The Darkness of One's Heart

by The-piro-16

What if Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha had a older odopted sister? This is her story on her hard life, and how she became part of a family she's always wanted. Part one of a triligy.

11. Sadness and Regret

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, or any of the songs that I forgot to say that I didn't own, I also don't own the song "If Only Tears Could Bring You Back To Me".

Another chapter!!!!!!! I wish I had more reviewers, oh well. Thanks Dragon Man 180 for the reviews they mean a lot to me. (wow that sounded kinnda corny)

"Talking"

'Thinking'

Memories

~Lyrics~

Sadness and Regret

Normal P.O.V.

Intaisho, Haru, and Maseru had thought Umbri's previous emotions were powerful, but those were nothing compared to this. The sadness and regret they were feeling was so strong and so deep it caused their eyes to tear, (they were blinking repeatedly to keep the tears from falling) they were brought to their knees. They gladly would have felt all the previous emotions they felt before combined and multiplied by one hundred instead of this. When the emotions they felt started to weaken they noticed that they didn't completely leave like they normally did. There was still a dull ache in all of their hearts.

"Why isn't the pain leaving?" Intaisho asked angrily. He didn't want to feel this any more.

~How will I start

Tomorrow without you here~

However when they looked over to Pride for the answer they were surprised to see her struggling on the ground, she was acting as though a great weight had been dropped on her and was crushing her to the ground.

"What's wrong with you? Pride?" Haru asked trying to not sound as concerned as he really was.

"The pain! It's too much! Make it go away, onegai! It hurts so much, and it happens every time I come here. I don't want to feel this way, I don't have enough strength." panted Pride as she tried to get to her feet once again. When she finally succeeded in getting up she turned to the lords, she was still breathing heavy and seemed to be under a lot of strain.

"We have to hurry, Umbri's body is losing strength and so am I. The strength of the emotions that we're feeling is weighing me down and making it hard to keep going, if I lose all my strength Umbri's doomed and your minds will be destroyed if you're in here when Umbri dies. No more stops or questions we're just going to keep walking until we find Sadness and Regret, then when we find them I'll absorb them, then I'll find the next door, tell you where we're going next, then we'll go through the door and the whole process over until we're ready to go to Umbri's heart. We only have a few emotions left, we'll have most of the stronger ones, then the others will be summoned." Pride gasped out. It was obvious that she was getting tired.

~Who's heart will guide me

When all the answers disappear~

The lords all decided to just go along with it seeing as how Pride was so weak, and that Umbri didn't have a lot of time left. The chamber they appeared to be in was nothing more then a single hallway going straight ahead.

"What's the point of this chamber? All the others seemed to have some sort of challenge in them. It appears you just need to walk forward in order to find the next emotion." Maseru asked.

"The challenge is just being able to walk down the hallway." replied Pride in a grim voice. They all slowly started walking forward soon they were hit with images of Umbri's most sad memories.

~Is it too late

Are you too far gone to stay~

Umbri looked about four. She was dropped off at a village by 'It' and was told that she would be living here for a while and that one of the village family's had volunteered to take her in. They felt her joy at being wanted somewhere. 'It' left her there after it said that. She was soon introduced to the family that she was staying with. Surprisingly enough they didn't seem to mind that she had youkai blood in her, they welcomed her with open and loving arms. The village didn't warm up to her quite as quickly, but soon they too found out that she was no threat and only wanted their friendship. Umbri stayed at that village with that family for five years, she became good friends with many of the villagers, and the family that she stayed with thought of her as their own daughter. One day an army of youkai attacked the village. They felt her fear. Umbri recognized these youkai as those that served under 'It'. She tried her very best to save her family and villagers but in the end was captured and forced to watch as every single person was killed in front of her. The last to go was her family. Not even the animals were spared. She was crying uncontrollably when 'It' walked up to her and spoke, "It's your fault they're dead. You killed them because you couldn't protect them." They watched as he did this three more times, each time Umbri would become attached to the family and village, each time she would try to save them, each time she would fail, and each time she would be told that it was her fault that they died. And they felt sadness, and regret.

~This one's forever

Should never have to go away~

Pride stumbled but caught herself and kept walking forward.

