Disclaimer: I own nothing but the obvious, the rest belongs to JK Rowling.

Authors Note: Sorry for the absence, but I lost inspiration on this story for a while. However, now I'm back with this chapter. Enjoy!

PS: this is not beta-ed as my beta doesn't do Slash stories. Sorry.

-Chapter Seven-

Harry totally enjoyed watching the pissed-off Potion Master stalk into the Great Hall. Snape was glaring left and right and growled when he passed the Hufflepuff table, causing several first-years to squeak and hide under the table or hang onto older students. Said older students didn't look too happy themselves and hung onto even older students. Nothing unusual there.

"Headmaster," Severus growled quietly as he sat down. "We are going to have a long chat about certain things once dinner is over."

"I am afraid it will have to wait, my dear Potion Master," Harry replied, his grin hidden by the beard, though the whiskers twitched portraying his amusement.

"Why, pray tell, does it have to wait?"

"We have to explain the entire situation to Remus and Sirius, and that is going to take time. After that I have a very important meeting with my bed, and I fully intend to have a good nights sleep for once."

Severus' hand twitched after his wand, but he managed to not hex the shape-shifter next to him. "I really do hate you sometimes, you do know that? Even more than Dumbledore himself."

"I'll take that as a compliment." The blue eyes twinkled, and Harry turned to Remus who was sitting in Minerva's usual seat. Then it hit him that it was weird and slightly worrisome that the Transfiguration Professor was not at the Head Table; as far as Harry knew the woman was like clockwork and hadn't missed a dinner in the Great Hall since Voldemort's last rise to power. "Interesting." He mumbled quietly to himself.

However, Remus heard it due to his werewolf hearing. "What is interesting, Headmaster?"

Harry quickly replied. "All in due time, Remus, all in due time. Could I ask yourself and Sirius to come to my office after dinner, or are you tired after the journey here?"

"Oh no, Headmaster, we'll be there right after dinner. What's the password?"
 

"Flying Fish."

"A new candy?"

"Indeed and it is really good. Makes you painlessly grow wings and you can fly around for about five minutes before the wings fall off. Wonderful things all around."

"Indeed." Remus blinked and surreptitiously edged away from the seemingly insane headmaster.

Harry, however, wasn't paying attention and had turned back to Severus the second he was finished with taking a bite from his chicken. "Severus, that talk of ours seems to have rescheduled, we need to talk as soon as we're finished with explaining everything to Remus and Sirius."

Severus stared at the fake headmaster for a second then nodded. "So, you finally noticed that Minerva's not here as well? And let me point out that our newest Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher seems to have disappeared as well."

"Coincidence? I think not." Harry agreed then both went back to their respective dinners.

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"So, what did you need to talk to us about, Headmaster?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, and why's tall, dark and greasy here?" Sirius added and glared at the Potion Master.

Harry sighed and slumped in the chair behind the headmaster desk. "Sit down, stop glaring and we'll explain." He said tiredly. Fawkes flew over to him, settled on his shoulder and opened his beak to sing. At least that's what Harry thought he would do, but contrary to his belief the phoenix didn't sing. The bird looked highly dignified and then simply pecked Harry on the head like a woodpecker. And not gently either.

"Stop that, Fawkes!" Harry growled and tried to bat the phoenix away without any luck. He was, by now, quite convinced that both the phoenix and Dumbledore were off their rockers.

Sirius and Remus stared with wide eyes at the spectacle in front of them, and Severus was having a hard time trying to cover his laugh.

"What is going on?" Sirius asked hesitantly seemingly afraid of the answer.

"What makes you think that there's something going on, mutt?" Snape sneered.

 "Albus and Fawkes have always been the best of friends as long as I've known him," the animagus replied.

"And Albus didn't offer us his usual sherbet lemon once we sat down." Remus butted in.

Harry yelped and tried to keep the phoenix from pecking a hole in his head. "Just tell them Severus! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! STOP THAT YOU BLOODY PIGEON!!!!"

"Did the Headmaster just swear?" Sirius asked, his eyes wide.

Severus rolled his eyes. "No, the Headmaster did not swear because, gentlemen, that is not the Headmaster."

Harry took that as his cue and turned back into himself. Fawkes chirped happily and flew back to his perch and began preening his feathers as if nothing at all had happened. Harry glared at the fowl continuously muttering something about pigeons, roasted chickens and insane people with insane pets. When the green-eyes man turned back he found both Sirius and Remus blinking in shock upon seeing Harry there instead of Dumbledore.

Sirius was the first who put himself together. "Can someone explain to me why my godson is impersonating our esteemed and insane headmaster?"

Harry sighed and, with help from Severus, told them the entire tale. They left nothing out, not about Minerva's rather odd behaviour lately, nor the fact that Salazar and Godric seemed to be getting along for once.

And speak of the sun! At that moment Rowena came flying through the door panting slightly.

"Anything we can help you with, Rowena?" Harry asked curiously.

The Founder shook her head. "No, no, nothing at all, but I need to speak with you as soon as possible."

"Now would be a good time."
 

