stupid little things build a bridge for me. Oh no, here comes Mr. Frog! Dammit… Now I got to breed more.
Day 28:
Something strange happened today. When I came out of my ship this morning instead of me going to get the pikmin to do today's adventure, they were all waiting for me. Dang, this is an ambush. Maybe I shouldn't have feed a couple of them to that giant vine thingy to keep it from eating me. I guess they didn't like that. Ow! I wish I didn't breed so many.
This will be my last passage. It seems little Spunky figured out that I am their worst enemy, even more than the bulborbs or the flint beetle or that big huge bird. Which is true since I probably got more of these things killed than any other time in their history. He convinced all my army to rid of me for I am an evil demon and do away with me painfully and slowly. There goes my leg. I would fight back but there are too many of them, I can barely move. It hurts.
Don't feel bad for me. I must say, they are smarter than humans since they figured out that I was their worst enemy much sooner. Stupid humans. I'm going to be in a BBQ soon so I'll wrap this up. I'm so proud of little Spunky. If there was one pikmin who turned against me and soon be trading in my body for seeds, I'm glad it's him. King Spunky of the Pikmin. If someone finds this, be nice to Spunky and tell Lord Zellas I love her. And send Filia a borborb for her birthday. Ack… I'm starting to see black.
I hope I'm worth a lot of seeds.
A diary of Captain Priest Xellos was found on a strange planet.
Day 1:
As I was flying my "astral plane" through the universe, an undetected meteor whammed into it and caused me crash onto this weird little planet. My astral plane broken into 30 pieces and I must find them. If my calculations are correct, the air is poisonous here and my life support will only last another 30 days. Well I better get moving.
What is this? What a weird looking ship. I will call it an onion b/c there is a red union underneath it. I hope it's stinky b/c I need to send Filia something for her birthday. What this? The onion is alive! I just pulled it out of the ground and it's actually a living, moving little creature. It's too cute to send Filia, oh well.
What's this? The stupid little thing is following me, what's up with that? Does it think I'm its mommy? I point at it to go back to its ship and it goes there. I start to leave and it runs back after me. I grab it and hurl it back to its ship. I don't want this little creature killing me with cuteness. The creature sadly doesn't seem to be hurt from my throw. That little thing has spunk. I will call him "Spunky" He grabs a funny colored rock and takes it back to the onion where seeds shoot out of it and in a minute, new little red creatures appear. And now they are all following me around. And they found my engine!
Maybe I have some use for them after all. Heh heh…
Day 4:
I found out that these little red ones are resistant to fire. Which is odd for being plants. I wanted to see what else they could do so I told them to kill that tadpole in the lake. There is nothing as great as listening 50 little creatures squeaking as they sink to the bottom of the lake. Little Spunky was devastated. Who cares? I can breed him more little friends.
Day 7:
I didn't know there were so many monsters here in the way of my plane's parts. Thank god I can use these stupid little minions of mine to do all the fighting for me. I don't care how much get eaten, I can breed more. They exchange the big bulborb's corpse for more seeds. I like that. It's so morbid. I still need 25 parts though.
Wow, there are yellow creatures for me to play with too. What fun! They have big huge ears so I can throw them higher than the red ones. I thrown one so high, this big huge flying bug took it away. That was pretty funny.
Day 10:
Cool, the yellow ones like explosives. They bombed a wall in our way. Too bad there was this big monster in the way of a part. All my little sluts attacked it. Why do they do things the hard way? I made a little yellow one throw a bomb at the creature. It was raining pikmin parts for about 5 minutes. At least the monster is dead and I have my part so I can hopefully get the hell out of here. I had the remaining few, including Spunky, to carry it back. I can breed more anyway.
Day 12:
These little guys do whatever I want! It's the best! I can say, "Jump in the river!" and they'll do it. And "Kill that big huge thing with the sharp teeth," laughs these things are so stupid!
Pikmin have this strange behavior. They HATE this beetle like creature and attack it without me even saying so. Hey, it's their fault if they are left behind at night and night creatures eat them. I can breed more.
Day 16:
Finally, I found some blue pikmin to get the parts in the water for me. One of the parts was in this giant clam. I told my stupid lemmings… errr… pikmin to get it for me. They hesitated then went for it. When they threw the part out, the clam slammed shut and grinded on the 20 or so that got stuck inside. That sound was pretty cool. Grind, grind, grind…
Day 19:
This big huge bird popped out of the ground and ate my army like popcorn. These pikmin are lucky they breed like rabbits or they would be extinct. Same thing with golden dragons. ::laughs::
Day 22:
Just 5 more parts to go! I'm having the stupid little things build a bridge for me. Oh no, here comes Mr. Frog! Dammit… Now I got to breed more.
Day 28:
Something strange happened today. When I came out of my ship this morning instead of me going to get the pikmin to do today's adventure, they were all waiting for me. Dang, this is an ambush. Maybe I shouldn't have feed a couple of them to that giant vine thingy to keep it from eating me. I guess they didn't like that. Ow! I wish I didn't breed so many.
This will be my last passage. It seems little Spunky figured out that I am their worst enemy, even more than the bulborbs or the flint beetle or that big huge bird. Which is true since I probably got more of these things killed than any other time in their history. He convinced all my army to rid of me for I am an evil demon and do away with me painfully and slowly. There goes my leg. I would fight back but there are too many of them, I can barely move. It hurts.
Don't feel bad for me. I must say, they are smarter than humans since they figured out that I was their worst enemy much sooner. Stupid humans. I'm going to be in a BBQ soon so I'll wrap this up. I'm so proud of little Spunky. If there was one pikmin who turned against me and soon be trading in my body for seeds, I'm glad it's him. King Spunky of the Pikmin. If someone finds this, be nice to Spunky and tell Lord Zellas I love her. And send Filia a borborb for her birthday. Ack… I'm starting to see black.
I hope I'm worth a lot of seeds.