Umbri looked about eight. 'It' was speaking to her. "Umbri I want you to do a job for me, if you do well your reward will be to sleep inside the castle on a bed." They felt excited at the chance of sleeping on a bed for the first time in their life. "What is it you wish for me to do?" Umbri asked eagerly. "Go and massacre the five largest villages you can find, kill the miko's of the villages last and make sure that their death is slow and painful. Leave none alive, and bathe in their blood." "Hai Master." They watched as Umbri wiped out five very large and prosperous villages with hardly a thought, they watched as she tortured the poor miko's, they watched as she drank down and covered herself in their blood, and kill everything from babies to dogs without a thought. She returned to 'It' after she was finished, she still hadn't washed herself. "Did you have fun Umbri? Did you enjoy killing them all?" "Hai Master." "You did very well, you may sleep on a bed for the night but don't get used to it, you'll only get these chances every once in a while." "Hai Master." Umbri was led to a bedroom and she soon fell asleep on the futon. (after she cleaned herself up) her dreams were haunted of those she had killed so thoughtlessly. She awoke in a cold sweat and she was crying. They felt sadness and regret.

~What will I do

You know I'm only half without you

How will I make it through~

They saw other instants when 'It' would make her do terrible thing just for the right and privilege of sleeping on a bed. 'It' even made her take out a group of the western lands' best troops, the same group of troops that had mysteriously vanished when Intaisho's father used to rule the western lands. Umbri would always do the acts without thinking but at night they would come back to haunt her. They got so bad that every time Umbri stepped inside all she could think about were the things that she had to do to get into the castle previous times, especially when she slept on a bed. They felt sadness and regret.    

~If only tears could bring you back to me

If only love could find a way~

Pride couldn't breath for a second but soon regained her breath and continued walking.

Umbri looked about thirteen, maybe fourteen. She and a male human were standing in front of what seemed to be the remains of 'It' inside a strangely familiar castle, but they couldn't place where they had seen it, another male youkai or skumoni was knocked out beside them. He was very handsome and appeared to be Umbri's age. He had short dark brown hair, emerald green eyes that resembled crystals, he was also well built for his age about five inches taller then Umbri, he had white wings, a white tail, and also had a single green stripe on each cheek, and he had a purple icicle marking on his head. They also noticed a silver bandana that was tied around his arm that strangely looked just like the one Umbri wore. Suddenly a red mist hung over 'It'. Umbri and the human looked on in horror but they also seemed to have expected this to happen. They both started walking towards it but Umbri was suddenly frozen in place. "No! Tsume, yamete onegai!" cried Umbri. They felt her fear and anger.

"NO DON'T SHOW THEM THAT!" a voice shouted from seemingly nowhere but at the same time everywhere. The memory stopped and in it's place and suddenly changed. Umbri and the male youkai and/or skumoni were now standing outside the remains of a destroyed castle 'Tsume' was missing. At least Umbri was standing, the male was still unconscious. Umbri was looking at the castle with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry Tsume. I couldn't protect you." They heard her whisper to the wind, and felt her sadness. "Your death is my fault just like so many others, I should have known you would have done what you did. I never should have let you come. Gomen ne Tsume, I killed you." They felt her sadness and regret. Umbri suddenly heard a moan, Umbri looked over to the only other being that was with her. "Rico are you alright?" "Hai, demo, where's Tsume?" Umbri got a conflicting look on her face, her eyes filled up with tears. "Tsume and 'Him' were fighting I… was unable to help him. They both used their most powerful attack. And… they… he… they both were killed by the stress of it, I was just able to get us out of the castle before it exploded. Tsume's dead Rico." Umbri choked out. They felt her sadness and regret.

~What I would do, what I would give

If you returned to me someday

Somehow, someway~

'So the figure is a 'him', but one thing still bothers me. I thought I saw the body of 'him' in the first memory before Pride changed it. Does that mean she lied to Rico when he asked what happened to Tsume? Could that be why she felt regret, for lying to a good friend about something so important? Demo, why would she lie about Tsume's death and why did she say that she killed him?' Intaisho thought to himself as they all continued to walk. He also noticed Pride slowing visibly; she also appeared to be in a lot of pain.

~If my tears could bring you back to me~

Umbri looked about fourteen. She and Rico were walking a long with another youkai. They all appeared to be good friends. Suddenly a group of youkai attacked, as they were fighting Umbri became busy fight three-semi strong youkai so she didn't noticed the youkai that appeared behind her. As it brought its sword down Umbri's friend, the youkai they had seen with her and Rico earlier with, pushed her out of the way and was stabbed through the heart. They felt surprise and anger. Umbri and Rico fought off the rest of the enemy youkai. When they finished Umbri ran up to her friend and held him in her arms, and that was where he died. "It's all my fault." Umbri whispered. Rico did his best to comfort Umbri, but then again is there really any way to comfort someone who's friend just died, especially if they blame their death on themself. They felt sadness and regret.