"No it wouldn't. Godric told me that Salazar told him that the Bloody Baron told him that Filch said that he saw Minerva McGonagall and Thomas Molloy having a duel in the dungeons, and they were not debating upon starting a Duelling Club."

Harry and Severus shared pointed looks. Remus looked thoughtful and Sirius looked slightly confused still trying to connect who told who to tell who about McGonagall and this Folly-chap or whatever his name was.

"Harry," the werewolf began. "Why don't we just allow 'Minerva' to come up here and see how she tackles the fact that there are two dogs here who can sniff her out, excuse the pun – actually, don't excuse it."

"That was a bad joke."
 

"Shut it."

Severus mulled over it for a minute, then was forced to admit that the werewolf had a point. "It sounds like the only plan we have for now, as much as I hate to admit it. Rowena, peek outside and tell us when McGonagall reaches the gargoyle."
 

The ghost nodded and huffed. "Really, who'd have thought that a small thing as playing Albus could have turned into such an insane mystery?"

"We ask ourselves the very same thing," Harry told her and changed into Albus. He rubbed his now-blue eyes, adjusted the half-moon spectacles and cleared his throat. "This is whole thing is coming out of hand."

The Potion Master nodded. "When this is over I am taking a long holiday, everything else be damned."

Remus, on the other hand, grinned. "I think it is rather exciting. Now, Severus and Sirius, you two start a row about something or other as soon as Rowena says that McGonagall's on her way up. Got to make this look and sound good, right?"

"He's right," the impersonated Albus Dumbledore said. "But please refrain from using too nasty hexes – actually, don't use magic at all, comprende?" 

"Yes, sir," Sirius replied automatically, then realised just who he was talking to and scowled. "Ugh, this is disturbing."

Suddenly Rowena's head popped through the wooden door. It was quickly followed by her body. "Alright, she's on her way up."

"Right, you two might as well start now." Remus grinned happily and eagerly watched the two men waiting to see who would make the first move.

Severus and Sirius looked each other up and down, both trying to find something insulting to say. It was surprisingly difficult to come up with a good insult when you were forced to fight, otherwise it just rolled off of them like water.

"Oh, I know!" Sirius exclaimed and grinned evilly. "There's one word which gets a rise out of Snape faster than anything else."
 

"Oh no! Don't you even DARE to think about that!" Severus growled.

The other man looked like Christmas had come early. "Shall I disclose this information?"

"Yeah, go right ahead!" Harry said eagerly.

The others turned to him.

"You aren't supposed to take sides, you know."

"Yes, as headmaster such things are completely forbidden to you."

Harry waved a hand carelessly. "Details, details! Now hurry up you two!"

"Right!" Sirius grinned evilly. "Snivellus!"

Harry blinked and looked confusedly over at Remus. "Snivellus?"

Remus nodded happily. "Snivellus!"

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, BLACK!!!!!" Severus roared and whipped out his wand. On second thought he threw it away, jumped at Sirius with a ferocious growl and grabbed the other man's neck and started squeezing.

The Boy-Who-Lived-to-turn-into-his-insane-headmaster decided that this was a good time to interfere. "Now, now, gentlemen, calm down."

"Severus! Release your grip, Sirius is turning blue!" Remus demanded.

"It is illegal to kill an innocent ex-con, Severus Snape, even in the Wizarding world."

"Oh dear!" McGonagall's voice from the doorway stopped the entire thing. "What is going on here?!" the woman demanded.

Severus hurriedly got off Sirius, picked up his wand and leaned against the windowsill with a scowl on his face. Sirius gulped air down like a goldfish on land, and wheezed trying to say something. Remus waved his wand and calmed the other man down, then made a show out of glaring at the Slytherin Head of House who glared straight back.

"Headmaster, what happened?!" McGonagall demanded again.

"The same thing that happens every time Mr Black and Mr Snape are in the same room," Harry replied and shot reprimanding glances to the two men involved. Then he focused on the woman in front of him. "Anything I can help you with, Minerva?"

"Yes, there is, you can fire Mr Molloy on the spot!"

"Why?"

"Why?! WHY?! That… that… that fiend is not who he pretends to be!" the woman ranted. "For all we know he could be one of Voldemort's agents!"

Harry sighed. "What has he done?"

"He… he… he-"

"He is a good teacher, he is liked by both the students and the teachers, he knows his stuff very well; frankly, Minerva, I see no reason to fire him – actually, I think I'll offer him to stay as our DADA Professor permanently."

"WHAT?!" the woman shrieked. "HE'S A MONSTER!!!"

"Remus here is a monster once a month as well, but he was still one of the best DADA teachers we've ever had." Harry said, intentionally mentioning the fact that Remus was a werewolf.

McGonagall paled. "Wha…?" then she quickly shook herself. "Right, right, you're right again Headmaster. Good day." With that she quickly strode from the office and the door banged shut after her.

They waited for a few minutes to make sure she was gone before saying anything.

"Well?" Severus looked at Remus with a raised eyebrow.

Remus grinned. "She is an impostor."  

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