~I'd cry you an ocean

If you'd sail on home again~

They watched as many more of Umbri and Rico's friends died. Many because of their relationship with them. At each death Umbri would blame herself, and at each death Rico would comfort Umbri. He seemed to have the ability to understand her pain and help her except the loss of their friends; he also was for the most part able to convince her that their deaths were not her fault. They felt sadness and regret.

~Wings of emotion

Will carry you, I know they can~

Pride fell to her knees and held her heart.

"It hurts!" gasped Pride.

"Pride! What's wrong? Are you alright?" Intaisho asked.

"The memories! They hurt! And… her body's shutting down, she won't live much longer. We can't stop we have to keep going!" cried Umbri as she tried to get to her feet, eventually she succeeded.

Intaisho was just about to interrupt but Pride cut him off.

~Just light will guide you

And your heart will chart the course~

"Onegai, we have to hurry! If we stop we'll run out of time and die!"

Intaisho shut his mouth. 'Now is not the time to argue. When we have the time, then my questions WILL be answered.' The other lords were obviously thinking the same thing for they said nothing. And followed Pride when she continued walking.

Umbri looked about fifteen. She and that 'Rico' boy were walking, it was obvious that each of them were tired and hurt, however Rico seemed to be more injured then Umbri. They stopped at the edge of a very deep canyon. The lords recognized this place immediately; The Canyon of Kami was its name. The canyon was so deep that no one had ever seen the bottom of it, never the less been down there and survive. The canyon was said to have been made when two of the greatest kami's to ever live fought against each other. The canyon was made by one of their swords that had missed its intended target. Umbri had told Rico to lie down and rest while she went to patrol the area for any unwanted visitors. She checked all the areas but one, instead of walking through it like she had the others she just expanded her senses, she felt nothing and she had never been wrong before so she didn't give it a second thought. As Umbri headed back to camp a dragon suddenly came out of the area she had just passed over. They felt her disbelief. And went on to attack Rico. He was barely able to doge because of his weakened state. Umbri soon moved to help him but she to was to tired to be of much help. The dragon was able to separate Umbri and Rico. It hit Umbri into the trees with its tail and then cornered Rico to the back of the canyon. Rico's wing had been injured by whatever had attacked him and Umbri before hand as was Umbri's so the couldn't fly. Just as the dragon was about to use a lightning attack on Rico Umbri had jumped up and rammed into its head with her body. The attack missed Rico but it made a large part of the land fall into the canyon, taking Rico and the dragon itself down with it. Umbri had managed to get to the edge in time. She crawled over to the ledge to look for Rico, Rico had managed to grab on to a rock before he plummeted down to his death. The dragon was using its size to push itself against each side of the canyon to keep it from falling further into the canyon and was slowly climbing up. Umbri reached down to grab Rico's hand but she couldn't reach it. The ledge that she was laying on was beginning to brake off but she paid it no mind, all she could think about was saving Rico. She would never forgive herself if he were to die because of this it would be her fault. She reached down again and got closer but still couldn't reach him; she was about three inches away. She tried again and the piece of land she was laying on broke further, it was ready to break off.

"Umbri you must leave! The ledge is going to break, you're going to fall to!" Rico pleaded with Umbri but she wouldn't hear of it. "NO! I'll never leave you, especially when you need me! Don't give up we have to keep trying!" Umbri snapped back to him. The dragon was almost at the top of the canyon, and the ledge Umbri was lying on was breaking further. She reached down to Rico again they were almost touching. Just as they were about to grab each other's hand the dragon used his tail to slam against the opposite wall (the wall Rico's on) to give itself the extra push it needed to get to the top of the canyon. The force of the hit caused the rock Rico had been hanging on to, to break, and the ledge Umbri was on to nearly crumble off. Rico used his claws to dig into the rocks but they wouldn't stay in there for long if he wasn't helped out of there soon. He seemed to notice the ledge Umbri was on would fall at any second, and adding his own weight to it would certainly cause it to fall. However he also seemed to know that Umbri would never leave him there even if it meant falling herself. He slowly took out one of his claws from the rock and untied his bandana. "What are you doing? Come on grab my hand!" Umbri said urgently. Although you could tell she already knew what he was thinking. "It's not your fault Umbri. I don't blame you." Rico said back to her instead. "NO! Rico don't stop! Grab my hand! Onegai!" "Ai shiteiru Umbri, and I promise you one day we'll meet again. This bandana will protect you and can only be removed at your death. And don't you ever forget that ai shiteiru." with that he threw her up the bandana and let go of the rock wall and was swallowed up into the darkness. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! RICO!!!! DON'T GO ONEGAI, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" cried Umbri. She didn't get a chance to say any more considering the ledge she had been on snapped off and she began to fall, or at least she would have if one of the very few friends she did have left hadn't been walking by and grabbed her. The sadness and regret they felt was like nothing they had ever felt before. It was so strong and intense that it could have been a whole new feeling. It had felt as if their whole world had died and it was their own fault. Umbri didn't shed a tear though; she was probably to grief stricken to.

They saw the memories of every single day after that, because every day after that was sad for Umbri. And the worst part was the day Rico died was the same day that Tsume had died on as well, they all watched as Umbri became unapproachable on that day. Not even her greatest enemies would bother her then, no one did. It was as if they all knew that this was the day that this girl had lost the two beast friends she had ever had, this was the day that she lost her brother, this was the day she lost her one and only love, this was the day when everyday became a chore to live, this was the day she lost her reason to live, this was the day that she killed them. They felt sadness and regret.

~Soon you'll be drifting

Into the arms of your true north~

Pride gasped and fell to the ground face down, she didn't get up.

"Pride!" Intaisho, Maseru, and Haru yelled.

"She's alright, well as alright as you can be when all this and more has happened to you." a voice said in front of them.

"Who's there?" Maseru yelled.

"I should be asking you that considering that you're in my chambers." The voice answered.

"Sadness and Regret?" Intaisho asked.

"The one and only." the voice answered.

"Come out here so we can see you." Haru said.

"As you wish."

~Look in my eyes

And you will see a million tears have gone by

And still they're not dry~

Out came yet another version of Umbri, only her eyes were completely dead and dull.

"I was wondering when you would get to me. It was only a matter of time."

"What's wrong with Pride?" Intaisho asked.

"She wasn't strong enough. She couldn't take the weight of the emotions. The only way she's getting up is if I let her absorb me. Which you don't need to worry about, I always let her absorb me. This happens every time she comes in here, always at the same place to. I'll once again let her absorb me if you answer some questions for me."

"What are they?" Maseru asked.

"Why can't we feel happiness? And why is it that whenever we actually do get to feel it, it always ends in tragedy?"

~If only tears could bring you back to me

If only love could find a way~

"We don't know." admitted the lords.

"No one does. What did I do to deserve this? Sure I know I killed many innocents, but I was forced to do that because of a tragedy. Shouldn't everybody be aloud some happiness? Why is it that I'm the only one that's not?" Sadness and Regret's voice started to rise. "WHAT DID I DO?"

"No body knows why things happen the way they happen, its all a part of destiny." Maseru told her.

"Well then my 'destiny' sucks ass."

~What I would do, what I would give

If you returned to me someday

Somehow, someway~

"Maybe it does right now, but it will get better one day. I can't tell you when, and I can't tell you how I know this. All I can say is trust me and help us save Umbri."

~If my tears could bring you back to me~

"Very well." with that Sadness and Regret turned into a blue mist and was absorbed into Pride. Pride was able to get up soon after that, but her eyes turned just as dull as Sadness and Regret's had been. She still wasn't able to move much so Intaisho picked her up and carried her bridal style. The lords all expected her to yell at him and tell him to put her down but they got nothing. Pride didn't say a word. In fact she just didn't seem to care about anything anymore.

~I hold you close

And shout the words I only whispered before

For one more chance, for one last dance

There's nothing that I would not give and more~

"Just keep walking straight, the next door is right ahead." Pride told them in a monotone voice.

The lords started walking.

~If only tears could bring you back to me

If only love could find a way~

Right before they walked through the door Haru asked,

"Where are we going next?"

"Hatred and Anger."

~What I would do, what I would give

If you returned to me someday

Somehow, someway~

The lords didn't have any time to stop; they walked right through the chambers and quite possibly into hell itself.

~If my tears could bring you back to me~

End Chapter

Next Chapter: Hatred and Anger

Glossary:

Ai shiteiru – I love you

Onegai – please

Demo – but

Hai – yes

Yamete – stop

Gomen ne - sorry

I don't really care if I forgot any more I'm feeling lazy, and my mouth hurts because I just got my braces tightened AND rubber bands. I'm in pain. *cries in corner*

Thanks for reviewing Dragon Man 180!

PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!